2021-11-28



Heartbreak now seems like a memory forgotten – intense heartbreak.

The strange thing is that I had not even broken up yet. Yet I was broken – I wish I understood mental health back then – that I was already depressed – I know that poetry doesn’t always have to reflect exactly what you are feeling. For me though, it was exactly that most of the time. My depression was intense – there was absolutely no one to understand or even observe it. I was denying it – plastering quirkiness to hide the fact that I was hurting. It took another year to fully feel the blast of it – and I am still recovering. The spirals are still as intense – it is just that I know how to seek help. It must be exhausting for anyone to be in a relationship with me – wonder how stupendous man does it?

This is a poem from 2005.

30/05/2005

Moments pass as if they are dreams,

And I wake up to find they are gone for sure,

For dreams, I cannot hold on to,

Although those moments stand true.

What crazy schemes of smiles,

That I may have smiled later,

And they never came to rest on my lips,

For it’s a tomorrow that shall never rise.

Marijuana dreams,

Fleeting ecstasy of lives lived in the past,

Blinded by the white light,

Or by lightning perchance.

I reach out for the fine china,

Holding the final nirvana …

Like everything else

it lies shattered by mere touch,

Crazy schemes of putting it back together.

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