Our standard “drinking game” creator, Laura, has been suspended for a Turn Heel Wellness Policy Violation*, so you’re stuck with me this time around. We hope that Laura’s suspension* is lifted in time for the SummerSlam drinking game.
* – (Laura is actually going through some stuff right now. Please throw her a buck or fifty if you can help out. Thanks!
Disclaimer: I don’t claim to be as funny as Laura, so please bear with me.
WWE Battleground 2016 Predictions & Drinking Game
Kickoff Show
The speculation from the panel here will be who walks out of the PPV with the WWE Championship. As Graves and Otunga recently got promoted, I expect this Kickoff show to be heavy on Lawler and Booker T. They should do an adequate job of getting you just the right amount of confused and angry going into the first Kickoff Show match.
(WWE.com)
The Usos vs. Breezango
I suppose this is the first “new feud” for SmackDown. Or at least one that WWE is trying to make happen. This match was literally added two days before the event and given zero context going in. Breezango is slowly starting to look less like a joke and more credible. The Usos are mainstays on the Kickoff Show circuit, so I imagine the idea of brand specific PPVs made their collective day.
Take A Drink Every Time
The announcers hype this as a “SmackDown Live tag division showcase”
The Usos do a “call and response” with the crowd
Chug
If Breezango come out wearing matching outfits and then win with a distraction roll up
Finishing Out
The Usos win because Breezango are SmackDown’s answer to Raw’s Golden Truth
Now on to the show proper – yes, I’m surprised that the U.S. Title and BOTH women’s matches are allegedly on the main show. INSANITY.
(WWE.com)
The New Day vs. The Wyatt Family
After the fever dream “Final Deletion” parody at the Wyatt Compound – this feud can finally be settled the way God intended. In a six-match match on a WWE PPV. The New Day escaped the draft unscathed. However, this is Braun Strowman’s swan song with the Wyatt Family before he goes to Raw to become Donald Gibb’s character from Bloodsport.
Take A Drink Every Time
The announcers say the Wyatt Compound video was the “scariest thing they’ve ever seen”
The New Day act like they’ve never seen Bray do the spider-walk before
Xavier Woods looks hesitant facing off with any member of the Wyatt Family
The announcers put over Braun Strowman as an “unstoppable, uncontrollable wild card” now that he’s alone on Raw
Chug
If Xavier Woods turns on the New Day and finally joins The Wyatts
Braun Strowman turns on the Wyatt Family and dances in the ring with the New Day after the match
Someone makes reference to a dilapidated boat
Drink An Entire Keg In One Go
If Broken Matt Hardy shows up and deletes Bray Wyatt
Finishing Out
It’s a PPV so the Wyatts lose – as it has been written, so it will be done
(WWE.com)
Becky Lynch vs. Natalya
Hey, it’s that novel feud that thanks to the draft we’re gonna be sick of a few months from now. The way the draft shook out, Becky and Natalya are easily the top two women on the SmackDown roster. I’m expecting this one to make Corbin / Ziggler look like a blip on the WWE feud timeline.
Take A Drink Every Time
Someone reminds us Nattie is a Hart Dungeon graduate
The announcers refer to a hashtag when talking about Becky
The Sharpshooter fails to lead to a victory
The announcers hype this as a “SmackDown Live Women’s Division showcase”
Pound It
If Carmella and Alexa Bliss show up and get involved
If this ends in a no contest brawl
If Trish Stratus returns and causes Becky to win by distraction roll up
Finishing Out
It doesn’t really matter. Fans of SmackDown are going to be saddled with this feud until Naomi returns, Nikki Bella heals and joins Cena on SmackDown, Bayley debuts, and/or WWE realizes the SmackDown women’s division is paper-thin and some trades happen.
(WWE.com)
The Miz (c) vs. Darren Young (Intercontinental Championship match)
I loved the story leading up to this. Darren Young keeps randomly winning and lucking himself into victories he has no business winning. Miz should have had the IC title stripped from him after skipping Money in the Bank to film a terrible WWE movie. The wildcard here is Bob Backlund who cut a fire promo on Darren Young promoting “barbarianism” and “living in the woods fighting to survive” on the draft after show.
Take A Shot Every Time
The announcers imply that the IC title could switch brands tonight
Bob Backlund moves like he’s been rendered on the N64
Maryse looks aloof
Chug
If someone random on the Raw roster shows up to help Darren Young
If someone random on the SmackDown roster shows up to help The Miz
Empty Your Flask
If Bob Backlund puts Maryse in the Crossface Chickenwing
Finishing Out
I’m assuming the IC title stays on SmackDown with the Miz. Darren Young’s destiny is to make Raw great again – even though they made a point to draft him to the same show as Titus O’Neil in one of the most glaring hedge moves in the draft.
(WWE.com)
Sasha Banks & “Mystery Partner” vs. Charlotte & Dana Brooke
WWE seems to have made a game out of seeing how long they go without having a WWE Women’s Championship match. All logic points to Sasha and Charlotte at SummerSlam but until then – another tag match. The big mystery here is “who is Sasha’s tag team partner”.
Take A Shot
Every time the announcers mention that Sasha, Dana, and Charlotte are all Raw Superstars
If Dana Brooke cosplays as Ric Flair again
If Paige is the mystery partner
Take 2 Shots
If Nikki Bella returns from injury months early as the mystery partner
Take 3 Shots
If Nia Jax is the mystery partner
Mainline A Handle of Jagermeister
If Eva Marie is the mystery partner
Hug The Person To Your Left & Share A Diet Sprite
If Bayley is the mystery partner
Finishing Out
This match means absolutely nothing. The only thing making this mildly interesting is the internet speculation that Bayley debuts in this spot. I doubt this happens. My money is on Nia Jax getting the nod and them dealing with “Roman Reigns 2.0” fallout for months as a result. WWE never learns and seems to make a game out of putting that family in terrible situations now.
(WWE.com)
Jericho’s Highlight Reel with Randy Orton
WWE split up Lesnar and Orton right after booking their high-profile SummerSlam match. Segments like this will be the only way WWE can promote their Summerslam contest – leading many to believe that the match won’t end up happening. But as of Friday, this segment is still booked for Battleground.
Take A Shot Every Time
Jericho says “stupid idiot”
Cole finds an excuse to say “Vintage Orton” during an in-ring promo segment
Start Pounding It
If Brock Lesnar shows up
If Paul Heyman shows up
If Jericho gets an RKO out of nowhere
Switch To Beer
If someone from SmackDown shows up and issues a challenge to Orton for SummerSlam
Drink The Entire Case Of Beer
If Lesnar isn’t mentioned at all in this segment
Finishing Out
If there is any truth to WWE getting cold feet on using Lesnar due the drug testing woes, this is a place that could happen. Sending out someone from SmackDown to challenge Orton seems like a predictable and terrible “out”. Otherwise, I expect a lot of “I’m back” and “I’m not scared of The Beast” talk.
(WWE.com)
Rusev (c) vs. Zack Ryder (United States Championship Match)
Much like the Darren Young IC title hunt, this is another seemingly random “underdog” story for the U.S. title. Ryder getting sent to SmackDown with his “Hype Bro” Mojo Rawley makes this one almost a forgone conclusion. Rusev machka.
Take A Shot
Every time the announcers imply that the U.S. Title could go to SmackDown
When Zack Ryder is referred to as a “former IC champion”
If Lana gets her own entrance to needlessly introduce Rusev
Pound It
If Zack Ryder’s Dad is in the crowd
Double Fist It
If Rusev taunts Zack Ryder’s Dad in the crowd
Wear A Guzzler Helmet
If Rusev puts Zack Ryder’s Dad in the Accolade and makes him tap
Switch To Everclear
If Mojo Rawley helps Ryder win the U.S. Title
Switch To O’Doul’s
If Mojo Rawley costs Ryder the U.S. Title in a hyped up mishap
(WWE.com)
John Cena, Enzo, & Big Cass vs. The Club
It’s the curtain call for AJ Styles in the watered down, WWE version of Bullet Club v1.0. I fully expect Styles / Cena to continue for the next six months on SmackDown and it seems plausible that Anderson & Gallows and Enzo & Cass may have legs on Raw for a while too. Therefore, this match is basically a throw-away – this is the pre-split SmackDown main event that slams two feuds together. Grrreeaat.
Down A PBR
If Cena comes out in his “TOTALLY NOT PBR” themed gear
And Crunch The Can On Your Forehead
If WWE feels the need to show Enzo getting concussed at Payback again for no reason
Take A Shot
Every time the announcers mention how many world titles Cena has won
Someone on the announce team is confused and/or disgusted by Enzo Amore
Big Cass looks really strong
Take 2 Shots
Every time someone in the Club says #BeatUpJohnCena
Whenever Cena looks or sounds like a confused, old man because of Enzo
Take 3 Shots
For every Styles Clash kick out
For every Calf Crusher tap out tease
Take 4 Shots
For every AA kick out
For every STFU tap out tease
Finish The Bottle
If Finn Balor debuts to help the Club
And Start A New Bottle
If Balor turns on AJ Styles to become the new leader of the Club
Finishing Out
Beyond Club drama, there won’t be much to this beyond the likely continuation of Styles / Cena main event at a SmackDown branded PPV near you. Another match on this show where the winner doesn’t matter at all.
(WWE.com)
Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens
Like Batman and the Joker, these two are destined to fight each other – forever. Since they’re both on Raw, there are way fewer stakes in this match then there potentially were just a week ago.
Take A Shot
Every time the announcers say that Zayn was KO’s “best man at his wedding”
It is implied this feud started at NXT
Owens accosts Byron Saxton at commentary
Chug
If it is implied that this match will settle their feud
Cole miscalls the Blue Thunder Bomb
If the match ends in a no contest brawl outside the ring
Finishing Out
I strongly doubt this feud ends here. WWE seems content to let these two fight forever, even if having a definitive end would be “best for business”. Another one that could go either way and it really wouldn’t matter. WWE seems strangely down on Owens right now and high on Zayn – so a Zayn win seems more likely, which is exactly why KO may win.
(WWE.com)
Dean Ambrose (c) vs. Seth Rollins vs. Roman Reigns (Triple Threat for the WWE Championship)
The Shield triple threat we’ve always wanted on a B-level, off month PPV. Yay. One big take away will be the reveal of how upset WWE is with Roman Reigns after the wellness policy violation. Other than that, logic dictates Raw has the edge here with two out of the three competitors being Raw branded talents.
Take A Shot
Each time the announcers refer to Ambrose or SmackDown as the underdogs
Reigns’ wellness policy violation is tiptoed around
Someone says “THE guy”
Someone says “The man”
Dean Ambrose’s rebound clothesline connects
The Dirty Deeds is teased, but blocked.
Take 2 Shots
If Shane McMahon gets involved
If Daniel Bryan gets involved
If Stephanie McMahon gets involved
If Mick Foley gets involved
Buy A Round For The Bar
If Vince McMahon appears and declares the title vacant
Buy Another Round
If Vince then awards the title to Raw
Spit Your Drink Into The Air
If Triple H factors into the finish
Run Outside And Party In The Streets
If Dean Ambrose retains
Drink Whatever Is Left In Your Liquor Cabinet
If Roman Reigns leaves as champion
Finishing Out
WWE Logic dictate Rollins wins here. Specifically, Rollins pinning Reigns to set up a Raw feud between the two. Ambrose, and by extension SmackDown, just feel like the odd ones out here and I don’t think we’re getting the fairytale ending that was Money in the Bank again. Sorry Ambrose Asylum inmates.
Well, that’s that. If you enjoyed this drinking game, my name is Ben and you’re reading Turn Heel. If you didn’t like this drinking game, my name is Dave and you’ve been reading the Wrestling Observer.
You can follow the site on Sunday when I live tweet Battleground at @turnheelsite. We’ll also have some “as they happen” results here at Turn Heel on Sunday in case you can’t watch Battleground live.
The post WWE Battleground 2016 Predictions and Drinking Game appeared first on Turn Heel.