The Canadian Mothering - Kingston, Canada
Kingston, Canada
This is just based on my observations in Kim's House. I am not very sure if it's the same for other families.
The relationship Kim has with Alex is really very informal and friendly.
She calls him Bud, and she treats him more like a friend. It is totally different from what I went through when I was a kid.
I remember on the first day when we met, Kim came to pick us up from the train station. In the car, she always made sure that she gives Alex the chance to contribute to the conversation. For example, when I asked where is a good place to have Poutine/ when will it start to get cold in Kingston. Instead of answering immediately, Kim will direct the questions to Alex and then he will answer while she comments at the end. She makes sure that Alex feels important and valued, which I am sure for many Chinese mothers, this is often neglected.
When I was young, I know my limits (which can be a good thing), there's a distinct line I do not cross, because I know my parents are authorities that I cannot challenge. (But sometimes we break the rule). I do as they say, sometimes, they do ask me for opinions. But it's just different from how Kim "discuss" with Alex.
She shows a lot respect and trust for Alex. There's no suspicions. For example, when Alex went to get his Computer after just sitting awhile to do his work (she didn't question him why he needs that), all she said was that "Oh you need your computer for your homework? Oh great, go get it". When Alex suddenly started talking to her about calories count, and the app to keep track of calories, he started asking her about her weight and doing the counts for her; asking what's for lunch later and finding out the nutrition values for that etc. I am sure my mum will get mad and ask me to stop being distracted, without checking first. Instead, Kim's reacted with enthusiasm and participated. Commenting that the app is neat and good. Only after awhile, she ask him to get back to work.
PS: I wonder if it's reverse psychology at work >.<
What I noticed that she tends to give a lot of encouragement. Mum always hurry me to finish my work, but Kim told Alex to take his time, reassuring him that they have time, at least till 1PM (before going out).
They use I love you all the time too. The expression of love is done very casually and freely, but for me, it was always very very hard to express.
But when they argue, it is also different.
When Alex refuse to eat dinner, Kim argue with him like how one argues with her friend. ( Shitz words and other stuff that I didn't really catch) But I remember the "lecturing" didn't really ended on the same day. She kind of just say she is not going to say anymore because both of them are still angry. So it's just left like this and then the next morning they will make up. When I get scolding, mum always ensure that the lessons was learnt (hard way/ soft way). She won't leave me hanging.
more observations coming up... to be continued