Man. I’ve given myself almost a full day and I think I dislike last night’s Hell in a Cell PPV even more than I did when I wrote about it. I’m standing firm with my assertion that Raw is now the “C” show and NXT has attained “B” show status. And of course, SmackDown is the “A” show as far as I am concerned after doing a complete 180 following the brand split. So, what are the big stories tonight? I guess we get to see a rematch of the Cruiserweight title match because we haven’t seen Kendrick vs. Perkins enough times yet. At least they’re getting the “contractually obligated rematch” out of the way early so hopefully someone new challenges Kendrick soon. The Charlotte win has led the internet to believe they’re fast tracking a Bayley / Charlotte program… which is a… terrible idea. I like Bayley, but WWE has botched her call up to the point where it’s a toss up between beating enhancement talent or 50/50ing a feud with Dana Brooke being her greatest accomplishment. You’ll recall that the last time Bayley and Charlotte met on the main roster, Charlotte beat Bayley clean with a random kick… not even Natural Selection… not even Figure 8. Just. A kick. So, no I’m not buying a serious Bayley / Charlotte program at this point, unless Bayley is being used as “random babyface for Charlotte to easily roll over”. Then it would make perfect sense and be a huge red flag that Bayley needs to get traded to SmackDown or be sent back down to NXT where the writers know how to use her. Other than that, we got a bunch of “same old, same old” in nearly every other feud presented on the show with almost no forward progress anywhere – beyond Gallows and Anderson finally winning a match.
Oh, and it’s Halloween, so the elephant in the room that I’ve avoided discussing until now is that this Raw is likely going to be less tolerable than the usual “barely tolerable” show they’ve been putting on lately. I just hope whoever gets saddled with the terrible gimmick comedy match are able to eventually have a Match of the Year candidate like Miz and Dolph were able to do after drawing the short straw last year. I am NOT looking forward to sitting through this show tonight… so let’s get this over with.
WWE Raw 10/31/16 Recap
WWE. Then. Now. Forever. Cold open in Hartford, CT on Goldberg’s theme. Yay. We get shots of Goldberg walking backstage intercut with shots of the crowd. Standard Goldberg entrance, he’s announced by JoJo, and Cole welcomes us to the show. A “Goldberg” chant breaks out and Goldberg drinks it in… man… for a bit. Before Goldberg can get six words out, he’s interrupted by Paul Heyman. Paul is out and claims that Lesnar is not happy with the fans chanting “Goldberg”. Well, at least they’re doing it this week. Heyman declares himself “not a physical threat” to Goldberg and so he steps into the ring with him. Heyman then alleges he has “significant back up” tonight to protect him. Heyman says that Brock is an “impatient beast”, reminds us that Goldberg is “1-0”, but Brock conquers streaks – just ask the Undertaker’s (boos). Supposedly Brock is not going to wait until Survivor Series… he wants to face Goldberg – right here. Heyman then announces Lesnar and Lesnar’s music hits. Goldberg gets all hyped up and Heyman is laughing in the corner. Oh man. The music stops and the crowd boos. Heyman looks at Goldberg and says “Gotcha!” a bunch of times. Heyman points out Goldberg’s son in the crowd and starts mocking him. Goldberg starts to pace towards Heyman, Paul starts pleading that he’s “just an advocate”, and Rusev’s music hits. Interesting.
Rusev heads to the ring and stares down Goldberg. The crowd chants “we want Lana” and Rusev asks Goldberg who he thinks he is. Rusev cuts a promo on Goldberg for thinking he’s a “superhero” and runs him down for going out there “crying about children”. Rusev reminds us that is “no such thing as superheroes”. Rusev then puts over the “jackhammer” and the “spear”, but says that he doesn’t think Goldberg has it any more. Rusev then calls Goldberg weak and says Rusev “crush” weak people and cheap shots Goldberg with a punch. After a brief “no sell” stare down, Goldberg and Rusev start brawling. Rusev then eats a Jackhammer, and Goldberg turns and Spears Heyman. The crowd eats this up and we see a replay of the finish to this segment.
We then see the announcers. Cole is dressed in a suit, Graves is dressed in a Jack-O-Lantern suit, and Byron is wearing rubber ducky pajamas – because of course he is. Next, we see stills from the Rollins / Owens match last night. Apparently Foley will “address the controversy” later during his Survivor Series address. I hope he warns everyone on the roster just how dangerous Survivor Series can be!
Up next, we’re getting the comedy match… a Trick or Street Fight between Enzo & Cass and Gallows & Anderson. Yeah, Trick. Or. Street. Fight. Can we just have the trick? I’m so, so, sorry for Gallows and Anderson. Ugh.
Back from break, we see Twitter users that posted photos of themselves dressed up as wrestlers for Halloween. We then get shots of the “Street Fight” weapons and set… and it’s as ridiculous as last year. If Gallows doesn’t end up with a pumpkin on his head I’m going to be shocked.
Gallows is out first… accompanied by Anderson… so is this a singles match? I’m already confused. They look over the comedy props and I hope they’re getting well paid to waste their time on this crap. Enzo and Cass are out next. Enzo is dressed up like Buzz Lightyear and Cass is dressed up like Woody. We continue the “Big Gal” and “Andy” stuff from last night and Enzo calls them “sons of witches”. We also get the required “infinity and beyond” catch phrase. Cass then makes a reference to Gallows’ “malted milk balls”. I guess this is just Cass vs. Gallows? I think? I don’t know. Oh, it’s Enzo & Gallows. Whatever.
Match #1: Enzo Lightyear (w/ Big Woody) vs. Luke Gallows (w/ Karl Anderson)
Nope.
Verdict: Thumbs Down – Nope.
After Enzo and Cass celebrate their predictable win over “pumpkin head” Gallows, we see an ambulance leaving the arena to take Paul Heyman to a “local medical facility”. Meanwhile, Spanky is backstage… and he’s… walking. Spanky vs. Perkins, again, next!
Back from break, Perkins makes his entrance. Kendrick is out next and cuts a promo saying that “nice guys finish last”. Kendrick claims the “let me win” stuff was a ruse the entire time and he was just playing mind games. All Kendrick had to do was tug on T.J.’s heartstrings in order to beat him. Kendrick says T.J. better “have a plan to beat him”, because he “has a plan” to keep the belt.
Match #2: Brian Kendrick (c) vs. T.J. Perkins (WWE Cruiserweight Championship match)
A quick, but decent match. Perkins is all over Kendrick for the vast majority and even refuses the opening handshake. T.J. gives Kendrick a sick looking hurricanrana off the ropes to the outside and lands neck first on the apron. I don’t know how he didn’t break his neck on that spot. T.J. makes it in at 8. Kendrick considers going back in the ring, but thinks again and takes the count out loss to keep the title.
Verdict: Thumbs In The Middle – Average. I like Kendrick as the only true heel so far in the Cruiserweight division. At least he has already developed a character unlike many of the other guys in the division.
Post-match, Perkins attacks Kendrick on the ramp and puts him in the knee bar. Kendrick taps a bunch and it takes some refs to get Perkins to release the hold.
Meanwhile, Mick Foley is backstage. Mick it telling a stage hand that Negan got the idea for the barbed wire bat from Cactus Jack. Braun Strowman appears and says he wants to be a part of Team Raw at Survivor Series. Braun threatens to “destroy half of the roster right now” if Foley doesn’t give him what he wants. Foley says if that was a threat, it’s working, but he just can’t give Strowman what he wants. What Mick can do, is enter Strowman in a Battle Royal tonight with the winner getting a spot on Team Raw. Strowman leaves and Foley starts… walking.
Back from break, WWE has won a bunch of W3 awards.
Next, Mick Foley is out to “address the controversy” and talk about Survivor Series. Foley puts over the PPV and says he’s proud of everyone except Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens. What they did left a bad taste in Foley’s mouth. This brings out Kevin Owens, Chris Jericho, and The List of Jericho. Owens wants to know what Foley’s issue is with last night. KO speculates that it was because Seth didn’t win, or perhaps that Jericho outsmarted everyone and found a way into the Cell. Or maybe after last night it was Owens who made history by “stealing the show in the main event by being the first man to successfully defend the Universal Championship in a HIAC match”. Jericho chimes in, calls Mick “Mick Pumpkins”, and says that last night they proved what a real team can do. Jericho makes his case for them to anchor Team Raw for Survivor Series. Foley is upset, but he needs them both for Team Raw. Owens says that he and Jericho are the absolute top two guys on Raw. KO says that Foley is jealous of him because in his first HIAC match – he walked out a winner – while Foley made a name in HIAC matches for losing. Jericho reminds us that Foley lost four HIAC matches. KO adds that the final HIAC match that Foley took place in the “dump called Hartford, CT”. Foley claims that Owens “made a mockery of the Cell”. Jericho brings up twirling the “key” to the Cell last night, calls it the Key of Jericho (lock it in, man), and this incenses Foley even more. Foley mentions that Stephanie wanted KO and not Jericho. Foley says Stephanie was so mad, he had to physically stop her from coming out to suspend Jericho on the spot. Foley mentions he needs one more guy he can trust… not just any guy… THE guy. Cue Roman’s music and a mixed reaction.
Roman starts by acknowledging that Jericho and Owens don’t look happy to see him. He thanks Foley for the vote of confidence. Roman wishes us a Happy Halloween and puts over Foley’s Halloween shirt. Roman then makes a Spongebob Squarepants joke. Jericho calls out Reigns for not having a costume on and Roman says he was going to dress up as a “stupid idiot”, but they didn’t have any more Jericho costumes. Now that the Dad jokes are over, this causes Jericho to tease putting Roman on The List… but Roman and “no one here” tonight are worthy of being on the List. Jericho adds that he knows that Roman isn’t worthy of being U.S. Champion. Even though he knows nothing about the United States, Jericho would make a better U.S. Champion. Jericho claims he’d take the U.S. title from Roman tonight if he wanted to. Jericho says that Roman probably can’t compete tonight because he’s too worn out from his HIAC match last night. Roman says he’s beaten up, but he’d never pass up the opportunity to shut Jericho’s match. Foley makes the match official and gets in a Hartford cheap pop.
Next, we see stills and short clips from last night’s women’s HIAC match. Charlotte will “join us live” later tonight. We’re then sent to Sami Zayn’s entrance. I guess the Battle Royal is happening… next.
Back from break, we see more fans dressed up like wrestlers. We’re then sent to Strowman’s entrance and a bunch of guys already in the ring. Hey, Darren Young is dressed up like Backlund! So, the competitor field appears to be: Braun Strowman, Sami Zayn, Neville, Darren Young, Goldust, Titus O’Neil, R Truth, Bo Dallas, Curtis Axel, Jinder Mahal, Cesaro, and Sheamus.
Match #3: 12 Man Battle Royal (Winner gets a spot on Team Raw)
The final four are Cesaro (who is eliminated immediately after getting to the final four), Strowman, Neville, and Zayn. Strowman easily dispatches of Neville. Zayn puts up a bit of a fight, but Strowman tosses him too. Yay? This seemed obvious so I’m not sure why we had to do this instead of just putting Strowman on the team.
Verdict: Thumbs Down – Essentially a waste of time on a show that has already been pretty bad. The one ray of hope out of this is James Ellsworth making it onto Team SmackDown so he and Strowman can face off again at Survivor Series. Hey, with Orton and Cena both rumored to miss the show… it could happen!
Post-match, the chyron calls Strowman the “final member of Team Raw” even though they’ve only announced four guys and even the updated listing on WWE.com claims it’s a five on five match. Slow clap.
Next, another Emmalina vignette airs.
After that Saxton shills Subway for National Sandwich Day.
Meanwhile, Big E (dressed up in Nation of Domination gear), Xavier Woods (dressed up in Papa Shango gear), and Kofi Kingston (dressed up in Godfather gear) are backstage. They discuss losing by DQ last night and the death of Francesca 2. They have a moment of silence, but Woods adds that Francesca 2’s “sister” will be here soon. But, now the New Day are looking ahead to Survivor Series. The New Day then start cutting promos on the SmackDown Live tag teams. Woods at least puts over American Alpha and none of them have something bad to say about them. I suppose the point of this, beyond the Many Faces of Charles Wright, is to establish the New Day as the captains of Team Raw: Tag Teams.
Rich Swann is out next for some HCA (hot cruiserweight action). He’s followed by Lince Dorado, and Cedric Alexander (w/ Drew Gulak Titantron video – oops). A six man match is up… next!
Back from break, Nese, Daivari, and Gulak are already out. We don’t get to see if Nese dressed up like He-Man again tonight for his entrance. Damn.
Match #4: Lince Dorado, Rich Swann, & Cedric Alexander vs. Tony Nese, Ariya Daivari, & Drew Gulak
The standard match of this division so far… a bunch of spots but no story to be seen. Tonight was Swann’s night to shine as gets the pin on Nese.
Verdict: Thumbs In The Middle – Like always, a decent match, but I’m still not invested in this division at all because there is absolutely zero in the way of story going on here.
Charlotte’s address is up next.
Back from break, we see a replay of the Goldberg stuff from earlier.
Charlotte Flair is out next. She gets her gladiator entrance from last night again too! Charlotte begins by saying last night she single-handedly made history by becoming a three-time women’s champion in the first ever women’s HIAC match. She says that the biggest mistake Sasha made was getting off the stretcher last night. Charlotte adds that Sasha pushed her to her limits. Charlotte says “learn to love it, peasants” and poses for the crowd. Charlotte declares herself the captain of Team Raw… which really irks me that they’re not letting Becky captain Team SmackDown… Nikki is not the champion! Charlotte then threatens to injure Nikki Bella again, she also calls out Alexa Bliss, Becky Lynch, and Carmella. Charlotte then says that Foley thinks that Bayley may be a “weak link” on the team, so she calls out Bayley.
Bayley hits the ring and is curious why she’s been called out. Bayley then puts over the HIAC match last night. Bayley congratulates Charlotte and gets almost no reaction from the crowd. Charlotte says that while Bayley is “dreaming of all of this”, she’s out there “achieving all of this”. Bayley accuses Charlotte of letting success go to her head and call her a jerk. Charlotte says that Bayley will never be a champion like her, because she’ll never be her. Charlotte tells Bayley that she needs to realize that this isn’t NXT anymore and calls her a “glorified fan wearing a Halloween costume”. Charlotte wants to see how strong Bayley is in a match with their “Survivor Series teammate”. Bayley says she’s tired of listening to Charlotte talk. Bayley mentions that another match with Dana Brooke is no big deal because she beat her last night. Charlotte laughs and lets Bayley know she won’t be facing Dana Brooke… she’ll be facing… Nia Jax.
Nia Jax is out and Bayley sells concern. The match is… next!
Back from break, Dana Brooke and Charlotte have joined commentary.
Match #5: Bayley vs. Nia Jax
Hey, you wanna see Nia Jax manhandle Bayley for five minutes? Yeah, me neither.
Verdict: Thumbs Down – I don’t know where this “Bayley is a weak link” crap is going, but if it goes anywhere other than her having a good run in the Survivor Series match… just… I don’t know.
Next, we see some stills of the Rusev / Reigns HIAC match from last night.
Meanwhile, Cesaro and Sheamus are backstage and they’re… arguing… and… walking. They’ve got a match… next!
Back from break, Sheamus and Cesaro are out next. They’re facing the Shining Stars. Yay?
Match #6: Cesaro & Sheamus vs. The Shining Stars
Wow, up to this point in the show, this is the match of the night. If Jericho / Reigns wasn’t closing the show, I’d call it now. Not what I expected. The Shining Stars look competent and go on a run against Cesaro. Sheamus gets in there and goes on a run himself. He gets the cloverleaf slapped on and Cesaro runs interference by hitting an uppercut on a “diving off the top rope” Primo in a cool looking spot. Sheamus gets the tap out win for their team.
Verdict: Thumbs Up – I don’t like the Cesaro / Sheamus team, and I mostly can’t stand the Shining Stars… but on a show this bad, this was an enjoyable watch.
Post-match, Cesaro gets cheers while Sheamus gets boos.
The U.S. Title main event is up… next!
Back from break, LOL, just kidding. More fans dressed up wrestlers, followed directly by Goldust and R Truth visiting a haunted house. Yeah, it happens.
We see the announcers next and Cole startles Saxton. We’re then reminded how tonight’s main event came to be.
Meanwhile, Jericho is backstage putting over all of the titles he’s held. KO appears and laughs with him and Jericho says that the U.S. Title is the “only one he’s never had”. KO says they’re going to turn the U.S. Title into the Canadian title. KO agrees to have Jericho’s back in the match and it’s time to go out and get… it!
Main event time, Jericho and Owens enter first together. Reigns enters last.
Back from break, the title match introductions happen, and the match begins.
Match #7: Roman Reigns (c) vs. Chris Jericho (w/ Kevin Owens) (WWE United States Championship match)
Well, this wasn’t bad. It ends in a DQ after Roman hits the Spear and KO comes in to attack him. Jericho is great, like usual, and makes Roman look like a million bucks. As novel as it would have to see Jericho win the U.S. Title, I don’t think anyone really saw him getting the upset win tonight. A solid match that tells the story it needs to tell and leads into the obvious Seth Rollins run in to close out the show.
Verdict: Thumbs Up – A better than average match that continues the potential unrest on Team Raw going into Survivor Series.
Post-match, the beat down continues on Reigns while the crowd chants “we want Rollins”. Owens feeds Roman like he’s going to do a pop-up powerbomb but it ends with a Codebreaker by Jericho. Would be a sick finisher if JeriKO became a real tag team. Seth Rollins’ music hits and he rushes down the ramp and attacks Owens. He enters the ring and hits Jericho with a sling blade. Rollins takes out Owens with a suicide dive and then drops Jericho with a springboard glancing knee. Rollins sets Jericho up for a Pedigree, but Owens is able to pull Jericho to safety. Seth and Roman share loaded glances at one another as we go off the air.
Well, a strong main event and a surprisingly good Sheamus & Cesaro vs. the Shining Stars tag match isn’t enough to save this disaster of a show. I’m just glad it’s over with and we got a little forward progress towards Survivor Series out of it.
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