There’s a girl you’ve been crushing on for a little while. You made it past the interacting part and are having great conversations. You can tell that she’s into you as well. You’ve been hanging out every day for the past week, but you’re just not sure when you should ask her on a date.
Meeting girls and knowing when to ask for that all important first date is absolutely critical. Why? Because, often, if you don’t act upon a spark at the appropriate time and leave things unattended, the spark will grow cold.
The reason for this is that when a girl has an interest in you, she will send you subtle signals that she thinks are quite obvious. Female body language is one of the most powerful methods girls use to let people know what’s going on inside that pretty head of theirs.
Girls are pros at sending non-verbal cues, so it’s important for you to catch them when sent.
Unfortunately, for the uninitiated guy, these signals are actually quite complex. More often than not, you’ll miss them. Interpreting body language is extremely important. When a girl sends out these signals and doesn’t get a response from you, she thinks one of two things, neither of which will help you.
The first thing she thinks is that you’re not interested in her. In order to protect herself, she’ll then justify this by saying, “Well, I wasn’t really that into him anyway.” It’s so easy for most girls to go out and meet someone else that she’ll quickly move on if you keep her thinking that you’re not interested.
The second situation is even worst. She’ll think that you’re a pussy and that you don’t know how to ask her out. The only time that it’s endearing to be a bit socially awkward and appear weak is in Hollywood movies, where the geeky guys somehow lands the super-hot girl. This doesn’t happen in the real world.
Step #1: Learn to read her non-verbal cues by paying attention to her body language.
The best advice on dating that I can give you when dealing with females is to watch their body language and read the unspoken cues they send.
Cue #1: Pay careful attention to her hands.
Some really powerful signals that you can pick up on is to pay attention to what she does with her hands when she talks to you. If you notice her flicking her hair or readjusting her outfit, this is a clear signal that she’s into you.
Body language expert Allan Pease refers to this as preening signals. Essentially, she is making sure that everything is neat and tidy.
Cue #2: Pay close attention to how much she’s laughing.
Often, you’ll find that when a girl is into a guy, she’ll laugh more than is necessary. You’ll know this because you know what you’re saying isn’t really all that funny, and yet you’ll see her laughing and giggling like a school girl.
If she also touches you when she laughs, then it’s on. This girl is really giving off red flags of attraction that you need to take advantage of. When you notice these signals, it’s important to act straight away. When a girl gives you a window of opportunity, you have a limited time to go through that window and make your move.
Step #2: When you ask her out, be absolutely clear on why you’re asking her out.
Murkiness will get you into all sorts of trouble down the line. Now, I know for guys who haven’t had a lot of success with girls it can be extremely frightening to make a direct statement and let her know that you’re interested in her.
The truth is, you’re going to have to do this at some point in time. So you’re better off getting your cards out on the table right from the start. Expressing yourself confidently and staying calm under pressure will actually heighten the girl’s attraction to you.
I think the easiest and most effective way to do this without putting yourself under immense pressure is to say to a girl, “I’d be interested in getting to know you outside of this environment. Is that something you’d be open to?” You’re not actually asking for a date directly, but indirectly you are.
You’ll notice that I don’t ask her out on a specific date at this point. I don’t ask if she’ll be free on the weekend or if she’d like to come and do something with me. I’m only making a statement of intent and I’m just testing the waters. Once I get a commitment from her that, yes, she would be interested, then I can start to work on logistics.
Step #3: Sorting out logistic.
One of the most common mistakes guys often make is trying to lock in a particular date. He’ll say something like, “Hey, I’m going salsa dancing next Wednesday. Does that work for you?”
The problem with this is if that particular date doesn’t work and she essentially has to decline your offer, even if she’s attracted to you, the fact that she’s declined your offer will slightly soften the attraction she feels.
A far better approach is to get a sense of which day she’s free. Once you’ve got a commitment that she’d like to see you outside the particular environment that you’re hanging out in, you can follow-up and ask her, “Which day works best for you?” You do need to be careful with coming off as being too desperate in this situation, so watch the tone of voice that you use.
The way I do it is I say, “My schedule’s looking pretty free next week. What day works best for you?” This lets her know that I’m not completely going to rearrange my life to accommodate her. Essentially, it allows me to gauge the most appropriate day that is convenient for her. If she says “I’m free Wednesday”, I can automatically assume that that means that her answer is yes and she’ll go out on a date with me.
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