I've been doing a lot of reflecting this weekend. I read the rules when I signed up, so I think putting my story here will be okay?
To start: I think the mother of my daughter is a sociopath, but I didn't think this a month ago, or even three weeks ago, until she told me she was diagnosed with ASPD when she was younger. After doing extensive reading on that, I thought to myself: would have been nice to know, however, since I ignored other red flags at the beginning I probably would have ignored this as well. Yes, I do have a daughter who I am thankful for, but no, her mother is now in my brain an 'egg donor' and yes, I sincerely wish someone else was her mother. But it doesn't mean I will bash her mother as she grows, or that I will love her any less, I have just disassociated who she is in relation to myself and my daughter. That said...
I met this woman online, after having posted about people being shallow on these dating sites, asking for 'pic,' before even starting a conversation of any kind. I posted this as I had been stood up two times in a row for a date by a woman, so I was upset. This woman was the only one who replied. Over the next couple days we chatted a lot via an IM. I even told her why I moved to another state, the reason being that my ex-fiance had aborted our pregnancy, which sent me into a wicked depression and it simply was too much to drive around in the 'ashes' of the life I once had. I was dead in that locale. She offered so much sympathy for me, even going as far as to wish bad things upon my ex. She had told me about her ex, that she had finally left an abusive marriage, how hard it was for her to do so, etc, and that she was living with her parents.
We met in person the first time a couple days later, her, I, and her infant son, 4 months old at the time. I was hooked immediately when I saw the two of them. We walked to a nearby park, she actually let me hold and feed him. It felt so amazing, especially with the chance I had lost two years prior. She let me rub her shoulders, felt completely relaxed around me. We walked to her parents home, and on the way a 'dust' storm arose and I remember shielding him from it and she said it made her feel so protected. We had a great time, but were not going to be able to see each other again for a few days. Except she was able to lie to her parents in order to get away for a while and I picked her up and brought her to my place. It felt really great. I think it was that night, nary 5 days after our first conversation that we both said, I think "I am falling in love." After I returned her home that night, we chatted on IM into the wee hours of the morning. I realized I said something about "it's crazy, but if you needed a place to stay, I would welcome you in."
Sure enough, the following weekend her and her son stayed at my place, under the cover that she was at a friend's. I didn't think her lying was an issue, after all, she was a grown woman, she should be able to come and go as she pleases. In retrospect, if she left her exhusband and asked to be taken in by her parents, she probably should not have been dating at all, but I was already hooked on that little boy and her too.
When she returned to her parents, they confronted her about going to Mexico, as the friend she said she stayed with had a sibling who had just come from Mexico and when her parents contacted that friend, they heard Mexico on the phone. She screamed at her step father, talked to him about how big and tough he was, why don't you hit me. He told her to shutup, she continued to yell at him. He punched her. This was per her exhusband who was over there that day. I found out and had her move in with me immediately. She left her son there. We went to get him three days later, but police would not let us, as the child was well, and they had filed for custody. We spent the next three weeks without him. I informed my sister of what was going on and how she was holding up, and this was the first time my sister had said: if my son goes away for a sleepover I am a wreck, I don't know why she is not more devastated by this. Their petition for custody fell through and we finally got him three weeks later.
Over the next month, we had to go to court on a few occasions as they kept trying to file for custody. During this time and the next two months, I watched this boy 5 nights a week while she went to school, took her to and from school, paid for all their food, my expenses went up by exponentially. She always wanted to have s--, but I was usually putting in 20 hour days, got to a point where I was just too tired. One day about three months after being together, she was supposed to go apply for jobs and go to food stamp office. She went to the food stamp office, but it took all day, yes, it can take all day I later found out. I was frustrated that she did not get a single application in. We went to pick her son up from daycare. When in the parking lot, I asked her: "please stay home with us tonight, just have a restful night, I need this." She was adamant about her perfect attendance. I told her there was no way I could get her to school on time and pleaded with her. She said she had to go, so we started heading that way. About 5 minutes into the drive, while stuck in gridlock, she said to me: "I know you're upset with me, but your attitude really sucks." I snapped. I said nothing else to her until we got to school...45 minutes late. I don't remember exactly what I told her as she got out of the car that night, but something about we can be done. I decided that night, while watching her son that I could not do this anymore. Additional detail, all I really asked of her was to keep my studio clean during the day and be ready when I got home so I could get her to school on time. She could not do either of these consistently. I picked her up that night, but still was done. I told her that the next morning, as I came out of the shower to her making breakfast. She ran into the bathroom. I felt horrible, sat on the bed for 10 minutes telling myself I have to stick with this. But I didn't. Less than a day later I told her we will make it work. I suffered a burnout is what had happened.
I might have resented her after this.
After this, it was never quite as good as it was the first few months. I continued to take her to and from school, eventually she had morning classes where she had no choice but to take the bus, but I had to still get her son to daycare each day. Would still routinely come home to an unclean studio. I mention studio again because it was small, easy to clean. She got a part time job which since she had no license, I had to take her to and from, waking up her son after midnight. One night, she got off over an hour late, at 1:30 am, I had to be up in 4 hours. We sat in the parking lot for 45 minutes, as they had a no phone policy. I finally left. That was the first 'worst' thing I ever did to her. When you are exhausted, mentally, physically, it can impact decision making. Her job was less than two miles from my apartment and a co-worker gave her a ride. Should I have stayed? Probably.
Throughout our time together, we didn't try to not get pregnant. Anyone who has read this far knew I wanted a child, I believe she thought a child would keep me around.
We finally got pregnant on Jan 1st, 2013. We moved into a new apartment shortly thereafter. It was at this time she got half custody of her older, autistic son, who previously had been with his father. So I got a child who I had to try to develop a bond with and I read countless hours on autism to try and educate myself. I also lost the infant who had become my son, half-time to his father. Was it his right, even though she had in divorce decree that he would stay with her majority of time? It was, but it still hurt.
One day in February, she had to work at her new job, I gave her a ride, but told her to walk home, since it was 1 mile from our apartment. I wanted to have a few drinks and enjoy my afternoon. The boys were at their dads.
I did not end up drinking much and went to surprise her by picking her up. She texted me not to worry about it, she got a ride. At this time I see her ex-husband's car roll up. I lost it. I told her to go live with him...
She did, for a week, at the end of which, I had decided in my head that I would not be with her, but would be a good father. This same day however, she had a complication, some bleeding, and begged me to come pick her up from her job. At first I refused, because I thought this was more of her lies. I did go though and we spent 8 hours at the hospital. We had a lot of time to wait and talk and worry. I thought all of our talking would make a difference, as I communicated to her that I needed more help. Yes, I understood pregnant women have needs, but also too that they are still human, capable of functioning whilst being pregnant.
The talking did nothing though, once she was back to being healthy in the pregnancy, she continued to not help around the house consistently.
One night in March, when the boys were in our care, she asked to take my car to her exhusbands, so that he could drive them to a gaming night. For me, that probably should have been time to get out. That she didn't think at all about what asking that meant. I feel this was a classic example of sociopath, that need for stimulation. I did say no to this and was VERY hurt by it.
In April, she said after meeting with a therapist, that the therapist suggested that once a week her and her exhusband and their sons get together at his house to have dinner. Every week. She took this persons word as GOD, but my own therapist said this past week that a therapist would not suggest this, that this was more lies and manipulation. I told her that wasn't good for their older son, he is already confused, that would confuse him more. She would not listen. Ultimately I put a hole in the wall and went to my sisters. I became so angry with this woman, because she never listened. She was so good at making sure I had material things, gifts, fatty foods, when I said over and over that I was trying to lose weight. But would not listen to my simple needs: help around the house more, spend quality time with your children. I was always striving for 50/50, especially after my burnout months before. I had no problem doing dishes, doing laundry, but at least put away dishes, try to meet me closer to halfway. Pregnancy understanding; I wasn't asking her to lift anything heavy, never did. If she was sick, I would do it all for a time, but she was actually lazy. My sister who had been her biggest advocate, started to give up on her at this point. Facebook was her favorite hobby.
April 2014; in the span of one week, she nearly lost her job. Was late to work everyday that week, because I took two kids to daycare, different daycares and got to work, she couldn't get one kid to school and herself to work. I ultimately had to say fine, I will take all three. I had a very flexible job and manager...until I didn't, when 3 weeks ago I got fired, due to my productivity suffering from court dates and all the mental anguish.
I was trying to get 50/50 for our entire two years, never got close to it. I wanted another half, I couldn't do what I did those first three months we were together again.
May 2014; this is where I thought she was finally disconnected from me (not knowing that she always was). I told her she had to have the older son spend less time at our home and more time with his father. I had for so long been the most positive and negative person to this child, simply because she wouldn't. Her inability or unwillingness to discipline and spend time with him, forced me to and it impacted my ability to be the best parent to the other two. I was only trying to reduce it by one week. The kid would not listen to me. But all she heard, was that I was trying to make her son go away, not why, nor change her ways, which for many months before this I gave her opportunities to.
I also know that I had asked her over 100 times to have a different job by this winter, as the previous winter I took care of all three kids by myself every night, because at that time, both her and her ex worked the same job, same hours. I never demanded it, I did not feel I had the right, but explained how stressful it was and that I needed help, especially with our daughter being up and walking by this holiday season.
It was sometime in April or May, that I became verbally abusive. I had tried talking nice. I had tried yelling. I had tried pleading and crying. I now coupled yelling with abusive words, b----,c---,w----, even if I didn't mean them. Did I have control over this? Could I have not said these words? Yes, and yes. This is where I think some may doubt that she is a sociopath and that we just did not work and that perhaps I was simply an abusive man.
June 27th: we had not been romantic, pretty much just doing our roles, of course me continuing to leave work whenever a kid was sick or in trouble, and me taking 1-3 kids in each day. I didn't really think about that our relationship was nothing. This specific night though, she had sent me an email at the beginning of that week, saying I needed to be all in or not. I decided to show that I was, with the way I took care of all three kids that week. This night though, end of a week where I was at home with all three kids all that week, I got no appreciation, no thank you, no hug, no kiss. She took the older one for a sleepover, to his respite provider for his special needs. She did this way more frequently than she had 'hours' to do so. This was another example of her shipping her kids off, as though they were an inconvenience to her. I asked her to take the younger one too, since he hadn't slept well that week and I knew he would fall asleep in the van. Her getting her own vehicle also enabled her to be more independent and distance herself.
She got mad at me for this, almost like how could she be bothered to do this. But I insisted.
When she got home that night, with dinner that I paid for, sure enough I put her now alseep son, the one who I cared for since 4 months old, into bed. Our daughter woke up as she sat down to eat. I did not make her a bottle. Could I have? Yes. Should I have?
So she came down the hallway into my computer room, which I had largely slept in for the last month, and blamed me for her food getting cold. Between her blaming me and the week I had with no appreciation I snapped. I followed her down the hallway, got in her face and told her not to blame me. She did again and I pushed her in her shoulder. Not hard, which she even said to my sister, but I pushed her all the same.
We broke up for what I thought was good at that time.
A couple days later, her and I talked for two hours. She said: "I can't be in a relationship and be a mother to my kids." Told me I was the same as her exhusband, but said that maybe if we both get counseling separately, maybe in a few months we can try again. I went against this for two reasons: one, my ex-fiance asked me to do this, when she first broke up with me, before the pregnancy and abortion, and because I loved her, I tried. It did not work, 'going backwards.' The other reason: I knew that she would find someone else and start bringing men into this house we now had that we worked so hard to get. Nothing resolved that night.
Two days after that, the 2nd of July, we went for a walk. She once again said that she wasn't my ex, while saying that I was the same as her ex. I told her I want to do this, I had already been to one therapy session as I blamed myself solely for the push, not her. I want to do this, but I need your help!! She radically changed her volatile tone as we started walking home, more manipulation I believe and said she would try. I was so thankful. By the time we got home, I had a grocery list of things to go get for her and she asked me to clear out her van. I did so without question. One of the things she said I could not do while we were walking, was talk to my sisters, at all.
3rd of July,
We exchanged some nice texts during our lunch. She was supposed to go to her friends that night to: "help her friend finish adoption paperwork." When I got home that evening, my sisters were waiting for me. They wondered why I seemed so happy. I told them she was giving us another chance. I told them she wanted us to go to D&B that weekend. They immediately started saying that nothing had changed. She was still done with me and was only trying to get entertainment from me on my dime. I became depressed. I called her exhusband and he nearly concluded the same, even saying that she spoke to him that morning and that she said she would never forgive me. I called her in a panic and asked her to come home, she said she was going to a bar. Not doing paperwork. I told her she lied to me and she flipped. She always hated being called a liar!! Even when she was clearly lying. HATED it. She hung up, sent F--- You!! 15 times via text and would not talk to me again that night.
4th of July,
After not having slept that night i finally got a hold of her. I was able to re-salvage our plans with the boys, but we had to go north for fireworks, a 2 hour drive. When she came to the house before we went to get them. She kept attacking me for talking to my sisters. I told her I walked into a buzz saw, I had a moment of weakness, but she was so cold and callous, saying that there was no excuse. I told her I could not leave the house and be with her if she treated me this way. She immediately changed 180 and was using a nice tone---offsetting, manipulation, change of direction.
I tried to be perfect to her and the boys and our daughter that night. Just before the show, she got a text from her friend from before, who asked her to go grocery shopping with her. I agreed, but wanted a little appreciation. She got mad, thinking I was asking for s--.
When we got home at 1:30, I unloaded the kids, the car, and let her take my car. I was up until 3:30, woken up by her at 5:30, yeah, she came home four hours later. She was wearing 'booty' shorts and said she got them for me, she said her friend said maybe she was being a little too harsh on me.
I was perfect to her and the kids all weekend, I let her sleep when the little ones got up two hours later, even though I had 4 hours of sleep in a 72 hour period. By Sunday night, I had gotten the kids in bed, done the dishes, and told her I was going to the room. She sat on the couch, I figured she was unwinding, so I made nothing of it.
I sent her a nice text about how this weekend was wonderful, I am thankful for having another chance. No response. When she finally came down to the room, she saw my phone in my hand, it was in my hand because I was hoping for a response. She accused me of texting my sisters. I lay in bed next to her, hoping for a hug, something to show appreciation. I felt like I had cheated on her. All I saw was the light from her phone. When I finally said something about needing some affection, she patted me on the back. I told her I was going to sleep in the computer room. She said, are you just going to throw this away?! I proceeded to get livid, still sleep deprived at this point, told her that I was perfect this weekend, and I got nothing!! Then she went off again about me talking to my sisters. I stormed away several times, each time she talked about me throwing it away. This is something she also commonly did, when I would leave the situation, she would chase me down. If I did leave the house she would say things like: "you're abandoning your family!"
If I simply left the room, she would get right in my face and try to make me talk to her. "Why won't you talk to me, got nothing to say, etc."
I pounded my fists on the bed, she seized up and started crying, like I was going to hit her. I told her I would never do that again, but you have to extend some trust to me at some point. You can't keep attacking me for talking to my sisters, I havent talked to them in three days!!
I even called my sister, I was in a crazed state. I tried to sleep in the computer room, ultimately called out of work from lack of sleep.
That morning, I took her phone. She went crazy, tackled me, begged for it. I locked myself in our room, she said she needed to say bye to our daughter, I let her in and locked myself in the bathroom. She never went to our daughter, pounded on bathroom door instead. I told her I am keeping it, or throwing it in the street. This thing was a drug to her. Turns out, that's how I found out about the affair. It was actually the next day she told me about it, as there was nothing on the phone specifically talking about it. It was the next morning that she tried double standard again, saying she KNEW I lied about my sisters, but claiming that there was NOTHING which she lied about. I actually walked away when she said that. She projected the 'push' on me to make a clean break and keep secret the affair. Yet by the end of that day, I wanted us to reconcile. I hated that I seemed to have the 'power' now. I did not want that. I hated how far we had fallen and I wanted help for US. She promised to do therapy, to get back on her meds for the bi-polar she had told me about. After I had decided it wasn't physical, I tried to start forgiving her too. I JUST WANTED TO SEE IF THERAPY COULD HELP US.
The day of my second therapy session, her, our daughter and I went for dinner and were supposed to go for a walk. Mid dinner, she asked to go meet with her friend after dinner instead of going for a walk. I was upset that she asked, but decided to let her go. She was supposed to go help her find her wallet. Apparently they moved furniture and went grocery shopping. More lies. I got mad at her, explained that even if you aren't doing anything wrong, you're causing doubt. By saying one thing, and not telling me you're doing another. Our "good, selfless, teamwork" lasted all of about 4 days. July 11th through the 15th approximately.
A therapist likely would have said the things I said, but again, she never listened to me. I thought if anything, I extended too much trust to her again.
She bought a revealing outfit and wanted to go out with her friend each weekend. I got mad at that too. I didn't call her any of those names for 3 weeks. I had gone to 4 therapy sessions to her none.
One day the first week of August, she came to my work to put my stepsons car seat in my car. I wanted to be thankful, but I told her, we're going down the same path again and I don't know what to do and walked away.
August 4th
I told her I was going to get diapers and dinner for us, are you okay tucking the kids in, she said she was. When I got back she was sitting on the couch texting. I asked who, she said J-----, a guy who I had never heard of before and who was a stranger to me. I relived the affair all over. She didn't get why I was so upset.
Three times that week she met with a friend who had a rough patch with his woman. She had first met with him three weeks prior, to offer support as she put it. They went and played pool. I was naive and didn't think she would do anything.
August 7th
She had met this guy again for the second day that week. This same day her exhusband told people that she threw knives, and a toaster at him, after she had said he was abusive, to this guy she had been 'supportive' of. She vented to me about it, but I was already distant from her continued 'doubtful' actions. I wanted to trust her again, I really did, but you buy outfits and go out every weekend, you start wearing make up, am I wrong to doubt?!?
So I did not really offer support. She of course did not like that.
When she got home that night, we sat on separate couches and were kind of playful, but then i finally tried to tell her how the affair made me feel for the first time. Before I never really did, because I had only communicated how angry it made me that she made me feel so bad about talking to my sisters. About 5 minutes in, she said she could not focus, couldn't listen to me. That hurt, it was important to communicate this to her. I finally gave up, and got up to leave the room and her ex-husband called and she immediately answered. I was so angry. She came to the computer room 5 minutes later and buried her head in my chest, I told her to get off of me 15 times. She said no. I told her there was nothing she could do to make me feel better at that moment, that she couldnt give me her time, but could give him her time.
She finally left.
August 8th,
She met the guy for the third day in a row, after saying the night before that she wouldn't meet him. Didn't even tell me. I texted her and asked her how her morning was, then she told me, said she wanted to be open and honest because she loved me. I told her I was done. She kept emailing and texting me, saying how sorry she was, how much she loved me, over and over. I did not know yet at the time, but her ex husband saw this friend she had been supportive of that week that morning and saw the 'hickies' she left on him. So she was telling me she loved me after having already been with him in some capacity. Means there were probably others.
She came home that night and because I am a hopeful, or stupid person, I talked to her again. I talked about self-respect, not something any adult wants to hear, but I was trying to fight for us. We were together that night, she left marks on me, while having done the same thing that same day or the day before to this other guy, unbeknownst to me.
Saturday we were a 'family,' even danced to youtube videos with the kids. I had agreed to stay home with them while she went to a party that had been planned for over a month. While I was at home asleep with the kids that night, she had decided she was single and met her new boyfriend. She did not come home until 7:30 am. She texted me around 5, saying she had a couple drinks and was going to stay there for a bit. I got her an energy drink and got donuts with the boys that morning, having no idea what happened. We had even made plans for grilling out and movie night, since the boys were going back to their dads. She finally told me around 4pm about him, said that my talk on Friday was that of a man who didn't want to be alone. After I got so mad at her for that, that she s--- on everything, she finally told me about him.
Aftermath,
More lies, on 8/12, I had to go to court to file for custody rights. She brought 'him' with her. She said he was there for emotional support. First said he had a car when I begged for her to have him leave. I even called my sister, I was so emotional, she screamed at her to make him leave, that she was only adding emotion to a situation where we need to try to not have it be emotional. They walked ahead and he walked to court with us before splitting off. Turns out he followed us in, because he was with her the whole time, I saw him in the hallway when we had to go get different papers. She then said she wouldn't have had him come if she knew I was going to be there. She knew I was, because she texted me to be there!! She had gone down to file a protection order against me.
I got my own place. I lost my stepsons, I even lost my daughter for a week as a CPS investigation was opened because she left her sons with this guy she knew for one week and the younger one ingested his brother's medicine that was left on the counter.
Now on 8/21, we had to go back to court and put our parenting plan together. She cried about who she was, about 'hurting' me. I bought her lunch and ultimately she came to my place and we were together. Then again on the 29th.
More manipulation, didn't work this time. She called me 20 times one night, crying, begging for me to keep utilities in my name. After I continued to say no, she sent all these texts, talking about suicide even. She tried so hard to play on my emotions. I was trying to take power back. I wasn't going to be a financial blanket for her, she lost that when she didn't care what she did to me. It was the hardest decision of my life to try and want to work to repair US. I now know, or believe that everything was a lie for two years though.
Now on the 5th of this month, I was at my sisters, still reeling, alone. I called her, she had all three kids that night. She said she was too broke to buy them dinner. I decided to go over, it hurt that I no longer had access to our 4-bedroom home. There's a ton of hurts though of course.
I laid with her that night, but we had to set an alarm, so I could get out before he showed up. Did the same thing Saturday, except I had to leave that night, tucked the boys in, was with her, but than had to go.
She was supposed to come over on Sunday, but ended up going out with him. She was going to come over after, but I got to mad that she was with him, said mean things.
I was very obviously having an affair with my ex. I tried so hard for it not to be emotional, but of course it was. I kept hoping she would see how I was with the kids, want to be with me, etc. One minute, one hour, one day at a time was something I had said.
She apparently didn't sleep well that night, even left work early and spent the whole day with me. I lost my job on the 2nd. She stayed over on Tuesday too, and it felt like the three of us, our daughter, were a family. I hated being a single dad, I already did that with her son when we first got together and with all three of them during the holidays last year.
She did not come over Wednesday ant I told her I was done taking scraps.
Then sure enough she stayed over Thursday and Friday. I knew it was all bad, but when she was there, it still felt mostly good. Friday night her and I got in a fight, because she wanted us to go out to dinner. That was the one boundary I kept. I wasn't going to act like we're a couple when you still identify as being in a relationship with him. She kept telling me she did not love him, she loved me, would even have another kid with me. Thankfully she has an IUD and did not get pregnant, although a part of me had hoped she would so that maybe that would fix it.
Saturday morning I woke from a nightmare about her, I rolled to her for comfort, then withdrew, because I remembered she was signing a lease with this guy that morning. She was using him the same way she uses everyone.
I finally told her when she came over that Saturday night that I was done. She came over with our daughter and I immediately grabbed her out of the van and went inside. She had asked as I was getting her out if she could come inside, change, etc. I said nothing.
She pounded on my door, I had thrown her panties outside. She apparently left her charger in my home. She searched and found it and as she left she threw everything from my counters on the ground, and pushed me three times.
Supposedly he broke up with her the next night, because she wouldn't call cops and take my daughter away as he viewed me as a danger. Another lie I am sure. He also didn't know why I had texted her and called her, he might have been singing a different tune. She begged me not to tell my sisters what we had done. BEGGED. Said it was special, it was ours; what it was: she did not want her plan to use this guy to be jeopardized. Sure enough I told him too, but apparently he didn't care enough as he was with her last night for her birthday, per her exhusband. You can warn them, however I was hoping he would make her work a little harder to get her way, as he had also agreed to watch her sons for her during winter seasons. She ultimately has had a lateral movement, from one guy to another. From one house to literally another house.
In Conclusion, and thank you to anyone who has read this far: I think she is a sociopath for a few reasons.
She told me as such a few weeks ago.
She had sent me a letter a week after we met, detailing all the men she had been with, including that between leaving her exhusband and meeting me, there was been two other guys in those three weeks.
She knew I had offered her a place to stay and made it so, by her actions.
She showered me with love, leaving notes, cooking, saying it all the time. (I had eventually told her that telling me she loved me didn't mean anything, you needed to show me; this was about cleaning up each day for me.)
She asked to borrow my car one night that we had her sons, so that her and her exhusband could go to a gaming thing.
She continued to let me do most of the 'work' in our relationship, had no problem saying I love you and buying me gifts, but didn't help out around the house more, help with the kids more. I generally put them all to bed.
She didn't care that the first affair hurt me so much.
She didn't care that I was actually right in telling her to stop doing 'doubtful' things.
She still tried to get me to pay for her utilities and tried to manipulate me into doing so.
She could go from 'loving and caring' to 'cold and callous' in seconds. I used to think this was bi-polar.
She would have let me continue to lay with her, even saying: "this body is yours as long as you want it."
I filled a need for her, it was a sexual need, but I still filled a need. When I finally stopped filling that need, she wanted nothing else to do with me. She is letting me have half custody of our child. I am grateful for that, not to her, but I am grateful for that. Honestly, she would prefer to not have custody of any of them. Her exhusband wants me to push for custody, because we know what she is going to do to these kids; what she is already doing to these kids. From what I have read, a sociopath mimics feelings. They keep people around as long as they are useful. Had I said I would watch the boys for her this winter, she might have tried to be with me again. But I honestly feel now that it was never love. That she new my weakness, with her son and capitalized on it.
She has no remorse for what she did. Sure, she has apologized sometimes, but did she mean it? I don't think so. I've read that sociopath could be a spectrum. It would seem that perhaps she is on the lesser end, but still on it all the same.
I don't think a non-sociopath would beg for forgiveness after the first affair, say she wanted us to work, then make NO effort to change, in fact do more impulse, promiscuous things and not care that it upset me all over again. I still served a role, had use for her in that month before she told me about the new guy. She actually thought that I would stay in that house to complete our lease after she told me...
Am I better in the long run that "this sociopath let me go," yes. Do I regret ever meeting her and wish someone else was my daughter's mother, absolutely. But I can't be thankful to someone who can do all this, with no regard to the lives it affected, mine and all three of these kids. Would I thank someone who would cut off my arm and then say: "aren't you glad I didn't slit your throat?