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'''''"Where were you during the last polar shift?"'''
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Perhaps the single most convoluted and batshit insane collection of ideas ever endorsed as 'history.' Also an excellent setting for a variety of games.
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=In the Beginning=
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[[File:FSHCS.png
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right|where's your god now?]]
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Eons ago, human beings where extremely advanced, inter-dimensional beings. We where psychic, communicated via thought (at
the
time we regarded written communication as pants on head retarded), fucked each other via mutual self induced trips, and operated on the 4th dimension. The entire human race occupied a string of islands in what is now the south pacific known as Lemuria. Lemuria was essentially the garden of Eden, Valhalla, and the Elysian Fields all rolled into one. Life was pretty bitchin, but then there was a consciousness shift (more on this latter, but for now imagine a species wide equivalent of an entire class of autists learning how to drive a car in three seconds). During this shift, due to the massive conscious energies bouncing around many of the islands of Lemuria sank into the pacific. but at the same time, a land mass called Atlantis was raised from beneath the waves.
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At this point, many humans went WTF and spread out, using land-bridges to go to different islands and continents except for about 1000 high consciousness human beings known as the Nacaals(aka: Ascended Masters). By high consciousness, I mean when they thought about something, it happened. These humans settled Atlantis and set about preparing it for the other humans to colonize and establish as their permanent home. Utilizing mental powers, they projected their mental powers across the island in the form of the tree of life, albiet with ten circles, one in the northern island of Udal and another in the southern ocean.
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Now, its important to know what a Kundalini is. A Kundalini is essentialy a spiritual spine that travels up your back and connects the chakra's, acting as a spiritual energy highway for your body. The earth has one too, since it is also an organism. This kundalini is massive and travels from the core towards some point on the surface. Wherever this point is, will be loaded with energy and any group that settles there will be the spiritual leaders of the planet. Earth chose Atlantis as the location of its Kundalini.
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Shortly after forming the circles on the islands, massive energy pillars rose from the circles on the landmass of Atlantis, these pillars served as a signal for all the other humans to get their collective asses to Atlantis. From across the land humans came in droves, amounting to several million, and began settling the spiritually rich land of Lemuria. But at this time, humanity was consciously only twelve and because we where primarily right brained we where a female species.Because of this, and some fuckups by the Nacaals, only eight of the ten circles of life actually attracted anything. So while the other eight where being colonized, two where just vacant. But life can't have any of that shit, like the guy riding your ass on the freeway waiting for you to slow down for just a second so he can fill the void left by your car, life
does
not like empty spaces. As cities where being built on the other circles, two extraterrestial species came out of nowhere to fill the two vacant circles on Lemuria.
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=Space Jews and CIS Scum=
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The two races that arrived to fill the void were the Hebrews and martians.
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The Hebrews came from the future and were being sent back in time to learn how utilize their right brains. Essentially, imagine that one kid that learned how to add two plus two in second grade, but fudged the writing exam so the teacher held his ass back a year. The Hebrews where smart as fuck and were welcomed on Atlantis. The Hebrews taught the humans a bunch of math shit they didnt know like 3x4=12 and similar mind boggling equations.
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The second race on the other hand, was a race full of fucking dicks. The martian homeworld was once very pretty, similar to earth. But the martians thought they didn't need no spiritual fabric of the universe and so engaged in the Lucifer Experiment. The Lucifer Experiment is when a species cuts its spiritual ties to the universe. Every time the Lucifer experiment has been conducted however, it has always ended in a colossal clusterfuck the ruins the species attempting it. During the experiment, the martians lost all connection with love and spirituality. Also, they became entirely left brained and thus male(not once did they check their privilege). The martians now resembled a race of Spocks from Star Trek, but without the aversion to violence. Because they lost connection to love, they became greedy and went all Death Korps of Kreig on Mars, glassing it until it went from a lush green wonderland to the red shithole it is today.
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Now we need to break off and discuss the Merkava. The Merkava is a tetrahedral construction your body generates that essentially works like an NBC suit and inter-dimensional taxi. But because the martians severed themselves from the universe, they couldn't generate a natural Merkava, instead they built a fuckton of pyramids and created a synthetic Merkava that was only good enough for a one-way ticket to earth.
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=The Assholes Invite Themselves Over to the Crib=
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Upon arriving on earth, specifically Atlantis, the Martians try to wreck our shit and take over. But the martians seemed to forget that being tough and able to beat down a weakling in 3 seconds becomes irrelevant when the weakling's friend can jump on your back and cave your skull in while you're not looking. The martians got their shit smacked and humanity triumphed (Oh, humanity is also a 14 year old girl now) but unfortunately, humanity could not ship the martians off so they had to coexist. For some reason the martians became the dominant ones in the relationship (use a 40 year old neckbeard ruling over a 14 year old girl for a comparison). The martians agreed to try to understand emotions and humans agreed to learn about logic or something.
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Because they were technologically superior, the martians released a series of inventions to <strike>repress</strike> help humanity. The inventions of the martians baffled us but soon humanity began to understand them and started developing the left side of their brains, humanity started becoming a male species. Similar to Apple and Microsoft, the martians, having humanity heavily utilizing their creations, soon owned fucking everything. The Martians expanded their control and made humanity their bitch. Shit sucked and humanity was pissed but the martians didn't give a single collective fuck.
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=Earth Gets a Hangover=
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Now, we need to depart from the story and discuss 'Polar Shifts'. The earth's crust floats on the mantle, so every few hundred thousand years, the crust moves rapidly and, relative to the surface, the poles start moving around. during
this
time the earth has a planetary level autist fit and volcanoes, earthquakes, tsunamis, and similar ecological disasters start happening every damn second. Polar shifts are also linked to consciousnesses shifts.
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Back to the predicament on Atlantis. Humanity was about to undergo another consciousness shift, but this time, humans went backwards in consciousnesses level(humans lost the ability to see into the future, don't worry, we got over it in 200 years). Also, a small portion of Atlantis about the size of road island broke off and sank into the ocean. Humans lost their collective shit over this but soon stopped caring.
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=The Great Space Rock Debate=
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Things where pretty chill for a while, but eventually, humanity used it's consciousness to foresee a giant asteroid heading towards earth. The martians wanted to blast it out of the sky, but the humans didn't wan't to upset the balance of the universe or some other hippie shit and demanded that the impact be allowed to happen. For some reason the martians where cool with this but when the impact wiped out a sizable portion of their already dwindling population, they got pretty upset.
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[[File:Dimensional spirits.png|right|frame| FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK]]
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The martians told humanity to go fuck itself and decided to conquer the planet. They planned on re-doing what had been done on mars and started building structures that would generate a synthetic Merkava. But <strike>some</strike> a shitload of time had passed since they had done this and so they forgot how. Deciding to try anyway they built the pyramids on Atlantis and activated the experiment. Having no fucking clue what they where doing, the martians succeeded in creating an out of control pseudo-Merkava. An out of control pseudo-Merkava is batshit crazy and starts tearing at the dimensional fabric to the point that other stuff starts seeping in. Kind of like how when you get shot in the gut, and your shit started seeping into the chest cavity.
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One of the things that seeped in where a bunch of extra-dimensional spirits that had no idea where they were. Unable to survive in this dimension without a host, these spirits used the nearby humans as shelter. Hundreds of these spirits would occupy a single human. Earth at this time was literally tearing itself apart.
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=Thoth fucks off for 6500 years=
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The advanced humans managed to seal the rift but the economy, environment, and social order all went to shit anyway, with the (non-triangular) pseudomerkava making the (triangular) Bermuda Triangle. He says it's going to be dealt with soon, though. They prayed to some higher-dimensional justice league, who basically told them to fuck off back to level 1 as a male species without any memory and sort their shit out in record time (probably a challenge even without a species sex change) or get stuck. Thoth took the advanced humans with him in some ring-shaped EVA for your soul under the pyramids to escape the polar shift and party in a giant city also underground the pyramids before heading off to various places.
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This polar shift caused the level drain and species sex switch, as well as wiping everyone's memory and making our third eyes shrink and dropping our lifespan by a factor of 10. We retained our buff physically-advanced bodies, though, so at least it didn't hurt the gains.
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While humanity got rediscovering how handy clothes and fire are, Thoth and his two barely-relevant bros made a global Christ-consciousness grid out of pyramids, towers, and other geometry-based brick dick pics, like an artificial Merkava but apparently totally fine and safe and also responsible for all the ley lines.
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Also the flood happened, but nobody really cared by this point.
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=An aside on genetics and fapping=
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As you rise through levels of consciousness, you get taller and
have
another 2 chromosomes per level. This explains why some statues of humans are larger than human size! Apparently by level 5 you're the size of an EVA and have 50+2 chromosomes, which is 6 more than normal but still less than a goat has.
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The Egyptians had advanced spiritual techniques, but had to use tools to accomplish them, like whips. It's like being able to make your girlfriend come every time, but you have to DP her with a dragon dildo while watching Bill Nye
to do
so. Anyway, they extended their lifespans by fapping, which sends a burst of high-grade sex energy up the spine and out the head. By clonking themselves
with
an ankh on the head while they do so, they blitz their chakras on the way down as well, giving them extra energy.
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=Interdimensional tantric sex messiah=
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Clearly this ankh-wank longevity wasn't doing the Egyptians any favours spiritually, as they ended up accidentally copying their pantheon and having twice as many deities as they should have. So Thoth got two people from Lemuria who attained immortality in a less masturbatory fashion to have interdimensional tantric sex and conceive some 15-foot level 3 asshole who got put on the throne to sort it all out. Akhenaten was a bit of a dick about it, though, and although he managed to teach 300 people immortality, he got deposed and killed pretty quickly after managing to piss off the priesthood, military, and anyone who liked having a pantheon simultaneously.
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Pythagoras learnt geometry from the pyramids and so founded Greece. Also Thoth turns up again with his 300 immortals.
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=Return of the interdimensional tantric sex messiah: Now with an even more painful death!=
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Since the interdimensional tantric sex messiah worked out so well the first time, the obvious thing for Thoth to do would be to get Mary and Joseph, two of the 300 immortals, to have interdimensional tantric sex and conceive Jesus. This went as well as can be expected, with him getting crucified very shortly after he returned from Tibet and started preaching. Thoth seems to have given up on getting his followers to hook up since then.
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=More bullshit=
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In the cold war the US and USSR wanted to control the majority of the nodes on the Christ grid, which would be like a majority attack on the bitcoin block, but with the consciousness of humanity instead. Nothing much happened, though.
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In <strike>2015<
/
strike> 1989 the <strike>pesudo-merkava<
/
strike> Christ grid activated, and since the greys were trying to take over around this time (don't ask) some <strike>Japanese wuss</strike> Peruvian babe goes to <strike>Tokyo-3</strike> Egypt, gets in the <strike>fucking robot</strike> mecha-Merkava and <strike>tears apart angels with its bare hands</strike> makes the greys sick or something until they get bored of constantly projectile vomiting and head home.
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Also, 13 families rule the world, they're like the illumanati, but they're not, well okay they actually are.
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=The Divine Word=
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[http://www.youtube.com/watch
?
v=U8NNHmV3QPw Them negative waves man] NOTE: This video cannot be watched in intervals. No 20 minutes today, 20 minutes tomorrow BS, this <strike>film</strike> gift from the 12th dimension must be watched in it's entirety in a single sitting. No exceptions.
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[http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/23757275/ The Thread]
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[[Category:Not related]]
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