When children do fight with each other or they do something which is not good morally, parents often force them to do apologize with their fellow one, and children in response say sorry. They say sorry, but not very convincingly.
Such type of forced apologies are not good for their growing age, According to Laura Markham, a child psychologist who wrote the book “Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings” How to Stop the Fighting and Raise Friends For Life.
That is why because, if you asked children what they think of the practice, they will be the first to realize you it is meaningless.
“When I’m mad, I hate apologizing. It just makes me madder.”
“I don’t like it when my brother apologizes to me when my parents make him do it, because he acts like he doesn’t even mean it. It makes me mad all over again.”
“It’s lying to apologize when you don’t mean it.”
Forcing the word “sorry” it is not only spoil the child but also it is not the solution of the problem.
“Decades of research on romantic relationships show that when one person in the couple feels forced to apologize before he or she is ready, it doesn’t help repair the relationship at all,” Markham told Yahoo Parenting. “We believe the same is true for children when it comes to friends and siblings.”
1. Focus on helping children communicate rather than on the ritual of apology:
If your children fight with each other or they do something wrong then do not force anyone from them to sorry each other, just listen what they said. Because when you will listen them carefully, you will come to know the actual problem among them and guide them with love and care, they will understand you better.
2. Wait until the anger has subsided:
When your child become angry, wait until the anger has subsided, after that guide him or with love and teach him or her, what is wrong and what is right for them. They will understand better.
3. Empower your children to “repair things” on their own:
You can give him ideas — writing a nice card, fixing the broken toy or you can encourage them with love and care, to rethink their deed which he or she did with their siblings. Encourage them to say sorry by their own, without forcing them. It will encourage them to realize things, they will think what I did was wrong or right.
4. Lead by example with all future interactions:
“Children learn from us how to repair relationship ruptures, Markham writes.
Now it is depend on us that their apologies are sincere are it was due to our pressure on them.
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