One thing I love about the life coaching industry is how it is filled with people who are passionate about improving their own lives and those of others. The great majority of people I interact with are authentic, friendly and accommodating.
Nonetheless, even in this wonderful business, one comes up against ‘difficult’ people from time to time – and in many businesses and walks of life dealing with ‘difficult people’ can seem like more the rule than the exception.
“Think of difficult people as your teacher, not your enemy.”
~ Unknown
For those of you who feel you have more that your fair share of difficult people to deal with let me offer four tips aimed at helping make your lives a little easier.
Tip 1: Think ‘challenging’ not ‘difficult’
In life coaching, it’s common knowledge that when a coach starts to gain the impression that a client is being ‘difficult’ it is, more often than not, a good indication that the coaching method or approach needs to change.
You see, labelling someone as ‘difficult’ is judgemental and often says more about the person doing the labelling than the one being labelled.
To condition yourself to think of someone you deal with as ‘challenging’ rather than ‘difficult’, puts the onus back on you to solve that challenge rather than allow you to blame your frustration on the other person.
You will immediately derive benefits by shifting your mental attitude from something like this:
“Dealing with this client is really frustrating. I find his/her attitude/behaviour really irritating” to something like this:
“Dealing with this client requires real skill. This is a serious challenge that will help me grow.”
Adopt the former attitude and you cede your power or ability to act positively on the situation. Adopt the latter mentality, however, and you will be taking ownership of the problem and allowing yourself to make thoughtful choices about how to handle it in a professional way.
And that brings me to tip number two:
Tip 2: Don’t react, Act
When you’re under stress, it’s easy to be drawn into reacting angrily to emails, text messages or even spoken comments that strike you as insensitive, provocative or even threatening.
By reacting off the cuff you may derive some short-term relief but the downside is that by doing so you’re likely to exacerbate the situation!
In most cases, reacting, on the spur of the moment, to a person or situation you find difficult, frustrating or annoying, is a bit like trying to dowse a glowing ember with petrol!
A spontaneous reaction is simply an unthinking response to your own internal emotions. Unthinking responses can be dangerous. By adopting the premise that someone or something else is responsible for how you feel, you give your power away rather than take the opportunity to channel it, positively, into finding a solution.
‘Counting to Ten’, taking ‘time out’ or ‘sleeping’ on the issue is always a good idea as it will allow you time and space to come to terms with why your emotional hackles have been raised, what responsibility you have for that and what alternatives are available to you.
When you have thought it through and are ready, then it’s time to take appropriate, fully conscious, action!
Tip 3: Act with tolerance, calmness and compassion
Tip number three takes a leaf out of olden day prophets like Jesus, Mohammed and Buddah – and more modern icons like Gandhi, Mother Teresa and Mandela – all of whom had a profoundly positive impact on the people they dealt with.
Next time you encounter a ‘difficult’ person, try this for a strategy: Reciprocate with (authentic) kindness and compassion!
Once you understand that you have control over the disturbance you are feeling inside, you can resolve to remain calm and collected and reach out in a state of grace. In all likelihood you will be amazed and delighted by the reaction you get. And even if you don’t, you’ll feel better about yourself.
If you are a man reading this you might find this a little more difficult to swallow than our friends of the fairer gender.
We men are more programmed to ‘fight fire with fire’ and often perceive a gentler approach to any perceived form of provocation or confrontation to be a sign of weakness.
Sorry guys, but nothing could be further from the truth!
And here’s my final tip…
Tip 4: Commit to growth through the experience
My first tip was to change the way you perceive of ‘difficult’ people or situations and start to view them as personal challenges.
Difficulties that you experience in life are there for one important purpose – to provide you with opportunities for growth.
People who confront and deal with challenges in life are those who experience self-growth. And self growth is what makes life rewarding and meaningful.
A new approach
So, the next time some really difficult person steps into your life, take a whole new approach …
Smile, relish the challenge and embrace the opportunity you have been afforded for some personal growth!
New Insights Life Coach Training has been developed locally and is available nationally as a Home Study Programme with online support.
contact 086 110 6460
web www.life-coach-training-sa.com
facebook New Insights life coaching
The post Dealing with Difficult People appeared first on Valley Trading Post.