You've read the comic books. You've seen evil deeds become thwarted by some guy in tights. Except for the tights, that could be you! While it may not be safe for the average person to fight crime, this article will shed some light on how to serve up some good, old-fashioned justice.
Edit Steps
Edit Part One: Getting Your Story Down
Choose your superpowers. Keep in mind that these powers will help determine everything else about you. If you choose powers like super crocheting or making everything sparkly, you'll inevitably be making your costume out of glitter and grandma's favorite afghan. So what will you be doing with your crimestopping time?
Think of any talents you have that you've ever impressed people with. It could be something as classic as playing the piano, as random as making origami aliens, or as goofy as being able to touch your tongue to your nose.
No talents? No problem. Create your superpower(s). Learn something unique, like ripping a phone book in half or other body tricks.
Think of what kind of superhero you want to become. If you are merely using a superhero persona to feed the homeless (certainly a heroic deed), you may not need to follow all of these steps. However, if you are intent on stopping street crime as a supplement to law enforcement, you need to address the situation of becoming a superhero carefully. What will your story and motivation be?
For the purposes of this article, we'll go the full nine yards -- cape and all. But know that you can be a real life superhero just by helping people. Do you want to patrol the streets for stray cats? Do you want to swoop in on people committing tax fraud? What's your penchant for?
Choose your weakness. Every superhero needs one. It sucks, but it's in the job description. It's not fair if you don't. Luckily for you, if you pick something like Kryptonite you won't run into it very often.
Pick a name. This is going to be one of the most important tidbits about your persona. Imagine your name in lights. Does "Gregarious Greg" really have the ring to it you want (you can do better than that!)? Is "Looks Good in Yellow Girl" doing yourself justice? How do you want to be remembered? How does it match your powers?
Think about what you have at your disposal. "Electron Disseminating Man" is going to be a little hard to pull off if the only tools you have in your basement are an Xbox and an iPod. "Cat Catfinder" is doable. And if you're stopping tax fraud, something like "Axle the Tax Alerter" might please the press.
Create your origin story. Every legitimate superhero has one. Luckily for you, it doesn't necessarily have to involve faraway planets and toxic chemicals (unless you want it to...in which case, you'll have to do some explaining). Think outside the box. What might correlate with your name and your powers?
If you're Cat Catfinder and your power is finding stray cats, obviously a stray cat scratched you on your way home from the homeless animal shelter one day and ever since then you've been licking yourself and hearing meows from miles away. It doesn't have to be impressive, it just has to make good sense.
Master your secret identity. Alright, now that you've got your superhero identity in the bag, what's your alter-ego like? You'll need a trivial job, an inconspicuous demeanor, and probably glasses. You'll also need a schedule that allows you for superhero flexibility. Crime doesn't only happen at night, people!
You'll also need a job that pays you in money. Being a superhero can have some serious upfront costs, unless your name is Cat CatFinder or Looks Good in Yellow Girl and all you do is rescue stray cats or, you know, look good in yellow. Both are powers in their own right, but they don't exactly require the investment that Taxle the Tax Alerter requires (he needs a nice suit and is constantly paying parking fees downtown).
Edit Part Two: Fitting the Part
Design your outfit. Every superhero must have one. MUST. Apparently, it's the best way to let police know that you aren't the criminal. Cat Catfinder might look like she walked off the stage during "Memory" or maybe she's just wearing a t-shirt with Hello Kitty on it (not all superheroes have Bruce Wayne's $6.3 billion budget, thanks[1]). What's in your closet that could be conceivably superhero-y?
You know that time when Peter Parker sat down and sketched out his outfit and then started going to town? Yeah, there's no way Peter Parker took a Home Ec class in his life. The kid was a nerd, sure, but his aunt did all that stuff for him. What are you capable of?
Equip yourself with the best gadgets. A wisely chosen crime-fighting arsenal is just about as good as a superpower itself. Just ask Batman. For your own protection, it is important to wear bullet-resistant and stab-resistant armor, not to mention gloves and boots. To take the fight to crime, you may need a utility belt full of useful self-defense weapons such as pepper spray or even a taser. What could you design if Wal-Mart isn't yet selling?
Again, think about your persona. If you're finding stray cats, you may not need pepper spray. But you might need a can of tuna aroma or a length of rope covered in catnip. And think about how you might carry these -- belt, backpack, up your sleeve?
Choose a theme song. What pumps you up? What gets your blood flowing? Try to pick one that matches your personality, but isn't too obvious. "You're the Best" might not be the most original choice if you're calling yourself the Karate Kiddo. "My Heart Will Go On" is certainly a unique choice, but you probably want one that instills trust in the masses if you ever make it big.
Carefully consider a sidekick. Alright, this one is sticky. If you do want a sidekick, consider the pros and cons. The pros? You get someone to carry around your stuff, to order around, to pick you up late night pizza after your 12-hour sesh of cat rescuing, and to just in general make you look cool. The cons? You may have to feed them, put up with the impending power struggle, and cover their health insurance. Is it worth it?
Don't settle for a decent sidekick. You want one that complements you. One that has your back in dire situations. One that's actually useful -- not just one that knows how to make your coffee. So if you don't have any applicants that are worthy, wait on it. One may come in time.
Edit Part Three: Getting the Skills
Work out. Every superhero at one time or another needs to run from the law. Whether you're misunderstood or you actually accidentally did blow up that building, it'll happen. So start working out! It's good for your superheroness and for your health.
Make sure to do cardio and weights. Not only will it make you the healthiest, but it'll prepare you for any obstacle that arises in your path. So hit the treadmill, the pool, or the courts and follow it up with some weight training. The more fit you are, the more seriously you'll be taken as a superhero, too. Did you see Hugh Jackman in Wolverine? Damn.
Eat a superhero diet. Now that you're working out and using up all this energy, you'll need to adjust your diet. And no superhero subsists on things like French Fries and Tootsie Pops. You need to eat healthy. That means whole grains, veggies, fruits, and lean meats. And lots of it -- the more calories you burn, the more calories you need to intake. Muscle, man. Muscle.
Technically, technically, you could eat like your superheroness dictates. Cat Catfinder could technically have a diet of milk and fish-flavored things. Looks Good in Yellow Girl only eats yellow food. But unless you're ready to answer probing questions, stick to a balanced, healthy diet.
Seek combat training. (Batman didn't join his super-powered friends by sitting around, designing his cape.) Rigorous military training is highly recommended for fighting street crime, but a great martial arts program will also prepare you for the challenge. There will be people who misunderstand you and super villians that need to be gotten rid of. How else will you show them their places if you can't kick their butts?
If you're not in the military (and most of us aren't), start by taking a few classes. Kickboxing, Krav Maga, Karate, Tae Kwon Do, Jiujitsu, anything that gets you fierce and fired up will benefit you. And if you can do more than one, even better. Keep the enemies guessing!
Develop your superpowers. Turns out there are actually a few things you can do to be more superpower-esque. Turn off all the lights in your house until you're used to walking around in the dark. Start being more observant in your surroundings. Actually listen. Most people are so tuned out to life just being tuned in will seem like a power in itself.
Do simple exercises like practicing holding your breath. Meditate. Get good at detecting lies. These are all little tricks to bring you closer to being a real-life superhero.
Learn parkour. Just because you are going to be a superhero doesn't mean you get to climb tall buildings (and get arrested). But you can come close! Those who practice parkour find the quickest path between two points -- regardless of what's in between. It's basically the closest thing to flying we humans are capable of with our two feet and lack of wings.
Parkour can be very, very dangerous. If you start, don't bite off more than you can chew. If you injure yourself too terribly, you'll be down for the count and unable to do your civic duty. Take it slow. With any new hobby, you'll need to start from the bottom and work your way up. So no jumping off of buildings yet!
Practice. There's that scene in Spiderman where Peter's first learning about his skills. He's falling off walls, squirting himself in the face, and just being generally awkward with his spidey-ness. This is an inevitable part of superhero-dom! So practice. Grab those nunchucks you just bought, practice lassos with your catnip rope, and get comfortable with your tools. When you need 'em, you'll be ready.
Practice getting quick with them, too. Sure, you know how to use your can of tuna spray, but can you whip it out and aim and fire in a split second's notice? Much of using your tools will be when you don't expect it, so get comfortable with your set-up and make it as accessible as possible, too.
Get good health insurance. The life of a superhero isn't a safe and boring one. You may have a long list of injuries ahead of you, depending on the trail you've blazed for yourself. Because of this, it's important to have health insurance. You don't want to end up with some back alley doctor removing your appendix, do you?
If you have a sidekick, they'll need to be provided for, too. Maybe mom has a plan you could get under? If you're under 26, this may be doable. Or maybe your alter-ego's employer? Cover yourself not only for you, but for the good of the world.
Edit Part Four: Ridding the World of Evil
Prepare to do your job. If you are going to hand out free bottles of water to the poor, make sure you have nice, cool water bottles (and a way of cooling them) to hand out. If you are going to take to the streets and stop drug dealers, practice a martial art (and practice well, because a yellow belt isn't likely to win every fight) and remember street safety. Whatever it is you're doing, be prepared.
Often this means taking care of yourself, too. Get a full night's sleep, eat a healthy breakfast, fill up your gas tank, and play your theme song. Sometimes superheroes have to get in the mood, too, you know. You can't feel like fighting crime every minute of every day.
Be brave as hell. Let's take a breather and be serious here for a minute. Whether you're walking into the destruction of a hurricane in the Philippines (kudos to you, by the way) or strapping on a yellow outfit and claiming you have superpowers, you need to be brave as hell. You'll see things you may not want to see, you'll do things you may not necessarily want to do, and you'll have to deal with it. When everyone else is freaking out, you'll be the one staying calm and seeking action. You wouldn't have it any other way, would you?
This is very much so a state of mind. It is possible to not let things bother you. The only reason people get freaked out is because they've learned to get freaked out. You have to be that kid who hasn't yet touched the stove. You can't have those inhibitions that others have. It also helps that you have a bulletproof vest, doesn't it?
Walk into dangerous situations with a smile. Just dealing with dire situations isn't enough -- you have to thrive off of it. Love it. Get a rush from it. If you don't, you'll be out of the superhero industry in no time flat. So start thinking positive! Your presence makes a difference and your work matters. Those people around you are all looking up to you. Don't you want them to see a smile?
It doesn't hurt that your enemies might think you're a little crazy. Who wants to fight a guy who walks into a burning building smiling and laughing to himself? The more people don't know what you're thinking, they more they'll be intimidated by you.
Be modest. So, you're pretty great. There's no two ways around it. But since you and everyone around you knows it, there's no need to act like it, much less talk about it. Just know that it's understood. You don't have any proving to be. So be modest. The world will like you a whole heckuva lot better if you are.
Remember to keep your identity a secret. If people know who you are, they may go as far as to try and hurt your family and friends. The life of a superhero is a lonely one, and don't let anyone in on the secret unless they need to know. Those you love will necessarily be a bit detached from you, but it's the price you must pay for their security.
Take solace in knowing that you can drop the act if you need to. When you do want to settle down and have a family, you can do that. It'll be a secret you never dig up again...until world chaos breaks out and you get called to duty again. But until then, you're free to resume your "normal" life.
Work in groups. You wouldn't want to be alone when surrounded by a gang of evildoers! If you know people with martial arts training and a will to serve the people, convince them to become superheroes themselves. If you can do it, so can they! And hey, maybe you can start a club.
Make sure these people are trustworthy. If you have even the slightest doubt that they could go over to the dark side, do not join forces with them. They'll learn your weaknesses, your habits, and take advantage of you.
Stay on the right side of the law. Be courteous to passing strangers, don't commit any crimes, and be nice to law enforcement. After all, it's the police that put the bad guys in jail, so it is important to remember that you are merely a helping force into handing criminals over to them. They won't always cooperate or give you the credit you deserve, but they are on your side.
Handle crimes correctly. Beating up a robber until he begins spitting out blood is synonymous with assault. Be sure to use your martial arts training to your advantage, and merely prevent the criminals from harming anyone in the least harmful way you can. Don't be afraid to use a taser or mace if things get heated, but don't go overboard. Otherwise you'll become the supervillain before you even realize it.
Go on patrol. Walk the streets of the nearest downtown and explain to anyone who asks that you are merely trying to keep the streets safe. Arm yourself with your bottles of water and your catnip and be ready at a moment's notice. And when you do find a crime, don't hesitate to stop it.
And when the paparazzi necessarily show up, pinpoint your nearest escape and make a run for it. A real superhero isn't about the limelight; they're about helping people. That's what you're best at!
Edit Tips
Stay in shape! If you're obese and sitting on the couch all the time, your blood won't be running much when it comes to a crime situation.
Never make somebody suspicious. Your behavior will seem automatically questionable to some; don't give them any more ammo.
Stay true to who you are.
Don't go over the top when fighting criminals (e.g don't break EVERY bone in their body). You'll be a bad guy in no time.
Don't hesitate to wear as much protection as possible under your super-suit. The suit itself should probably be made out of a light, but decorative material like silk. (If it gets broken, you can always repair it.)
Keep calm. Never show aggression or arrogance. You are more likely to be taken seriously by law enforcement if you are level-headed yet compassionate.
Go to the bathroom before you venture out. It's bad to have to go to the bathroom while doing your civic duty!
Learn to fight or you will get hurt.
Don't copy other superheroes. If you dress up like Spider-Man and claim that's who you are, people will think you have gone insane. Think of an original name, and don't make your suit too flashy.
Always be nice to everyone. Even the bad people deserve diplomacy.
Edit Warnings
Don't claim to be a super villain. It's either genuinely evil or annoying, the latter being the most common.
Never accept pay for the work you do. A true superhero must always do his job without expecting any thanks.
Do not break any laws. Being a superhero doesn't mean you are above the law, and you aren't likely to get much public support just for claiming you are a superhero.
Make sure that when or if you do get government clearance that you work together with the authorities and the Armed Forces.
Edit Things You'll Need
A sweet outfit
Martial arts skills
Money
Sweet tools
Exceptional capabilities
Creativity and innovation
A virtuous lifestyle and personality
Government approval (local or state or federal)
Sidekick (optional)
Edit Related wikiHows
How to Pretend to Be a Superhero
How to Fight Crime
How to Reduce Crime in Your Neighborhood
How to Avoid Being Mugged
How to Fight Like Batman
Edit Sources & Citations
http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2010/08/26/how-to-become-a-superhero-in-4-easy-steps/
http://www.behance.net/gallery/How-to-be-a-Superhero-An-Illustrated-Guide/11569137
http://www.good.is/posts/how-to-be-a-real-life-superhero-with-or-without-the-cape
http://www.smosh.com/smosh-pit/articles/how-be-superhero-a-budget
Cite error <cite_error_refs_without_references>; $2
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