Getting married means that you have a sex partner for life, but how do you stop things getting stale? We’ve got the hottest tips for married couples, so you can make sure you have a long and happy life of sexual health and wellbeing.
1. Make a “Yes/No/Maybe” List: Claire Cavanah, co-founder of Babeland, a national chain of women-owned sex shops, and co-author of Moregasm: Babeland’s Guide to Mind-Blowing Sex and Sex Toys 101, instructs, ‘Jot down a list that includes all different kinds of sexual acts — from being spanked to anal sex to doggy style — and make a copy for your partner. Afterwards, share your lists. It’s an un-intimidating way to open up the conversation about new things you’d like to try, and to learn what your partner might be open to doing.’
2. Have a Play Date in Bed: ‘Everybody knows that they should have a date night, and make time for that romantic dinner with candlelight,’ asserts Cheryl Sloane, co-owner of the Chicago-based sex shop G Boutique. ‘But you’re tired at the end of the day. And who is paying the babysitter?’ To battle bedtime boredom, Sloane recommends getting a new toy to play with and lock the bedroom door once the kids are asleep. ‘The worst that can happen with a new toy is that you’ll spend some time giggling in bed,’ she says. ‘And laughing together can only help your sex life.’
3. Lube Up: Sloane points out, ‘There’s nothing sexy about spit, and the right lubricant can make good sex great. My number one tip for all couples is to have a high-quality lubricant made of silicone because it lasts longer than water-based formulas and is usually glycerin-free.’ Wellness writer Holly Corbett recommends, ‘Try Pink ($26) or Uberlube ($28) — both come in pretty, discreet glass bottles.’
4. Go Toy Shopping Together: ‘The phenomenon of 50 Shades of Grey has inspired so many women to open up and talk to their partners more about sex,’ Cavanah notes, but why not take it one step further. Shopping for sex toys – whether in an actual shop or online – can be a fun activity to do together. Corbett advises, ‘Suggest that you each of you picks out a new toy, and that you have to use it at home tonight.’ Cavanah explains, ‘It can feel both empowering and kind of silly, but you’re going together so it also feels like an adventure.’
5. Take Turns Being Selfish: Corbett suggests, ‘Take turns pleasuring each other by picking a night where you get all of the attention in the bedroom (or in the shower, or on the kitchen table…). The next night, put the focus solely on him.’ It may sound limiting, but focusing on one person can actually be very freeing. Cavanah details, ‘It takes the pressure off trying to be mutually engaging and distracted by stimulating each other so you can just relax and better enjoy the sensations. Every couple should do that at least once in their life.’
6. Try Tantra: ‘Tantra is actually all about how two people can get closer as a couple,’ says Sloane. ‘The number one tantric position is sitting facing each other with your hands on each other’s heart while trying to synchronise your breath so you feel more connected.’ If you want to heat things up with your husband, Sloane recommends searching online for a Tantra class near you. However, for an easy at-home Tantric exercise, all you need to do is spoon each other and try synchronising your breathing. This will help you to feel closer instantly.
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