ADD/ADHD isn’t just a health concern; it interferes with relationship wellness. If one or both of you have ADD/ADHD, misunderstandings, frustrations, and resentments can impact your wellbeing as individuals and as a team, especially if you’ve never received a proper diagnosis or treatment for the condition. Hope is on the horizon, however, as you can turn these problems around and build a healthier, happier partnership. All you need to do is learn about the role ADHD plays in your relationship and how both of you can respond to challenges and communicate with each other in more positive and productive ways.
If you’re the one who has ADD/ADHD, it can feel like, no matter what you do, nothing seems to please your partner. You don’t feel respected as an adult, and you’re constantly being criticized, nagged, and micromanaged, which can make you avoid your partner altogether or just say whatever they need to hear in order to get them off your back. When your partner can’t seem to relax or stop trying to control every aspect of your life, you can even wonder what happened to the person you fell in love with.
On the other side of the coin, if your partner is the one with ADD/ADHD, it’s all too common to feel lonely, unappreciated and ignored. You feel like the only responsible party in the relationship, and you’re sick and tired of having to shoulder the burden alone. You don’t think you can rely on your partner, as he or she always seems to flake out on promises and forget things. Therefore, you have to take care of everything on your own, or else constantly issue reminders and demands. Sometimes it feels as if your significant other just doesn’t care – about you or the relationship.
When you put these points of view together, it’s easy to see how ADD/ADHD – and how each of you responds to it – can contribute to a destructive cycle in the relationship. The more the ADHD partner feels judged and misunderstood, the more they will get defensive and pull away. This causes the non-ADHD partner to feel more alone in their responsibility, and so he or she complains, nags, and becomes increasingly resentful. This makes the person with ADD/ADHD even more withdrawn and, in the end, nobody is happy. However, it doesn’t have to be this way.
Walking a mile in your partner’s shoes is the best thing you can do to turn your relationship around. If you’ve been together for a long time, you may think you know your partner pretty well already, and understand where he or she is coming from, but the reason you’re having the same fights again and again is that it’s all too easy to misinterpret your partner actions and intentions. Even if you’ve heard it all before, this doesn’t mean that you’ve actually taken in what your partner is saying – especially in the heat of an argument when it’s hard to maintain objectivity and perspective.
When you’re not already in the throws of an argument, and you’re not already upset, find a time to sit down and talk with your partner. Ask your partner to describe how he or she feels and simply listen. Don’t try to interrupt, or explain or defend yourself while your partner is still speaking – let them get it all out. Then, repeat back the points you’ve gleaned from what your partner has said and ask if you’ve understood it all correctly. It may help to write these down. After this, it’s time for your partner to listen to you with fresh ears and an open mind.
The post How to Fix Your Relationship Issues When One of You Has ADD appeared first on .