(Image: James Gillray)
From the Middle Ages to the Renaissance and more recently, courtesy books were hugely popular. They were written to guide people of various social ranks and occupations through their daily lives, touching on areas from relationships and behaviour to etiquette, morals, beauty and hygiene. Today, they provide a fascinating and at times amusing glimpse back to what was considered appropriate behaviour, and how people in the Middle Ages dealt with issues and concerns that continue to emerge in the modern day. There are scores of wonderful tidbits of advice and guidance scattered throughout these courtesy books, also known as books of manners. Etiquette can pose a daunting minefield to navigate, but help is at hand.
How to Deal with the Attentions of a Married Woman
The first courtesy book in England is thought to be Liber Urbani (or simply, Urbanus), which means Book of the Civilized Man. It was written around 1190 by Daniel of Beccles, a man thought to have been a member of the court of Henry II. The 3,000-line poem is an epic piece of work that details the correct way to act in a number of situations.
While Beccles dispenses some sage advice, such as how you should never offend someone by bringing your horse into the house to mount, and how you should never check yourself for fleas in the front hall or in the company of others, he also addresses the touchy subject of receiving the attentions of a married woman. Particularly, he offers advice on just what to do if the wife of your lord happens to be paying too much attention to you.
While you definitely want to avoid insulting her, you most certainly don’t want to betray the trust of the lord by returning her affections, either. So, Daniel writes, “your safer plan is to feign illness, nerve-racking diseases, [and] to go away sensibly and prudently”.
Being a Proper Dinner Guest
In addition to the usual warnings about not drinking wine as if it’s your job, Daniel of Beccles has much to say about spoons. He warns against spending an inordinate amount of time playing with your spoon, points out that you shouldn’t put your spoon back into a communal dish once you’ve used it, and that you should never share a spoon with another diner. He also notes that once you have used a spoon, it absolutely does not become your property and should be left where you found it.
Table manners are of the utmost importance when visiting someone else for dinner, and it’s suggested that careful observation of manners and etiquette will keep you in good standing with your host. Fortunately, Beccles gets specific about all sorts of situations that might arise at a dinner party, including the need to use the bathroom.
Only the host is allowed to urinate in the dining hall, and following his example is a definite no-no. Guests were to go outside, where they should find a hidden place and – strangely – face into the wind while relieving themselves. It was also necessary to go outside to pass gas, as doing so inside was just downright wrong. Spitting, blowing or picking your nose at the table were strictly forbidden also, and a considerate dinner guest always waited until after leaving the house to check himself for fleas.
Marry a Fallen Woman for Good Karma
Christine de Pizan (PDF) was a medieval rarity, a woman making a living as a writer with the patronage of Marguerite of Nevers, the daughter of the Duke of Burgundy. In 1405, she penned the Livre dese trois vertus, and in the third book she devotes significant time to counseling the era’s single women on how best to make a living. One of their options was marriage, and she points out that all the lonely bachelors out there could do worse than to propose to one of the city’s fallen women.
Beginning at the end of the 12th century with the writing of Pope Innocent III, men were counseled that taking a prostitute as a wife and giving her a respectable life was the ultimate form of charity – and it was implied that it would be remembered. Over the next hundred years, special organizations were formed for the health and welfare of reformed women, who would be given a government stipend to help them get back on their feet.
Exactly how many men heeded the relationship advice of the Pope isn’t clear. What’s more, other less devout texts indicate that the idea of an Everyman marrying a harlot was viewed with suspicions of witchcraft.
To Get a Man, Stop Laughing
The 14th century writer Christine de Pizan might have broken a number of gender stereotypes, but she also wrote that it was a woman’s duty to make sure she continued to be attractive to her husband, in order to keep him from going out every night and spending all his money at the local taverns. And one way to remain continuously attractive was not to laugh – at least, not in a way that might be deemed too over-the-top.
The reasoning behind this strange advice had to do with the idea that laughing too much would upset the balance of the body’s humours. While black bile was associated with sadness, blood was associated with happiness and laughter. Too much laughing tipped the scales, and impacted a person’s ability to control their other passions. Ultimately, that meant a woman would be unable to fulfill her womanly duties of moderation and submissiveness.
Women were thought to be more susceptible to this imbalance than their male counterparts, as the balance of humours in a woman’s body was more delicate and more easily disrupted. That made them unstable – and no one wanted an unstable woman.
A Medieval Beauty Routine: Hair Dye
John Baptista Porta wrote a series of books in the late 16th century, and they touched on an extensive range of topics and ideas. The Ninth Book of Natural Magick focused on his findings in the beautification of women, a crucial piece of knowledge that was designed to help women stay beautiful, not offend their husbands with their aging or their grossness and ultimately keep them from straying.
He offered a list of instructions on how women could dye their hair, to get rid of grey and keep colouring bright. While colouring hair yellow could be done with a mixture that included things like saffron, cumin, rye straw and lye, those with black hair were a little less fortunate. For them, Porta recommends taking a batch of leeches and leaving them in a bath of dark wine. Let them rot in the sun for 60 days, then take the mixture and apply it to the hair.
Those not too keen on the idea can alternately use vinegar instead of wine. And for those who don’t like leeches, he suggests another preparation. Get a green lizard, chop off the head and tail, boil it in oil, and use that for your dye.
Capturing and Taming Animals
In his Fifteenth Book of Natural Magick, John Baptista Porta explains how to capture animals from the wild and tame them so they can be introduced into the home. Wolves can apparently be charmed by a minstrel playing the flute (although Porta only cites one time when this apparently happened), while playing a flute to a wild horse (particularly in Lybia) will make it docile and submissive.
If you happen to be hunting stag or boar, play a pipe to lure them close enough to catch them. Fishing for ray? Play the pipe for them, too, and they’ll throw themselves onto the boat.
The advice seems practical enough, but Porta also offers his thoughts on what to do in order to catch an elephant. He suggests digging an extremely large pit, and putting four female elephants inside. The male will show up, and fall into the pit.
Dealing with the Servants
According to the Middle English text How the Goodwife Taught her Daughter, one the most important things to know in order to deal with servants is to keep your husband permanently in the dark about what’s going on. Were the servants arguing? Did some dishes get broken? Were angry words exchanged? Those are all things that the wife must absolutely keep from the husband.
Similar instructions are repeated in the German manual Good Counsel for a Young Lady, which likely dates back to the early 16th century. The key to a happy home life and good relationship, it says, is nurturing the relationship between master and servant. A proper lady should always be kind to the help, include them in her daily prayers, and keeping all of their shortcomings, failings, difficulties and arguments a secret.
Not informing the husband of anything that is less-than-perfect is a sure way to cement their loyalty and to make sure that they spread the word about how wonderful a person you are, the manuals maintain. It’s gossip that any woman who wants to be respected should truly worry about, and the rest will fall into place.
The Blind Can’t Love
At the end of the 12th century, Andreas Capellanus wrote a treatise on courtly love. The kind of love we usually associate with knights in armour, ladies and chivalry, it was defined by the three books that made up De Amore. Capellanus defines what love is, and he also gets into what makes a person capable of love. To be capable of love, one must not be blind. So if you have your heart set on someone who cannot see, you’re out of luck. The ability to see is necessary for falling victim to love, he says.
Love starts when a person looks on their intended, and is filled with desire. It’s the act of seeing that leads a person to dwell on the existence of the other. After seeing, a mental image is captured that the love-stuck person then meditates on, leading to everything from the development of full-blown love to dangerous distraction. Part of Capellanus’s definition of courtly love is the idea that seeing a lover across the way makes a person’s heart race and palms sweat, along with a host of other physical malfunctions that indicate he’s in love.
Without being able to see the other person, it’s impossible to develop this kind of all-encompassing obsession. Capellanus does say, however, that someone who once had sight and later lost it can sustain a sort of courtly obsession with someone seen before the loss of vision.
Need to Send a Secret Message?
In the Sixteenth Book of Natural Magick, Porta describes a number of ways to send secret messages and write in invisible letters. Most of his suggestions involve eggs.
In one method, Porta suggests first hard-boiling and egg, then wrapping it in wax. Etch the message into the wax, being careful to expose the shell but not break it. Place the egg in vinegar, and let it sit. Since the egg shell is porous, the vinegar will seep through to the egg white. Take off the wax, dry the egg in the sun, and the message can be read when the egg shell is peeled by the recipient.
He also suggests writing on the shell of a raw egg with lemon juice. When the egg is boiled, the message will appear. Alternately, Porta points out that you can insert a letter into an egg, but we’re pretty sure that few have the patience for such an undertaking these days.
A Man and His Dog
(Image: via Wikipedia; a Eurasian wolf)
Dogs have been living and working alongside man for generations, and in 1389 Gaston III, Count of Foix, released Livre de Chasse. While the book was mainly about hunting, he devoted an entire section to the care of his dogs and how to develop a good working relationship with them.
His advice is surprisingly modern, based on the idea that dogs are constant companions that learn quickly, communicate easily with humans who took the time to understand them, and had personalities as distinct as their human associates. Gaston talks about the most efficient ways to train dogs, and suggests that first learning what kind of personality the dog has will offer an insight into how best to communicate with your canine friend. Training a dog that is “chatty and gossipy” is best done by including the dog in smaller groups, giving him fewer friends to talk to, Gaston says. By doing so, the owner adapts to the dog’s way of thinking rather than forcing human cognition on the animal.
Gaston suggests that building a true bond was the result of a lifetime’s work. He advocated for kennelmen (or berners) to be in charge of the dogs as a full-time job, which they began training for at around age 7. Starting that young would afford a man a lifetime of learning how to communicate and work alongside the dogs, and build a strong emotional bond with them.
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