A wee trip to China - Liuzhou, China
Liuzhou, China
I know how eagerly everyone has been waiting for the latest instalment to my blog.....zzzzzzzzz Well, the story continues with a hop over to China with the one they call the 'anteater' AKA Tom Flanagan, waiting for me on the other side, or at least I hoped he was. The train journey from Vietnam to China was enough to make me turn back if I'm honest as I get in my 4 bed cabin and in walks an overweight Chinese man, strangely enough on a train to china........anyway off with his clothes, EVERYTHING by the way, the full shebang, and up he hops into his top bunk. I was also in the top bunk therefore this lump of naked skin and his oriental willy was in my peripheral vision the whole journey. I decided the only way to get through this was to shut my eyes and try and sleep it off. Unfortunately it was 2am, so he also thought it was a good idea to get some sleep. However, he was the only one sleeping as his snoring was louder than a whales *****. I'm pretty sure I could here folk a few carriages down complaining it was that bad...... A few hours went by and we were just crossing the border. We were made to get out and wait around for 2 hours in a waiting room where I felt like a circus act. I had more photos taken of me than most celebrities would have in a day. My hair was touched which if you know me well, upsets me greatly! I was slightly outnumbered so I thought I'd let "l"them off this time.....we get back on and this time a lady gets in the cabin with 4 kids!! Where the **** are they going to sleep was my first question? Secondly, my answer was you are definitely not having my bed and thirdly I really hope that man puts some clothes on now. All 5 somehow played twister and managed to fit in one bed, they didn't take my bed and the man still was naked. One guy underneath me ,Liaunjau, was really nice. We had a couple of laughs in some improvised language and a couple of photos together. Cute eh? 14 hours and 39 minutes later, I arrived in Guilin. Once again I was paraded outside the train station with photos, touching, smiles, hugs...you name it. Ginger people appeared to be like some sort of god or creature to them. Scotland should take a LEAF (for Euan black) out of China's book and start appreciating us more! *******s! After about 5 minutes it really started to **** me off. An hour goes by and I've been touched more times than christ the redeemer. I start to panic which isn't like me as you know. Tom isn't coming is he?? Just as I lose hope and come to terms with the fact that I'm going to have to turn around, a white man resembling an anteater, in the midst of crowds and crowds of people staring at me, walks past. THOMASSSS!!!! I gave an elated yelp!! Out of context, it was really hard to get words out my mouth as it didn't quite seem real that I was in fact in China. Well we had a good few beers that day and another drink which I had to get used to, tequila with a dead snake fermented in it to make it stronger. Absolute ******** whoever came up with that.....now the weirdest moment of my whole journey so far was the morning after that night out. Me and Tom it's safe to say we're still relatively ****** still at 9am. I opened one eye to browse the room which we somehow made it back to.....I see a still figure standing about 3 meters away. I feel him staring at me. Still feeling a bit cheeky and drunk I shout to Tom, "Oi Tom, there's a weird bloke staring at me!!" F*ck off you!! Tom shouts... I had a wee giggle. Randomly, the bloke replies "are you Scottish??" This is the point where I sobered up, my balls, heart everything dropped out my ****! OH GOD this is awkward. I recognised the voice from Vietnam. It sounded very much like a Vietnamese bloke I spent 40 minutes abusing as he was flirting with me on a night out and sadly I'm not the most comfortable around very open gay people when I've had a drink, apologies to anyone that is reading this that Is offended by this comment. It was Edward or Edovar as he called himself! This was another reason I was ****** off with him, "how do you spell your name bud?" E d w a r d! So your names Edward then not Edovar! Idiot! 14 hours, Two trains, 2 buses, a 15 minute walk and a short check in to a hostel in Yangshuo, a very remote part of China, and this guy is in my room! NUT. Weirdest thing that has happened to me in a while anyway. This gave us a giggle for that day anyway.