As we mentioned last week, a couple of posts managed to pile up more Derp than we could contain in a single Dear Shitferbrains, so we’ll return for more punishment from those comment threads shortly. But first, a quick word from a very witty guy who doesn’t believe in your “official” science or history, because he thinks for himself! Our post on Tucker Carlson insisting to Bill Nye that scientists are just a bunch of bullies who refuse to open their minds to the possibility that climate change is totally fake got the attention of a person with the charming username “Jay Rosenbergstienroth,” who, as the username suggests, is a bit of a Nazi. And since bad ideas often travel together, a phenomenon known as “crank magnetism,” ol’ Nazi Jay doesn’t just go for white supremacy — he’s also quite sure climate change and the Holocaust are fake, too. Plus, he’s a vegan, which he appeared to think gives him superpowers, because Scott Pilgrim was a documentary. Jay started off by throwing down this gauntlet:
You’re all dupes. The writer of this garbage article also agrees “deniers” should face criminal charges. You idiots have no clue about science. You don’t understand it is built on skepticism. Karl Popper. Tucker simply asks “What do you know?” “How do you know?” and the evil looking twat responds with fear mongering and economics, the dismal science. Nye nearly started screaming “OVERWHELMING AUTHORITY! “OVERWHELMING AUTHORITY! OVERWHELMING AUTHORITY! “OVERWHELMING AUTHORITY!
This here is some highly refined Stupid. You have to love the arrogant tone, the insistence that everyone but Jay is a dupe, but not Jay, because he’s S-M-R-T. We also like the insistence that Yr Wonkette wants to jail all unorthodox thinkers, which is ridiculous. We just want to mock them!
The sad thing is that Jay was such a boring troll. He kept insisting that people “falsify” the Holocaust, or climate change, apparently having picked up the idea that good science is “falsifiable,” and then deciding that “falsify” means “prove.” Or perhaps he was asking us to prove that climate change or the history of the Holocaust can be tested, but we’re pretty sure “falsify” is still the wrong verb there. But what do we know? We’re dupes! Here are just a few of Jay’s Deep Thoughts:
I’m being stupid about something? All you little trolls and not one argument. That shows you fruits have no argument. Only faith in bullshit.
OK. Falsify the Holocaust instead of climate change
You made like 20 comments of insults when you could have made one argument about the Holohoax. You believe what you believe cause you are a lemming.
I’m still waiting for someone to falsify the gas chambers. Why make 20 comments about something you are so sure about but give no facts? None of you understand how truth works do you?
There is no truth without skepticism. How were the bodies counted?
If you weren’t such a loser you would use the internet to falsify things for yourself instead of reinforcing your faith based nonsense and trolling people [repeated multiple times — Ed.]
after the 50 comments under mine you’re the first to form a coherent thought, but it is still stupid and far from the issue. More CO2 doesn’t mean more heat or more grapes in the north of France, or more whatever headline you blame on climate change today. They haven’t even proven the temperature has gone up in the last 20 years. First the temperature stayed flat (so they changed the name to climate change from global warming), then the heat was hiding in the ocean, THEN the globe heated up after all. All that money and they can’t get their lies straight. Carbon means more life on the planet.
I have higher testosterone than you. Faggot. All vegans do.
So many topics thrown out by you clowns. Is veganism a thought crime too?
Sadly, before anyone could satisfactorily prove reality to the guy denying it, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator came along and banhammered poor Jay, because we can’t handle unorthodox thinking in our hive mind. We should add that we don’t consider veganism a thought crime. Really annoying, maybe, but not a crime. Now it’s up to the Vegan Police to see whether he can keep his Vegan Superpowers. Shouldn’t he have been obliged to falsify those?
Also, now that Yr Wonkette has gone ad-free, and is supported solely by generous donations from readers like you (prompted by the occasional, very subtle ask that you hardly even notice, because we’re so subtle about it), we’ve been a little freer with using un-asterisked cusses in headlines. This upset some gentle soul named “Joe,” who emailed Yr Editrix about the matter, presumably after being revived by smelling salts:
Did not appreciate looking down on my cell phone to read this mornings news and seeing the “F—” word on the front page of the news on my phone. It shows a real lack of character and moral decency by you and your staff. Shame on you! Not everyone in America has a dirty foul mouth and there are still clean and decent people in America that does not want filth just shoved right in front of them.
Yr Editrix replied, as gently as possible:
I’m sorry you feel that way, Joe! I was raised to believe that actions are immoral, not words, and we should call them out in the strongest way possible.
Best to you,
Rebecca
But now, let us return to a piece that generated a REDONCULOUS amount of angry comments after it was somehow among the top news results for the topic on Bing, the search choice of Patriots who go ballistic when Google doesn’t celebrate America enough. Our story on Maine Senator Susan Collins’s suggestion that she might subpoena Donald Trump’s tax returns as part of an investigation of his alleged connections to Russia unleashed a torrent of angry derp from people who wish we’d just stop prying into Donald Trump’s business, who think Collins is a no-goodnik RINO, and who simply wanted to yell at some liberals. We learned a lot about tax law from these folks, like this thought from “John Hankinson”:
Trump’s tax returns are nobody’s business because prior to the inauguration he was technically a private citizen.
Therefore it is UNPOSSIBLE for a congressional investigation to subpoena them, since tax records from a private citizen are protected by… well, by “John’s” insistence that they simply are, OK?
A lot of folks insisted that Donald Trump’s taxes, which are real and none of our business, pale in significance to Barack Obama’s birth certificate, which still remains hidden (the one he released is fake, duh!), and his college transcripts, which are very important to the business of democracy. This was a big deal for “Red,” who wanted to point out that Trump’s taxes wouldn’t actually reveal anything at all about his purported Russian connections, not at all, you nosy liberals!
There is nowhere on a Form 1040 to find that kind of information. Why don’t you mind your own business. Trump has NO legal requirement to disclose his tax returns any more than any other elected official? I’d much rather know who funded Obama’s college education at Occidental and Harvard, his college transcripts, how he got a foreign student loan to get into Occidental when he supposedly is an American citizen. All of that is more important than Trump’s business connections. Why did Hillary sign over 20% of US uranium reserves and then a few days later Bill got a $500k speaking fee from some Russian business group — he doesn’t speak Russian. How much money did Hillary get from the Saudis and for what? Who are the “donors” that contributed $2 billion to the Clinton Foundation and for what consideration? Why is the Clinton Foundation a Canadian tax exempt organization — US tax exempt organizations have to post their donor info on the internet. What is she and bill hiding? How did the Clinton foundation justify paying Chelsea $950k annual salary when she has no related experience? Sounds like one huge money laundering operation to me.
We went back and looked at our returns from last year, and by golly, there really is not a place to check off whether you’ve colluded with the Russians to screw with a presidential election, so thanks a lot, “Red,” for the clarification! Points off, however, for failing to mention Obama’s three different Social Security numbers. Red also informed us, in reply to some dupe who said Obama had released his birth certificate,
It has already been proven to be a fake. C’mon, try to stay current. It has been forensically shown to be a copy of another person’s transcript that has been digitally edited. How about Moochelle’s college paper wherein she wrote that she hated America and all white men should be exterminated. Her alma mater sealed her records too. Fucking stealth president.
We remember when we taught college English: whenever we got a paper calling for the extermination of all white men, we were required to give it an “A” and then recommend the writer for an Affirmative Action scholarship, and if at all possible, to be given a job over a better-qualified white man upon graduation. In fact, the real wonder was that Trump somehow managed to win at all, considering the nefarious forces arrayed against him:
3e million ILLEGAL ALIEN votes, 1.8 million DEAD PEOPLE votes, god only knows how many SOROS VOTING MACHINE votes switched on the machines use in 22 states. The reason that lunatic stopped the re-counts is because Hillary lost votes on each and every re-count. The hand writing was on the wall!!
“Red” also advised us that there’s nothing to this Russia stuff, anyway:
How can y’all be so far out of the news loop? The NSA and FBI have already said there’s nothing to the so-called “Russian connection”. You need to get off the sauce, the meth and the dope and get a little sleep.
100% all lies.
We really need to keep up with the news better, we guess. We heard a lot from other commenters about Barack Obama’s college records, which somehow are more relevant to his ability to govern than Donald Trump’s potential conflicts of interest, although it was much more fun to call him “Obonzo” or “O’Bummer,” because those really make it clear he’s a bad person. Also, Hillary is a traitor who gave all our bomb stuff to Russia and murdered her political opponents, which is why she is called “Killery.”
Then there was “pilgrim” (no relation to Billy or Scott), who knows there can’t be anything incriminating in Trump’s taxes, because Barack Obama, as president, had obviously already looked at Trump’s taxes, as presidents do:
obama had access to trumps tax returns for 8 years. i think they would have leaked his returns during the campaign, not after the election. this woman is pandering to liberal voters in her state. nothing more.
Obama was president of the united states for 8 years. He controlled the FBI, CIA, NSA, IRS, etc… it trump had illegal or shady tax returns, why didn’t obama leak them to the press? it could have helped hillary.
Proof of what ? Its common knowledge, the president has access to all of our personal info, especially if the info was politically valuable. Cmon dude.
Under obama the irs leaked personal info of gop donors to the press, and the epa leaked personal info of farmers using chems they didn’t approve of to the media… if trump was doing anything illegal you know obama knew about it. The fat we havent seen trumps returns already, is proof to me there is nothing shady in his tax returns.
All he had to do is call his pal louis lerner down at the IRS and have her fax over trumps tax info, then have some denocrat operative leak the info to the press…. democrats have been doimg this for years, why would they stop for trump?
Duh, so why are you liberals all making up this crazy conspiracy theory stuff about Trump's supposed Russian connections?
Then there was the more general grumping about terrible liberals who are all crazy and butthurt because Hillary lost, like these observations from “Ted H”:
This site is where most if not all here forgot their meds.
Your mistake was backing the wrong horse in the past election. So don’t sit behind your ‘puter and cry the friggin blues…loser. You have to nothing offer…to anyone, let alone yourself.
Buy stock in Kleenex for the crybabies. Non-productive idiots.
And you guys are still bitching ’cause your two time loser HIll the hag will never see the white house as pres. (Once with O’bummer, and again with Trump). Grow up there vern. Your party is over. And you can thank your fake media outlets who cheered you on. Then left your suckers hanging like used condoms. What a bunch of useless twits.
Why didn’t your crooked degenerate piece of garbage missed making the WH? You know, the one who lied like a rug to gain your confidence and threw it away once she found out she lost? Hello?
Finally, “Ted” noticed that the thread was being moderated, and the deletion of comments from fellow trolls really made him angry, because whatever happened to the free exchange of ideas?
Hey moderator? Grow a pair already…. It’s ok for liberals to spew their nonsense. But when someone comes into the forum to challenge them, you delete the comment.
Typical.
We felt downright fascist about banning him and keeping him from sharing his insights on the topic. The removal of trolls in the thread also drew the ire of “Young Frankenstein,” who explained, in reply to some tangential comment about Trump and racism, that Democrats are the Real Bigots:
This, coming from the party of Welfare, Food Stamps, and Medicaid? This, coming from the “Massas” of the Democrat Welfare State Voter Plantation that grows little fatherless black babies and raises them to hate white people and fear losing their gubmint check so they keep voting Democrat?
But what really got “Young Frankenstein” angry was all the fascist liberal censorship and squelching of opposing ideas (as demonstrated by his own proof that liberals are the Real Racists, we suppose), because hasn’t Wonkette ever heard of Free Speach?
Oh, how very clever, the Hammer of Fascism strikes — don’t say things that they don’t agree with on their site or they’ll kick you off because agreeing with them is more important to their journalistic integrity than freedom of speech. Of course, since journalistic integrity is no longer a thing that exists, I guess it’s easy to ignore or underrate.
I’m guessing I’ll be next in line since I doubt you could handle me in a debate that contained facts, logic, truth, evidence, rationality, or civil behavior. I’ll just be over here, preparing to slam your site as totalitarian and ridiculously biased at every opportunity upon the blow of said hammer.
You know, the Gestapo used to stuff people who said things that they didn’t like into black sedans in the middle of the night, never to be seen again. What color is your car?
We let him know we agreed: there’s virtually no difference between comment moderation and disappearing people in the middle of the night. Also, Oldsmobile says it’s “sandstone,” but it looks kind of tan to us.
Young Frank couldn’t believe we had so little tolerance for hyperbole:
Ah, so right away you have to resort to sarcastic exaggeration. Similes and metaphors don’t rely on exactitudes, bro. What do you mean “moderation”, though? Were you instructed to avoid the word “censorship”? You are aware that your side’s delicacy in the face of “hurty words” makes them big fans of it, right? Oh, sorry, hope “right” doesn’t trigger your readers.
He also convinced himself that we were deleting his comments, saying a couple of times, of comments that were still quite visible, “Oh, looky, my reply isn’t there. How convenient.” We suggested he try reloading the page, but only after he had a fine hissy about our censorship:
the fact that my comments are both gone proves how like the Nazis you really are. I also notice that you’re so desperate that you leave the one that you THINK you responded cleverly to. How do you function in the real world where you can’t bend reality to suit you and pretend that things that you disapprove of don’t exist? Is imposing your will on others here how you vent your frustration at being utterly impudent and helpless in reality? Don’t worry, I don’t expect this one to stay or be responded to, either – you’re the one that has to live with being you, and good luck with adulthood.
This is fun! What’s the matter, Priscilla, are you scared that if you leave one of my mean ol’ comments it may shatter the illusion of omnipotence that you maintain with your subjects by cherry-picking what stays and what goes according to what you can actually respond to?
We actually made a point of not deleting any of Young Frank’s comments, but he was certain we’re intolerant Nazis who can’t handle his carefully-thought out arguments against our despicable lies. If he ever got around to actually writing any.
Ruh-roh, looks like Hitler is going to have to delete my comments because I can edit! […] we all know you cocksuckers just get triggered if someone says something you can’t handle, like literally any dissenting opinion. Anyway, your site’s a bunch of fascist bullshit. I mean the actual definition of fascist, not whatever you cock knobs think it is. Gargle a mouthful of Hillary’s jizz while Bernie rams your gaping asshole with both inches, you insecure cunts. See… now THIS is worth banning me over, you fucking pussies.
Once we actually got around to banhammering him, “Young Frankenstein” sent me the following email declaring victory; the subject line was “Bwahahahahahaahahahahahaha!!!”:
You didn’t block me because I disagreed with your old ass, you blocked me because I’m too smart for your old ass and you didn’t have any valid counterarguments. I guess this is why you need safe spaces, because there’s no way to block someone in real life when they trigger you. Either way, keep acting out exactly as you are, because the more ridiculous you morons keep making yourselves look, the more people are going to roll their eyes at you and vote Republican in the next election.
Yup. It’s all true. We simply couldn’t face all the facts he brought to bear. And then, presumably to teach us a final lesson, “Young Frankenstein” boldly deleted his Disqus account, taking all his comments to digital oblivion along with it.
Finally, along similar lines, our piece on recent deportations of Bad Hombres who weren’t exactly the crime lords Donald Trump has insisted are the targets for his deportation actions drew a lot of long, long comments from someone going by the username “private,” who passionately defended the removal of all illegal aliens (and got into longwinded arguments about why calling them “undocumented immigrants” is a crime against English, since an “immigrant” is someone who follows the lawful immigration processes). When a Wonker noted that being in the USA without proper documents is a civil, not a criminal offense, “Private” explained at great length that this was a mere red herring, since once they’re here, those illegal aliens start breaking scores of laws:
Since its generally illegal for undocumented foreign nationals (exception for DACA) to work in the US, how many break serious laws by utilizing/purchasing fraudulent documents such as counterfeit Social Security cards, fake “green cards,” and phony birth certificates to illegally obtain employment.
What other laws against harboring, identity theft, false statements to law enforcement or on school or government paperwork have been committed? In addition, how many aliens are working under the table and fail to file a Fed/State tax return or drive without a license, insurance or registration (prohibited in 40 states)? That leaves how many “law abiding” aliens?
“Private” was actually one of the more articulate anti-immigrant voices we’ve had here, calmly and logically explaining why we need to stop being so emotional and deport several million people who are violating the sovereign laws of our nation, without which we can no longer even claim to be a sovereign nation. So, needless to say, “private” was very unhappy when the banhammer fell and we deleted their comments. In fact, “private” wrote a stern email to Yr Editrix about the matter, warning that they are fully prepared to Take Action:
Hello Rebecca,
Curious why my posts (username-private) were deleted on the article: https://wonkette.com/613768/what-bad-dudes-are-we-deporting-today-dads-and-dreamers-of-course
My comments followed common courtesy guidelines and the norms of the vast majority of news posting boards. I attempted to provide arguments backed by legitimate sources and references. At the same time, other post were allowed to remain that clearly insult and personally attacks the “other” showing intolerance toward people with different views.
I am considering sending screen shots of my posts to the Society of Professional Journalists, ACLU and the SPLC since I feel I was unfairly targeted for expressing my opinion. Is freedom of speech, under the Constitution still alive and well in America?
I await your response.
We suppose we could have left “private’s” comments in place and simply banhammered them; as it was, we banned “private” because their comments just kept droning on and on until we feared they might start foaming at the mouth and falling over backwards with an “OOAAHH!” and a thud. To prevent “private” from monopolizing the thread, we certainly could have just lowered the boom without deleting what they’d written, all 1,300-plus words of it. As for why we banned and deleted poor “private,” we’ll refer to our commenting rules, item #5:
Sometimes someone who works here — one of our moderators or perhaps the dogs — will ban you or delete or edit your comment or laugh at you publicly, even though you didn’t break a stated rule! That is because they’re in charge here, and they’re sick of your shit.
We’re certainly looking forward to hearing from the Society of Professional Journalists, ACLU and the SPLC about our violation of “private’s” rights under the Constitution; we would argue that freedom of speech is indeed alive and well in America, because, as the publishers of a privately owned blog, we are committed to our own right to decide what we publish and who we invite to join the conversation in our Burkean parlor. We will promise, however, to be more careful about not wielding the Banhammer of Loving Correction (© and ™ John Scalzi) with excessive vigor. Heck, if it would make “private” feel any better, we might even go back and restore the deletia. Maybe after brunch. We’d also encourage “private” to read up on what free speech actually means under the First Amendment.
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