As The Cardigan dropped in for a smorgasbord of biscuits with Tea Jenny Jackson, whose pallor is more analogous to Long Island Ice Teas than any Twining’s confection, no expense was spared with the comestibles. Jackson set up his side plate with Oreo in goal, a staunch back four of Bourbon Creams, box to box Custard Creams, and a couple of Ferraro Rocher up front to complete his 4-4-2. The Silver Fox, who has forgotten more about coaching than he ever knew, plumped for a Wagon Wheel in goal, three Club Oranges in defence, two overlapping Twix who were not allowed to cross the half way line, and a midfield five composed of Terry’s Chocolate Orange segments. Old anti-football habits die hard.
The battle of the comestibles was played as a medley of Dave Clark 5 hits resounded from Keith’s iPod, which was sorcery by another name as far as The Cardigan was concerned. He had a good mind to burn Keith at the stake, but he demurred as he had no desire to jeopardise an Orange Orgy of Pishpuffery.
Far be it for me to rain on their orange parade, but it was somewhat remiss of The Cardigan to omit the following incontrovertible facts:
1. Bob’s your Uncle Walter picked up £10,000 per month from Charles Green for doing the square root of fuck all.
2. Smith stuffed £200k of free shares in his Starsky & Hutch Cardigan.
3. On the occasions when The Cardigan attended an RFC function he was paid to do so, and drank liberally and dined excessively at Charles Green or his hosts expense. He gained s reputation for having short arms and long pockets.
4. The timeline of The Cardigan stepping down from the board was after Charles Green’s departure. It was not a principled resignation during Charles Green’s tenure.
5. Dutch Uncle Walter received a pay-0ff of almost £30,000 when he stepped down.
6. Smith received a Souness-style EBT bung from the most corrupt man in Scottish football, Campbell Ogilvie, at the behest of the Great Satan of Financial Fair Play, Sir David Murray. At close to £50,000 this would have paid for a lost weekend in Glasgow with Chic Young.
7. In an episode where the fox was encouraged to set about the chickens, Smith established Roosternet Globall LLP to engage in some anti-taxation.
The Cardigan would have use believe that he was black affronted from his association with Charles Green. However he was not too ashamed to pick up £40,000 from May to August 2013 as non-executive Chairman in a role that put the ‘S’ in sinecure. Nor was he ashamed to pick up £200,000 in free shares from Charles Green. When one includes his £30,000 pay-off and £50,000 EBT transfer bung, that’s close to £320,000 of brazen exploitation by the Rangers legend. A blow-torch would not penetrate Walter Smith’s brass neck
One would never expect hard-hitting investigative journalism from Keith Jackson, the man who put the Billionaire in Bellshill, but had I met up with Walter he would have been lucky to get a couple of rich tea biscuits and a scalding urn of rhetoric.
