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Just under a month ago, I made a decision that created a ripple effect of positive energy through all aspects of my life: I adopted a cat. In recent days, I had become increasingly jealous of one particular Facebook friend as she posted photo after photo of her wedding, her gorgeous husband, her new home, her beautiful honeymoon in Costa Rica and ultimately her brand new kitten. I found myself longing for the beauty and love that she had in her life and began feeling frustrated that these things felt so far out of reach. In a moment of clarity, I realized that if I wanted to have love in my life at that very moment, there was indeed something I could do right then: adopt an animal.
My friend Aly had recently taken me to the local animal shelter where the cats are kept in a large community room where the public can walk in and interact with them. Within minutes of our arrival, a sweet, lovely calico had come up to me, placing her paws on my thigh as she gently attempted to befriend me. I fell instantly in love and spent the entire next day thinking about her, however I still had much resistance to overcome: I had sizable fears about causing issues with my landlady and my allergies. The lease on my apartment specifies that no animals are allowed, but I had a feeling that my landlady might be open to the idea of me having a small cat. Terrified, I broached the question and she enthusiastically agreed! Next, I researched how to keep my allergies at bay and found some great recommendations that would allow me to live a sneeze and allergy pill free life with my new friend.
I went back to the shelter to work out the details of the adoption. I was surprised to find she was already spayed and ready to go. I only needed to pick up food and supplies from the pet store before bringing her home. I had believed the adoption process would take a few days so I was both excited and a little intimidated by the speed at which things were moving. Overwhelmed, I slowly made my way through aisles of cat food with a million questions running through my head. What would she like to eat? What is healthiest for her? Will she recognize pine pellets as litter and use them accordingly? Will she want treats or toys? If I get her a scratching post, will she be disinclined to destroy the furniture?
Armed with all my purchases, I went back to the shelter to pick up the cat. I was provided with a ventilated cardboard box with a carrying handle in which to carry her home. I put her box down on the floor of the front seat and drove home as gently as I could with tears streaming down my cheeks. Would I be a good caretaker for this creature? Would she like me? Would she like my house? Would I like her? Would we make each other mad? Would she be happy? Would she miss her cat friends at the shelter? Does she miss her kittens? Should I keep her shelter name or give her a new one? Had I made the right choice? Would my allergies cripple me? Doubts and fears crowded my thinking as I questioned whether or not I had been too impulsive after all.
I got the kitty up to my apartment and set her free from her box. Curious about everything, she slowly moved from room to room, getting the lay of the land. I followed her around, observing her reactions to everything. I felt nervous, as if I had brought a date home for the first time, hoping to meet with approval. For the first few days we were completely captivated by one another. I was so unused to sharing my house with anyone that it felt a little crowded and overwhelming in the beginning. She was acting super needy, demanding attention every few minutes.
As the days passed, I started noticing some dramatic shifts in my mood. I was excited to come home so I could see my kitty. Every day when I walked through the door, we would check in with one another. I’d ask her how her day was and lie down on the floor next to her, stroking her head as she mewed back in reply. Every day I felt my heart open a little more to her. My home used to be a place that I would go when I needed to retreat and close myself off from others. Suddenly it became a place where I would open up and let my guard down completely.
Then a funny thing began to happen; I found myself opening up my heart in other areas of my life as well. I started communicating more with people and regained interest in activities that used to bring me joy, but had become sources of pain. I feel that I’ve experienced more healing in the month that I’ve had the cat, than in any other month since my heart had been brutally shattered. Adopting an animal is a tremendous act of love and commitment. In that sense it is a bit scary. You only have a short time to interact with this creature before bringing it into your home, and from that moment on, you are responsible for its well-being. In the past year I have been so afraid to love anything or anyone that I’ve led an almost solitary existence. I have been able to make one exception for my best friend that I met as I was going through emotional chaos, but aside from her, I have been quite closed off to the idea of letting any new love into my life. I had love too deeply associated with pain. Finally, I felt my heart healing in a sudden and drastic way. I felt I had manifested a little bit of that love that I had been so envious of. The jealousy completely dissipated.
Then another funny thing happened; I met a man. The change had been almost instantaneous. Within a week and a half of adopting my kitty, I had attracted a completely different type of person than I had been traditionally pursuing. Gone were my crippling fears and insistence on being single for the rest of my days. Gone were my excuses to not make a move. Gone were my inclinations to play hard to get, or to wait to be asked out. I felt like my old, brave and empowered self. Oh how I had missed her! I had believed that my trauma was going to overshadow the rest of my life and inhibit my ability to experience real love ever again. For the first time in a long while, I have hope that love is something that I will be able to experience in my life because I AM experiencing it my life. My heart is finding love all around as I reconnect with the other beings sharing this planet. The yogis sum it up with the word “Namasté” which according to Aadil Palkhivala, writer for the yoga journal, “represents the belief that there is a Divine spark within each of us that is located in the heart chakra. The gesture is an acknowledgment of the soul in one by the soul in another.” I have been using this concept as a point of focus to ensure that I don’t allow my previous traumatic experiences to flow over onto this new person, while reaffirming my own sacred divinity. As it turned out, the lack of love in my life was not caused by my own unloveableness, but rather my inability to love anyone else due to fear. My cat provided me with a safe creature to practice love with, and the ripple effect of that love is spreading far and wide.
This is an article from my new blog about steps for beating depression. If you would like to read more, the link is: http://theendlessclimb.blogspot.com/
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