#Rio2016, TAKE FLIGHT.#OpeningCeremony pic.twitter.com/dORI9tGlHR
— NBC Olympics (@NBCOlympics) August 6, 2016
There are few things the Internet loves more than telling people they’re wrong. So tonight, when the Olympics opening ceremony used an early plane as one of of Brazil’s major achievements, Twitter was quick to point out that, #actually, the first powered flight was flown by the Wright brothers in North Carolina in 1903. (To be clear, the Rio opening ceremony was honoring aviator Alberto Santos-Dumont, who made a powered flight in 1906.) And if you listen closely, you can hear the sounds of a million pairs of glasses being pushed up a million noses:
When Brazil tries to convince us that they invented powered flight before the Wright brothers #OpeningCeremony pic.twitter.com/Qkpyjvgivd
— Griddy McGridfinFace (@FalconGridFin) August 6, 2016
USA: The Wright Brothers invented flight.
Brazil: #OpeningCeremony #Rio2016 pic.twitter.com/W8Q0y7sKmY
— Danielle (@thatvitaminD) August 6, 2016
#Brazil thinks they were first in flight lol how cute….#OpeningCeremony pic.twitter.com/zATQRNdZjB
— Jim (@coasterj) August 6, 2016
. #OpeningCeremony are like “You thought it was the Wright brothers who invented flight but it was me Rio!” pic.twitter.com/OJ1n3IJbWi
— Gab-tastic (@EienAi) August 6, 2016
The first teaser for director Christopher Nolan’s forthcoming World War II flick Dunkirk doesn’t last too long—but it will stay with you for hours. In under a minute, we see a lone figure on the beach walking out toward a rolling bank of ocean waves; several tarp-covered bodies being nearly buried by huge gusts of sand; and, most dramatically, a swarm of Allied soldiers huddled together at sea, their eyes growing wider and a noise growing louder as they look to the sky—and then quickly take cover. “At the point of crisis, at the point of annihilation, survival is victory,” reads the film’s tag. And that’s all—just a few dozen seconds of gorgeous-looking, suitably cryptic Nolan imagery. Yowza!
Dunkirk, which Nolan also wrote, is his first film since 2014’s Interstellar. It reunites him with past collaborators like Tom Hardy and Cillian Murphy while also bringing aboard Oscar winner Mark Rylance and One Direction’s Harry Styles. Based on the events of the infamous 1940 Dunkirk evacuation, in which more than 300,000 soldiers were rescued over an eight-day period, Dunkirk follows … wait a second: HARRY STYLES is in this?! Where is he?! Is he the guy in the third row? Or the one in the ninth row? Is Harry Styles the boat? Do I see him? Can he see me? “You don’t know, oh-oh/You don’t know you’re beautiful!”…
Anyway, Dunkirk looks great, and it comes out July 19, 2017.
Back in June, the court transcript for The State of Georgia vs. Denver Fenton Allen made the Internet rounds because of its extreme vulgarity. A defendant, dissatisfied with his court-appointed attorney in a murder case, unleashed a tirade of sexually and violently abusive language on a judge, and the judge’s attempts to keep his courtroom under control made the transcript stand out as an unbelievable exchange. But reading it is only half as good as hearing/watching it. So Rick and Morty creator Justin Roiland set out to put the passion back into the lifeless pages of text, making a basic storyboard animatic featuring the characters from his show. Initially, only a small crowd at Comic-Con International got to see the video, but now Adult Swim has finally posted it, and watching the judge (shown as the young, exasperated Morty) and the defendant (embodied by the eternally antagonistic mad scientist Rick) devolve into a shouting match to end all shouting matches will make you laugh so hard your abs hurt.
RYAN: You WANT to use a nuke?
TRUMP: It’s time. I’m sick of that old grainy footage.
RYAN:
TRUMP: Admit it’d be cool to get a look at one!
— Owen Ellickson (@onlxn) August 3, 2016
Since June, comedy writer Owen Ellickson (currently writing for NBC’s Superstore) has been imagining Donald Trump’s private conversations in dialogue form—and while mute sidekick Chris Christie, campaign manager Paul Manafort, and Hillary Clinton have all appeared in those conversations, Trump’s perfect comic foil has been Paul Ryan. You can probably imagine, then, what’s happened since Trump refused to endorse the Speaker of the House on Tuesday: Ellickson’s feed has gone from a funny lark to indispensable political satire. (Admit it: on some level, you always knew that Ryan was a Grimm fan.) To filter this in anyway is unjust, so just do yourself a favor and read it all the way through.
[View the story “Trump-Ryan-Christie: A Twitter Saga” on Storify]
You probably won’t be adding Oliver Stone to your friends-and-family wireless plan anytime soon. The Oscar-winning director and screenwriter—and occasional Spanish-comedy star—has released a new public-service announcement urging theatergoers to turn off their cell phones while watching a movie, a common-sense policy with which all Americans can agree (even Gordon Gekko would cosign, though we all know he prefers to make his calls from the beach).
In the PSA, the director such of government-wary films as JFK, Nixon, and the forthcoming Snowden also warns viewers not to put too much trust in their devices, holding up a cell phone and saying, “This will be our undoing” (which is how many of us felt after watching Alexander). He adds: “It allows certain parties to track your every move every time you make a call [or] send a text. We are giving them access. The information you put out into the world voluntarily is enough to burn your life to the ground.” Before that happens, though, may we invite you to re-watch, for one last time, JFK‘s John Candy saying “daddy-o” and “big enchilada” in his ridiculous New Awl-leey-uns accent?
Getty Images
The wait is finally over. More than a year after it was initially promised, Frank Ocean’s latest album, Boys Don’t Cry, finally has a release date: this Friday. In a move similar to other “surprise” album drops like Chance the Rapper’s Coloring Book, Ocean is releasing the record through Apple Music. The New York Times also reports that Boys Don’t Cry will be exclusively on Apple’s streaming service for two weeks, and a special tie-in print publication will be available in Apple stores the same day the album drops. It’s yet another coup for Apple Music, which has landed several high-profile exclusive releases this year, including new music from Drake, Future, and The 1975. No other details about Ocean’s new record have been announced, but while you wait for more information and/or music, maybe you want to watch this art film?
Apple Music
This morning, Frank Ocean—singer, songwriter, and excellent Tumblr-dispatcher—unveiled a new, Apple Music-produced video stream on his official website, boysdontcry.co. According to the URL, the video is titled “Champaign,” and in a now-deleted Instagram post, director Francisco Soriano reportedly took credit for directing the “art project,” which consists of a black-and-white feed from what appears to be a giant industrial studio. Inside, a lone figure (possibly Ocean?) is hard at work, moving and sawing large planks of wood, all in an effort to make … well, we don’t actually know. (Maybe some giant pyramids? Or perhaps a shopping cart for his buddy Tyler, the Creator? Or maybe some stairs, as this tweet from March suggests?) During intervals, you can hear big, gorgeous swells of synthesizers and orchestral notes, or what sounds like looped, distorted vocals. But it’s mostly just a lot of sawing—maybe as part of a loop, maybe in real time (the video’s URL also includes the word “live,” but it’s not clear if this is, in fact, a livestream).
What most fans were hoping to get out of today’s video, of course, is news about Ocean’s long-in-the-works, long-overdue new album. Last month, he posted a picture of a library return-date slip on boysdontcry, a clue that either pointed to a July or November release date, depending on how you interpreted it. So what date can we derive from this latest mysterious dispatch? Given his penchant for cryptic missives, let’s look at the clues in this new footage:
In the video, the figure sAWs with GUSTo. That can only mean one month: AW GUST, or August.
“Bandsaw” is an an anagram for “Abs Dawn.” There were only 2 lead actors in The Twilight Saga: Break Dawn films with excellent abs (Kellan Lutz and Taylor Lautner).
The oldest tree in the world is approximately 5,065 years old.
In conclusion: Frank Ocean’s next album—maybe titled Champaign, maybe titled Perfect Timber—will be released August 2, 5065. See you then!
Whether commenting on lobbyist kickbacks or gun rights, the writing staff of The Simpsons has never shied away from political issues. Less common, though, is getting involved with an in-progress presidential race. That changed tonight. In a new (and rare) standalone short, Homer and Marge try to make their choice by watching how Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump would react to the famed “3 a.m. phone call.” Clinton gets off relatively easy, other than a quick jab at the would-be First Gentleman’s extracurricular activities. Trump, though? Not so much. From the tome of Hitler speeches on his bed to the dog on his head (and the photo of his sons’ safari adventure on his wall), the GOP candidate gets the full brunt of the show’s poison pen. It’s times like this you wish Kang and Kodos would throw their hats back in the ring.
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Wait, Did The Wright Brothers Just Get Dissed at the Olympics?