Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Enjoy!
Follow @AlbertBrooks
Albert Brooks
@AlbertBrooks
Just arrived in Beijing for the Olympics. These buildings do not look like they’re ready for Friday.
Reply · Retweet · Favorite
10 minutes ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto
Follow @indecision
Indecision
@indecision
Congrats to Kim Jong-un for marrying a woman and not a bunch of pieces of ham shaped like a woman.
Reply · Retweet · Favorite
4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
Follow @BettyFckinWhite
Betty F*ckin’ White
@BettyFckinWhite
Kristen Stewart admits to cheating on Robert Pattinson. She looks really upset about it, or happy, or maybe sleepy?
Reply · Retweet · Favorite
44 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
Follow @netw3rk
netw3rk
@netw3rk
Chick Fil-A slogan pitch: “So good you’ll question your values.”
Reply · Retweet · Favorite
1 hour ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
Follow @FakeAPStylebook
Fake AP Stylebook
@FakeAPStylebook
“Fitty” refers either to rapper 50 Cent or someone who is prone to fits.
Reply · Retweet · Favorite
52 minutes ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto
Follow @TheFakeCNN
The Fake CNN
@TheFakeCNN
Poll: The majority of Americans believe the past tense of SHIT is SHAT beating out SHITTED for 2nd year in a row.
Reply · Retweet · Favorite
53 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
Follow @SamGrittner
Sam Grittner
@SamGrittner
If it takes more than a week to approve us as FB friends, either I’m impressed u hardly use it or I REALLY wonder what ur vetting process is
Reply · Retweet · Favorite
1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
Follow @mikepolkjr
Mike Polk Jr.
@mikepolkjr
Congrats to Kim Jong Un’s beautiful new bride for saying “I do”, thus securing the release of her family from a locked, windowless shed.
Reply · Retweet · Favorite
51 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
Follow @thesulk
Alec Sulkin
@thesulk
Sleep Number beds are the polite way of saying, “You stay over there!”
Reply · Retweet · Favorite
2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
Follow @TheThryll
Will Phillips
@TheThryll
Which Berenstain Bear book deals with people tagging you in shitty Facebook photos?
Reply · Retweet · Favorite
2 hours ago via Tweetbot for iOS · powered by @socialditto
Follow @TWlTTERWHALE
Fail Whale
@TWlTTERWHALE
I wonder how many people would still be in relationships if they never invented password locked cell phones?
Reply · Retweet · Favorite
2 hours ago via Mobile Web · powered by @socialditto
Follow @badbanana
Tim Siedell
@badbanana
This drought is great. It’s like having a giant Instagram filter for my lawn.
Reply · Retweet · Favorite
3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto