Lolita
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Da wiccans say Stanley chose and filmed his subjects with scrupulouse care, yabbering on bout how he worked real slow - like some kind of snail. Dey say Stanley perfectly enjoyed making all kinds of films whenever da mood hit him. [[Science fiction]], horror classics, period pieces, mysteries of da mind, antiwar rants, Stan just made dem up and filmed dem whenever he wanted to. Den da wikipedes take a wild goose guess dat Stan was a technical perfectionist, and start in complaining about how he was a recluse who'd seldom talk about his films until ya got him stoned or drunk. Da wise intellecstools seem ta think dat Stanley ''always'' maintained complete artistic control over his masterpieces - sorta like if [[Picasso|Pabblo Picasso]] could afford a camera.
Da wiccans say Stanley chose and filmed his subjects with scrupulouse care, yabbering on bout how he worked real slow - like some kind of snail. Dey say Stanley perfectly enjoyed making all kinds of films whenever da mood hit him. [[Science fiction]], horror classics, period pieces, mysteries of da mind, antiwar rants, Stan just made dem up and filmed dem whenever he wanted to. Den da wikipedes take a wild goose guess dat Stan was a technical perfectionist, and start in complaining about how he was a recluse who'd seldom talk about his films until ya got him stoned or drunk. Da wise intellecstools seem ta think dat Stanley ''always'' maintained complete artistic control over his masterpieces - sorta like if [[Picasso|Pabblo Picasso]] could afford a camera.
−
And ''den'', ya gotta hear dis, and ''den'' da esteemed professors go on ta bitch dat Stanley's films have a formal style and pay lots of attention ta details and whatnot. Dey try ta make ya think dat his later stuff is surrealistical and dat Stan's last films lack structured linear narrative - whatever da hell dat means. Like an echo chamber dey tell each udder dat his movies are soooooo goddamned slow because he was diseased with some kind of addiction to anal obsessive perfectionism. Da white beards
go on to
preach-to-da-choir dat Stan used recurring themes as a way to argue about man's inhumility to man. Got dat right. While Stanley's movies are often described as
opinoumated
stories and nagging gossip doused in [[irony|ironic]] [[pessimism]], da pedia eggheads imagine dat Stanley's films contain a cautious optimism dat tells ya ta think for yourself when viewed like dey like ta watch 'em.
+
And ''den'', ya gotta hear dis, and ''den'' da esteemed professors go on ta bitch dat Stanley's films have a formal style and pay lots of attention ta details and whatnot. Dey try ta make ya think dat his later stuff is surrealistical and dat Stan's last films lack structured linear narrative - whatever da hell dat means. Like an echo chamber dey tell each udder dat his movies are soooooo goddamned slow because he was diseased with some kind of addiction to anal obsessive perfectionism. Da white beards
den
preach-to-da-choir dat Stan used recurring themes as a way to argue about man's inhumility to man. Got dat right. While Stanley's movies are often described as
opinionated tall
stories and nagging gossip doused in [[irony|ironic]] [[pessimism]], da pedia eggheads imagine dat Stanley's films contain a cautious optimism dat tells ya ta think for yourself when viewed like dey like ta watch 'em.
==Lolita==
==Lolita==
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[[File:Lolitacomplex 013.jpg|thumb|
225px
|'''Sue Lyon looked somethin like dis, but blonder and skinnier and in-focus with dat pout perfected on her face.''']]
+
[[File:Lolitacomplex 013.jpg|thumb|
300px
|'''Sue Lyon looked somethin like dis, but blonder and skinnier and in-focus with dat pout perfected on her face.''']]
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Wat ya gotta know is dat Stanley's first good film and his last good film were his best films. "Lolita" and "Eyes Tight Shut". Hey, have ya guys ever seen "Lolita" with a couple of dese brownies in ya? Show of hands. Scorsese, ya, Coppala, of course, and over dere, [[M. Night Shyamalan|Shyamalan]] and Affleck, got ya backs man. Ya, see, see dat? Dat's one hell of a movie. Once ya get past da first dull half hour or so,
den you
gets ta point yer eyes at da masterpiece moment when ya [[W|James Mason]] comes up on Lolita who's decked out in a bikini and a fuck me hat, and Sue Lyon looks up and instantly calculates da amount of lust just activated in dis strangers body, what she can use it for, checks out his clothes, shoes, and waistline, and den makes a few subtle moves with her eyes, face, and fingers to ramp da lust up tenfold. Kubrick put da music ta da scene so youse knows what's goin on. From then on, except for another dull half hour every once in awhile, [[wikipedia:James Mason|James Mason]] and [[wikipedia:Sue Lyon|Sue Lyon]] show dere acting range. Da range of a bored middle-aged gentleman living his boring life when alls'a sudden WHAM!!!!! BLAM!!! he falls in lust at first sight with a fifteen-year old boy or girl, depending on which director's cut ya own, and da kid is game but plans ta cocktease him for awhile.
+
Wat ya gotta know is dat Stanley's first good film and his last good film were his best films. "Lolita" and "Eyes Tight Shut". Hey, have ya guys ever seen "Lolita" with a couple of dese brownies in ya? Show of hands. Scorsese, ya, Coppala, of course, and over dere, [[M. Night Shyamalan|Shyamalan]] and Affleck, got ya backs man. Ya, see, see dat? Dat's one hell of a movie. Once ya get past da first dull half hour or so,
ya finally
gets ta point yer eyes at da masterpiece moment when ya [[W|James Mason]] comes up on Lolita who's decked out in a bikini and a fuck me hat, and Sue Lyon looks up and instantly calculates da amount of lust just activated in dis strangers body, what she can use it for, checks out his clothes, shoes, and waistline, and den makes a few subtle moves with her eyes, face, and fingers to ramp da lust up tenfold. Kubrick put da music ta da scene so youse knows what's goin on. From then on, except for another dull half hour every once in awhile, [[wikipedia:James Mason|James Mason]] and [[wikipedia:Sue Lyon|Sue Lyon]] show dere acting range. Da range of a bored middle-aged gentleman living his boring life when alls'a sudden WHAM!!!!! BLAM!!! he falls in lust at first sight with a fifteen-year old boy or girl, depending on which director's cut ya own, and da kid is game but plans ta cocktease him for awhile.
−
Den, right dere in da middle of dis shitstorm, youse got youse Peter Sellers thrown in at ya like a circus clown
jumping rope
, movin his persona around pretendin ta be several different characters at once. All da other actors, except for Shelly Winters who's crumpled up dead by dat point - which is good so ya don't have ta look at her nomore - carry each scene onto da next in ways Kubrick shot like he thought he was Da Vinci paintin' da inside of dat church. One of da best movies ever made, except for most of it, and 'specially if ya on dese brownies.
+
Den, right dere in da middle of dis shitstorm, youse got youse Peter Sellers thrown in at ya like a circus clown
jugglin cotton candy
, movin his persona around pretendin ta be several different characters at once. All da other actors, except for Shelly Winters who's crumpled up dead by dat point - which is good so ya don't have ta look at her nomore - carry each scene onto da next in ways Kubrick shot like he thought he was Da Vinci paintin' da inside of dat church. One of da best movies ever made, except for most of it, and 'specially if ya on dese brownies.
So Stan and I got to hanging around on da Lolita set, and on Lolita herself tells ya da God's honest truth - I seez ya laughin' O'Malley - and we start in palling around after hours and off-set. Dat was 1962, jeez, time flies on dose gossamer wings, don't it. Ya, I see [[Woody Allen]] flinching. Hey Woody, whatsa matter, ya worried 'bout dyin? Look at him, rolled up in da fetal position. Boo!!! Heh heh heh, it's too easy.
So Stan and I got to hanging around on da Lolita set, and on Lolita herself tells ya da God's honest truth - I seez ya laughin' O'Malley - and we start in palling around after hours and off-set. Dat was 1962, jeez, time flies on dose gossamer wings, don't it. Ya, I see [[Woody Allen]] flinching. Hey Woody, whatsa matter, ya worried 'bout dyin? Look at him, rolled up in da fetal position. Boo!!! Heh heh heh, it's too easy.
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So yeah, da next time I shows up Stanley was filming "Da Shinin'" in a vacant hunk of a hotel over dere in Colorado. Jeez, was it cold. Witches or nuns tit cold, can't tell dem apart. So dere I waz, bunking with [[Jack the Ripper|Jack Nicholsen]] ''"H"''imself''. Da guy snores kinda like he talks, all smiley with dat sinister kill-ya-quick-as-look-at-ya expression. He got buggier as da picture went on.
So yeah, da next time I shows up Stanley was filming "Da Shinin'" in a vacant hunk of a hotel over dere in Colorado. Jeez, was it cold. Witches or nuns tit cold, can't tell dem apart. So dere I waz, bunking with [[Jack the Ripper|Jack Nicholsen]] ''"H"''imself''. Da guy snores kinda like he talks, all smiley with dat sinister kill-ya-quick-as-look-at-ya expression. He got buggier as da picture went on.
−
Da Shinin' tells ya da story bout how metaphors are like yer stretched putty. Ya stick a family of loons - ya notice Olive Oil tryin' ta act dere? - in a large empty building for a cupple a months and dey all turn around an kill each other and da black guy
,
or die tryin. I thought Kubrick had a
stoke
and was
playing
cribbage without a full deck. Did jump outta my skin though when I saw dat corpse woman in da bathtub movin' around, and if I wasn't pretending ta pray da rosary with a little boy as we screened it I'dda screamed like da girl.
+
Da Shinin' tells ya da story bout how metaphors are like yer stretched putty. Ya stick a family of loons - ya notice Olive Oil tryin' ta act dere? - in a large empty building for a cupple a months and dey all turn around an kill each other and da black guy or die tryin.
Da way he had da universe play dice with dat redrum kid
I thought Kubrick
had finally
had a
stroke
and was
cheating at
cribbage without a full deck. Did jump outta my skin though when I saw dat corpse woman in da bathtub movin' around, and if I wasn't pretending ta pray da rosary with a little boy as we screened it I'dda screamed like da girl.
Gonna tells ya somethin', an dis will scare ya, quarantine it, so hold on ta ya seats. Ya, Pitt, funny, holdin' onto Portman's seat. Angie's in da john, isn't she? Wise ass MUDDERFUCKER. Anyways, we was all alone, sees?, in dis giant motel, da crew and da actors and dem. Suddenly, for no parent reason at all, all da lights went out an the noises like skirts rustlin' were heard. Scotsman Crouthers an I were playin' drinkin' games in dat ballroom where da ghosts live, and just as we heard da skirts movin' around we both saw a bottle move. Maybe half an inch. It just edged over like it was travelin' on spooky insect wheels, like it had a railroad train track under it dere. Scotsman jumped a foot, funniest thing I've ever seen!, except for old Woody dere again with da fetal position, and I sees he may not be breathin', check on him O'Malley.
Gonna tells ya somethin', an dis will scare ya, quarantine it, so hold on ta ya seats. Ya, Pitt, funny, holdin' onto Portman's seat. Angie's in da john, isn't she? Wise ass MUDDERFUCKER. Anyways, we was all alone, sees?, in dis giant motel, da crew and da actors and dem. Suddenly, for no parent reason at all, all da lights went out an the noises like skirts rustlin' were heard. Scotsman Crouthers an I were playin' drinkin' games in dat ballroom where da ghosts live, and just as we heard da skirts movin' around we both saw a bottle move. Maybe half an inch. It just edged over like it was travelin' on spooky insect wheels, like it had a railroad train track under it dere. Scotsman jumped a foot, funniest thing I've ever seen!, except for old Woody dere again with da fetal position, and I sees he may not be breathin', check on him O'Malley.
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Da last film I made with Stan was da last film he made, "[[W|Eyes Wide Shut]]", a name dat doesn't mean anything starring dat couple who was always fightin'over da hell bout scientaloogy and such. Dat midget and da tall lady. Anyways, Stanley made da movie for one purpose and one purpose only, to score LeeLee Sobieski.
Da last film I made with Stan was da last film he made, "[[W|Eyes Wide Shut]]", a name dat doesn't mean anything starring dat couple who was always fightin'over da hell bout scientaloogy and such. Dat midget and da tall lady. Anyways, Stanley made da movie for one purpose and one purpose only, to score LeeLee Sobieski.
[[File:Leelee Sobieski 007.jpg|thumb|250px|'''Dis is how Leelee would hang round da set. She'd hover by Stanley's trailer until he was ready to give her da acting lessons, as dey called em.''' <small>(photo courtesy of Fadda Murphy.)</small>]]
[[File:Leelee Sobieski 007.jpg|thumb|250px|'''Dis is how Leelee would hang round da set. She'd hover by Stanley's trailer until he was ready to give her da acting lessons, as dey called em.''' <small>(photo courtesy of Fadda Murphy.)</small>]]
−
Man, he was so inta dat little girl dat if he was offered a young Ann Margaret he woulda jus kept eyeing LeeLee while asking Ann to fetch him coffee. He'd launch his pants just thinkin' 'bout Sobieski. No, dis's true! I hear ya all murmering out dere. And hey, Sobieski, don't even think of leaving. All I'z sayin' is dat all da made up myths and smarty pants wiccanpedians wantin ya ta believe dat Stan loved da book, or dat he wanted ta tell a
metaphoric
story about how all long-term married couples have inner dreams of divorce - divorce from both dere spouse and da structured lives dey lead every day dere - and dat it took him years to film and edit da movie all because he wanted to get the film down ta perfection
, ya
know Roma wasn't built in a daze an all dat"
?,
dey waz all smoke-screens with Stanley holdin' da mirrors. He just wanted to boff Sobieski.
+
Man, he was so inta dat little girl dat if he was offered a young Ann Margaret he woulda jus kept eyeing LeeLee while asking Ann to fetch him coffee. He'd launch his pants just thinkin' 'bout Sobieski. No, dis's true! I hear ya all murmering out dere. And hey, Sobieski, don't even think of leaving. All I'z sayin' is dat all da made up myths and smarty pants wiccanpedians wantin ya ta believe dat Stan loved da book, or dat he wanted ta tell a
metaphorical
story about how all long-term married couples have inner dreams of divorce - divorce from both dere spouse and da structured lives dey lead every day dere - and dat it took him years to film and edit da movie all because he wanted to get the film down ta perfection
- "Ya
know Roma wasn't built in a daze an all dat"
he'd say - but
dey waz all smoke-screens with Stanley holdin' da mirrors. He just wanted to boff Sobieski.
And he did dat. ''Alot''. Jeez, ya know dose masks in da film? They musta worn every one of dem with each other - hey, isn't dat right Leelee? Did I get da scorecard right? I don't hear no denials. Anywaze, da film also reported like a damn newspaper about how da upper elites in Britain like ta go at it in front of each other with tall beautiful hookers. Hollywood's people like dat too. Humpin' like bunnies while [[wikipedia:Dogging|dogging]] with da excuse of mystic occulty ceremonies all thrown in up in dere for da brain stretching and ta make da ladies thinkin dey doin something important. An wearin dose [[Disguise|bird masks]], all metal and skulled up an glitterly faced? Yeah, dey do dat ta both put ya at ease over identity an' ta stir up da mystery gene. See, Kubrick just wanted to tell ya da truth, and he knew dat by being honest Leelee would look at him like he was her daddy, and she'd jump rope. It was a hard movie ta make, because Kurbrick ordered da cast around like a concentration camp cook demanding "More livers!" An' dat midget and da tall lady, dey picked each udders scabs around der emotions and fought like jackals sometimes, and dat marriage didn't last long after filming ended. Look, look, Kidman's laughing an noddin' her head up an down, don't ever tells anyone Fadda Murphy doesn't shot straight. But yeah, Sobrieski provided all da tension, and has da central role in da movie playin a sexually active 16-year old living in da costume shop who slinkers over an turns da midget on.
And he did dat. ''Alot''. Jeez, ya know dose masks in da film? They musta worn every one of dem with each other - hey, isn't dat right Leelee? Did I get da scorecard right? I don't hear no denials. Anywaze, da film also reported like a damn newspaper about how da upper elites in Britain like ta go at it in front of each other with tall beautiful hookers. Hollywood's people like dat too. Humpin' like bunnies while [[wikipedia:Dogging|dogging]] with da excuse of mystic occulty ceremonies all thrown in up in dere for da brain stretching and ta make da ladies thinkin dey doin something important. An wearin dose [[Disguise|bird masks]], all metal and skulled up an glitterly faced? Yeah, dey do dat ta both put ya at ease over identity an' ta stir up da mystery gene. See, Kubrick just wanted to tell ya da truth, and he knew dat by being honest Leelee would look at him like he was her daddy, and she'd jump rope. It was a hard movie ta make, because Kurbrick ordered da cast around like a concentration camp cook demanding "More livers!" An' dat midget and da tall lady, dey picked each udders scabs around der emotions and fought like jackals sometimes, and dat marriage didn't last long after filming ended. Look, look, Kidman's laughing an noddin' her head up an down, don't ever tells anyone Fadda Murphy doesn't shot straight. But yeah, Sobrieski provided all da tension, and has da central role in da movie playin a sexually active 16-year old living in da costume shop who slinkers over an turns da midget on.
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'''''You don't recognize your old roommate, Murphy? Jack. {{W|Jack Nicholson}}. Jeez John, you've been eating too many [[communion]] wafers judging by the girth of your gut. Anyway, what's all this I hear about Kubrick's movies being too slow? When I ran around throwing my talent all over the fucking place in ''The Shining'' it was anything but slow, except at the end when I froze to death, which only slowed me down for a minute.'''''
'''''You don't recognize your old roommate, Murphy? Jack. {{W|Jack Nicholson}}. Jeez John, you've been eating too many [[communion]] wafers judging by the girth of your gut. Anyway, what's all this I hear about Kubrick's movies being too slow? When I ran around throwing my talent all over the fucking place in ''The Shining'' it was anything but slow, except at the end when I froze to death, which only slowed me down for a minute.'''''
[[File:King of the Gypsies.jpg|thumb|200px|'''Dis here is Kirk Douglas, who Kubrick hadaa unbling before allowing him ta step on da set of "Spartacus". Reminds me how often I have to tell da boys over ta da Vatican what deys gotta do with demselves.''']]
[[File:King of the Gypsies.jpg|thumb|200px|'''Dis here is Kirk Douglas, who Kubrick hadaa unbling before allowing him ta step on da set of "Spartacus". Reminds me how often I have to tell da boys over ta da Vatican what deys gotta do with demselves.''']]
−
Nicky, didn't recognize ''you'' from da old obese corpse-like structure standing before me. Ya, youse wrong again. Stanley filmed his movies like da people watchin' dem had nuttin better to do with their timing. ''2001'' is so slow it looks like it was made in space. And ''Da Shining'', dat lollipop ya so gaga over? It goes on an' on an' on about nuttin, and den nobody ever understoods it even when it's finally over. Something about living in da past, but it lost me when dey was driving up da road to get dere an I just watched dem shoot it as an exercise in observational.
+
Nicky, didn't recognize ''you'' from da old obese corpse-like structure standing before me. Ya, youse wrong again. Stanley filmed his movies like da people watchin' dem had nuttin better to do with their timing. ''2001'' is so slow it looks like it was made in space. And ''Da Shining'', dat lollipop ya so gaga over? It goes on an' on an' on about nuttin, and den nobody ever understoods it even when it's finally over. Something about living in da past, but it lost me when dey was driving up da road to get dere
,
an I just watched dem shoot it as an exercise in observational.
−
Alright, you, in
the
yellow jump suit.
+
Alright, you, in
da
yellow jump suit.
'''''Father Murphy, blessings to you. I'm Hank, from the construction crew working outside. I just happened to wander in on my break and have enjoyed your presentation. But listen, I didn't hear you talk about Kubrick's "A Clockwork Orange," maybe his most disturbing but supremely psychologically engrossing film. Did you have anything to do with that picture? Thank you.'''''
'''''Father Murphy, blessings to you. I'm Hank, from the construction crew working outside. I just happened to wander in on my break and have enjoyed your presentation. But listen, I didn't hear you talk about Kubrick's "A Clockwork Orange," maybe his most disturbing but supremely psychologically engrossing film. Did you have anything to do with that picture? Thank you.'''''
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'''''My weight is the result of my being a nun of the Abstainian Order, which allows us one [[Communion|slice of bread]] a day. Due to this I am not long for this [[earth|world]]. But in the time I do have left there is one movie I want to see, ''Spartacus'', and I would like your holy take on it.'''''
'''''My weight is the result of my being a nun of the Abstainian Order, which allows us one [[Communion|slice of bread]] a day. Due to this I am not long for this [[earth|world]]. But in the time I do have left there is one movie I want to see, ''Spartacus'', and I would like your holy take on it.'''''
−
Jesus, sister, chow down a chicken or something. I can see ya ribs poking ya in da back dere. You're as retarded as my last blow job - the kid thought I said crow job and covered himself in black feathers and made me throw corn at him. It's a joke, a joke people! Touchy libertareans we got here, huh? But ya, ya, [[Spartacus]], dat was {{W|Kirk Douglas}} prancing around pretending he was a slave and den getting other slaves to revolt. Baloney! In real life da boys would have mowed em down and hung
dere
heads on pikes leading into da city. Have ya seen Kirk Douglas lately? Looks like his head is already hung on a pike, and he's still moving around under it.
+
Jesus, sister, chow down a chicken or something. I can see ya ribs poking ya in da back dere. You're as retarded as my last blow job - the kid thought I said crow job and covered himself in black feathers and made me throw corn at him. It's a joke, a joke people! Touchy libertareans we got here, huh? But ya, ya, [[Spartacus]], dat was {{W|Kirk Douglas}} prancing around pretending he was a slave and den getting other slaves to revolt. Baloney! In real life da boys would have mowed em down and hung
da
heads on pikes leading into da city. Have ya seen Kirk Douglas lately? Looks like his head is already hung on a pike, and he's still moving around under it.
'''''Thank you Father, for giving us your kind memories of a wonderful man, Stanley Kubrick.'''
'''''Thank you Father, for giving us your kind memories of a wonderful man, Stanley Kubrick.'''