Adversity is more than just one difficulty or setback. Adversity can be seen as a series of difficulties or misfortunes that keep you from achieving your goals and finding happiness. So how do you overcome it? You may think that all of the advice out there about overcoming adversity is easier said than done, but in reality, you too can overcome adversity if you cultivate the right attitude and take the steps to get what you want and deserve. If you want to start overcoming adversity today, see Step 1 to be on your way to the life you've worked for.
Steps
Adjusting Your Perspective
Don't let your past dictate your future. There are a number of ways that your past may dictate your future. Maybe you grew up in a rough neighborhood where you never got any breaks -- don't let that make you think you'll never succeed in your current environment. Maybe you're trying to be an actress but you haven't been called back after your last thirty auditions; don't let this make you think you'll never get called back in the future. Focus on what's ahead of you, and on achieving what you want to achieve in spite of your past.[1]
Think about how much sweeter success will feel when you'll be able to say that you got what you worked for in spite of a past that dictated otherwise.
Having a difficult past can make a successful future even more rewarding. You may not appreciate your success in acting, business, painting, etc, if you get the success you wanted after the first try.
Focus on the positive. Though the last thing you may want to do after a series of setbacks or a general feeling of hopelessness is to focus on the positive, it's exactly what you have to do to ensure your survival. If you want to overcome adversity, then you have to focus on the positive, whether it means the positive aspects of your situation, or the positive results you'll feel if you achieve what you want in the future. Make a list of all of the good things in your life, or all of the good things you may have to look forward to, and you'll see that there's more to be happy about than you think.[2]
Focusing on the positive will help you cultivate a more positive attitude, and having a more positive attitude will help you succeed.
Start your happiness now. Some people think, "Once I achieve Goal X, I will be happy. I will work and work to achieve it, and then I will find personal fulfillment." Well, that's the wrong attitude. The right attitude to have is, "I am already happy because I am working toward Goal X. And being happy while working toward Goal X will help me achieve it faster. Everybody wins!"
Accept the inevitability of adversity. Another thing you have to do to overcome adversity is to accept the fact that it has to happen to everyone. Unfortunately, some people have to face more adversity than others, but that doesn't mean that you can't accept your share and work against it as much as you can. Instead of denying that you're struggling, feeling like it's not really happening or that you can run away from the conflict, you should be able to accept adversity into your life if you want to be able to fight it.[3]
Don't look around at your neighbors, friends, and colleagues and think that you've been dealt an unfair hand. Sure, that may be completely true, but instead of dwelling on it, accept what's happening and move on.
Build your internal strength. Though Kelly Clarkson, among many others, once said, "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger," unfortunately, this is not 100% true all the time. Sure, people can grow from adversity and become stronger in the process -- if they develop the tools to deal with the problem. But people who are repeatedly beat up and don't have the mental toughness to deal with their problems actually end up getting weaker. Don't let this scare you; instead, work on building up your mental toughness so you can deal with any problems that can arise. Here are some things you can do:[4]
Journal anything that's troubling you. Don't rant or complain. Rather, get in the habit of chronicling the things that have been bothering you and begin to sort them out on the page.
Meditate daily. Just 10-20 minutes of daily meditation can make you face difficulties with an even attitude.
Don't set unrealistic goals. If you expect to be a rock star, pop star, business CEO within a year, Olympic athlete after three months of training, etc, then you are bound to be disappointed. You can still set very exciting, lofty goals, but don't let your entire happiness or success be determined by whether or not you reach something incredibly extraordinary.
Embrace your mistakes as learning opportunities. Don't look at your mistakes as failures or setbacks or chastise yourself for not thinking differently. Instead, understand and admit when you've done something wrong and ask yourself what you have learned from the situation and what you will do differently the next time around. Think about what you could have done differently but don't get bad at yourself for doing what you did; make a list of all of the reasons this experience will make you more informed the next time around.
You should also learn to recognize your mistakes. Don't blame yourself or think you did something wrong if someone really wronged you or if you had a professional setback in spite of doing everything absolutely right.
Define the problem. Maybe the problem is just a general feeling like you just can't succeed no matter what. Maybe you feel like the environment where you find yourself is bringing you down. Or maybe you feel like you are too hard on yourself, or so self-defeating that you can never achieve anything. The sooner you define the real problem, the sooner you can go about solving it. If you spend some time really thinking about the problem that is getting you down, then you may find that the problem is something other than what you think it was.
For example, you may think that the adversity you're overcoming is a complete lack of respect in the workplace. Maybe people treat you rudely, overlook you for promotions, pile on the extra work without saying thank you, and so on. But if you dig deeper, you may see that the real problem is that you don't believe in the work you do and want to find a more meaningful career. In that case, none of the original problems matter all that much!
Keep your composure as much as you can. Though no one can expect you to laugh and be the life of the party in times of great difficulty, you should try to keep it together as much as you can, if only so that you yourself can succeed. You can cry, you can let out your emotions, you can talk about the situation with your three best friends, but after a while, you have to get it together so you can move forward. If you're a sad, lethargic, mopey mess months after the original major setback or set of setbacks, then you won't be able to move forward, to think creatively, or to find a new answer.[5]
If you really need some time off to recover, take it off. Don't force yourself to act like everything is fine when it's not. But you can't let the situation upset you on the outside forever. You have to find a way to keep your calm and poise eventually.
Taking Action
Get back up. The important thing is to get back on that horse and to try, try again as soon as you can. Though stopping what you're doing, asking the big questions, and regrouping is essential to your success, you can't go on feeling sorry for yourself or feeling like a total failure forever. And the sooner (within reason) that you can get back on that horse, the better! That doesn't mean you should go and do exactly what you were doing before (see the next step for more on this), but that you should make a plan to go out and do something that can help you find success![6]
Give yourself a "mourning"/pity party limit. If whatever happened was really bad, give yourself a month or two to recover. If it was just kind of bad, give yourself a few weeks. Setting a "moping time" can help you visualize future success and will keep you from getting stuck in a rut forever.
Stop doing the same thing and expect to get different results. If something you've been doing has not been working for you -- whether you've been doing it for a year or ten years -- then guess what? If you keep on doing it, you're probably gonna get the same old results all over again. This means that you have to do something different if you want something different to happen. This could mean finding a different job, finding a different partner, moving to a different neighborhood, or doing whatever you think you should do to make something new happen for you.
Of course, sometimes it's just a matter of trying until it sticks. If you want to be an actress, then yeah, you have to keep going to auditions. But if that hasn't been working for you, think about what you can change about the next audition -- maybe go to different types of auditions, or change your acting style -- to make it a success.
Make a gratitude list. Make a list of at least three things you're grateful for every single day. Journal about a positive experience you had at least every other day so you can be reminded of the good in your life. Make note of the things that you're grateful for, the things that make you happy, and all of the joy that is in your life. You may not feel like there's so much to be happy about in your life right now, but if you dig deep, you'll see that you have more to be grateful for than you originally thought.
Spend just 10-15 minutes a day thinking about what you're grateful for. Surely you have time for this?
Refuse to quit. Half the battle is showing up. If you don't show up, how will you ever overcome adversity? You have to keep trying, keep going, keep fighting to succeed, even if that means you have to change the battle plan. Be stubborn. Be annoying. Be persistent. Know that nothing good can happen if you're just lying in bed, thinking about all of the great things that should happen to you. No one's going to call you and recognize you for your hard work if you don't put yourself out there!
Spend time with successful people. You should not be the most successful person in your group of friends. Okay, if you're Bill Gates, maybe that kind of thing is inevitable, but in general, you should spend time with people who are working hard, following their dreams, and finding a meaningful path in life. This doesn't mean they have to be CEOs. They can be poets, philanthropists, avid gardeners -- just people who know what they want and who go after it. Talk to them about how they got where they are. See how they overcame adversity. You can learn a lot from other people -- and they can help you realize your own dreams.[7]
This doesn't mean that you should ditch your less-successful friends in favor of more successful ones. But it does mean that you should seek out successful people!
Don't isolate yourself. Don't be all by yourself in times of great difficulty. This will only make you feel more bitter, alone, sad, and disappointed in all that your life has come to. You don't have to complain about your problems to every stranger on the street, but you should make sure to stay social, spend time with family and friends, or even to step out to lunch with coworkers just to get some face time and fresh air. You may feel like sulking or being all alone with your setbacks, but that's not the way to get what you want.
It can help to talk about the problems you're facing. Finding a trusted friend or two, or even a therapist if need be, can help you put your thoughts into perspective. Sometimes articulating your troubles is half the battle.
Lean on your support system. Having a strong support system, whether you've got friends, family, an amazing significant other, supportive colleagues, a wonderful community of neighbors, or even an online community you belong to, can help you get through almost anything. It's very hard to overcome adversity when you feel 100% on your own. Having people to turn to in your time of need -- or even before you need anything but laughter and good times -- can make a monumental difference when you need someone to talk to.
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Developing a support system early on, before the setbacks come, can help you have people "on call" when you need them. It may be harder to find many shoulders to cry on when you're in the middle of a crisis.
Staying on Track
Find creative solutions. If you want to stay on track and beat this whole adversity thing, then you may have to find creative solutions to your problems. To open your mind up to creativity, you have to be feeling reasonably happy with yourself and to have enough room to breathe and not think about everything inside the box. This means finding a way to follow your passion while raising your children, finding a way to market yourself for a career field that you may not be so experienced in, or recalling an old contact who may be able to help you get exactly what you need.
Expand your mind. Spending time pursuing creative activities, from writing short stories to painting, can help you look at your own life in a creative way.
Have a rock-solid Plan B. If you feel like you're facing a ton of adversity and that you'll never be able to get what you want, it's because you've only ever been able to envision happiness in one form. Maybe you've always wanted to be in the NBA. Maybe you thought you'd have to be a published novelist by the age of 30 or your life is meaningless. Maybe you felt like you'd have to start your own successful business or you'd be a complete failure. Well, part of overcoming adversity is overcoming the idea that you can only find happiness in one way.
Make a list of all of the other things that would make you happy and fulfilled. Not many people get to be in the NBA, and chances are, that may not be you. But that's not a bad thing! Instead of banking on finding happiness through only one form, expand your mind to find something else that can make your life feel worth it.
Be prepared for battle. Being prepared for difficulty or setbacks at any time can help you overcome adversity in a big way. Though you shouldn't always think of the worst thing that can ever happen to you, being ready for anything that may come can help you react correctly when the time comes. Whether you're in school, starting your own business, or trying to make it as a novelist, don't be afraid to ask yourself, "What if this doesn't quite go as planned?"
This doesn't mean that you should be pessimistic, but that you should be realistic about your future.
Believe in yourself no matter what. In the end, the most important thing is having the confidence and the belief that you're a great person who is capable of doing great things. If you don't believe in yourself, then you've got nothing to keep you going. You have to work to believe that you are great, and that you are worthy of achieving great things, even if you have a long way to go. Being confident in who you are, or making the choice to develop your confidence, can go a long way in making you succeed.[9]
Finding something that you're good at, whether it has to do with your career goals or not, can help you believe in yourself.
Make a list of flaws and things you want to work on and address them one by one. The sooner you work on your imperfections, the better.
Take care of yourself. No matter how busy or stressed out you are, you have to make sure to exercise at least every other day, eat three healthy meals each day, and get around 7-8 hours of sleep. And to do whatever else you've got to do to feel sane and healthy. Your health and well-being should not fall by the wayside just because you're trying to pay your loans, open a business, or fix your personal problems.
Your health should always be an absolute top priority. It can never fall by the wayside, or everything else will follow.
Remember your goals. At the end of the day, if you want to stay focused on overcoming adversity, you have to remember what your goals are and what vision you have for your own future. You can't forget whatever it is you set out to do, whether it's to write an amazing novel, start a non-profit, or devote your life to helping the homeless. Write those goals down along with the reasons you want to pursue them, and look at them as often as you can, feeling a sense of excitement whenever you think about how good it will feel to finally succeed.[10]
You may forget what your ultimate goals are when you feel like you spend all day toiling and getting nowhere. It's important to keep them in the forefront of your mind, so even the most trivial tasks feel meaningful. If you keep looking forward instead of backward, you are sure to succeed eventually!
Tips
During times of stress, find something productive or creative to do and you will find that the stress reduces very quickly
Warnings
If you catch yourself cutting, hide any sharp objects
Related wikiHows
How to Make Decisions
How to Give Back to the Community
How to Persuade Yourself to Do Anything
How to Be a World Citizen
Sources and Citations
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