So, after last week’s shocking Kevin Owens title victory, we’ve got a bunch of unanswered questions. So far all WWE has promised is one of those “victory celebrations” for Owens. I almost don’t want Triple H to explain himself… yet. We shall see where they go with that. We’re still a few weeks off from Clash of Champions so festering feuds like Titus O’Neil vs. Darren Young can start ramping up for that coveted Kickoff Show Match spot. Also, Sasha Banks alleges that she returns from “injury” tonight. I’m still thinking Sasha’s injury was an elaborate work by the Four Horsewomen to get Bayley called up. If so, nice swerve ladies. Otherwise, WWE announced that they’re bring NXT to my town in late October, which is causing me to scramble to re-arrange my late October schedule so I can attend the live event. Anyway, let’s get to the recap, shall we?
WWE Raw 09/05/16 Recap
WWE. Then. Now. Forever. We open with a dramatic retelling of last week’s main event finish by way of clips and social media reactions. Cold open on “earlier today” footage of Stephanie McMahon on the phone. Owens has demanded a celebration tonight and Stephanie is prepared to go above and beyond to give it to him. Enter “angry Mick Foley”. I’m not even going to bother making the joke about how these shows are “not about the authority figures, but about the talent”… because, well yeah. Foley is upset because Stephanie has been avoiding him. Stephanie cuts a promo on Mick alleging she had no idea what was happening. Mick tells a story about how Stephanie has always been a “young girl with a shy smile” and how he’s always believed in her. The “guy with the tooth in his nose” asks the “girl with the shy smile” if he should believe her. Stephanie claims she was embarrassed by her husband. Stephanie is on the verge of tears and she claims she didn’t know how to respond to Foley’s questions so that is why she avoided him. Mick ponders this for a moment and then says he believes her. He has to believe her, because if he didn’t, it’d mean she was a really good liar and he can’t take that.
Video credits, no pyro, balloon drop, and we’re live from Kansas City. Stephanie and Mick are in the red carpeted ring and introduce Owens. KO is out to a small pop and wearing a suit. After Owens hits the ring, we get the show opening pyro. Owens puts over the celebration as “amazing” and Stephanie responds by saying Kevin deserves it. Owens claims more than anything he deserves the Universal Title. Owens then buries the crowd for chanting “you deserve it” and stealing his moment. KO is willing to admit that Triple H gave him the last nudge even though Owens did 98% of the work. KO then declares Raw is the “Kevin Owens Show”. Predictably, Seth Rollins’ music then hits.
Owens starts to talk to Rollins who tells KO that this isn’t about him and to “shut up”. Rollins then starts cutting a promo on Stephanie. Rollins again claims he held the company on his back for so long he blew out his knee but then returned faster than planned for Stephanie. Owens interrupts and calls this the “Kevin Owens Show” once again. Rollins says he has no problem with KO right now and calls him a “puppet”. Stephanie again alleges she had no idea what Triple H was up to, but Rollins isn’t buying it. Foley defends Stephanie and then Rollins accuses him of being in Stephanie’s pocket. Rollins mentions how KO is Triple H’s guy and how he held his hand all the way through NXT. Rollins then vows to “burn it to the ground” if they’ve chosen to make Owens the face of Raw. Owens challenges Rollins’ passion since returning from injury and calls Rollins a “total failure”. Seth gives that a pregnant pause and then cold cocks Owens and pummels him out of the ring. Owens gets back up on the apron and Rollins knocks him off again. Stephanie freaks out and indefinitely suspends Rollins – you know totally in line with Lesnar getting a $500 fine for F5ing the other show’s Commissioner and beating Orton to a bloody pulp after the bell. Seems legit.
Foley immediately says “no he’s not” nullifying the suspension. Foley then asks Stephanie to respect him by allowing him to make the matches. Mick wants to make a rematch between Owens and Rollins. Foley admits he’s never liked Rollins, but he’s not putting that kind of talent on the shelf. Foley then makes Owens vs. Rollins for the title at Clash of Champions. Foley’s music hits, because this isn’t about the GMs, and KO protests Foley’s ruling.
Cole then lets us know that Charlotte vs. Bayley (non-title I’m assuming) is up next.
Back from break, Stephanie is cutting a promo on Foley backstage threatening him if he ever usurps her authority again. Foley did it because he cares what people say about her and did what was best for business. Owens then appears and starts cutting a promo on Foley. Owens is upset because Rollins crashed his party, attacked KO (while he was wearing a suit!), and Rollins is rewarded with a title match. Foley admits he rewarded Rollins, so he’s going to reward Owens with a match tonight, against Sami Zayn. Remember when that feud was allegedly put to bed at Battleground? Nah, just kidding. Anyway, Jericho then appears in frame to defend KO and calls him the “longest reigning Universal Champion”. LOL. Jericho starts cutting a promo on Foley, but Stephanie butts in and says she defends Foley’s decisions 100%. Foley then puts Jericho in a match with Seth Rollins. Foley drops “Have a nice day!” and bails. Jericho turns to Stephanie, who also tells him to have a nice a day and she bails. Jericho and Owens then fume over what went down to end the segment.
Next, we’re sent to Charlotte’s entrance (with Dana Brooke (with Clipboard)). Apparently, Dana has a clipboard to keep track of “pointers” she’s going to get watching Charlotte face Bayley tonight. I don’t get the current obsession with giving Dana Brooke props. We see an “earlier today” clip where Charlotte condescends to Dana. Bayley is out next to a decent pop. So does Sasha Banks interfere during the match… or after?
Match #1: Bayley vs. Charlotte (w/ Dana Brooke)
Right at the start of the match, Charlotte snatches Bayley’s head band and slingshots it into the crowd. I love little moments like this that I feared were gone once these women got called up to the main roster. The match is solid. They appear to be building up Bayley as the Sasha Banks fill-in, so we get her going over clean here. Charlotte works the leg the entire match but Bayley avoids the Figure Eight so it never pays off. This one is booked well because Bayley selling an “injury” is about as nerve-wracking as when Sami Zayn does it. After some attempted interference by Dana, Charlotte gets whipped into the ropes and accidentally takes out Dana, and then walks right into a Bayley to Belly. It’s nice to see a solid women’s match on Raw again.
Verdict: Thumbs Up – Bayley likely gets the next title shot if Sasha’s “bad news” is that she won’t be back until after Clash of Champions. Great match and it is nice to see Bayley getting such a huge crowd reaction on the main roster.
No Banks, but we see an image of her tweet again that mentions she’s got some bad news tonight.
Back from break, another hype video for the upcoming Cruiserweight Division airs.
Meanwhile, Charlotte is backstage cutting a promo on Dana telling her that the “girl who doesn’t belong on Raw” just beat her. Charlotte calls Bayley the “Sesame Street Kid” and Dana says she’ll make it up to her. Charlotte then slaps Dana and leaves. Babyface Dana Brooke is going to be weird.
We’re then sent to Bo Dallas’ entrance and he’s not being arrested or drunkenly singing Lion King songs. My money is that he replaces the “local talent” against Strowman tonight, but let’s see. Er, no. Unnamed “local talent” is already in the ring, Bo Dallas cuts a weird poem promo on him and this is a match?
Match #2: Bo Dallas vs. Kyle Roberts
Hey, it’s a squash match. Bo Dallas, who many thought was going to be punished for being arrested and getting thrown off of a plane… is getting a push as a squash match heel. The best part is right before Bo sets up Kyle Roberts for the finish, someone yells out ‘boring’ at the perfect moment. Yep, sums this all up nicely.
Verdict: Thumbs Down – I’ll accept Braun Strowman squashes, even if the matches are uninspired and terrible. I do not accept Bo Dallas squash matches.
Post-match, Bo walks around with a “Bo-Lieve in Bo” sign and takes a victory lap. Someone audibly yells “Lion King, Lion King” at him before they cut away and that person is my spirit animal. Thank you for that.
Next, we learn that Gallows and Anderson are going to give New Day a “glimpse into their golden years” and I can hardly wait.
Meanwhile, Jericho and Owens are backstage… walking. Jericho says he’s going to take out Rollins for disrespecting Owens tonight. Jericho is going to give Rollins the “gift of Jericho”. They then embrace.
Back from break, Jericho and his scarf enter first. Rollins enters next.
Match #3: Seth Rollins vs. Chris Jericho
Wow, not that I expected any less, but these guys put on a show here. A couple of false finishes along the way, but Rollins goes over with a nice reversal into a Pedigree. Jericho continues to have a god tier run despite losing here. The one thing I noticed was the crowd response was pretty mixed during this match. Jericho had a surprising number of pops throughout the match, especially when he got the Walls of Jericho locked in on Rollins. Either way, this was the right move to re-establish Rollins’ place heading into Clash of Champions.
Verdict: Thumbs Up – A great match and exactly the kind of win Rollins needed after last week’s main event.
Next, the announcers remind us of Owens / Zayn, Sasha’s announcement, and Sheamus / Cesaro… which is up next.
Back from break, Cesaro is out for the “Best of 7” match. We see footage of last week’s “injury” to Cesaro and get an “earlier today” promo from Cesaro. Sheamus is out next and he also cuts an “earlier today” promo saying he’s going over tonight. Apparently “Match 4” is happening in London and not on TV… because they realized they skipped a week and they won’t hit “Match 7” in time for Clash of Champions.
Match #4: Sheamus vs. Cesaro (Match #3 in the ‘Best of 7’ series)
Welp. Cesaro’s back is taped up to look like the Lucha Underground logo. He sells the back the entire match too. If you ever wanted to see Sheamus give a give like a dozen backbreakers then this is your match. If not, then yeah not your match. The match quality in this series has gotten progressively worse. After a ton of backbreakers, Cesaro is selling on the ground and the ref asks him if he wants to continue. Cesaro starts to get up and eats a Brogue Kick to make this series 3-0 in favor of Sheamus.
Verdict: Thumbs Down – I’ve completely lost interest in this series. Sorry.
Back from break, the Shining Stars are already in the ring. They cut a promo about Labor Day and invite everyone to Puerto Rico. They’re then cut off by Enzo & Cass’ music. They’re out and cut their usual introduction promo. Enzo then cuts a promo saying they’re trying to “sell a Caribbean time share” and says they picked the wrong place – “local city name drop” pop. Enzo cuts a Labor Day promo, whiffs on a “giving birth” joke, and Cass tries to save it by making a fart joke. They then do a weird sit-up / breathing exercise bit until Enzo gives birth to an invisible baby. Cass calls the Shining Stars “sawft” while Enzo gives his invisible baby (named “Sawft”) to a woman in the front row.
Match #5: The Shining Stars vs. Enzo & Big Cass
I have no idea what they’re doing here. Enzo plays face in peril, Cass comes in and cleans house, but Primo breaks up the finisher attempt. Enzo then splashes the wrong guy and gets rolled up for the loss. Cass went from being in the main event title picture to losing to the Shining Stars in one week’s time. Weird.
Verdict: Thumbs Down – I’m not looking forward to a Shining Stars / Enzo & Cass program and that is the only reason to do this.
Back from break, Tom Phillips is with Sami Zayn. We discuss why this is happening again by referencing Zayn beating Owens at Battleground and Sami now being directionless. Sami says there is a little bit of jealousy because Owens is the champ. Owens appears and mentions all of the stuff Sami did before KO and how the title has always been the finish line between them. KO declares himself better than Sami and says Zayn is nothing. Sami says he’ll be Universal Champion and he won’t need Triple H to hand it to him on a silver platter.
Next, we’re sent to Nia Jax’s entrance. Squash match time! Her victim this week is Ann Esposito. No interview this week, but we learn that she’s friends with Alicia Fox.
Match #6: Nia Jax vs. Ann Esposito
One minute and thirty-seven seconds. You’re slipping, Jax.
Verdict: Thumbs Down – I guess that Alicia Fox shine allows you get in a few strikes and a failed sleeper attempt. Good for you, Ann. Enjoy your $1000.
Up next, retirement community infomercial with Gallows and Anderson!
Back from break, Anderson and Gallows are in the ring. They then cut a promo saying they’re going to “retire” New Day as tag team champs at Clash of Champions. They’re also going to show us what the New Day is like under their care in the future. Then, straight out of the Attitude Era, they announce the “Old Day”. The Old Day comes complete with an “old man” version of Big E’s intro, music played at 50% speed, and guys in mobility scooters, walkers and canes. The guys in elderly make up enter the ring and Gallows and Anderson cut a promo on them. The fake “Woods” breaks out an ear-trumpet and this segment is getting really painful. Eventually this ends and the real New Day come out.
Woods challenges Fake Woods to find out who his favorite X-Men character is. Answer – it’s Cyclops. Big E wants to know if his doppelgänger has gout. Kofi mentions if they’re from the future they should never touch… even just the tips… of their fingers it would cause everything to explode. The New Day rush the ring and Gallows and Anderson bail. The New Day then face off with the Old Day. The New Day and the Old Day dance in the ring. The New Day then attack and take out the Old Day – because WWE babyfaces.
Next, we see a clip of tonight’s opening promo that led to the Clash of Champions title match.
Back from break, Cole tells us about the Connor’s Cure research drive that is happening. Screaming Bob Backlund happens next which means it’s time for Darren Young to face Jinder Mahal (already in the ring). Titus O’Neil has joined commentary for this match.
Match #7: Jinder Mahal vs. Darren Young (w/ Bob Backlund)
It’s a match… that happens. It’s distracting to watch because O’Neil and Saxton are bickering on commentary throughout the whole thing. O’Neil eventually leaves commentary and goes down to the ring. This distracts Young, but Mahal can’t capitalize, and Young hits the Gut Check for the win.
Verdict: Thumbs Down – Much like the Cesaro / Sheamus feud… I’ve completely lost interest in this.
Post-match, Young attacks O’Neil, steals his shoe, and keeps attacking him after refs try to pull him off. Eventually, they separate Young and O’Neil and Darren and Backlund celebrate in the ring.
Next, we see the “Trainer’s Room” backstage. Alicia Fox leaves looking upset and happens upon Nia Jax. In a painful segment, Nia cuts a promo calling Alicia’s friend “Ratchety Ann” and claims Raw isn’t a “reality show like Total Divas”. Things “get real” when Fox starts freaking out by throwing rubber gloves and empty boxes into the air. Nia shoves Alicia into a table and Alicia pops up and wants to “talk talk talk it out”, but Nia has left. Oh boy.
Braun Strowman is out next and his time to beat is 1:37. It’s Braun’s “toughest challenge” tonight because he’s facing birthday boy, Sin Cara. Tom asks Sin Cara why he’s challenged Strowman. Sin Cara, straight up harder to understand than Bane in Dark Knight Rises, explains that Strowman disrespected Luchadors by pulling off Americo’s mask on last week’s show.
Match #8: Braun Strowman vs. Sin Cara
This lasts two minutes and twelve seconds. It’s also the ugliest one of these yet since Strowman wins by count out and he’s facing Sin Cara.
Verdict: Thumbs Down – You’re slipping even more than Nia is, Strowman.
Up next… Sasha Banks and some bad news.
Back from break, Sasha is out. She cuts a promo that sounds like she’s going to retire or something. She struggles and starts stumbling over her lines, so she just starts name dropping past female wrestlers. Sasha buries the Diva’s Title and the bra and panties matches. I like Sasha, but this promo is really meandering and I’m not sure what the point of it is. She’s in tears, but this is making almost no sense. Sasha says she has “bad news from her doctors” and then Dana Brooke of all people appears to save this segment. Dana says she’s going to use Sasha’s “broken body” to finish what Charlotte started at SummerSlam. Dana tosses a mic at Sasha but Sasha counters Dana into a Backstabber and locks on the Banks Statement. It was all a ruse! Sasha picks up a mic and tells “Miss Piggy” that the bad news is that she’s challenging Charlotte for the title at Clash of Champions.
Back from break, Sami Zayn makes his entrance for the main event. Owens is out next.
Match #9: Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn
It’s Zayn / Owens so of course it is good. Zayn gets some near falls early but then he does some of that great “is he really hurt?” selling. This leads to Zayn not being able to seal the deal with a Helluva Kick, which is expertly countered by an Owens superkick. KO then ends the match with a powerbomb.
Verdict: Thumbs Up – Not one of their best matches, but still decent enough for Raw and on par with Jericho / Rollins from earlier.
Post-match, Reigns’ music hits and the boos begin. Reigns faces off against Owens in the ring, but Owens takes off. Jericho is out next to back up Owens. This causes Foley’s music to hit. Foley declares that next week we get Owens / Reigns and if Reigns wins, he gets into the Clash of Champions match – making it a triple threat (cue crowd booing). Jericho tries to cheap shot Reigns and eats a spear to send at least someone in the crowd home happy.
Well, not nearly as good of a show as last week, but the Jericho / Rollins and Owens / Zayn matches were quite entertaining. I hope that no Triple H means we’ll get some slow burn payoff as to why he helped Owens win the Universal Title. I also like how the women’s division is slowly coming together – Jax / Fox diva meltdowns in hallways notwithstanding. We’ve still got a little time to go to Clash of Champions so that could shake out to be a solid PPV – time will tell.
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