JT and I have been married for twelve years. We are the proud parents of three beautiful girls. JT works full time outside our home while I’m busy homeschooling our trio. When the weekends finally roll around, things are just as busy. I’m transporting children to and from birthday parties and playdates or trying to run errands, and it’s not unusual for JT to have a Saturday morning meeting with fellow deacons at our church.
We’re in the midst of child rearing and life is hectic.
JT and I, like many other couples, have discovered that marital communication becomes much more challenging during the child rearing years. Husbands and wives are pouring much of their time and energy into activities and projects that meet the needs of their children. A full family calendar and a demanding schedule often cause husbands and wives to put their relationships on the back burner. However, if effective communication is not one of the building blocks of the marital foundation, the solid family unit the couple is striving to build will rest upon shaky ground.
Is it easy for husbands and wives to find the time to communicate effectively during this busy season of life? No. Can husbands and wives make time to communicate during this busy season of life? Yes, absolutely! And because God wants husbands and wives to communicate effectively at all times, we must become become intentional about our efforts to communicate.
Here are five tips to help improve marital communication during the child rearing years.
Teach your children to respect your relationship with your spouse. It’s natural for children to think the world revolves around them. This, however, sometimes causes children to be oblivious to other relationships around them, so your need for child free communication with your spouse may come as a surprise to them. Let children know the husband/wife relationship is just as important as the parent/child relationship and explain that husbands and wives want and need private time talking to one another.
Make time to talk each day. Find the time to chat with your spouse each day. Focus on maintaining fun, lighthearted, and playful conversations, and leave the heavy conversations, those about financial issues and the like, for another time. Use this time of daily conversation to catch up on the day’s happenings, to laugh with one another, and to simply enjoy the pleasure of your spouse’s company.
State your needs. Couples can avoid communication chaos by being up front about their specific needs. If there is something you need from your spouse, say so. Don’t waste valuable communication time by making your spouse play a guessing game. If you haven’t stated your needs, it’s unfair to expect your spouse to meet those needs. (Tweet this!) Say so or let it go!
Communicate creatively. Many married couples spend most of the day away from one another. Though communicating from a distance can be challenging, it is not impossible. The key is finding ways to be creative communicators. Drop a thank you note in your spouse’s lunch. Brighten your spouse’s day by sending a loving text or an encouraging email. Each of these actions lets your spouse know you’re eager to communicate and sets the tone for face to face communication later in the day.
Pick a proper place and a proper time to discuss more pertinent issues. When it’s time to dig deeply into more significant topics such as money, sex, or parenting, schedule a special place and time for discussion. These topics usually involve a longer communication time and are not intended for children’s ears. Setting a place and time in advance gives couples time to think about what they want to say and how they want to say it. Proper planning ensures you have ample time to communicate about the big issues.
Since many marital issues stem from lack of communication, it’s imperative that couples make effective communication a priority. We cannot allow our parental responsibilities to block the door of communication between husband and wife.
Do you have ideas for improving marital communication during the child rearing years? If so, please let us know. We’d love to hear your suggestions!
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