Hello friends,
How are you all on this Friday? I hope the week has been kind to you, all. It has been a stressful week for me, including the fact that I had my mammogram appointment, yesterday. I talked about it, in Tuesday’s post. I was told yesterday by the technician, that I should find out something, today. If all goes well, I wouldn’t have to come back, until next August, which would be nice, considering yesterday was my third visit in a year, since they found my benign fibroid last July.
Anyway, the family and I are off on a day trip later this morning. We are headed to Robert Moses State Park, out in Eastern Long Island. There is a beach, some trails, and a lighthouse that my hubby has been eager to see for a while now. The hubby is off all weekend, and we have day trips planned for each day. I will be of course, sharing them with you all. Today’s day trip will be good for my mind and my soul. We are going back to nature again, and that always brings me peace(and great photography, too!).
While we are on the subject of peace, I am thankful for the amazing friends I have in my life. They have been through some tough times with me, and without their support, I would not have been able to make it through some of my personal situations. I was in a bad mood this week. I was not myself, and being able to reach out to friends and talking about it, helped me immensely. So, I thought now would be a good time to bring back another Re-post. This is one is special, not only because it praising the wonderful people in my life, me coming to a realization, but also because I talk about an incident with my daughter at school. She has since progressed since then, and is now able to talk to me about when something or someone is upsetting her. I read this post, and it makes me emotional, because a lot has been accomplished within our family life, since then. Even in just one year. It is another reminder to me, of why I am doing all of this. In the end, it makes me smile.
Sometimes I am unkind to myself. I beat myself up, and it puts my “state of being”, in the wrong way.
Thank you to all those who care and that I am blessed to call my friends.
Originally published April 2015
Hello friends,
How are you all on this Friday? This has been an interesting week for me, emotionally. It all started last week, really. I mentioned in Tuesday’s blog that last week I was feeling stressed and some good friends of mine, noticed it. I didn’t say anything: they could just notice in the way I was expressing myself. I was, indeed feeling a lot of pressure, but didn’t want to burden anyone with it. I am always full of positive vibes and encouraging words: I thought, “Well I have an image to maintain.” HA. Sooner or later, Life gets to us, right? Even when you try to fill your day with uplifting words and feel-good actions. Sooner or later, one is going to crack, right? I try so hard not to. I know what it is like to feel depressed: to feel hopeless and alone. To feel as if Life keeps knocking you down. I don’t want to go to that place again. My Life is good. I am in a wonderful place. I have been on this road to self-discovery and self-worth and man, oh man, does it feel good.
Ah, but you see—even when Life has already thrown you so any lessons: she is always going to throw you more. That’s just the way she is. I had yet to learn, that it is vital, every now and then—to just stop and let yourself cry….just for a little bit. Let yourself be pampered with kind words and uplifting actions from the ones who care about you the most. There is nothing wrong with slowing down and letting others TAKE CARE OF YOU. The only way people are going to know that, is if you tell them: “help me, I need a break and I don’t know what to do. Please help me.” I have prided myself in wanting and needing to help others that I was forgetting about the most important person: ME. I am so hell-bent on showing what a strong, independent woman I am: I was losing sight of the fact, that I am indeed, HUMAN. It’s ok for me to make mistakes. It’s ok for me to slow down. It’s ok to talk about my problems with loved ones. It’s ok for me to not do anything…even if it’s just for a day.
I have AMAZING people in my life. I try to tell them as much as I can: but sometimes I forget. Last week, a few of those amazing people stepped up and showed me the value of true friendship: loyalty, trust, support and love. I value those attributes so much. I got very emotional last week: for I am truly blessed. I have incredible family and friends: for whom on this creative journey of mine:inspire, push and enlighten me, each and every day.
This brings me to my other thoughts of today’s blog post.
My daughter was going through something emotionally last weekend. I had my theories as to what caused them. I know, as her mother—that she was not herself. She closed herself up. When she wasn’t isolating herself, she was very attached to me. Regression behavior. Behavior she showed signs of, 4 years ago, when she was very little and we first knew she had ASD. At one point, she said to me; “Mommy, I am never going to leave you. I will always be with you. You will always be here for me, right?” What could I say? She is 7 years old. So, I re-assured her that she could do whatever she wanted. If she wanted to be with Mommy always, that was fine. Yes, of course Mommy is never going to leave her.
Where was this coming from??
This is the sort of behavior that frightens me: simply because I do not know how or what my daughter would do, if I was not around. Her having ASD, makes it difficult for her to comprehend that one day, Mommy will not be around. Hubby and I a few months ago, starting talking about Heaven and what-not to both my kids—in hopes that one day they will understand these sort of things. They are young still, and when having a child with ASD: you have to handle such matters with care.
This past Tuesday my daughter tells me she is sick and does not want to go to school. So I let her stay home. She was not sick. She was fine. She wanted a day with Mommy. She needed a “time out day.” Sort of like Mommy did, last week. I tried to get her to tell me what was bothering her over the weekend, but I did not have any luck. This makes me sad. It makes me sad, because I have a wonderful support system that I can turn to when I am not feeling myself, and my daughter still struggles with expressing her thoughts and emotions: even to her own Mommy. I am aware that this is something that may stay with her, her whole life: but it still didn’t make the sting any less painful. I wrote a letter to her Speech Therapist and her Guidance Counselor; in hopes that maybe they will be able to uncover something.
The next day, her Special Ed teacher told me the root of my daughter’s odd behavior. The incident made me so distraught, I will not repeat it. Apparently it made her teachers and the principal distraught, too. The necessary actions are being taken to ensure it doesn’t happen again. Having heard this verdict, both her teacher and I agreed: if it had been us—we wouldn’t have wanted to go to school, either. My daughter is 7 years old and was afraid to go to school. My emotions went from shock, to sadness to anger. How dare this happen to my little girl!! This happened last Friday: so all this time, my daughter held this inside of her: the whole weekend up until Wednesday.
While I am thankful for her support system at school,(they are amazing) it scares and saddens me that my daughter didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell her own Mommy what was going on inside of her. I’m supposed to be here to help her. What happens when she gets older, and situations become more serious? Will she bottle them up inside her? I’m glad I spoke up and said something to her teachers: otherwise we might have never discovered what was really going on. Hubby was not around, since he was at work: and yet again, my amazing friends pulled through for me again, with their encouraging and uplifting conversations–at a time when I was feeling so confused and distraught.
So as I leave you today: appreciate the good people in your life.
Value your friendships and the people who want to be there to help you when you fall.
They are extremely SACRED and should NEVER BE TAKEN FOR GRANTED.
Until Tuesday, friends.
Remember to be kind to one another and to love and laugh.