by: Kristina Morgan
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention to arrive safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming: Wow!! What a ride!
Recently, I attended a seminar on Aging at Abbeyfield in Ajijic, a new assisted living home in the area that is affiliated with the Abbeyfield homes in the U.K. and around the world. At 38 years old I probably seemed like a pretty unlikely candidate to be attending a workshop on aging, but I am fond of saying I’m an eccentric old lady in training, and I wanted to find out why the elderly seem so different here at Lake Chapala than most of the elderly people I know from the U.S. My thoughts that the retirees here are different isn’t mine alone. Most everyone I know agrees. Eve Reid
Eve Reid, 69 years old, was our key-note speaker. She has penned a book called “Fearless Aging” and she does workshops on this subject. Eve has been living in Chapala since 2005, and she and I have run into each other so many times on the street and on the telephone that I decided that I had to know more about her and her book.
So I settled into my seat, rapidly taking notes. Eve is a beautiful woman and it is very hard to believe she’s 69. She encourages us to participate, share our thoughts and ask questions. This was to become the most delightful exchange I have been privy to in a long time.
Eve opens by saying, “To age well and without fear happens as we learn how to be more authentically ourselves.”
Another woman at the conference agrees, “I think we’re conditioned to believe we’re always supposed to be doing something. Learning to enjoy being is one of the hardest things we learn.”
There are so many clichés about aging out there: ‘Old age ain’t for sissies,’ as the saying goes but I don’t want to live a cliché. I don’t think anyone else attending Eve’s seminar did either. We were there to learn about aging, which really means living and the core of that seems to be learning about ourselves and embracing ourselves and dusting off the dreams that have sat neglected on a shelf amidst the have-tos of everyday life.
“Some people know what their purpose in life is when they’re very young. They’re very clear about why they’re here. But the majority of people don’t know. It took me a long time to really put together my purpose and why I’m here. After people raise their family they begin to look inward and want to fill that place that lacks satisfaction and find the thing that brings them joy. When we find our purpose and find meaning and value (and it can be intangible—just a way of being), that is aging well,” says Reid.
Everyone knows that’s easier said than done if you are bowing to the American ideal of beauty for women: rail thin, tall, perfect teeth, no wrinkles, etc. Women put a lot of pressure on themselves to resist aging.
But here’s the irony. One of my dear friends, Mary Phelps, says, “You become what you resist. People put so much energy into not aging instead of going with the flow. They want time to stand still but if life stands still, life becomes stagnant. You don’t want that in your water and you don’t want that in your life. Both stink!”
Obviously moving to Mexico at mid-life or any time of life will rule out stagnation just by virtue of making such a bold change, learning a new culture and language and making new friends. The common denominator, it seems, in people who come here initially is the recognition that something is missing in their current lives and the willingness to learn and try something new.
“Age just doesn’t matter here,” Jim Powers says, “Beauty and age are also cultural.”
Edie Green agrees. “When I was going to college in Germany I had a professor who showed us pictures of different races and ages of people. He showed us a photo of a very old woman and he said, ‘Look at her face. Look at her wrinkles. What a beautiful face she has that tells of a life well lived, filled with hard work and laughter.”
Reid agrees saying, “Our face is a mirror of who we are and what we’ve done with our life.”
Lake Chapala is Unique
With all these people in the room I wanted to know what they thought of living here as an aging person. It’s normal to see people in their 80s riding a bike all over town or running, throwing parties, volunteering, dancing across the stage at the local Lakeside Little Theatre and just generally kicking up a lot of dust with energy that can make people half their age tired to watch them.
“Why is Lake Chapala unique?” I just had to ask. “Why do most of the retirees I see in the U.S. seem so much older than the people I know here?”
Reid smiles and says, “People often rediscover parts of themselves they had buried because of life’s responsibilities. Down here at Lake Chapala people really get into the creative arts, teaching, mentoring and using themselves in a way that gives meaning to life. People in Lake Chapala are extremely involved and seem to really enjoy life.
What I see down here is we’re a small community. I think people are happier here.
“I’ve talked to a lot of people who say they’re healthier here now and that they’ve gone off medicines for problems they had North of the Border. There’s no stress here unless you create it. I’ve always felt safe here. I don’t have a car and I take the bus everywhere…but then I don’t allow myself to go to fear. I always live to learn something new.”
Lou Millington, 94, laughs and says, “What else are you gonna do?!
“When I go back to the U.S. or Canada, I’m old! When I come here, I don’t feel that old. But I am in the states and Canada. I can do, be, dress or say whatever I want here. Mexican culture has far more respect for older woman. Women become invisible North of the Border because of the way people treat us as older women.”
Millington adds, “I’m so happy to still be alive and receive from other people. And, I guess, that I still have something to give. Most of us have to live with a good attitude. We’ve all lived with trauma but that’s what makes us grow. It’s a part of living.
“I’m so grateful to have found Mexico. Mexico has been a sanctuary to me. I never fit in as a single woman in Georgia but here I do. I fit in the world again. People like me and accept me here for who I am. This is and has been such a joyful place to live! I have so many friends here.”
Robin Gate, a young woman in her 40s who has come to Mexico to help people film their memories or memorials for the elderly on DVD says, “Something I deal with a lot as a younger woman is the question of following my dreams without a pension or 401K. But I was no longer willing to live for the illusion of financial security and I was unwilling to die without having lived my dreams and following and honoring my heart with the sole intent of living my life’s purpose. When I left the U.S., I had to have courage and trust that in giving up my security I would be okay.”
Eve understands because when Eve was 54 she downsized to do reiki full-time. “Most people can’t do that.” We don’t have to go out looking as much as just being open to possibilities and letting it come to you.”
There are a couple of things I have observed about people in the Lake Chapala area. One is that there is no generation gap. The Mexicans have a different social dynamic. Toddlers, teenagers, parents, grandparents and great-grandparents spend time together often and enjoy their time…no—not just enjoy…they make spending time with each other an absolute priority and have a great time doing it!
I have watched countless times as a teenager will help their elderly relative manage the cobbled streets and they do it with such a sense of ease as they chatter away together. They aren’t unusual and they’re not self-conscious about it on any level. The elderly here receive respect. They’re not an annoyance or a burden.
One indication of this is calling a woman Doña or a man Don. If you’re living in Mexico and are called that, then you have reached a level of endearment and respect that you can be proud of. Coming from a culture that tends to compartmentalize generations I think we may have missed something beautiful along the way.
The second thing I have observed is that people from North of the Border who move to Mexico tend to reinvent themselves. They get involved. This isn’t true of everyone across the board, but the vast majority come here and look at their new life in Lake Chapala and Ajijic as a chance to start over and be who they have always wanted to be or do the things they have wanted to do. Most resolve to live life wholly and completely, jumping in with both feet and enjoying the splash they make. Obviously, a person can choose to live that way anywhere but perhaps because of the beautiful weather year-round, the laid-back lifestyle in a quaint village and friendliness of the people just makes it seem more possible here.
Reid adds, “If you don’t know what it is and still have a sense of something missing that brings satisfaction and joy then pay attention. Ask, ‘what is it that makes me feel good? What makes me forget my aches and pains and go beyond myself?’
“When we’re doing what is best for us, we’re actually doing what is best for everyone else because we’re all connected. Most of us, when we come to the end of our days, if we can find what that purpose is that fills our heart we’re going to be happier and have a richer aging.
“I’ve always been an eternal optimist. Find your purpose and have a sense that you are valued. Find the blessings and gifts in life and don’t focus on the negative. We choose how we want to live and age.”
Some questions to ask yourself at any age:
* Do you know what your purpose is?
* Are you presently living your purpose?
* How much of your time is spent on what is important to you? How much is spent on what others want you to do?
* How can you change your life in order to have more time and energy to pursue your dreams and improve the quality of your life?
* How much does the fear of the unknown keep you from exploring and setting in motion new ideas or maybe a new lifestyle? Are you willing to feel the fear and do it anyway?
* What does your heart desire? This will help you find your purpose. Make a list.
* What would your ideal life look like right now?
* What do you need to do to have this ideal life or get close to it? What changes, if any, do you need to make?
* How would you like to be remembered by others when you’re gone?
Taking the time to answer some of these questions may help bring some clarity and who knows…they may launch you into a new phase in your life.
Kristina gets a red hatSurely, I am not old but leaving the workshop with Eve and all the amazing people in attendance I have to ask myself if I am on my way to who I want to be someday? What does success mean to me? The fact is we’re all aging. My beloved 80s music is now on VH-1 Classics. I remember how shocked my parents were the first time they heard music from the 60s on an Oldies station on the radio.
Recently I received a forwarded email by an unknown author that struck a chord with me. It begins, “I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I’ve aged, I’ve become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend. I don’t chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn’t need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.
“I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.”
As an eccentric old lady in training, I came away admiring the people at the Fearless Aging conference and can’t think of a better way I could have spent my time than among so many people who are fully alive and have so much to give to those who are younger. I hope we can learn to cherish them and in that small way begin to value ourselves more.
Later that afternoon I see Lynn and Daphne, Focus Alumni who retired here in June of last year. They’re riding their scooters and rev their engines and wave gleefully as they race on by me. Life at any age is, indeed, good.
If you would like to know more about Eve Reid’s work on Fearless Aging, please visit her website at http://www.womenagingwell.com/index.htm . You can download her eBook there or purchase a copy on Amazon.
And if you want to see what living at Lake Chapala is like first-hand then I can’t think of a better way to get all the information in order to decide if this may be you or not than joining us on a Focus on Mexico 8 day educational program. www.focusonmexico.com
Kristina Morgan: Director of Public Relations for FocusOnMexico.
Focus On Mexico offers 8-Day Educational Programs to Ajijic and Lake Chapala, Mexico (2nd Best Climate in the World). Join us on a Focus program and learn why thousands of Americans and Canadians chose to retire in Lake Chapala.
Our programs offer the perfect balance; a wonderful vacation and an insightful, educational experience. Our expert speakers cover all topics: Health Care, Real Estate, Legal System, Immigration, Bringing Pets, Cost of Living, US Taxes for Americans, Non-Residency for Canadians, Living on the Lakeside, Investing in Mexico, Mexican Economy and much more…
You’ll get everything you need to help you decide if Lake Chapala, Mexico is the place for you, plus have a lot of fun doing it. Retiring in Mexico couldn’t be better.
Sign up for our free monthly newsletter all about living in Lake Chapala.
Kristina Morgan: Director of Public Relations for FocusOnMexico.
Focus On Mexico offers 8-Day Educational Programs to Ajijic and Lake Chapala, Mexico (2nd Best Climate in the World). Join us on a Focus program and learn why thousands of Americans and Canadians chose to retire in Lake Chapala.
Visit the author’s web site at:
http://www.focusonmexico.com
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