Well, howdy there, friends.
I know, I know. Yet again, it’s been a super duper long time since my last post. But this time it’s not even my fault! I swear!
It was technology’s fault. And, when I say “technology” I’m not just referring to the evil temptress that is Netflix.
Basically, I haven’t been able to access my site using my home IP address for the last two weeks. Neither my webhosting company nor my Internet provider have been able to fix the problem despite countless calls to customer service which only resulted in my wanting to throw myself from my second floor window repeatedly.
I find it all a bit suspicious that this problem happened almost immediately after I wrote a post calling Donald Trump a “human garbage-fire.” I mean, I’m not saying that Russian hackers are behind this but RUSSIAN HACKERS ARE PROBABLY BEHIND THIS.
Since it’s only my home IP address which seems to be affected, I could have gone somewhere else to write my posts, like the library or a coffee shop or my office. But that would go against my strict no-pants-allowed-while-writing-blog-posts policy.
For now, I’m using a VPN to access my site. It kind of reminds me of my good old firewall-dodging days in China. Except for the fact that my lungs don’t hurt all the time.
Anyway, let’s get started with a little random stuff-ness, shall we? You know, before Russian hackers shut my site down completely. (Haha, just kidding, Russian hackers! You wouldn’t do that to me? Would you? I mean, I’m just a harmless little blogger who likes to talk about cookies and unicorns and Netflix and my hatred of pants and only occasionally calls our President-Elect a garbage-fire. Also, hardly anyone reads this blog because I hardly ever post because I’m too busy watching Neflix and not wearing pants! See, I’m harmless!)
1. I hope all my American friends had a good Thanksgiving! I spent my day at my friend’s family’s house. Since I wasn’t technically anybody’s child or spouse or sibling, I wasn’t expected to make anything or clean anything or wash any dishes. I just had to show up, make conversation, drink homemade cranberry cordial and shove as much food on to my plate (and then subsequently into my mouth) as possible.
It wasn’t easy to cram all this food on to my plate. But I persevered.
In other words, it was FANTASTIC! I’m going back every single year. And, possibly, for Christmas and Easter and pretty much any other holiday that calls for copious amounts of food.
Even if I’m not invited.
And even if they’re not home.
2. I spent the rest of my Thanksgiving break binge-watching the Netflix. After all, what else are you going to do if Russian hackers won’t let you onto your blog?
I got through all of season 2 of Grantchester. Because, OMG, James Norton! Swoon! (But, can we talk about how there were unsatisfyingly little shots of him shirtless this season? I mean, what’s that about?)
James Norton. Sadly, with too much shirt on.
I also started watching Black Mirror. Are we watching that? I’m kind of digging it. And not just because James Norton was in the first episode of seaon three.
And I watched a few ridiculously cheesy and totally unbelievable made-for-TV Christmas movies because, apparently, I can never get enough of the busy-executive-lady-who-is-too-busy-for-Christmas-until-she-wakes-up-in-an-alternative-universe-and-realizes-that-love-is-all-she-needs storyline.
But the one thing I couldn’t get into was the new Gilmore Girls. Which isn’t that surprising because I was never into the old Gilmore Girls. I’ve maybe watched a total of four episodes in my entire life? PLEASE DON’T HATE ME.
I keep on trying to watch it because I feel like it’s something I should love because I am all about television shows set in idyllic small towns full of impossibly quirky characters. I mean, Hart of Dixie? YES, ALL THE YESES. I’m still upset that Ed was cancelled. I watched every single episode of Ghost Whisperer, even though it regularly scared the bejesus out of me. And it’s basically been my lifelong dream to live in Alaska because Northern Exposure told me to.
But Gilmore Girls?
Meh, notsomuch.
Also, would now be a good time to mention that I really hate pumpkin spice lattes?
#worstwhitegirlever
3. Another thing I managed to do over Thanksgiving break: finally finish a book! I’ve been super bad about completing books lately. I’ll read a few pages and then be like, “Errm, this reading thing is really time-consuming and requires a whole lot of my attention. Instead of reading before bed, let’s watch Youtube videos about how Trump is a complete and total garbage-person instead! Because that sounds super relaxing!”
I bought Jodi Picoult’s new book, Small Great Things, thinking it would be a quick, engrossing read like the rest of her books, and it would take my mind off of all the horribleness of the world right now. And then the very first page was this:
And basically the book didn’t stop repeatedly kicking me in the gut until I finished it a few days later. But in a good way… I think. Either way, I really recommend it. Even if it makes you super uncomfortable like it did for me. But I think that’s kind of the point.
4. So I’m sure you’ve been wondering how I plan to keep up with my new solo backpacking habit that I picked up this summer now that it’s winter here in Michigan. Even more importantly I’m sure you’ve been wondering how I’ll continue to pour excessive amounts of my money into hobbies that I’m only marginally good at.
Don’t worry! I’ve found a way!
Introducing my new pair of snow shoes!
I’ve only been snowshoeing once in my life before. But I remember really liking it and not being as disastrously bad at it as I am with most sports that involve separating myself from the earth’s surface with some kind of man-made device (i.e. downhill skiing, cross-country skiing, ice skating, sledding, and that one time I removed all the skin from my left thigh while rollerblading).
Have you ever been snowshoeing? What do I need to know so I don’t kill myself?
5. Another way I’ll be keeping myself busy this winter: firing up the ye olde crockpot.
I made this turkey chili last weekend. I’m making this beef stew today. And this thai chicken soup is one of my super faves for cold, snowy days when you just want to feel like you’re on a beach in Thailand and not wearing a fleece EVERYTHING in Michigan.
6. I put up my Christmas decorations last night. Seeing as I have possibly the most ridiculously smallest box of Christmas decorations ever, it took me approximately two minutes.
Most pathetically small box of Christmas decorations. This is what happens when you move every 1-3 years of your adult life.
So, since I had a lot of free time left over afterwards, I entertained myself by drinking red wine, dressing up my cat in a Santa hat and cackling uncontrollably.
As you can see, my cat was not nearly as amused by this.
So much murder in her eyes.
And this is why I kick her out of my bedroom at night. As she will most definitely murder me.
7. Speaking of Christmas, are you looking for the perfect something for the perfect someone? (And by “perfect someone” I mean “me.” Just FYI.)
Here’s a good place to start: A gift guide for wine-lovers.
Also, this 2017 calendar of hot French farmers is a real crowd pleaser. If your crowd consists primarily of single, horny women and gay men, like mine does.
Also, who doesn’t need a $2,000 beer packaged in a taxidermied squirrel. (Wait. Maybe don’t answer that.)
8. Or maybe you’re thinking of making gifts this year? I’m pretty sure this dumpster-fire ornament would look great on everyone’s tree.
9. I love this article about New Zealand’s nationwide Secret Santa program. Especially the part where the founder of the program is described as a “giant pumpkin grower.” I mean, who knew that was a legit job title? This only confirms my idea that New Zealand is a magically wondrous place. And I will have to live there right after I’m done living in small-town Alaska.
10. Speaking of magically wondrous things, I give you a goat in a duck costume.
That’s all, friends! Hope you had a great week! I will hopefully be back next week with more posts as long as Russian hackers don’t shut me down. Haha, JK, Russian hackers. You wouldn’t do that to little old me, would you? WOULD YOU?
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