0-6mths- I will try and summarize this as much as I can but need to get my story out there. I was 18 years old when I started corresponding with this demon online. At the time I wasn't looking for a relationship just chatting with multiple people on IMs and at the end of the night he was the one left standing. We quickly went to phone conversation and he was so wonderful to talk to. We connected on so many things and looking back I was doing most of the talking. He was in the army and that was a turn off for me because I never wanted the uncertainty of a military relationship (I was never in a relationship prior). Before I knew it I was head over heels for someone I had not even met and he seemed to feel the same. The phone conversations were hours on end for 4-5 weeks and I was the best thing since sliced bread. One of our conversations he was speaking with his roommate which he would do and put the phone on mute. This time he forgot to put it on mute and I heard something about his "ex not letting him see his kid." When he returned to the phone I said you have a kid? We were speaking everyday and he had never mentioned that he had a child I just happened to overhear it. Of course at that moment I told him we wouldn't have a relationship anymore and hung up. He called me for what felt like hours on end crying and begging for me to give him a chance he would have told me but didn't want to "lose me" and I gave in. Another time I had called his roommate made some inappropriate comments about our conversation in the background and I was upset about it and said it's better we don't speak when he is there. Before I knew it I heard him RAGE against the roommate. Fast forward a few weeks later he called his mom and I was connected on the call to say hello which I did. I didn't hang up my end of the call and they continued speaking this was when I heard her say "don't rush and marry this one right away like last time". When I heard this I hung up the phone he called me multiple times again I would not respond to him. Again another omission the kid was first the fact that he was married which he could have just thrown in the day I found out about the child. When I finally answered I told him I didn't want anything to do with him anymore and never responded to him again. Ladies and gentlemen this was the start of my relationship from hell. He texted me one day saying he was in my city I figured it was bullshit till he started naming things in my neighborhood. I looked outside and he told me the car he was driving and I then knew it was real. I sneak out of the house nervously and meet him for the first time at the end of the driveway. I thought he was ugly but my anger dissipated from the shock that he drove from TN to PA (800miles)to "WIN" me back. The next day we hung out ate, spoke etc. He stayed at a hotel close to my house and while my mom was away I snuck out and saw him. I went back to his hotel and stayed on the couch while he laid on the bed trying to entice me to sit with him. I didn't want to but he kept coercing when I sat with him I was visibly uncomfortable but tried to suck it up. It was that day that I gave up my virginity out of pressure. My therapist wants me to think of it differently but no it was not rape I just didn't want to but gave in. It wasn't long till I left because my mom would realize I was missing. The 2nd time I saw the rage was while we were driving back to the hotel someone nearly hit our car and he RAGED for my safety of course. He left a few days later but by this time I was hooked.
Year 1-5- He got into recruiting in Ohio 4 hours from me and we had our long distance relationship and we would take turns visiting each other every other weekend etc. One weekend I went we had a fight about something miniscule it always was miniscule I tried to walk away and he blocked me. He held my legs I fell and he pinned me down crying begging me to stay. It was around these times he started telling me about his troubled past. Abusive dad, emotionally distant mom, ex cheating on him during deployment and stopping him from seeing his child. The bullshit they feed you while they are abusing you to deflect from the situation for you to pity them etc. He would hit the wall break things, threaten to break my things drive recklessly drive text book abuse pretty much. He got into my head even though I am intelligent and would tell me he wasn't beating me "just pushing, just shoving, putting knives to this throat on webcam. I knew things were not right but I kept wanting to "FIX" him. I figured he had ptsd from combat etc. He would have what I call the summer silent treatment each year during this time. I wouldn't hear from him although we would speak for hours each day. When I would get a hold of him after worrying he'd yell " I am a grown fucking man I am okay". The devaluing took place as well my skirts were now too short, my blouses showed too much cleavage, I am being sensitive blah blah blah. I became paranoid about him cheating during the silent periods because it made no sense. I became the person checking his fb and one day I found suspicious messages where he was having someone over a younger girl who would use his dryer/washer. The messages were not ridiculous but he'd write I miss you a whole bunch of smiley faces I knew something was awry. He said it was nothing I pulled his MO and drove down on one of the silent treatment bits knocked on the door heard a girl used my key to get in she was there but so was her nephew on the couch. He was of course shocked to see me and ran to his room and gets his gun (to this day he says it was just to remove the bullets). I remember saying you want to shoot me then do it. He hurried me out of the house started throwing money at me to go home with since I had no money. I was screaming at him he said I was "fucking crazy" and jumped out of the car at a stoplight walked barefoot in 25 degree weather back to his apartment leaving me a wreck. I remember going to the grocery store and picking up liquor, a bible and pills. A grocery attendant who I kept in my phone as "angel" talked to me through the tears and ignored his calls to my phone. I made it through that night and had texted his boss about one of the recruits being in his home the rage etc. He blew my phone up that day wanting me to recant which I did and probably did look crazed to his superiors. Either way they put him in mandatory counseling which he claimed was helping and apologized for all his wrongs. Later that same year he left me on the curb again after silent treatment he was no longer in love with me after 3 days of silent treatment. He "loved me but wasn't in love with me" I was now too fat, needy etc blah blah. Things cleared up weeks after that me pleading when I gave up he wanted me back. I figured out later he was being moved to Fort Lewis so didn't think we'd work out and wanted to break it off because I would have supposedly.
Year 5-7- I graduated from college he was leaving for WA my mom suggested I go with him maybe the job market would be better and I could meet his family. The trip was from PA to WA so I got to experience places I'd never been (grand canyon, mall of America etc). We had gotten a dog from OH so she was with us. On this trip the good parts were I saw new places and had some good times and on the other side I dealt with rages, silence, sexual assault, regular assault, threats. I stayed there for 6 months till he deployed to Afghanistan where I tried promised to do all his "ex supposedly never did when he deployed" I sent things, wrote letters and made him feel good got his family participating this time around too. While he was away I moved to TX where my mom and sister now were, got a job and lost a lot of weight to surprise him R&R. He was surprised alright and on that time off we went to San Antonio TX which on the way he raged and complained about my driving etc. We went there had a good time though he left went back to Afghan and I resumed working on myself. When he came back he proposed because the guys told him "man if she sticks it out with you during the deployment you gotta marry her" I accepted Jan 2012 thinking we were over the hill I had been so good to him he came back alive and wanted all things to be fresh. He went back to wa I stayed in tx but I consistently was trying to get us together with him transferred here which he claimed to be working on. I'd given up and figured I'd just go up there my MS program would be online so I could suck it up for the year he had left in the military. We went on more trips together and yes there were episodes but less frequent. Reflecting now it was because we were 2k miles away from each other our trips were shorter and less frequent.
The Ending- Fast forward Nov 2014 he went on a months training after going on a trip with me to a friend's wedding. Things were good he texted me when he could we always had great times while he was on his trainings, we both "missed" each other couldn't wait to speak again etc. The text became less frequent after awhile and I will admit I checked the phone plan online where I realize you can see the details of texts on Verizon. Once again there was a girl he was speaking with nothing crazy but a whole bunch of smiley faces, chit chat that looked eerily suspicious to OH. I couldn't help it and texted the girl asking if they were dating saying I was his fiancé she said no and I said thank you. She texted him saying I messaged her he blew up my phone calling me out on contacting someone because he was buying her lunch, flirting with her in texts but ignored me for days when I was going through health problems, money probs etc. He apologized claimed he understood and called me when he got back the day of my birthday. We argued that day because all of a sudden he wants to go fight ISIS which would be noble if I didn't know he was a piece of shit. This man brutalized me, ignores his mother, has no relationship with anyone else so yes I was annoyed. I forgot to mention in year 1 he told me he shot a child in Iraq, dogs that were no threat and got rid of a body in war. Not to mention threatened to kill our dog and grabbed her by the collar throwing her in the air this dog is 50 pounds and conditioned me to not say anything because of his military career, or he'd kill himself or go on a killing spree. Anyway after that day he goes silent forgetting to call, falling asleep, working late the regular lies they tell. After 4 days I had enough I bought a spur of the moment ticket and figured I would confront him one last time. The phone was off as I called trying to tell him I was on my way. When I get there I tell the cab driver to stay out front in case I had problems. I go into the apartment and see him on the couch. I did yell I have been calling you, emailing and said I couldn't send a pigeon since it was dark out now what is your fucking problem. He started calling me crazy I was crying he was cold and distant like OHIO all over again. We go in the car cause he claimed he wanted to drive around and talk it was here he told me he wants to resign up in the military after promising to get out. I don't think he ever planned on getting out he strung me along the entire time. Days go by it got calmer he claimed it was all from work stress. I get back to TX he calls me but at this time I had taken off my ring and told him I think I am staying in TX till you figure out what you want to do. We continued to chat that was our last nice chat. Thanksgiving comes about I am ignored again my sis sends him a message saying he is not good for me not to contact anyone anymore. I start to worry if he killed himself because the military was supposedly trying to get him on negligence of grenades etc so once again I put my feelings to the side to take care of him. Like in Ohio I called the cops to check on him because I knew he was drinking and the last thing I heard they were pressing the charges. I get a call back from the cops saying he said has no fiancé and wouldn't come outside. Although I was done mentally had my ring off for days I guess I wanted it to end on a note that we could have been amicable friends just lovers going separate career paths. After the cops telling me this though I lost it I was on the floor the crying. I then started throwing away everything he ever game and burning our photos. 2 hours from then I get a text message saying "just leave me the hell alone we are done, we've been done' pretend I don't exist and I will do the same. It's been since thanksgiving and that message is imprinted in my psyche and the hate that I have towards him is indescribable. He discarded me like a piece of trash on the bottom of his shoe. That was the last thing he ever said to me after supposedly being hurt by my sister saying he shouldn't contact me because he doesn't treat me well. All the pain, tears, heartache, illness and depression caused by him and still caused by him he didn't care. The last time I saw him I cried and told him he is such a pillar for me because my relationship with my family is also dysfunctional. I had never felt this type of pain in my life it didn't even measure up to my father being murdered when I was 12 that is how deep the pain was and has been. 7 years of my life wasted I was a part of a dangerous game with a psychopath.