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Rick Kranias worked for 30 years in the print and publishing biz. He’s now a stay-at-home dad at an age when many of us are thinking more about the golf course than the playground. He is the father of two. His son Niko is age 9 and his daughter, Sophia is age 11.
Rick’s not alone.
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There is a growing trend in America to start families later in life. It’s said to be tied to careers, and the quest for financial stability in advance of the challenges introduced by parenthood. But, it comes with its own storyline, challenges, and benefits.
The Relevant Man: How old were you when your wife, Sue gave birth to your first child, Sophia?
Rick Kranias: A spry 49. Truly the most incredible and life changing event I have ever experienced.
TRM: And, Niko followed just two years later?
RK: Actually almost two and a half years. I was 52 when Niko was born.
TRM: What challenges do you feel that you face as an older dad that you wouldn’t have faced if you had become a father at and earlier age?
RK: Really tough to gauge. Actually, for me I would have had a tougher time being a Dad at a younger age because of my maturity level. Until I hit my mid 40’s it was all about me: career, active lifestyle, travel, etc. Fatherhood changes everything. It’s no longer about you. It’s a life changing event. You have a priority to these little human beings. If you’re not ready to adjust to the change, you’re in trouble.
My assumption is challenges for an older Dad would be physical. I see some guys in their mid 40’s who look and move like they are ten to fifteen years older and would have a hard time mowing the lawn let alone chasing a couple of kids around.
I am very cognizant of my fitness level. Keeping an active lifestyle is important —especially with my kids. My wife and I make sure to engage in activities with our kids to promote exercise.
With the exception of normal aging, lower back issues, and a total knee replacement (TKR) my fitness level is good (sometimes superior) compared to a lot of guys ten or twelve years younger than me. My TKR slowed me down somewhat with strength and flexibility recovery. I’m back to my active lifestyle with technical hikes, water skiing, alpine skiing, cycling, a return to Cross-fit, and (most important) staying active and playing with my kids.
TRM: Recent studies published in JAMA Psychiatry and in Nature suggest that fathers age 45 or older are at a higher risk of having children with psychiatric and academic problems. Is this a concern for you, and are you taking any added precautions to monitor your kids’ psychological health?
RK: That’s interesting. I wonder if empirical or quantitative research models were used.
When we decided to start building a family I had a full physical. I was poked, prodded, samples provided, and had everything checked and diagnosed. Results showed that I was “good to go.”
My wife, Sue, made sure all prenatal exams and nutrition guidelines were executed and closely monitored. She’s very fit as a long distance runner. She exercised, cycled and ran (with doctors advice) until the last possible moment. Even at 8 months you couldn’t tell Sue was pregnant until she turned sideways.
I remember when Sue was 18 weeks pregnant with our first child; we did a group bike ride through Napa and the Redwoods cycling 30 to 70 miles a day. Sue wore a heart rate monitor and she biked the entire five day route with exception of a pretty steep seven mile switchback climb. About our third day we were all at dinner in Healdsburg, CA and one of the cyclists asked why she was not drinking wine. She told him she was eighteen weeks pregnant. Eyes got big and mouths agape. Interestingly, we found out that two of the cyclists in our group were pediatric specialists. (Add comfort level here.)
Monitoring our kids’ psychological health, we coach our kids on making good choices and the consequences of their choices. Academically, our kids are at or almost above grade level. Sophia is a ravenous reader and she qualified for the Gifted Talented program. We chose to keep her at the school where all her neighborhood friends attend.
Our kids are typical 11 and 9 year olds. Their social skills are very good, both are outgoing and well behaved. Both like family, reading, sports, outdoor activities, animals, xBox, and Star Wars.
To be succinct: I count my blessings on a regular basis that our kids are healthy and pretty darned normal.
TRM: Are there any stigmas related to being an older dad?
RK: Reaction is certainly mixed. Older Dads are very common in metropolitan areas. When you get to smaller communities and rural areas it’s accepted in a somewhat different way. “You had kids at what age?” “What about retirement?”
As I said earlier, having kids is a life changing event. Nothing easy about being a parent. It’s hard work.
Frankly, I am completely impervious to any stigma about being an older Dad. I love being a Dad to two awesome kids. The rewards clearly outweigh the sacrifice and hard work.
TRM: What’s the biggest benefit of starting a family later in life?
RK: Early in our careers Sue and I traveled extensively. I was on a first name basis with over a dozen airport check-in, airport car rental, and Marriott concierges in the mid Atlantic and south east. Sue’s business travel was similar. This professional lifestyle would make it impossible to even consider starting a family. For the time being, our careers had priority.
Biggest benefit for me starting a family later in life is knowing what I was getting into. It’s all about maturity level. Things that might tilt a younger Dad towards popping a gasket — I just shrug off and move on. If I’m home perhaps I’ll have a nice pour of single malt after the dust has settled.
Note that some parenting events will cause my heart rate to spike with some stern forceful commands. It’s not all perfect. As a parent you learn to take on challenging events and deal with it. If you make a bad decision as a parent, you learn from it and move forward.
When I’m confronted with a challenging event or significant parent decision I usually think about how my decision making would be if I was in my late 20’s or early 30’s. The odds of a bad decision would have been pretty good.
Sue provides the calm of reason regarding parenting angst. She is the rock. You learn to control and not be controlled. You’ve got to let your kids make choices and hope you taught them well to make good choices. It’s ok to let your kids fail and make mistakes, as long as no one dies. Failure is part of life. Learning from failure is genius.
TRM: What’s your favorite activity with your kids?
RK: A few years ago, just before Father’s Day one of my buddies (whose kids are close to same age as mine) asked what I was doing on Father’s Day? He said he’s having a kid free day. Golf outing with his buddies, etc. For me Father’s Day is … well, being a Father. I want to spend my day being a Father with my family. So perhaps we will take on an outing of mini-golf, hike, MLB or AA ball game.
My favorite activity with my kids? Easy answer: as long as its with my kids … anything. Reading, helping with homework, ball games, throwing baseball, throwing football, frisbee, skiing, swimming, yard work, bike rides, hikes, catching critters, board games, beach, mountains, museums, watching TV, xBox, building models, road trips and that special no rules “don’t tell Mommy” trip to a fast food restaurant. Always fun.
Once in a while Sue and I will take a 36 hour getaway. About 5 hours into our trip I tell Sue, “It’s too quiet. I miss the kids.”
TRM: On top of being an older dad, you’re a stay-at-home dad. How did you decide to be a stay-at-home dad?
RK: When our youngest started elementary school we no longer needed a full time nanny. We loved our nanny but we could not justify paying a nanny full time to work 3 hours a day.
Sue’s income is steady and her career is taking off. My income was straight commission. My income was as good as my last sale. You don’t need to execute a Monte Carlo simulation on this decision.
We helped find a new family for our nanny, consulted with our financial planner and got everything in order.
Boom! Call me “Stay At Home Dad!”
TRM: Do you find a lot of other guys doing the same, or are you still in the minority?
RK: There are a couple guys in our neighborhood who are Stay At Home Dads. We are certainly a minority. It’s always fun to compare notes with the guys and chat it up with the Mommy’s.
It’s also interesting to see and hear the approval when you define yourself as a Stay At Home Dad. In metropolitan and suburban areas the approval is usually a heartfelt “good for you and your kids”. In your smaller communities you get “oh, that’s nice” or “how come your wife is not stay at home?”
TRM: How does you’re wife, Sue feel about the arrangement?
RK: Sue is fine with this arrangement. So am I. Her career is taking off really well. She’s smart and is very good at what she does.
Sophia starts middle school next year and Niko will soon follow. It won’t be long before my kids will not need or want my level of parenting involvement. That said: I’m formulating a job search for an opportunity that does not require extensive travel, micro management, quotas and reports for the reports. Perhaps as a print buyer or try to capture an ROI on my MBA in the consulting field or even an executive/personal assistant.
TRM: How has being a stay-at-home dad affected the bond that you have with your kids?
RK: I have an excellent bond with my kid’s, it’s quite strong as we have a lot of fun. However, it’s not all fun and games as there is an occasional parental “putting the hammer down” on inappropriate behavior.
Sue sees the strong bond we have and sometimes will mention she is a little envious. She reminds me how lucky I am to be able to spend so much time with Sophia and Niko. She’s right, I count my blessings on a regular basis.
I have this awesome opportunity to teach my kids many things. I have this awesome opportunity to listen to them. I have this awesome opportunity to coach them on life lessons. I have this awesome opportunity to help them make good choices. I have this incredible opportunity to spend time with them and watch them grow. It’s an amazing experience.
TRM: Thanks Rick! You tell a great story. And, it’s one that will resonate with a lot of our readers.
The Relevant Man doesn’t always follow the heaviest traveled path. Sometimes he seeks his own path and enjoys the journey.
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This essay originally appeared on The Relevant Man.
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