Time for WWE Raw 12/19/16. We’re dealing with fallout from last night’s “eh” PPV, WWE Roadblock End of the Line. I say “eh” because at its best, the PPV was on par with an average Raw episode… at its worst… yeah, nearly unmentionable. But read my recap if you want a few thousand words about why I thought the show was “eh”. Because Roadblock is old news, it’s a New Day (yes, it sadly is!) for the WWE Raw tag division as one of my least favorite tag teams of all time, Cesaro & Sheamus, are the new champs. I imagine we’ll get the contractual rematch from the New Day out of the way soon enough and Sheasaro will retain and New Day goes down the inevitable dark timeline we all knew would happen eventually. Do they get repackaged? Move to SmackDown? Split up and work as singles wrestlers? Pretend nothing has happened and keep with the same schtick? Time will tell.
Also, of note we may learn why Neville snapped and decimated the babyface top guys in the Cruiserweight Division. Oh, and don’t forget, we get the “rematch” of the non-event that was the Rusev vs. Big Cass match from the Kickoff Show. Oh, and the obligatory “we’re really pals” JeriKO stuff, Reigns and Rollins working together, and likely a call out of “I want Triple H” from Rollins with zero payoff tonight. Wrap that up in the 50/50 chance Charlotte will lose the Raw Women’s Title tonight to Sasha Banks and Emma(lina) (maybe?) debuting tonight and… well, it’s gonna be a show! Let’s get to the recap.
WWE Raw 12/19/16 Recap
WWE. Then. Now. Forever. No Roadblock highlights video, straight to the standard video open, pyro, and we’re live from Ohio State University. Cole says “happy holidays”, so I imagine this is the Christmas episode considering the stage area is Christmas themed. I suppose there are no Slammys this year (sad trombone). JeriKO are already in the ring to kick off tonight’s show.
KO begins by welcoming us to the Kevin… wait, it’s the Chris & Kevin show tonight. KO says it’s worth taking a Codebreaker from his friend to retain the Universal Title. The “monkeys in the truck” show us blurry stills from Roadblock’s main event. KO admits when Jericho showed up in the ring last night he had no idea what Chris was going to do… but it worked perfectly. KO says that thinking Jericho wasn’t his BFF anymore hurt even worse than the Codebreaker. KO says all that matters is that JeriKO stand in the ring together and the Universal Title is right where it belongs. Jericho adds that the Codebreaker hurt him worse than it hurt Owens because he had to make everyone believe. Jericho adds he’s going to prove his devotion to KO by giving the Hug of Jericho… bring it in, maaaaaan! They embrace and there is not a dry eye in the building. Jericho continues by saying they’re going to be “handing out payback and retribution just like Santa Claus hands out coal”. KO asks if he means Cole, like Michael Cole. Jericho and KO joke about that and then they start cutting a promo on Santa Claus. Jericho then puts Santa Claus on the List of Jericho. This causes Mick Foley’s music to hit.
Foley comes out wearing what I can only describe as a leather smoking jacket (?). Foley cuts a promo defending Santa Claus and says that Jericho has been “really, really naughty”. Foley sends to some blurry stills of the post-match segment from Roadblock’s main event. KO is upset because that “could have ended his career” and calls himself a “national treasure”. Jericho calls out Foley’s “leather sports coat” and deems it the “worst thing” he’s ever seen. Foley says he’s the Raw GM so he gets to show people the worst thing they’ve ever seen. He then pulls off the leather jacket to reveal a Christmas t-shirt that appears to have a fake leather biker vest printed on it with a X-Mas shirt underneath. Meanwhile, Emma(lina) is backstage waiting to debut.
Anyway, Mick says that Roman and Seth aren’t down there already because Mick promised them a tag team match tonight… right here in Pittsburgh, PA (boos)… right here in Columbus, Ohio (mild cheers). Wow, Foley botched a cheap pop! Jericho and KO try to cover this by talking over each other and then Jericho says how Pittsburgh is better than Columbus. Eesh, this is getting rough. KO continues that he and Jericho aren’t worried about tonight because they’ll figure something out. Foley says this all stops at the Royal Rumble and that Santa has brought a gift from the North Pole.
The camera pans up to a shark cage and the “cage theme” music hits. KO protests, but Foley makes Reigns vs. Owens at Royal Rumble with Jericho suspended in a shark cage. Foley mocks how Jericho says “again” and Jericho protests having to be “stuck” in a cage. Jericho refuses to do it and Foley says if Jericho doesn’t do it at the Royal Rumble or he will never set foot in a WWE ring “again”. KO and Jericho protest that the cage isn’t safe, but Foley puts it over. KO and Jericho keep insisting the cage is “made in Ohio” to get some really mild cheap heat. Jericho climbs into the cage and complains about the floor and the door. Foley locks the cage while KO keeps telling Jericho to get out of the cage. Foley digs into his fanny pack to find the key to the cage and a bunch of random stuff falls out (like a Dude Love wallet and a New Day t-shirt). Foley keeps pulling stuff out of his pack, including his teeth! Foley says the bad news is that he forgot the key, but the good news is he isn’t giving the signal to raise cage (gives the signal) until Royal Rumble. The shark cages starts to raise towards the ceiling. Foley tries to run, jump, and grab the cage to no avail. Meanwhile, Jericho just keeps screaming “OPEN THE DOOR!” Foley says they’re going work on getting Jericho out of the cage, but until then… have a nice day!
Back from break, we see the footage of Jericho getting stuck in the cage again. Meanwhile, he’s been rescued and is backstage receiving oxygen from an EMT. Jericho is hyperventilating and KO tries to psych him up for their tag match later. Jericho keeps wheezing so KO asks for more oxygen.
Up next, Enzo & Cass’ music hits. Standard Enzo & Cass entrance. The rest is summed up as Rusev is a coward and is “sawft”. Rusev’s music cuts them off and he and Lana hit the ring. Thankfully we’re just getting right to it.
Match #1: Rusev (w/ Lana) vs. Big Cass (w/ Enzo Amore)
Well, that was mercifully quick. Cass starts out all over Rusev and then just keeps kicking him in the corner and won’t stop. Match is thrown out. Rusev wins by DQ.
Verdict: Thumbs Down – The one positive is that it was over quickly.
Post-match, the beatings continue until Rusev finally escapes the ring. Rusev wanders through the crowd while the aggressor babyfaces posture in the ring.
Up next, Sasha Banks is going to talk about last night’s Ironman Match.
Back from break, Sasha’s music hits, she’s out in street clothes, with a brace on her knee, and walking with the assistance of a crutch. Sasha cuts a promo saying that last night she literally gave her blood, sweat, and tears. But to tap out twice and almost break her leg broke her heart. Sasha puts over all of the stuff she and Charlotte have done over the past few months. As much as it kills Sasha to say it, the better woman won last night. Sasha adds that she doesn’t feel like a “boss” anymore and asks Charlotte to come out so she can congratulate her to her face. After a long pause, Nia Jax’s music hits.
Nia hits the ring and looks over Sasha. She then cuts a promo on Sasha that says that Sasha will never “be the boss to me”. Nia calls Sasha weak, wounded, and a little girl. Nia kicks the crutch out of Sasha’s arm and tosses Sasha across the ring. Sasha’s bad knee hits the ropes. Nia acts like she’s going to hit Sasha with the crutch but then just leaves the ring.
Meanwhile, Alicia Fox and Cedric Alexander are backstage and they’re… walking! Noam Dar vs. Cedric Alexander for the honor of Alicia Fox up next!
Back from break, Sheasaro are backstage with Mick Foley. Mick feels like a “proud papa” and Sheamus says they doubted Mick’s decision to team them up. Foley agrees because he ranted and raved like a lunatic about them. Mick gives them an “early X-Mas Christmas present” which are the new Raw Tag Team titles. The belts are revealed to absolutely zero crowd reaction. They look like if you took the current tag titles and made them the same color scheme as the Universal title. Sheamus puts them over as the greatest thing ever and Sheasaro bicker as per is required with their gimmick. A ref appears freaking out and says they need Mick – “It’s an emergency!”.
Meanwhile, Braun Strowman is backstage just randomly destroying any person or thing that gets in his path. Braun alleges that Sami only lasted ten minutes because he “let” him. Foley treats him like a wild bear and says he can’t give Braun a match with Sami tonight because Zayn is “a hundred miles from here”. Mick attempts to give Braun the night off because “people have families”, but Braun says he sees it’s “going to be or else” and storms off.
Cedric Alexander is out with Fox for his match with Dar. Austin Aries has joined the commentary team and Dar is already in the ring.
Match #2: Cedric Alexander (w/ Alicia Fox) vs. Noam Dar
Most of this happens during the break and it’s basically a squash match for Alexander. Dar loses the advantage he gained during the break by “tweaking” his knee off the ropes. It’s all Alexander from there and he goes over clean with the Lumbar Check.
Verdict: Thumbs In The Middle – Once again, the Cruiserweight Division gets the bare minimum of time on the three-hour wrestling show.
Post-match, Fox and Alexander celebrate in the ring. Dar eventually gets a mic and cuts a promo while lying on the ground. Dar goes into full on creeper mode and says that Alicia is the “real prize” and all he “wants for Christmas” is her.
Meanwhile, the New Day are backstage and they’re… walking… slowly!
Back from break, the New Day are out and have added “the longest reigning tag champs” to their entrance spiel to replace “two-time”. The New Day shamble out and Woods begins by announcing their legendary reign hit a roadblock. Kofi adds that they can’t mourn forever – Ric Flair couldn’t have become a 16 time champion without losing 15 times. Big E chimes in with “and that’ll be Charlotte in a month!”. LOL, thanks Big E! Woods vows that they’ll become the champs once again. Sheasaro’s music hits and they’re out wearing the new belts.
Sheamus attempts to mock the New Day’s entrance spiel but Cesaro cuts him off. Sheamus says he’s “full of positivity” because it truly is a “New Day” and it is Day One of the reign of “Sheamus”. He and Cesaro do the “dueling yay boo” thing to get a rise out of the audience. Kofi is outraged that after one day, Sheasaro got new title belts. Kofi adds that they knew it was inevitable someone would beat them and they’re happy it was Sheasaro. Sheamus butts in and Xavier gets a “shame” chant going for Sheamus. Woods says they were only talking to Cesaro when they congratulated them. They put over Cesaro and he thanks them saying you “need to be strong to team with this guy over here”. Sheamus takes offense and Cesaro adds that Sheamus has a “massive ego”. The “shame” chants start up again and Sheamus claims it was because of him that they became champs. Sheamus calls the New Day “Muppets” and says they were a disgrace to the titles. Sheamus claims he’ll hold the titles for “over 20 years”. Woods puts over their merch and all that it took to hold the titles for that long. Bottom line – they’ll never touch their reign because New Day Rocks!
Hey, it’s the guys who should have won the titles! Gallows and Anderson come out and Gallows calls them “nerds”. Anderson doesn’t know if it’s a bigger joke that the New Day think they’re the greatest tag team in WWE history or if that Sheasaro think they won the titles all by themselves. Gallows calls them “geeks” and says the beat downs they gave the “nerd day” softened them up. This causes the Shining Stars to come out.
The Stars say it’s a season for giving… not fighting. They offer everyone a timeshare (natch!), Cesaro tears up the brochure, and a brawl breaks out. New Day and Sheasaro clean house as we go to break.
Back from break, an eight-man tag match has begun. Oh good.
Match #3: The New Day & Sheasaro vs. The Shining Stars & Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson
Wow. This gets a ton of time, like way more time than it needed. So, absolutely zero stakes here and the New Day are teaming with the guys who beat them less than 24 hours ago – one of which is a heel. MAKES SENSE. The match attempts to make Gallows and Anderson look strong, but really all it does is make them look just as average as WWE has made them look from the jump. Of course, The Shining Stars take the loss – by way of a Cesaro Sharpshooter – which “protects” Gallows and Anderson… but why not have them actually go over to establish dominance? Oh well, the team of guys who fought last night won and the crowd goes wild just because Cesaro is actually allowed to do *something* on Raw.
Verdict: Thumbs Down – A complete waste of time. I feared New Day losing the belts would create a massive vacuum in the Raw tag division and that appears to be precisely what is happening.
Post-match, Sheamus grabs the belts to pose in the corner and Cesaro eventually steals one away from him.
Next, we see extended highlights from tonight’s 16 minute opening segment.
Meanwhile in the locker room, Enzo is freaking out because he feels like he’s the one that is causing Cass to lose his cool. Cass tells Enzo to calm down and focus on how much fun they’re going to have in Columbus and puts over local Columbus landmarks. Enzo argues, but Cass says Enzo is being too sensitive. Some guy enters with a letter for Enzo and Enzo thinks it is from Ed McMahon. Cass reminds Enzo that Ed McMahon is dead so Enzo thinks it’s possibly from Vince McMahon and they’re getting a raise. Nope. Enzo is forced to attend mandatory “sensitivity training… tonight” for “exposing himself” in the workplace. Oh man.
Next, we’re reminded that Cena returns to SmackDown next week.
Back from break, Neville is out. Thank God. At least the disaster that tonight’s Raw has been won’t prevent this from happening. Neville cuts a promo saying he destroyed Perkins and Swann and the crowd cheered him. He says it’s been a long time since anyone cheered for him. Neville doesn’t need your pity and he doesn’t want sympathy. You can take your cheers and stick ’em! Neville vows to obliterate the entire Cruiserweight Division. Swann’s music hits and he’s out. Rich wants to know what happened to the man he used to look up to and Neville tells him to shut up. Neville cuts a promo alleging he taught Swann everything he knows and wonders where the gratitude is. Neville declares himself the “King of the Cruiserweights” and demands respect from Swann. Rich hits the ring while saying that as long as he holds the title, he’s the best in the division and Neville can’t handle it. This brings out Brian Kendrick. Spanky calls out Swann for not giving Neville respect. He wanted to know how you could have a Cruiserweight division without Neville. You see, Neville is a pioneer, like Kendrick… and without them none of this would be possible. Neville agrees and tells Swann that he needs to be taught his place. Swann strikes Neville first and starts brawling with Kendrick. Neville pulls him off, which causes Perkins’ music to hit. T.J. hits the ring and is immediately decimated by Neville. The beatings on both Swann and Perkins continue while Kendrick just stands around and cheers Neville on. Neville leaves and Kendrick hits Sliced Bread on Perkins.
Meanwhile backstage, Bo Dallas, Jinder Mahal, Bob Backlund, and Darren Young are hanging out with Colleen McCarthy for “Sensitivity Training”. Enzo joins them and Colleen asks for him to begin. Enzo starts cutting his entrance spiel and is cut off by Colleen. He tones it down and says he’s here because he showed his co-workers his “Italian sausage”. This gets an eyeroll from Backlund and Mahal. Enzo says it was Cass’ fault since he is the one who locked Enzo out of the room. Colleen thinks Enzo means his spouse and Enzo says he’s “into chicks… how you doin’?” Colleen, seeing there is a lot of work to be done, asks Enzo to “take a seat” and he literally “takes” the chair and holds it. WHY AM I WATCHING THIS? My reactions to this segment are literally the same scripted reactions they gave to Bob Backlund. Jinder Mahal stands up, Colleen asks him how to spell his name, and Enzo calls Mahal “sawft”. Oh boy.
Back from break, Bo Dallas is bearing his soul at sensitivity training while Backlund pats him on the back. Thankfully, the announcers are talking over it.
Meanwhile, Sin Cara and Titus O’Neil are in the ring – what do you want to bet that Braun shows up and decimates both of them while yelling “FOLEY” and “I WANT SAMI ZAYN!”?
Match #4: Sin Cara vs. Titus O’Neil
20 seconds into the match, Strowman’s music hits and he’s out. The ref never calls for the bell, but this is a no contest.
Verdict: Thumbs Down – OR ELSE!!!111!!!!1!
Post-“match”, the savage beatings continue until Strowman carries Sin Cara up onto the stage. Foley appears and again tries to talk Braun down. It’s not very effective. Braun picks up Sin Cara and tosses him through a stack of boxes that look like Christmas presents near the stage. Sin Cara sells like a dead body while refs tend to him. Cole suggests that Foley “call the National Guard” to contain Strowman while the refs scream for help.
Up next, we hear from Charlotte (maybe Flair?).
Back from break, Jericho is pacing around the locker room. KO asks if he is okay and Jericho says he’s not. Jericho is still upset about the shark cage and KO tries to tell him it’ll be okay. Jericho hates heights, he has arachnophobia, and looked like a Sexy Piñata. KO attempts to psych Jericho up again – this time it’s more effective than before. Owens vows to “beat Roman Reigns really quick” at the Rumble so Jericho has to spend less time in the cage.
Meanwhile, Charlotte Flair (at least this week) is out for her “I won… again” promo. She hits the ring and announces herself as the four-time women’s champion. Charlotte says how she won’t be calling Sasha Banks out after what happened with Nia Jax. Flair says she “beat the Boss” out of Sasha Banks and she is the greatest Superstar WWE has ever seen. Charlotte claims she could dominate in any era and starts trashing Trish Stratus and the Fabulous Moolah. She’s also now referring to herself as the “Queen of PPV”. Charlotte makes a sports reference to get cheap Ohio heat, which brings out Bayley.
Bayley hits the ring and Charlotte demands to know why she’s being interrupted. Bayley is out to congratulate her and she believes that Sasha v. Charlotte will go down as the greatest rivalry in WWE history. Charlotte says that Bayley doesn’t belong in the ring and belongs in the crowd with the fans. Bayley continues and says it is time for the Charlotte / Bayley rivalry to begin. Bayley adds that their scoreboard reads Bayley 2, Charlotte 0 and she hasn’t forgotten about Survivor Series. Charlotte says those victories don’t count and that the four fingers she held up were for the four title wins and the four Horsewomen. Charlotte has always been number 1 and Bayley has always been number 4. Charlotte adds that Bayley didn’t join her, Becky, and Sasha because she’s never been good enough. Bayley, unfazed, wants to prove she’s good enough right now. Charlotte mentions that her body just went through the Ironman match, but Bayley is dressed like a fifth grader so she may as well take her to school. Charlotte demands a ref and we head to break.
Back from break, the match starts.
Match #5: Bayley vs. Charlotte Flair
Match of the Night… considering we just have the main event tag left… I’m calling it. This was great. They gave Charlotte and Bayley enough time to build a solid match on Raw. I even liked the finish of Bayley getting the backslide win (shoulder up controversy notwithstanding). Bayley kicking out of the moonsault off the ropes was enough to show that she can hang with Charlotte and they didn’t give everything away for free on Raw tonight. A diamond in the rough on a pretty awful episode of Raw.
Verdict: Thumbs Up – I’m already on board with a Bayley / Charlotte program, so this was an excellent teaser for what will come.
Post-match, Charlotte sells shock and Bayley tells Charlotte it’s 3-0 now. During the replay, Graves points out Charlotte’s shoulder was up before the three count so I’m sure this plays into things to stall for time between now and the Rumble.
Meanwhile, back in sensitivity training, we’re doing a “role reversal exercise”. Bo wants Colleen to say “bo-gin” instead of “begin” and he’s reminded he needs to remember where he ends and others begin. We then get Bob Backlund not understanding what “role reversal” means and doing squats. Enzo cuts in and says he’ll be Jinder Mahal. Of course, Enzo makes a “Tinder” joke and makes fun of 3MB. Jinder then says that he’s Enzo and has little man’s syndrome and makes up for it with a bad attitude and his big mouth… and you can’t teach that. Enzo threatens to smack the taste of Jinder’s mouth… but he won’t, so the class is working!
Main event tag is up next!
Back from break, all of this nonsense and Emma(lina) is still “coming soon”. To Puerto Rico with whoever is in charge of her debut!
Meanwhile, back in sensitivity training, everyone gets their certificates. Enzo doesn’t need his though because he’s “already certified”. Enzo hits on Colleen until Rusev comes in. Enzo goes to leave and his path is blocked by Mahal. The predictable 2 on 1 happens until Lana appears, says something in Russian, slaps Enzo, and screams “Crush!”. Rusev then puts Enzo through a table.
Next, we’re sent to a shot of the ring while a few people chant “Corey Graves”. The awkwardness is broken by Seth Rollins’ entrance. Roman is out next to a mixed reaction.
Back from break, Owens and Jericho are out.
Match #6: Chris Jericho & Kevin Owens vs. Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns
We start out with Roman and Seth solidly in control – to the point that JeriKO try to head to the back to take the count out loss and get denied. Roman goes in peril for a while, but breaks out of it with a Samoan Drop to get the hot tag to Seth. Rollins goes on a run and literally gives a DDT and neckbreaker to JeriKO at the same time. Rollins continues on this run but Jericho turns the tide by blocking the frog splash. Jericho slaps Rollins in the Walls, but Rollins makes it to the ropes for a break. Jericho then eats a Superman punch from Reigns on the apron. We’re going into another hot tag sequence with Roman and Owens looking for a tag… when… Braun Strowman appears at ring side and takes out Reigns. DQ.
Verdict: Thumbs In The Middle – A fun tag match with some great comedy moments from Owens mixed in there. I was actually marginally interested in the finish here, so the Strowman interference did absolutely nothing for me… but if they’re going to build to Roman / Strowman at WrestleMania… then I guess the seed was planted tonight. Ugh. Do not want.
Post-match, JeriKO double team Rollins in the ring until Braun enters. JeriKO flee and Braun savages Rollins while someone in the crowd chants “you are boring” at him. Braun screams “I TOLD YOU ‘OR ELSE’!” while JeriKO toss Roman back into the ring. Braun yells “EVERYONE WILL FALL” and then gives Roman a running powerslam. We go off the air to JeriKO applauding Strowman who is seething in the ring.
Wow. Just wow. What a mess this show was. From the disaster that is the tag division, to the retread of the Strowman / Zayn storyline in the Jax / Banks program, to the near episode long “sensitivity training” stuff there was a LOT to not like on this show. The few bright spots were how they handled Neville’s heel turn and the Charlotte / Bayley segment and match which got a surprising amount of time on a show like tonight’s. Hey, at least SmackDown Live is tomorrow… so I’ve got that to look forward to.
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