CHAPTER 5: I LOST ON JEOPARDY (IF JEOPARDY WERE A SPELLING BEE)
How about a little something more positive to raise the spirits, huh? As you've seen, Al has saved my life and always been a constant in my life. Little did I know that he would help me achieve a once in a lifetime experience. Watching UHF on repeat would pay off, as you'll see. During every year of eligibility from elementary school all the way to the end of middle school, I would compete in the local spelling bee. I'd win the school one every year, sometimes win the city one, but would usually end up losing the regional competition.
I hated competing in this. Truth be told, I only did it in hopes that my family would be proud of me and also so that I could take them on a once in a lifetime trip to somewhere other than a surrounding city. As you know, competing in the National Spelling Bee gets you a trip to Washington, DC. I was determined to win. I studied every day and night. I remembered how Al was pretty much a genius and did so well in school. I wanted to be like him and make him proud. I'd put on UHF in the background or his music, and study the dictionary and official word books until I was exhausted.
In my final year of eligibility, the one year where I was so sick that I couldn't attend school (which saved my life from the horrors mentioned above), I made it to regionals. It was eventually down to me and one other student. The bell rang. They missed their word. I spelled my next word correctly. "If you answer this next word correctly, you will be the regional champion." I nervously awaited my word. "It's probably going to be something that eliminates me. My family will be so sad," I thought.
"Spatula." I asked the judge to repeat the word. "Spatula." In my mind, I immediately thought, "Thank you, Al!" Yay for Spatula City! I answered it correctly and then was crowned regional champion. I was on my way to Washington DC. Even if I bombed out on my first word, I could at least say that I competed in the National Spelling Bee. More importantly, I won my family the trip of a lifetime and memories we recall fondly to this day.
I ended up being eliminated a few rounds in, winning a decent little chunk of cash (a miniature treasure trove for a kid like me who never had much money) and yet another giant dictionary (seriously, at every level, they gave these for prizes... I could've built a fort out of them!) and other stuff for my troubles, and placing in the middle of the pack overall. I was sad, of course, and felt chills throughout my body as I struggled to remain stoic and walked towards the "hall of shame" where I would be led to the comfort room where the losers would compose themselves before joining their loved ones in the lobby.
As I walked off the stage, I was met at the door to the hallway by this gorgeous girl, a local college student if I remember correctly. I was already a bit shy (outside of performing, of course), and this just made it worse. She told me how wonderfully I did and that I should be proud, as she held my arm and walked me through the seemingly neverending hallway. I struggled to make eye contact with her and just tried to remain calm and get through this.
"So, you love Weird Al, huh?" Immediately, I felt more at ease as I turned and somehow was able to make eye contact with this beautiful girl. "Yes, he's my favorite in the entire world," I said. I then remembered about the questionnaire I had to fill out, so that they would have the official program filled with little biographies and such. At the welcome dinner, they also had these bits of trivia and whatnot that they would mention as they introduced each speller. Under favorite celebrity / musician / athlete / etc., I put Al, of course.
"I really like him, too. I would listen to Eat It all the time. I think my favorite video of his is the Nirvana one, though. It's so funny!" I smiled and said that I loved the video for Smells Like Nirvana, too, and we talked about Al and how wonderful he was. Before I knew it, we were at the entrance to the comfort room. "You can stay in here as long as you like, okay? When you feel like you're ready, just go through those doors and your family will be there. Bye! It was so nice to meet you!"
She then left to no doubt tend to the next heartbroken speller. Just my luck, huh? I meet a beautiful girl who is into Weird Al, and it turns out I'm way too young and besides, I only got to talk to her for a few minutes. Oh, well. Hahaha. I sat there for a few minutes and just thought to myself. "I'm sorry, Al. I let you down. I lost." I actually had planned to thank him in my speech, should I have won. And of course, the dreamer in me had hoped maybe he would see that and I could meet him, or at least win a trip to see him in concert. Alas, it wasn't meant to be.
Another little bit of rotten luck: I had talked my father into getting me a brief subscription to Midnight Star (I might've only had about 3 or so issues in total). It was an Al fanzine; no doubt some of you will be familiar with it. I eagerly awaited each issue and loved each one (sadly, they were lost along with a lot of prized possessions long ago). I had written to them when I won the spelling bee to tell them the spatula story. I have no clue if they ever got my letter or published it, since my father refused to renew my subscription. Thwarted again!
CHAPTER 6: WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?!
The title of this chapter refers to my rotten luck, of course. Back to the horrible stuff, sadly. Sorry about that. 
Spoiler:
All the abuse and horrors had lasting effects, sadly. As you can imagine, or maybe you can't, because I try to keep the positive energy flowing and spreading... I've dealt with depression, PTSD, and other emotional trauma from all I've been through in life. I'm ashamed to admit that I've had suicide attempts and thoughts. Al was a big part in saving my life, of course. I would, and still do, turn to him to cheer me up (he's never failed to make me smile or laugh, even to this day, so I cherish every upcoming appearance or project). That, and I would think, "You'll miss your family and the family pet(s) too much."
I also could never go through with ending things, even after preparing things and writing a final note. Again, my parents were struggling terribly, and I remember vividly one night where my father was angry about something unrelated and found a note in the garbage can. A cleaned up version of what he said: "What is this?! Why are you so messed up?! You don't even have the guts to do it, anyway!" It made me feel like a failure, again. I suppose if you have to be a failure at one thing, lucky for it to be ending things.
Sadly, the repeated trauma also came with physical effects. Because of the savage beatings and injuries I've suffered... I have permanent nerve damage. Neuropathy. I'm very good at hiding it, but I live in constant, chronic pain. Even with medical evidence, doctors are hesitant to help me. Young people like to get pain medication and abuse it. I also get the "you're young and shouldn't be in so much pain, and you should be nice and strong for your age" from uncaring doctors. What do they know? And to be fair, I would be ashamed to have to go down that road of needing constant pain medication, too.
I'll try to describe what I feel. Imagine your body being stabbed repeatedly, and set on fire. I'll run fevers every so often and just wish I could be locked in a freezer to get some relief. I often lose feelings in my hands, feet, and limbs. I dread eating with others more than I already do, because I might drop a glass or something. I fall over sometimes because my limbs give out and my nerves mess up.
It particularly angered my father a lot growing up when I would drop something or fall over. He'd send me to bed and punish me. It was bad enough that he wouldn't feed my brother or I when he was in charge of caring for us while my mother worked, but then I was banished from watching (or even recording things, which made it torture when AL TV was going to be on) things because I was stupid and clumsy.
Sometimes I'll have a dead limb briefly or lose feeling in a hand, foot, or such. I also have some tremors at times from a combination of this and all the medicines I've taken during my lifetime. I'm very good at using my mental energy to stop them, thankfully. Still, I can't play / learn music well or work with delicate things. I picked out the parts for my beloved computer but couldn't put it together myself out of fear of breaking things, for instance. My fingers and hands won't cooperate. I loved writing letters and things, and my handwriting is garbage because my motor skills are shot. Don't ask me to cut in a straight line, either. I also used to have a small accordion and a keyboard and was a decent beginner at them before my nerves got worse.
I'm very good at adapting and hiding all this. Like I said, you'd never know, most likely. It's hell to battle this, but I do my best because I just want to be human. I've had to carry all this pain forever, and so most nights I just cry myself to sleep due to the physical and emotional pain. Anyway, as for school, I continued working hard and graduated 5th in my high school class. Sadly, I ended up seeing most of the grant money and scholarships going to athletes and also students who lied on paperwork about how much money their parents made (not that mine ever made much; it was always paycheck to paycheck living), etc.
Still, I was prepared to fight for and work for my future at university. I had the grades and skills to get admission into just about any university I wanted. I had wanted to pursue a career in creating, be it acting or filmmaking, but my parents were unhappy with that and thought I wouldn't be able to make a living in it. So, I pushed that dream aside and decided to attempt a career in chemistry and medicine. But as you'll probably guess, life threw another roadblock in my way. I became severely ill and made pretty much useless for a while, delaying any college plans.
When I managed to recover enough, my parents became ill to the point where they ended up permanently disabled and along that same time period, my brother became disabled and could no longer work and had issues functioning around others normally. So, that pretty much killed my hopes of university and a lucrative career (or hopefully, following my dream) and I've been working ever since.
I don't regret giving up on everything because I love my family dearly, even with the strain we've often had in our relationship (and to this day, they don't know the full extent of how I was abused and what I've been through, but they see the lasting effects), but as time goes on, I see and feel that soon enough, I'll have to join them in not being able to work and being declared disabled as well. I also pray that my health doesn't deteriorate much more because the nervous system is huge and controls a lot. I just want to be a regular person so badly.
I know my parents are disappointed in me. I've seen it myself throughout the years. My father is particularly disappointed, as he had hoped I would be like a special lottery ticket or investment that paid off. Hopefully I would do great things, make good money, and take care of my parents when I graduated school. I have helped take care of them, no doubt (at one point, I was working 3 jobs and being on call for one of them 24/7/365), but I wish I could've done and could do more. I wish I made a lot of money and they didn't have to worry about a thing outside of their health. Sometimes, you lose everything on an investment, though.
I slowly kill myself a bit each day. I work caring for the disabled, doing all from bathing to feeding, and every daily activity an able-bodied person would do for themselves. Then, I help care for my family. And because of all the daily difficulties, and even with the help of medication and such for my father's bipolar disorder, there can often be a lot of pain and fighting. So, I cherish every little happy moment my family and I have together, and I work hard to create happy memories while there is still time... whether it's simply a nice meal together, a trip to the cinema, or so on. And I cherish my job. I was lucky to get this one, and I know I'm not an attractive hire for many reasons and wouldn't thrive or function at all in certain workplaces. So I give it my all, daily. I work 7 days a week, 365 days a year, too.
Most of the people I've met have been psychotic or bad people, especially online, which is why I am lucky to have joined this place. It took me a while to feel alright about interacting with others online again. The last time didn't go so well. I met some people and they seemed nice. I cared about them, and thought they cared about me. I helped them. I stayed up many nights with some of them and counseled them, saved them from suicide attempts, even. I helped one with a small donation, along with others, for cancer treatment. I helped another with Christmas gifts for their kids. I celebrated birthdays and made them special.
One of those horrible, so-called "friends" was jealous of my friendship with a mutual friend. This psycho spread lies about me while I was sick in the hospital and made my breathing even worse. I was recovering from pneumonia and couldn't fight back and defend myself. I was threatened if I didn't go away, so I did. They also sent the cops to my house as a prank a few times, before leaving me alone (from the occasional nasty anonymous phone call or postal letter). All those I helped chose to believe a drunken psycho over me... a psycho who admitted to me in a drunken rant that they couldn't drive due to losing their license for drunk driving... and who admitted to performing a drunk hit and run once. Frightening...
Another time, I was hurt by someone so badly that they got me so sick that I nearly had a stroke from all the stress and my eardrum ruptured. I seem to have the worst luck with people. Eventually, I get so lonely and miserable that I try again somewhere else online. In the back of my mind, I'm always afraid it'll go wrong and I'll end up hurt again. And I'm always scared that I'll be annoying, bothersome, or that others really don't want me around but are afraid to say anything.
And that's another thing, above all else, I want honesty, no matter if it's painful or not, please. It's a Catch-22, because staying quiet and not interacting is pointless and puts me back where I was. People also think you're weird, creepy, phony, or have ulterior motives if you are positive or nice. We live in a grim world, after all. I promise that I'm real and I'm genuine, though. I hope I'm believed. Please. And it breaks my heart that, ironically, I've wanted to perform and create to make others happy... and my greatest performance has been to try and hide all my pain, every single day.
CHAPTER 7: HAPPY BIRTHDAY
I will begin this chapter by sharing the very last part of the long (Hey, it was also long because I wrote it in a big, legible font! Also, you're hearing way much more of my life story than Al did in the letter or in person.) letter I wrote Al and gave to him when I met him. Maybe I'll share it here someday if I'm still wanted around and there's interest. I will omit some things for my "protection" / anonymity. For all I know, some of you may have seen me at this show, for all I know. I'll also share the experience of meeting him by sharing the text message conversation I shared with my one and only friend in the world. Again, some things will be omitted for privacy and safety. Scarily enough, until the very day of the show, I was feeling self-conscious and nervous and even thought about skipping it altogether. I was afraid of meeting my lifelong hero. Thankfully, my guilt about wasted money and wasting this opportunity made me go.
Also, when I mention seeing Al in 2007... he saved my life and got me through a dark time by me being able to see him live for the first and what I thought would be only time. I relied on my happy memories of that night to get me through what would happen mere days after the concert:
Spoiler:
my beloved dog died. She was gotten for me as a Christmas gift nearly 12 years earlier because I was alone, depressed, and lonely... always sick at home. She was the only living being I could turn to and share my horrors and pain with. She would sit on my bed beside me and watch UHF and other Al stuff, and listen to Al songs with me. I remember telling her how excited I was to see Al in concert. She could sense how happy I was.
And speaking of UHF, like I said, I can forget to mention things. For when I was in the hospital, I even made an audio copy of UHF so I could listen to it in my headphones because I missed seeing it while I was away from home. You have to have your Al fix, right?
Spoiler:
Unfortunately, her health was failing, and she was very sick the following days of the show. She was having trouble breathing, and I held her all night to calm her as we both got some sleep before the vet office opened. He didn't help her (and was later chewed out by the senior vet when he returned from vacation), and so we brought her back home to hopefully get better with the medication she was given. Her breathing became more labored and she began to cry. I remember holding her and trying to calm her as another lifelong favorite of mine was on the screen in the background.
Back to the Future was playing. We had watched this together many times. I kept begging her to be strong and to hang on. The medicine had to help, if she would just hang on. I realized that she was starting to have a heart attack as she cried. There was nothing I could do but hold her and tell her that I loved her. I kept looking into her eyes. I knew she lost her sight and was near the end, but she kept looking at my direction as death began to take her.
Just as the bolt of lightning had traveled along the cable and hit the DeLorean, sending Marty back to 1985, my beloved dog... who I honestly considered to be a baby sister... went on her journey to the great beyond. Just as Marty left to where he belonged... so did she. Her body went limp and I just held her and bawled my eyes out. My brother was out of town at a concert and had to come home to losing her. She was truly one of a kind, seeming more like a human than an animal.
I remember, as we had wrapped her in her favorite blanket and prepared to tell our brother about our nightmare of a loss, we tried to close her eyes. We couldn't, for some strange reason. When my brother came home, cradled her, and kissed her goodbye, we tried again. And somehow, they closed. She wanted to "see" him one last time.
I was heartbroken for the longest time until I saw Al in a new appearance on TV. That was the first time I smiled and laughed after that dark time. Yet again, he saved me. Now, onto the bit of the letter, and then the experience I waited my entire life for: meeting Al. (Also, I corrected some errors I noticed afterward. I beat myself up for that as I was on the road reading the letter before sealing it. Darn it!)
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Hopefully, Mr. Yankovic, you see that you really have saved my life many a time. I can say with 100% certainty that I wouldn't be here without you. You are the kind of man that I've worked to be, want to be, and strive to be... and you've shown me that kindness, caring, friendliness, hard work, and being yourself (even if you're "weird"; I would never be, and have never been, anything but honest and anyone but myself. I want to be liked or disliked the way I am. I leave any acting for performances, as it should be) are the keys to my dream and to being a good person.
I have nothing but love and the highest admiration and respect for you, Mr. Yankovic, and I always will. You have a fan for life, and I owe you so much for all you've helped me. There's no way that I could ever repay you. All I can simply say, even though it fails to do justice, is "Thank you, I love you, and I promise to always do my best and never let you down."
I'm still in disbelief that I will be seeing you in concert again. I was lucky enough to have front row seats, off to the side, when you performed in my hometown of (DELETED) back in 2007. You had the flu that week, but nobody would've known since you gave a perfect show. Sadly, your illness meant that nobody was able to meet you and the staff told everyone to leave. That concert was the greatest concert I've ever experienced, and no doubt it'll be eclipsed tonight as I see you again (front row, center, this time!) and get to meet you after the show.
I've gotten a rare day off from working (I've pretty much worked 7 days a week since entering the workforce out of high school... including running a delivery business where I was on call 24/7/365 delivering medications around the clock to long-term care and hospice patients. Illness knows no regular business hours, after all.) from my current 7 days a week job (which is as a home healthcare worker, providing care and assistance to the disabled... which, funny enough, is also my unpaid "job" after my shift ends and I go home to care for my parents and help my brother... my life has become all about care and helping others, so I suppose that's part of my dream and life's mission realized, in a way)and so I've made the trek to (CITY OF CONCERT).
Tonight, I will feel like a kid again... but in a wonderful, positive way for a change. I will feel pain-free for a few hours and forget all my cares. I will meet my greatest, lifelong hero (and hopefully not make a fool of myself) and hopefully get to thank him. I will have the experience of a lifetime (and hopefully I'll get to see you perform or even meet you again). And best of all, the
Spoiler:
scared, sick, lonely, abused
little child that still lives within me will get to see that... yes... it was all worth it. He's going to get to meet the one and only "Weird Al" Yankovic. For a brief moment in time, his dream will come true... a dream he never thought would see reality. He will thank the man who saved his life, inspired him, and shaped him into the person he would become. And to paraphrase George Newman, it will no doubt be better than he even imagined.
My love and eternal gratitude will always be with you, the band, and your loved ones. Thank you from the very depths of my heart, Mr. Yankovic. As I've said before, until the very end, for every moment of however many or few may be left for me... I will always be a fan, I will always look up to you and look forward to all that you do, and I promise that I will do my best to never let you down. Finally, should I have brought something negative into the fold or made myself seem like a horrible person or fan, I hope you can forgive me and also forgive me for asking the favor of you that you read this letter. Alas, it's time for me to hit the road to (CITY OF CONCERT). See you at the show!
All my love and gratitude always,
(MY NAME)
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Apple iMessage Conversation that took place as soon as I arrived back home from the trip:
ME:
Home, I am in you!
FRIEND:
Hey, bro! How was it?
ME:
Short version: the greatest day and night of my life.
I have no clue if you want to hear the long version.
FRIEND:
Of course I want to hear more.
ME:
Well, I got to the VIP check in / party at the time requested. It was cool. Right as you went into the area, there were people dressed in the military uniforms like he has on the cover of Mandatory Fun. Everyone I encountered was so nice, too. They gave me the VIP bag with all the exclusive stuff, stamped my hand, gave me the VIP sticker and meet & greet lanyard pass, etc. I then headed over to the merch table. I thought about buying a shirt, but I have a ton of new shirts that I haven't worn, so I passed on that.
I immediately bought one rare and exclusive item they had. Apparently, Al went through his storage to find items for the little museum exhibit at the VIP party (got to see many of his costumes, handwritten notes, props, you name it) and he uncovered a box of original printing UHF movie posters from the original 1989 release! So, I got that to have it signed.
I also got the action figure that they released recently. It was a lot cheaper there, and even better, the money all goes to him! I also got a complete set of his trading cards. Luckily, I owned almost everything else like the DVDs, albums, Blu-Rays, etc. or I would've gone broke!
I went to the party. Thankfully, I ate before. The refreshments sucked. It was literally nothing but tiny bags of Hot Cheetos and Walmart Bakery cookies (which don't taste good, as I've learned in the past). No big deal. I just bought a soda, anyway.
I looked around at the exhibits, took pics on my brother's iPhone (used my new digital camera for the meet and greet, though), and just chilled out and listened to his music there. They had a lot of contests and games. I decided what the heck and entered / competed, but didn't win anything. It was fun, though. Cool seeing all the different kinds of people from all ages and walks of life. Grabbed some souvenir fake money of Al when they "made it rain." Grabbed one for myself and my brother, and then anything else I caught, I gave to some little kids that tried catching them and missed.
At (TIME), the party ended and we went to find our seats. They were indeed front row, dead center. I was so close that I could rest my poster on the stage whenever a standing ovation was given to Al. Also was close enough that I got hit with some of the water when he gargled it during the solo in Smells Like Nirvana. And of course, I got hit with more water when he emptied the cup and splashed the audience.
Also, during Fat, when he punches out Santa, we got hit by Santa's "teeth" flying out. Upon further inspection, Santa has Tic Tacs for teeth. It was hilarious. Gave the tooth to another fan who was very sweet, and I know they'll treasure it always. It would've been a sugary mess if I kept it, anyway. Hahaha.
(I THEN TALK ABOUT SOMETHING THAT WOULD MAKE IT A DEAD GIVEAWAY ABOUT THE SHOW THAT I ATTENDED. SORRY.)
Anyway, the show was incredible and just that would've been the best concert ever. After the show, they told us to stay in our seats if we had the Czar passes and shortly we would go backstage for the meet and greet. The guy in charge of that was a guy working for Al who was also the host of the party. He even gets playfully shoved and messed with on tour when Al does Tacky and makes his way to the stage.
They had us line up backstage in a hallway where the Stormtroopers entertained us and chatted with us (you can tell they love playing these characters), and fans chatted with one another. Saw Steve Jay, the bass player, walking around and talking to a frequent fan. I was too nervous to say hello when he passed. From what I saw, everyone, Al included, seems to remember the frequent fans.
The VIP guy told us to have the item ready (they gave you a flag in the package for the autograph, but you could have anything signed instead... my brother had the figure signed) and to have cameras ready. He would take the photo for you, and said that you could pose together or apart if in a group (we did our own individual ones). Guy actually complimented me on my camera several times and said it was worth every penny. I guess I chose well.
Anyway, Al is really sweet and friendly with everyone and so genuine. You can tell he's the real deal. As I'm trying to stay composed, I listen to my brother talk to him and get his photo and autograph. He thanks my brother for his kind words ("I love everything you've ever done," and so on), shakes his hand at the beginning and end of the meeting, and then afterwards you leave out the back door into the street.
Well, it's finally my turn. You go to the side of the table to meet Al. He immediately extends his hand to me and we shake hands and introduce ourselves. He then stands up (he sat to do most photos, and of course, to sign things) and says, "I think the photo will come out better standing" and so I stand beside him for a photo. The first one came out blurry, so we take another. He then sits down and starts signing his autograph on my poster.
I ask him if he would personalize it, please, and he says, "Absolutely! (MY NAME), right?" and signs it. I then summon the courage to tell him, "I'd like to ask something of you and I completely understand if you'd rather not, but I wouldn't forgive myself if I met you and didn't at least try to tell you how much you mean to me and how great an impact you've had on me. I apologize for asking this of you."
I then hand him an envelope (put my name, address, his name, the date, venue, etc. on the envelope, and also included that information and my Twitter handle in the letter) and he takes it. "Oh, don't apologize. I'd love to, and I will read it." He stands up to put the envelope in his pocket and faces me again to interact with me. I thank him for that, saying it means the world to me, and I apologize again, saying that I'll briefly try to explain things.
There were only two fans left after me, but even with others, I never saw Al or the VIP guy rush anyone or grow impatient. Al made you feel like you were the only person there. By the way, the dude looks amazing! You look at him and think, "He can't be nearing 60." He's also thin and takes great care of himself. Also has such amazing care for others and you can see in his eyes that he truly loves his fans and is so appreciative and whatnot. The whole time, he's looking me in the eyes and is genuinely interested in what I have to say. Also, the VIP guy is able to hear our conversation. Not sure if anyone else did. It went like this:
"I've been sick since birth. Mainly respiratory issues, which developed into chronic lung disease, which I still battle to this day. I've also been on steroids for most of my life, which is why my appearance is the way it is." Al nodded sympathetically, carefully listening, and I could tell he was genuinely concerned and cared about me.
"I've spent over 10 years of my life in the hospital, and I would never let them check me in without bringing my Walkman and all your tapes." Al smiled big at this. "I would always listen to them and it kept me going. Especially whenever I had a painful procedure, I'd put on my headphones, listen to you, and you got me through it every time."
Al put his hand to his chest and said, "Oh!" He was genuinely touched. And then he just reaches for me and says, "Come here" and just wraps me up in a hug for the longest time. It's the greatest hug I've ever had. I was in shock, but it lasted for about a second. I just wrapped my arms around him and held him for the longest time. I never wanted it to end. And he held onto me for such a long time, too.
"Thank you so much. That means so much to me," he told me. He then let me go and wanted to hear more about things. So, I start talking again.
Spoiler:
"I've always been alone and bulled because of my looks, because I'm always sick, because I was a nerd, all smart and good and not getting into trouble."
Again, the whole time he's looking into my eyes, listening carefully, genuinely interested and waiting for every word from me... feeling like he would stay with me forever if I needed.
Spoiler:
"Nearly every single day at school, I was verbally abused by bullies. Physically, too. I got beat up badly every single day, too. And it also..."
I took a deep breath and tried not to tear up.
Spoiler:
"... it also got to where they would sexually assault me all the time, too."
At that point, I see his eyes begin to water a bit, and the VIP guy seems moved by what I'm saying, too. I looked at the VIP guy because I was expecting him to tell me that I need to leave, but he didn't say anything.
Spoiler:
"Because of all the repeated trauma, I've had depression and all the emotional scars, but it also gave me nerve damage. I have neuropathy."
Al continues listening and nods, eyes watering and showing he understands me and cares.
Spoiler:
"I'm in constant pain every single day. When it gets to me too much,
I always have and still do turn to you. Your music, videos, movies, all that. It's what keeps me going. You keep me going."
"Thank you so much. That means so much to me," he tells me.
"Thank you for the greatest night of my entire life. It's actually an early birthday present for me. My birthday is coming up on the (DAY OF THE MONTH)."
"Oh! Well, Happy Birthday! Happy Early Birthday!" He shook my hand again and smiled at me.
"You've always showed me, being yourself... you've inspired me so much my whole life. All my life, my purpose... my dream... my mission in life is to spread love and happiness... to other people. I want to entertain people, inspire them... just make others happy. Hopefully it can be by creating things or just helping people however I can... but just you being yourself... you're such a beautiful person and you being you showed me that my dream needs to keep happening and that I made the right choice."
Al said, "That means the world to me. Thank you. It's so wonderful to hear that."
I then take a deep breath and wipe away a tear and I tell him, "This very moment... all this... being right here with you... it's made every single thing I've gone through in my entire life worth it all. It's been worth all the pain and everything just to be here with you right now, tonight."
I can tell he's touched and blown away. "Oh, wow. Thank you, (MY NAME). That's the absolute greatest thing in the world to me. Wow. That means the world to me to know that. Thank you so much." He grabs my arm and pats it and shakes my hand again for a while, just looking at me and thanking me, his eyes watering.
"It's been an honor to meet you and it's been the best day of my life... the best birthday gift ever and nothing else is ever going to top it, I can tell. Thank you so much. I love you. Goodbye." Al then told me goodbye, and the VIP guy softly told me, "I hope you had a really good time today," as he handed me the camera and poster, all rolled up again for me. I thanked him. I wanted to go around the table and shake his hand at least, but I felt so badly for taking up all that time, so I just told him it was the best time ever, and headed towards the exit.
I reached for a VIP bag that was at the end of the table because we had all our merch in a bag. I looked in it and there were those Hot Cheetos again. "This isn't my bag. I guess my brother took the bag with him. Sorry," I said, embarrassed. I swear... if the exit door wasn't open, I would've smacked into it like the utter mess I can be.
I head out the door, and the security guard showed me the way out and opened the final exit door and out I went into the street. My brother was outside waiting for me, and we walked until we found where our ride had dropped us off. I sat on a bench, and I just cried like a baby for the longest time. I just tried to process it all and I'm just so thankful for all of it. I then looked at the photo on the camera. My brother was crouched near a seated Al behind the table and Al was looking sideways up at him making a silly expression like he will sometimes do in photos. With mine, he's smiling and I'm actually smiling, too. Like a big smile with teeth showing and everything.
Shortly after, our ride came and we spent a while trying to find somewhere to eat before going to the hotel. I kept my VIP sticker and stuck it to the magazine they gave us in the package, and kept everything else (except for the foil hat I made at the party for a contest. It was all mangled and not very good, anyway).
So, yeah... that happened. I'm sorry for the really long message.
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EPILOGUE
Is anyone still reading this? I honestly can't imagine that would be the case. If so, thank you for reading... for reading any of this, honestly. We only get a finite amount of time, so it means the world to me that you spent some of it on someone like me who honestly doesn't deserve the time of day, especially from wonderful people like yourselves. That's one of the greatest gifts you can give someone. I have no clue where to go from here. I realize I might have messed up everything for myself here, but honestly, I felt so moved that I just wanted to show much huge an impact Al can have on a life. He literally saved a life. I don't know if I'm worthy of that, but he did it.
No matter what, if this is goodbye or not and I have to move onto somewhere else... all I ask of each of you is one simple thing: BE YOURSELF. NO MATTER WHAT. I see so much beauty and kindness and the world needs that badly. The world needs all of YOU, badly. Go forth and love each other... brighten lives in any way that you can. Don't think anything you do will be insignificant. I mean, did you think that one beautiful man from Lynwood ever thought he would touch countless lives around the globe? Probably not. So, how can you know you won't make a huge difference to someone? Well, actually... you do know.
You've made a huge difference to me. And for that I thank you. And so it's early morning where I am, so I say in the words of Truman Burbank from The Truman Show (I'm a big cinema nerd, as I said):
"Good morning! And in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!"
Statistics: Posted by Yankopunk — Sun Jul 31, 2016 2:22 pm