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=== ''Can't Fix Crazy'' [1.13] ===
=== ''Can't Fix Crazy'' [1.13] ===
−
:'''
Natalie
"
Fig
"
Figueroa
''': ''[to
Healy
]''
Healy,
if
you
ever
call
an inmate
's
family
again
with
your
lesbian
witch
hunt
shit, I will destroy you, your mail order bride will leave you, and you will never work again
.
Get some fucking
therapy,
man
.
+
:'''
Nicole
"
Nicky
"
Nichols
''': ''[to
Red
]''
None
of
this
is
how
it
's
supposed
to
go.
You're
tougher
than
woodpecker
lips
.
You'll
be
okay
.
<hr width="50%"/>
<hr width="50%"/>
−
:'''
Tiffany
"Pennsatucky" Doggett
''':
You're
the devil, and I'm the angel of God
.
I mean, look
at
my
dress!
+
:'''
Sam
Healy
''':
Another
holiday
.
Can
you
believe
this?
+
:'''Natalie "Fig" Figueroa''': I can, because I have eyes. And a calendar. Healy, if you ever call an inmate's family again with your lesbian witch hunt shit, I will ''destroy'' you, your mail order bride will leave you, and you will never work again. Get some fucking therapy, man.
+
+
<hr width="50%"/>
+
:'''Tiffany "Pennsatucky" Doggett''': ''[to Chapman]'' You're the devil, and I'm the angel of God. I mean, look at my dress!
== Season 2 ==
== Season 2 ==
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:'''Carrie "Big Boo" Black''': Well, maybe you should, hmm? Maybe you should stop punishing yourself. I mean, what does a good mother do? A good mother does what's best for her children. And maybe what was best for your children was wipin' 'em out before they had to lead miserable fucking lives.
:'''Carrie "Big Boo" Black''': Well, maybe you should, hmm? Maybe you should stop punishing yourself. I mean, what does a good mother do? A good mother does what's best for her children. And maybe what was best for your children was wipin' 'em out before they had to lead miserable fucking lives.
−
== ''Empathy Is A Boner Killer'' [3.03] ==
+
=
== ''Empathy Is A Boner Killer'' [3.03]
=
==
:'''Maria Ruiz''': You'll call each other up maybe meet for drinks, make more plans but then cancel them, push them off, you're suddenly really busy. But the truth is you're avoiding each other because it only took that one drink for you to realize you don't have anything in common and all you got was a reminder of the time you spent in this fucking hellhole. We're not a family. We're a ''band-aid'' and once you rip it off, all we are to each other is scars.
:'''Maria Ruiz''': You'll call each other up maybe meet for drinks, make more plans but then cancel them, push them off, you're suddenly really busy. But the truth is you're avoiding each other because it only took that one drink for you to realize you don't have anything in common and all you got was a reminder of the time you spent in this fucking hellhole. We're not a family. We're a ''band-aid'' and once you rip it off, all we are to each other is scars.
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:'''Galina "Red" Reznikov''': So what if he drools a small pond? He takes care of you, doesn't he? He takes care of your mother, and he's handsome, and he's good. And at least he's fucking trying, which is a lot more than I can say for you.
:'''Galina "Red" Reznikov''': So what if he drools a small pond? He takes care of you, doesn't he? He takes care of your mother, and he's handsome, and he's good. And at least he's fucking trying, which is a lot more than I can say for you.
−
== ''Finger in the Dyke'' [3.04] ==
+
=
== ''Finger in the Dyke'' [3.04]
=
==
:'''Tracy''': What the fuck happened to you to make you so angry?
:'''Tracy''': What the fuck happened to you to make you so angry?
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:'''Mr. Black''': I understand that whatever this is, is important to you, but it's a costume, that's all. The rest of us, we get up, put on a suit and a tie, we go to work. You think that's how I wanted to dress five days a week? No, of course not. But no one gets the privilege of being themselves all the time, Carrie. No one. Now, if you want to go in there and upset her, I'm not gonna stop you. But you need to decide whether your costume is worth what it's costing you.
:'''Mr. Black''': I understand that whatever this is, is important to you, but it's a costume, that's all. The rest of us, we get up, put on a suit and a tie, we go to work. You think that's how I wanted to dress five days a week? No, of course not. But no one gets the privilege of being themselves all the time, Carrie. No one. Now, if you want to go in there and upset her, I'm not gonna stop you. But you need to decide whether your costume is worth what it's costing you.
:'''Carrie "Big Boo" Black''': I have had to fight for this all my life, Dad. All my life. Strangers, girlfriends, fuck, even my own parents all asking me to be something that I am not. Do you have any idea what that feels like? Like, your whole fucking existence is being denied, like "Whoa, you'd be better off if you were invisible"? Yeah. I refuse to be invisible, Daddy. Not for you, not for Mom, not for anybody.
:'''Carrie "Big Boo" Black''': I have had to fight for this all my life, Dad. All my life. Strangers, girlfriends, fuck, even my own parents all asking me to be something that I am not. Do you have any idea what that feels like? Like, your whole fucking existence is being denied, like "Whoa, you'd be better off if you were invisible"? Yeah. I refuse to be invisible, Daddy. Not for you, not for Mom, not for anybody.
+
+
=== ''Fake It Till You Fake It Some More'' [3.05] ===
+
=== ''Ching Chong Chang'' [3.06] ===
+
=== ''Tongue-Tied'' [3.07] ===
+
=== ''Fear, and Other Smells'' [3.08] ===
+
=== ''Where My Dreidel At'' [3.09] ===
+
=== ''A Tittin' and A Hairin''' [3.10] ===
+
=== ''We Can Be Heroes'' [3.11] ===
+
=== ''Don't Make Me Come Back There''' [3.12] ===
+
=== ''Trust No Bitch'' [3.13] ===
+
+
:'''Mei Chang''': Next.
+
:'''Alex Vause''': Ivory soap, Colgate, Diet Coke.
+
:'''Mei Chang''': Bad choice. Aspartame invented by Donald Rumsfeld in the '80s. Mind control.
+
:'''Lolly Whitehill''': That's true.
+
:'''Alex Vause''': Seriously? You, too?
+
:''[Alex leaves]''
+
:'''Lolly Whitehill''': Did you know that Monsanto gave Donald Rumsfeld $12 million for aspartame in 1985?
+
:'''Mei Chang''': Yes.
+
:'''Lolly Whitehill''': All right, we should talk.
+
+
<hr width="50%"/>
+
:'''Cindy "Black Cindy" Hayes''': Can I be a Jew?
+
:'''Alan Tatelbaum''': You really want this? Sincerely? Not because this one's trying to blackmail me for something stupid when I was 19 or for broccoli with your dinner? What is this for you?
+
:'''Cindy "Black Cindy" Hayes''': Honestly? ''[breaking into tears]'' I think I found my people. ''[exhales sharply]'' I was raised in a church where I was told to believe and pray. And if I was bad, I'd go to hell. If I was good, I'd go to heaven. And if I'd ask Jesus, he'd forgive me, and that was that. And here y'all saying ain't no hell ain't sure about heaven. And if you do something wrong, you got to figure it out yourself. And as far as God's concerned, it's your job to keep asking questions and to keep learning and to keep arguing. It's like a verb. It's like you do God. And that's a lot of work. But I think I'm in, at least as far as I can see it. I mean, maybe I'll learn more and say, "Fuck the whole thing." I mean, but I wanna learn more, and I think I gotta be in it to do that. You know, does that make sense? Shit, did I just talk myself out of it? Fuck.
+
:'''Alan Tatelbaum''': Ask me again.
+
+
<hr width="50%"/>
+
:'''Piper Chapman''': My job is to handle shit in here. Your job is to handle shit out there.
+
:'''Cal Chapman''': Okay, Pipes, while I'm really proud of how evil prison has made you, I think you're overestimating your villain index. You're still transitioning. You know, you're not Walter White yet. You're Walter White-ink.
+
+
<hr width="50%"/>
+
:'''Natalie "Fig" Figueroa''': Pearson quit? You have the chance for a promotion, and you're going limp?
+
:'''Joe Caputo''': Even if I wanted his job, and I don't, it's a lateral move.
+
:'''Natalie "Fig" Figueroa''': A lateral move with more pay?
+
:'''Joe Caputo''': Yes. It's a promotion. But I'm not gonna capitalize on Burset. I'm gonna fight for her.
+
:'''Natalie "Fig" Figueroa''': Why?
+
:'''Joe Caputo''': Because I wear protection, so I haven't caught whatever form of syphilis you have that caused your soul to rot.
+
+
<hr width="50%"/>
+
:'''Galina "Red" Reznikov''': Young love: they have no idea what they're in for.
+
:'''Sam Healy''': It doesn't always end badly.
+
:'''Galina "Red" Reznikov''': Oh, said the man whose wife sleeps in her mother's bed to the prisoner whose brand-new divorce certificate is her most prized possession.
+
:'''Sam Healy''': You gotta believe in something. Why not love?
+
:'''Galina "Red" Reznikov''': Because "happily ever after" was invented for the storybooks, so kids reach breeding age without killing themselves.
+
:'''Sam Healy''': So, love is the lie we tell ourselves so we don't go extinct? That's pretty bleak, Red, even for you.
+
:'''Galina "Red" Reznikov''': Oh, and you caught me on a glass-half-full day.
+
:'''Sam Healy''': So, you don't think there's someone out there you're meant to be with?
+
:'''Galina "Red" Reznikov''': Of course I do. Everybody has a soul mate. But they're usually on the other side of the bars, or the wall, or the planet from you. That's the way the universe works.
+
:'''Sam Healy''': You're not gonna be in prison forever. You got a future to think about.
+
:'''Galina "Red" Reznikov''': Our ships passed too late in the night for one of them to change course, Sam.
== Cast ==
== Cast ==