Yvonne Hughes with her book "One Piece of Advice: Words to guide you through early breast cancer". Source: News Limited
IT'S World Cancer Day today.
There are currently over 14 million cases of cancer around the world, and the UN has predicted that cases of cancer will rise by half by 2030, reaching 21.6 million per year compared to 14 million in 2012.
Australia has the 3rd highest cancer rate, and 1 in 2 Australian men and 1 in 3 Australian women will be diagnosed with cancer during their lifetime.
So, chances are you're going to come across someone with cancer at some point in your life. But do you know what to say when that happens?
Last year we ran a story about breast cancer survivor, Yvonne Hughes, who wrote a book to help other women with cancer after being diagnosed with breast cancer herself. One Piece of Advice: Words to guide you through early breast cancer has been out for just 6 months, but has already helped hundreds of women going through treatment. But Yvonne feels her work is far from over.
"Most people still don't know how to talk to someone with cancer," Yvonne told news.com.au, after first noticing the awkwardness when she was diagnosed.
"I was in my 30s when I found my cancer. It was quite a shock, not just for me but also for my family, my friends and everybody around me. People reacted differently. Some people avoided me, some people were overly emotional around me, and a fair few people recounted stories of other people's cancers. While all of this is understandable, none of it was very helpful."
Yvonne frequently felt uneasy venturing out with her son.
"If you have young children, you'll know that there's often a bit of a mother's club in the park. You'll probably wind up chatting to another mother because your children are playing together. However, when I was visibly going through treatment, I felt isolated in the park. I could feel the other mothers staring at me, and while I knew they weren't being unkind, it made me feel selfconscious and alone," she explains.
Cancer treatment varies, according to the type of cancer and the stage it's at. Most breast cancer patients, for example, will lose their hair during chemotherapy. So it's a pretty obvious cancer - scarfs and hats can only go so far in hiding baldness.
"But some cancer patients will have no outward signs of treatment," says Yvonne. "That doesn't mean they haven't had surgery, chemotherapy or radiation, it just means that you can't spot it. So no tutting as you see a 'normal' person parking in a disabled spot. They could very well deserve it."
To acknowledge World Cancer Day - and to right a few wrongs - Yvonne has put together her top tips for talking to people with cancer:
1. Be tactful and avoid cliches
Sometimes when we don't know what to say, we turn to age-old expressions and platitudes. We think that they can express things better than we could. If you do decide to express yourself in this way, choose carefully. "Everything happens for a reason," for example, is not appropriate.
2. No story telling
We often tell stories to show that we understand, that we have some experience of the subject and that we're not just spouting empty words. But for a cancer patient, hearing stories about other people's cancer can be overwhelming and distressing - especially if the other person isn't doing so well.
We know you're just trying to relate to us, but we'd rather hear stories from that cruise you took, the book you've just read, or, better still, a really funny joke.
3. Watch your language
Please don't turn this into a battle of good and evil. People often talk about 'beating cancer' or, sadly, 'losing the battle'. It's not a war - it's a disease and it's indiscriminate.
Many cancers can be treated, but sometimes the cancer is found too late, and sometimes, tragically, people do not respond to treatment. It's not because they didn't fight hard enough, so please avoid the battle analogies.
4. Be thoughtful
Little gestures make a world of difference. Here's a nice idea: one of the women I had treatment with had a friend who made up 'lucky-dip' presents. Each time she went in for chemotherapy she got to pick one.
If you want to find out more, check out Yvonne Hughes' book, One Piece of Advice: Words to guide you through early breast cancer. This is Yvonne's collection of hints and tips that she gathered during her cancer treatment, with advice from other patients, their families and their healthcare teams.
One Piece of Advice is available at http://www.onepieceofadvice.com.au for $24.95, plus postage and handling. 10 per cent of all profits go to Cancer Council NSW.
Forum: Heathy Living