lotstradamus:
after the dementor showdown on the train, Lupin calls Harry by his first name, and it’s all “Harry didn’t ask how Lupin knew his name” because obviously Harry’s used to it, he’s the scar and glasses kid, whatever, but CAN YOU IMAGINE LUPIN? WAKING UP AND BEING LIKE “HOLY SHIT A DEMENTOR HOLY SHIT THIS CHILD IS HAVING A SEIZURE” and then all the lights coming back on and being faced with the double of your dead best friend? and realising that his son came into your compartment and sat down next to you without having a clue who you are? and then having a tiny James walk and talk around you like ??? he must have felt like he’d seen a fucking ghost. he’s going back to Hogwarts (where he was the happiest his whole life — I don’t think that’s even up for debate) which is gonna bring back SO many memories, it’s the night after a full moon, I mean honestly he must have just been like REALLY? YOU’RE GONNA KICK ME WHEN I’M DOWN, @GOD???
Sirius breaks into Hogwarts (to, as we later find out, attempt to do Peter in) on Halloween. Sirius scared the living daylights out of Harry on Magnolia Crescent some time in August, and then travelled north to Scotland to lurk about Hogwarts. he could have attempted to break into Gryffindor Tower AT ANY POINT between September the first and Halloween. he had TWO MONTHS. but no, Sirius Black is a consummate drama queen and I honestly don’t think 12 years in Azkaban would have robbed him of that. he waited for two months as a dog JUST so he could murder Peter Pettigrew on the anniversary of James and Lily’s deaths. no WONDER he slashed up the Fat Lady’s portrait when she wouldn’t let him in the tower. his STATEMENT was RUINED.
I very much appreciate that, on his next attempt, Sirius stole every possible password into Gryffindor Tower and read all of them off a piece of paper, even though the first password would have probably sufficed. like, okay, he didn’t have the fucking password last time. now he has THIRTY FOUR passwords AND YOU’RE GONNA LISTEN TO EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.
I need to know how much Snape knows about Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. because he insinuates that Harry got the ~joke parchment~ from them (he says “directly from the manufacturers”) so it’s like ??? is he implying that Harry inherited the map from James (which would make sense), that Lupin gave it to him (and is now lying about it), or that Harry’s somehow communicating with Sirius? does Snape know it’s a map? because he KNOWS that MWP&P were absolute little shitty wankers at school, so a joke parchment shouldn’t seem TOO far-fetched in terms of things they may have come up with? so why the semi-meltdown about it? WHAT’S YOUR ANGLE SNIVELLUS??? then later Snape implies that he lodged some sort of complaint with Dumbledore before term started about appointing Lupin and he thought Lupin may have helped Sirius into the castle on Halloween. honestly I think Snape just can’t get over the fact that Remus has DEFINITELY seen him hung upside down by the ankle and sans trousers, because the only other explanation is that he GENUINELY suspects Remus, which brings up so. many. questions. SUCH AS: a) considering Snape was a death eater, he must have assumed Sirius was either a DEEP COVER SPY that no death eaters knew about (to the point that Sirius didn’t even get a dark mark), or that he’d been slowly turning darker and darker and waiting for His Moment. so does Snape think that about Remus too? did he see Remus ~infiltrating the werewolves~ for the Order and never bother to ask Dumbledore if he was a spy or not? does he think Remus and Sirius were in CAHOOTS? what are the chances of there being TWO ~turned agents~ in one group of friends? which leads me to: b) does he think that Remus was innocent the first go-round, but has been reached out to by Sirius and is now working with him? because James and Lily were Lupin’s best friends too. so either Snape thinks a lot of shit went down between then and now to change Remus’s entire outlook/personality OR he and Sirius were SO TIGHT that aiding and abetting Sirius now means more to Lupin than the lives of his long-dead friends… which leads me to: C) WHAT DOES SNAPE KNOW ABOUT REMUS AND SIRIUS AND DO YOU THINK HE EVER SAW THEM SNOGGING???
right at the end of the book when Snape can just SENSE that everything’s going to pot he says to Dumbledore something about how Sirius proved he was capable of murder at the age of 16, when he casually told Snape how to get into the willow on a full moon and nearly got him slaughtered by a fully-grown werewolf. I think Snape… actually has… a valid point. I mean, part of the reason why i LOVE Sirius as a human being and as a character is because he’s flawed and so, SO fundamentally fucked up. like I don’t know about the rest of you, but if my best friend was a secret werewolf and I knew someone we loathed (someone who, if they found out, would do their utmost to get my best secret werewolf friend kicked out of school/shunned by everyone forever/etc. etc.) was snooping about trying to Sherlock Holmes the sitch, I would be absolutely On My Guard. I wouldn’t even THINK the word “werewolf” in their presence, let alone give them INSTRUCTIONS on how to FIND MY BEST SECRET (AND EXTREMELY LETHAL) WEREWOLF FRIEND — instructions that were SO GOOD this person actually managed to SEE my best secret werewolf friend and, thus, miss being EATEN ALIVE by a hair’s breadth. and if, for some reason, I was having an off day and all of this DID happen, I would probably be SO SORRY AND MORTIFIED ABOUT IT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. Sirius just kind of laughs it off. not even that — he’s like “eh, the little fucker deserved it.” and, I mean, okay, Snape isn’t the best and Sirius is quite distracted at this point in the book, but, dude. you literally nearly got someone killed because you’re so fucking gobby. even if that person is a stain who you would happily hang upside down by the ankle and pants for all eternity, at least show a little remorse for almost making your best secret werewolf friend a murderer because you can’t keep your fucking mouth shut.
I’ve already talked about Remus’s borderline hilarious reactions to Harry bringing up Sirius, but it bears repeating: first he loses control of his limbs and sends his briefcase flying, and then, when asked directly if he knew Sirius at school, says, NO!!! WHY??? Remus Lupin is a shoddy fucking liar and that shit is canon.
Hagrid says that, when he went to get baby Harry out of the derelict ruins of the cottage at Godric’s Hollow, Sirius was there and asked to take Harry. and this fucks me up so badly, because at this point Sirius has already been to Peter’s hideout and realised what’s happened: he knows that Peter betrayed James and Lily to Voldemort and that Voldemort killed them. he’s 100% fucking aware. so he asks for HIS GODSON (because it’s his duty AS A GODFATHER to look after this baby now that his parents are gone, because THAT IS WHAT LILY AND JAMES WANTED, knowing FULL WELL that they had a 99% higher chance of dying than the average new parent; they CHOSE SIRIUS FOR THIS EXACT PURPOSE) but Hagrid’s like “no, sorry, Dumbledore’s orders.” I hope, when he has that looooong chat with Sirius in flitwick’s office, Dumbledore fucking realises that if he hadn’t gone and STUCK HIS FUCKING NOSE in OTHER PEOPLE’S BUSINESS that Sirius never would have gone to Azkaban. if Sirius had taken baby Harry home with him (and probably immediately owled Remus like, “help!”) he never would have been able to go after Peter Pettigrew. he would have been too busy RAISING A BABY (a baby who, incidentally, would have spent the next 10 years learning to protect himself, never doubting that he’s loved, NOT NEGLECTED OR ABUSED, and most certainly NOT IN A CUPBOARD). do you think Hagrid even let Sirius hold Harry before he took him away? I don’t. his fucking godson.
I will never understand fandom’s depiction of Peter as a bumbling, useless idiot: Peter Pettigrew’s Double Agent Game is literally only beaten by Severus Snape. James, Sirius, Remus, Lily and Dumbledore (who, I imagine, would have overseen all the prophecy-related, Order-adjacent shit like the fidelus charm) trusted him UNTIL THE VERY END. James and Lily probably DIED trusting him; you can bet their first thought would have been “oh no, they got to Peter and tortured him for information!” rather than “oh no, Peter’s a death eater!” this guy fooled EVERYONE. he fooled the three people who knew him best IN THE WORLD. these guys slept in the same room as him for SEVEN YEARS and he lied so effectively that they didn’t even SUSPECT that something was up. they trusted him and loved him; Sirius says he would have DIED for him! NO ONE EVER REALISED THIS PERSON THEY LOVED HAD TURNED INTO A BITTER, BRUTAL SHELL OF HIMSELF! HE PLAYED THEM ALL LIKE GODDAMN VIOLINS!!!
Sirius is such a presence throughout the book — mass-murderer! erstwhile godfather! Voldemort’s primo lieutenant! insane, portrait-slashing, knife-wielding madman! — that when we FINALLY meet him IN PERSON (rather than as a dog) in the Shack it’s actually a huge surprise; we’re expecting a mass-murdering death eater, but instead we get Sirius, who communes with cats, behaves like a genuine lunatic, and literally COLLAPSES with a hand over his eyes when his only surviving best friend shows up, forgives him, and starts behaving like an adult. Sirius is a fucking MESS. we were so MISLED.
SPEAKING OF his best friend behaving like an adult, the whole “sorry I thought you were a spy.” “oh, dude, same!” bit KILLS ME because ??!?!!?!??? I can understand remus believing Sirius betrayed the Potters and killed Peter (kind of. I mean, I can’t believe that he’d have believed it before the fact, but the whole street exploded and there was a finger. plus, Sirius didn’t exactly play the sanity card) but why did Sirius think Remus was the spy? prefect Remus? best friend Remus? Remus whom they all became Animagus for? sweet lovely Remus? I NEED TO KNOW. I CAN’T BELIEVE JKR COULD LEAVE ME HANGING LIKE THIS. I’ve had to cultivate MY OWN THEORY and all that’s done is make me UNBEARABLY SAD. but, well, you fucking asked, so here it is: picture this. it’s 1979/1980/that really grim grey ugly-clothes Winter of Discontent period. it’s probably raining. everyone is dying and terrified. Remus is a DEEP COVER WEREWOLF SPY, infiltrating the ranks and chumming up to any death eaters-cum-werewolves, or maybe just plain old werewolves, testing the waters, seeing how they feel about the whole Voldemort fandango. maybe Remus starts spending more time with werewolves and death eaters than he does his friends and allies in the Order. maybe Remus has to pick and choose what information he feeds back to the Order to keep his cover in place. maybe one day he withholds information that could have prevented someone getting hurt or killed. maybe there are whispers about loyalties; maybe Sirius hasn’t seen Remus for more than five minutes at a time in months and can’t ask him about it himself. maybe Peter stirs the pot (definitely Peter stirs the pot). maybe, eventually, the prejudices that his friends had made an effort to unlearn and buried under years of knowing Remus finally start to float back up to the surface: Remus can’t be trusted, because Remus is a werewolf.