2016-12-28

I have been drawn to men draped in melancholy for quite some time I am beginning to think this has to do with my Saturn in the 7th house this isn’t exactly attracting the most joyous of partners  This placement often indicates marrying an older and colder partner. Ah it is what it is I suppose they can be older and they certainly do not have to be light but as of 2017 they will need to be happy.

You think that you can save them, you think that you can show them, you think that you can heal them but it never works that way.

I am telling you on your lengthy lists of what you seek in a partner you better put on the top of the list

Happy

Healthy

My Plutonic love-who this blog is written in dedication too- was heavy, depressed, his energy was thick. I would spend one night with him and sleep for days afterward. We were connected by etheric cords from navel chakra to navel chakra. He would drain me of my life force, that’s how we were connected. I was his source of power, maybe his source of light . This is a man that has anything and everything you could possibly desire but he was perpetually sad. He has Sun Square Saturn and Chiron loosely conjunct his Sun and Mercury.

Saturn in aspect to planets will restrict and suppress the planets natural expression. Sun/Saturn often represents a father issue, perhaps inheriting paternal depression; other people have an absent father (Suri Cruise) or a general feeling of not being able to live up to the father.The identity (the Sun) is restricted. This placement is often found in millionaires as they use accomplishment and work (Saturn) to fill themselves (sun). Chiron on the Sun indicates a core wounding with in the sense of self. The sun is your identity, your self-expression, so here there may be a wound surrounding your sense of self. Not feeling good enough, you may feel like a part of you in missing, you may feel empty –Clearly these being the harsher manifestations

I also dated a crazy Gemini,  he was Saturian as well with his natal Moon placed in Capricorn this is common in people who are depressed and often found in alcoholics He had many addictions from gambling to cocaine but he will forever be one of my favorite people in the world. For all of his bad habits he was honest about all of them and never professed to be anything other than who he was.

Though I will say addiction is NOT who you are it is something you do that covers up who you are, that drowns out the voice of who you are. Addiction will fill you with lies about who you are but I will save that post for another day.

He also had Venus conjunct Saturn; blocks to love, suppressed feelings of love, past hurts that are difficult to get beyond in matters  of the heart.And as of late- the man who will culminate this lesson for me since I didn’t get it the first 10 times…well he is a Capricorn rising (Chart ruler is Saturn) I will tell you when I first saw him I thought well isn’t this a beautiful creature ( His Neptune opposes my Mars and Venus) he looked like a man that was oblivious to how beautiful he was (Natal Chiron square Ascendant exact, this shows a wound surrounding the way you look ) I remember thinking this man looks like he forgot the real meaning of life. He looks like he forgot what love feels like (he has Natal Saturn opposite Venus, blocks to love, chooses work over love, being closed to love). It never occurred to me that maybe he didn’t want to know what love was, maybe he didnt want to remember. Maybe he prefered it this way, life this way. Maybe thats why he keeps a door of revolving women, if you keep the rotation going you dont have to worry about anyone getting too close.

“When you have lived in a dungeon for a very long time the light when you see it can actually hurt your eyes” ~Marianne Williamson

That is Saturn in the 7th house attracting men with planets placed in Capricorn, planets in hard aspect to Saturn men that are blocked in some manner, men that think accomplishment is the gateway to self-love. Surprise it isn’t! No amount of accolades, money, or outer work will compensate for a lack of inner work

“You and I both know that we have shadow sides. We have edges my darling resistances to love” ~Marianne Williamson (She has Capricorn moon might I add and Sun square Saturn)

“A ring of fear surrounds love like rings around Saturn” ~Marianne Williamson

Even my crazy partying Gemini ran his own company work hard play hard was the motto.

I thought perhaps every time  that I could show them there is more to life, you think you can tell them life holds more beauty then 7 figures sitting in a bank account. I want to shout none of this shit matters !!!! But they don’t hear me. You can show someone the path but you can not make them travel it.

Richard Burton put it best when he said “we operate on alien wave-lengths. You are as distant as Venus–planet, I mean–and I am tone-deaf to the music of the spheres”

Maybe my Gemini listened more so then the others, he had Aquarius rising so he was evolved he use to tell me I think you know things no one else does. I was deeply honored

With this Capricorn Rising and my crazy Gemini My Moon conjunct their natal Chiron I don’t know if I possessed a conscious need to heal them. Chiron is where you carry your deepest wound accordingly to cafeastrology.com “Chiron represents insecurity, where we feel an endless need to prove ourselves”

I do not have a heavy Saturn or  Chiron in my natal chart I have Chiron hanging out in my 2nd house …we all have Chiron some place it opposes my Uranus in the 8th I read that those of us that have Uranus opposite Chiron “reiki, acupuncture, therapy are some examples of the subtle energy healing techniques that may be apart of your wounding, healing journey”

It was this Capricorn rising that inspired me to  get more involved in Reiki healing I am going for my certification at the beginning of 2017. I had touched him lightly in his stomach area and felt this wound, it was open, it was like I stuck my hand into another dimension and I quickly pulled it out.

It is said in synastry the moon person can heal and nurture the chiron person. I read on yahoo answers “when your moon conjuncts his chiron you possess the innate and uncanny ability to see through his facade and literally feel his pain”

Some people prefer to live behind a mask, some people prefer we don’t see the Wizard of Oz man behind the curtain. On some level they  enjoy their man made prisons it feels safer living with in them.

It takes alot to live your most authentic life, this personal path of endless self analysis that those of us are on isn’t easy. And yes we may meet people who have lost sight of who they are, and we may encounter people that forgot the beauty in love, and sometimes I think we- those of us in the metaphysical field- feel: I see the soul of you I know the whole of you… but you can not remind people who they are when they would rather forget. And you can not heal anyone that doesn’t want to heal. You can not make some travel on a path of self discovery if their soul isnt ready to leave where they are. It simply doesnt work this way. And while this saddens me I know I am living authentically I have gone to war with my wounds I am healed I am present and ready for great love and in the words of Nayyirah Waheed “You never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. There is more extraordinary love out here in this wide and wild universe. And there is the love that will be ready”

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