Up to and Into the Kalachakra in Leh, Ladakh - Leh, India
Leh, India
Where I stayed
campground
What I did
monks, nuns
mandala, mountains, Buddhas, clear skies,
His Holiness the Dalai Lama, devotees
June 29th-July 27th Journey to Ladakh for the Kalachakra
The journey to Ladakh (also a famous book that I had the intention of reading but didn't even find a copy of in the end) was a 3 plus week marathon of staying present and aware of my internal and external realities while trusting that all would work out just fine. Actually that sounds pretty extreme and it wasn’t so terrible, just arduous continual movement and challenge for at least the first 2 full weeks and then I found some rest from the continual intensity under the clear vast sky at the top of this mountain land.
My film maker friend, Prem and I set out on a rainy evening with our too much luggage in hand and on back and go into a van with 5 other brave Western Buddhists who were willing to put their comfort aside to make out way up to one of the highest places on Earth to experience and receive the blessing and/or initiation of His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s Kalachakra Initiation (I’ll explain more of what this is later on). None of us realized what we were getting ourselves into but from the beginning of our journey, arrangements weren’t clear and confusing and our 'guide’ from whom we had bought the tickets for this complete package of bus, sight seeing, camping, food and amenities for 2 weeks never seemed to know what was going on either. It was like we wee all lost while finding out way up the mountain and while we hung out there in awe. Initially there were two Americans, me and Dan (a middle aged Southerner who has devoted himself fully to Buddhism through daily prayers and study), Greg (a mature Australian man who’s been devoted to Buddhist practice in a more radical way as a yogi for the last 50 years and currently runs a retreat center on Kangaroo Island), Allan (a middle aged Austrian man who’s also a devotee living in Dharamsala and an avid baker), and Amy (a sweet Taiwanese woman who is an accountant in Taipei but has been staying in Dharamsala with her sister learning and practicing Buddhism). After 15 hrs overnight or so we made it to our first stop where we had most of a day to move our legs or rest before getting on the bus for a two day ride up into the clouds. We found an ancient temple that was built over a hot spring and Western amenities to appease travelers like us as well as an Israeli family that decided to join our group for the adventure.
That evening we walked through the rain to make it to the bus that happened to be in the middle of no where and overfull but somehow we all (about 40 pilgrims from all around the world, about 30 originally from Tibet but now in exile in Sikkhim, India or Nepal and 10 of us white folk from all around). We met with Gelay (a Tibetan born, Indian raised, Taiwanese educated, Canadian and American resident who’s a photo journalist and became a close friend and supporter), Isabelle (a tall elegant, artsy, French, Buddhist photographer and seeker) as well as her brother also a very tall Frenchman who enjoys a good debate discussion and a real trooper throughout the journey that was made for much smaller people.
There was chaos from the beginning as it took us 2 hours to just start out so I played a recording of Om Mani Padme Hung (the Tibetan mantra meaning ‘may all beings be free’ that is often played in any Tibetan shop world wide). The two days were a mix of being awake and asleep, cold and hot, sick and elated, terrified and surrendered as we motored up the second highest motorable road in the world (the first highest came later in the trip). The roads were hard to even categorize as roads at times but somehow the bus made it up and over and through the mud, rain, ice, snow, blazing sun and around rock faces where only one car should be allowed to fit. Oh India the incredible! This has been a line I’ve heard many times and this was a time in which I really did use it. Wow. I woke up at one point and looking out the window and came to accept that we might just die at any time as the sleet with rocks was coming down the mountain. We did actually make it and so no big deal, but I wouldn’t want to take this road again (especially not in a bus) unless absolutely necessary. The views though were breath taking and since we were at 9,000 to 15,000 feet up literally breath taking. Peeing became an adventure on the side of the road and chai (Indian tea) a life line of nourishment. We were at the edge in mountain top rock hovel cafes where an omlet was a delicacy.
When we actually made it to Leh (the capital and largest city in Ladakh) we were eventually brought to a traditional looking home and were told that this was where we’d be camping. We made our way to the back of the home and saw the tents that miraculously looked like the picture in the brochure but were told that there weren’t any toilets yet and that our bedding also was yet to arrive. Dinner eventually started to get cooked by our young Ladakhi staff and complaints were being digested continuously or else taken on their way as others looked for another place to stay.
I bunked up with Amy in a tent where we had just enough room to be cozy and snug and we eventually found that the toilets were half built in the field next to us over a little stream. Actually the land on which we were staying was quite nice with a cow and some sheep that were kept away most of the time and two streams with a beautiful view of the mountains in the distance and only a 10 min walk across the Seine River to get to the teaching grounds where soon 150,000 people would be gathering to be with His Holiness the Dalai Lama.
My dear friend Prem had decided after a very challenging ride and getting sick the next day that he would look for another place, but first he stayed to recuperate as we continued to land in our bodies for a few days.
The first couple days we were just arriving and going to see some sacred sites around the area. We also came to realize that the food was going to be very very basic with white rice and some bits of veggies for lunch or toast and jam for breakfast along with chai of course. This meant that we made our way into town to Leh (a 6 mile taxi ride away) and to the Western style cafes as soon as possible for some coffee, juice in my case and to use the internet. I soon realized that the internet was not going to be reliable, but it took me at least week to accept this as a reality in this place where even cell phones didn’t work even if you bought a new sim card (and you needed to be Indian or illegally make it happen). So I was out of touch with the outside world, yet in a camp with quite a representation from around the world that felt a bit like a refuge camp but with the purpose of receiving spiritual teachings from possibly the most authentically powerful and compassionate man alive.
Over the first few days we toured around the area to a few ancient Tibetan monasteries at least 300 years and up to 800 years old. To see the ancient paintings, massive Buddha statues, rough rock blending into white walls with colorful cloth decorations against the bright blue sky and feel the density of the devotion that has been developed and practiced within these thick walls was inspiration to practice and learn more myself. Possibly my favorite monastery was called Likir which is translated as Naga (or snake) Encircled because it is also the site where two rivers also recognized as nagas or snakes meet surrounding the monastery. I had a heart opening here with Avalokateshvara, the Bodhisattva of Compassion with thirteen heads and a thousands arms to reach out to all of humanity. I had just been talking with Greg on the bus, listening to stories his of his wild youth and Buddhist practice throughout the last half a century hearing about his guru and how he developed his devotion. I started to feel overwhelmed and said I needed a break and did a healing on my relationship to the masculine and paternal around acknowledgement and validation. Then I released fully in surrender to the bodhisattva asking for guidance and compassionate support like I might receive from a father. This place is where the nagas are surrounding the Bodhisattva of Compassion in protection. The nagas or rivers flow around the bodhisattva, blessing him like I felt around and through me and I surrendered in devotion to Avalokateshvara in a statue. This was an opening for me to receive.
The Kalachakra initiation began a few days after we arrived with deep, droning some might say haunting chanting at 7am that we could hear from our campsite and that called us to make our way to the teaching site where we would receiving from His Holiness the Dalai Lama, the spiritual and political leader of the Tibetan Buddhist community and Tibetan nation. There is great significance in this ceremony happening in this distant region in the very north of India. This rustic and quickly developing Himalayan city is the home to many Tibetan refuges who have come to live here in exile in settlements. Also the local Ladaki people came from Tibet many generations back. It is now has a diverse mixture of cultures and religions including Hindu, Muslim, and yet mostly a home for Tibetan Buddhists who make up the majority of the population. Yet these traditions mix together on the streets and in the festivals. His Holiness welcomed people of all faiths to the Kalachakra Initiation also stating that it is important for people to remain true to their own faith while appreciating the truth of other traditions (I don’t have an exact quote, but a paraphrase). In Leh and around Ladakh you can see the vibrant beauty of the Ladaki dress and Buddhist imagery most everywhere you go, while also hearing the call to prayer from the ornate mosques that may be right next to a Buddhist stupa. Buddhists, Muslims, Hindus, Christians and Jews mostly from abroad as well as people of many other or no faith all came together to receive the blessing of the Kalachakra Initiation and to unite in the mandala and supporting the cause of liberation for all sentient beings.
The main tenants of Tibetan Buddhism are compassion and wisdom, which when cultivated together with guidance can lead one to enlightenment or freedom from the causes of suffering. The Kalachakra mandala is an image or map of the Tibetan Buddhist worldview that lays out the cosmology and practice complete with 722 deities who can support one’s transformation towards Buddhahood as a fully enlightened being. As a practitioner one cultivates bodhicitta, or the authentic intention to save all sentient beings from the suffering of birth and death in this realm as well as the direct realization of emptiness or that all things are empty of inherent existence and rely on the dependence of their mutual origination as taught by His Holiness’ tradition. There’s irony in that this tradition which teaches these techniques for liberation and a recognition of interdependence is so persecuted by their neighbors the Chinese. This persecution while not so visible in Ladakh is none the less in the hearts and minds of all of the Tibetan residents and many of the foreign visitors who come to witness and experience some of the traditional culture much of which has been lost in Tibet itself. In Ladakh they can practice their religion and cultural traditions in peace and be about as close as they can get to their homeland.
One day we drove six hour up and down mountain to get to Pangong Lake that happens to be about 2/3rd in India and 1/3rd in Tibet. It’s so clear, so blue, so royally magnificent against the rocky and snowy mountains in the distance. I was stunned as we got off the bus and saw the five colored prayer flags making a tent like formation overlooking the lake. Several of the Tibetans made their way to the tent and began giving offerings. I was just watching and suddenly burst into tears. We made it! There she is! Is that home? I didn’t question it at the time, but I opened and released in tears down to the earth coming back home to myself, to this rough land that feels like being on the edge of the world and to a sense of freedom that I hadn’t known before. Why was this so powerful for me? Was I Tibetan in a past lifetime? Am I just feeling compassion for all the Tibetans who we’ve been staying and journeying with for the last week so far and who have arrived back at their homeland or as close as they can get? We were finding some sense of home together on this shore, they prayed, I danced and eventually worked up the courage to actually dive into these clear salty waters. Woah that was cold and so refreshing, so renewing, so worth it to be there. And then back 6 hours on the bus to arrive back at night to our tent homes.
And then there was the initiation itself that I have been dreading writing about because of how precious, powerful, personal and also secret it was and supposedly is even though 150,000 people were there this time and many thousands of others have been to one of these massive gatherings that generally happen once a year. Not to even mention those who have heard about it from others or read even whole books about it without any authorization to do so. Its really not so secret, yet I now have taken a vow to not talk about it in detail with anyone who is not initiated, so I will share what I can. The site was a huge field with a green tarp covering much of it with the focus being a glass window surrounded building in which His Holiness and other monks created the mandala and where the initiations took place as they were broadcast to massive screens for the foreigners and the pilgrims to see the action. I was sitting in the foreigners section with a group from our campsite about 200 ft from His Holiness and behind the massive roped off China section that was the only place official reserved. This makes sense given the challenges that they may go through to come to a Tibetan Buddhist gathering and or the power that these few individuals have to make a change in the Chinese perspective of Tibet (just possibly). I certainly felt the transformative power of this collective ritual and then there’s the practice, which really addresses balance and harmony on all levels of awareness.
So back to the initiation, it was an opportunity to be deep and go deeper inside myself and also feel connected to these many thousands of pilgrims as well as possibly all sentient beings at least in intention. Each day I would come to the teaching site either in the morning or the afternoon for a teaching from His Holiness the Dalai Lama that was projected on the large screen. He first gave basic Lam Rim teachings or the basic Buddhist teachings that I had just received at Tushita but I a very condensed fashion. There was also preparing the site for the mandala with the Earth Dances, which ask the local deities for permission and clear the space for the mandala to be created auspiciously. The monks were dressed in very colorful highly ornate costumes with headdresses and held bells and dorjes (also called a vajra in Sanskrit or ‘diamond’ that has four sides and looks a bit like an infinity sign). They twirled, stomped and whisked their arms in arcs for at least an hour to the four directions and maybe even the ten directions. The dance is meant to clear obstacles and set a sacred space for the rest of the initiation.
The actual initiation (I am getting there J) was three half days of sitting in the blazing sun, receiving rapid fire rituals that are very cryptic and challenging to follow especially when the translator is lagging or is translating over the Tibetan chant that you’re supposed to be reciting but can’t hear because it garbled with stunted English. Anyways, we made it through step by step, level by level, commitment by commitment and there were quite a few. I first took refuge vows which entails taking the 5 precepts of not to kill, not to steal, not to lie, not to commit sexual misconduct, not to take alcohol (which need interpretation especially the last two and His Holiness says that you can have a glass/cup of alcohol as long as you’re mindful and don’t get intoxicated, but that’s up to further interpretation). I also took Bodhisattva vows, which are too lengthy to include all here, but basically support one’s aspiration to develop bodhicitta, as the intention to save all sentient beings before reaching enlightenment for oneself. And then there’s the High Tantric Vows that are even more extensive and support one’s aspiration to reach enlightenment in a single lifetime through the practice of High Yoga Tantra. It can seem strict but it also provides guidelines and a kind of support structure to show you what is helpful and what really isn’t helpful if you are wanting to rapidly progress on the path.
The path, hmm you may be curious about that means and how one knows if he or she is on it or if there even is such a thing. For me the path is feeling called to take the next step towards greater truth for me and Buddhism offer a structure that has supported me in the past and feels as if it is supporting me where I am now as well. My path hasn’t always been to follow Buddhist teachings or to do specific Buddhist practices, but the Dharma (the Buddhist teachings) are a very large part of the spiritual foundation that I’ve been consciously building since my early teens in this lifetime. I am now more intentionally calling the teachings and practices into my daily life to gain greater stability, integrity, intentionality and guidance where I’ve been floundering in the dark to find my own way the last few years after getting a bit burned out on the Dharma in a academic way while at Harvard Div School. My path is a bit unconventional in that I’m now bringing song and dance into a tradition that often sees these expressions as distractions rather than tools for awakening, while acknowledging that it is really all about the motivation and intention for whatever one is doing that matters.
So, the Kalachakra initiation gave me a way to experience an energetic opening and alignment with a practice that can support my further exploration of realms in which I’ve been exploring through relationships, meditation, movement and vocalization but I have not had the guidance to know how to use the energies for a purely altruistic intention without attaching to them with my ego at times. With any Buddhist Tantra one is using desire on the path to progress more quickly towards enlightenment, which requires releasing any attachment to the experience especially since it can be very empowering and attractive to the ego that wants to make itself special in comparison to others. This practice is about equalizing oneself with others, seeing and feeling the connection to all beings with compassion, love, joy and equanimity. The daily practice then reinstalls this intention twice a day and the meditations cultivate both emptiness and bliss as one develops greater love and compassion for all beings. As for the practice itself, it’s a secret unless you’ve been initiated (sorry). And actually many hundreds of thousands of people around the world have been initiated but many less than that actually do the practice, which unfortunately has quite negative effect on whoever initiated them, in this case His Holiness the Dalai Lama depleting his life. I have come to see how kind and compassion these lamas are who offer initiations knowing that many of the initiates will not fulfill their commitments since the receiving the empowerments are more beneficial even if they (we as initiates) don’t practice than not receiving them at all.
The devotion that I witnessed during this 14 day long ritual initiation, with the bulk of which being in 3 days was awe inspiring and brought up a great deal of resistance in me. Could I ever be that devoted or in love with someone who I barely knew because they were my teacher? I can imagine that experiencing great insights and freedom as a result of the empowerments and practices that have been given my a teacher could inspire this depth of love, which I have yet to know. I can appreciate it and rejoice as I was taught in its expression in others, but I also wonder if it is a way to protect oneself from actually feeling longing, grief, pain and other negative emotions that can be covered over by the intense love for this realized being. I’m not sure that there’s even a problem with that if it truly helps one to enlighten, but there does seem to be the threat of spiritually bypassing if one is not integrating or understanding where the motivation to devote oneself to the spiritual path and the deep emotions that arise during devotional practices have their root (ex in one’s childhood or even arguably past lives). I can say that I have a strong belief in reincarnation given how clear so many of the lama are about their past lives and how having heard some about my own past lives have helped me to understand how I respond and experience this current lifetime. I do believe that I was probably Tibetan in a recent past life, which is why I have such an affinity with the Tibetan culture, the people and Tibetan Buddhism as well as so much attraction yet resistance to devoting myself to the Tibetan Buddhist path by taking a root teacher. For now His Holiness the Dalai Lama is my teacher as he has initiated me into the Kalachakra Tantra as well as the White Tara Long Life practice and I will hold him in my heart-mind as my guru until another or others show themselves.
If you’re still reading this than I’m impressed and surprised. Thank you for your devotion. On the other side of this experience I was staying in a camp with a great diversity of people like I wrote earlier, from Sikkim, India, Nepal, Canada, Europe, America, Tibet and we were somehow learning to communicate a get along even though the camp organizers didn’t seem to care about us except that they get the money that was ‘promised.’ Day after day there were disagreements and negotiations happening as people left one, two, three, four at a time. I stuck it out with a core group of ‘Westerners’ including my Taiwanese tent mate and we made the best of the poor nutrition and lack of water by usually going into into Leh each day about a 6 km dusty ride away. There we found Western style cafes, internet that usually worked, deluxe hotels to hang out at, cakes, pies, and most anything that we could desire. I usually spent the evenings with the four guys usually, Greg, Gelay, Alan and sometimes Dan. It was a bit like having four dads at first and then something shifted. Isabelle, from France originally, who has been traveling around the world especially Asia for over a year offered some Qi Gong and then some Tibetan ladies got into it and shared their exercises. Then a few days later I started doing some yoga and all of a sudden was leading a yoga class with three young Tibetans, two sweet sisters from Delhi and Bangalore, Paulki and Wangmo and a young man who works for Students for a Free Tibet in Dharmasala (name). And that led into me leading an abridged version of Moving in Grace under a tent canopy with us following each other’s lead to recorded music with a couple other Tibetan Amlas (mothers in Tibetan) for whom Wangmo expertly did the translation.
I began to feel a lot more empowered with all these empowerments as my inner channels opened up and I went through more purification and began sharing my gifts more. It was as if I was coming out of my childhood shell and showing myself in a new light without trying or pretending, I just felt alive, energized, sexy and radiant in a new way. As if I was waiting for these empowerments to actually come more fully into the world as my full-woman-self. I started to make jokes and comments that stirred up a lot of energy in the group of men that I was mostly hanging out with and drew attention towards me. At first I was self-conscious and then I accepted that I really liked the attention and that it was pretty harmless in this company of sangha (the community of practitioners) and just stating what was already there anyways rather than avoiding it. I also revisited an attraction towards Gelay, which I had put to the side telling myself I was here to focus on Dharma and my practice and since he was busy all day taking photos, we didn’t connect much.
It wasn’t until after the initiations were over, when he had helped to bring greater peace to the confusion of the camp by translating between 5 languages with great compassion that I really took notice. In the midst of most everyone falling apart as they negotiated how they wanted to leave, expressing frustration that we were not told that we wouldn’t be getting meals the last day (especially challenging for the elders there who had difficulty walking and had very little money) and were left with empty promises he continued to help build understanding. Dear Paulki who had acted almost like a camp mother or younger daughter to many of the Tibetan refuges who were with us felt betrayed by the friend she had made in one of the organizers who seemed to have a cold, consumption controlled heart certainly taught to him partly by his father who became outwardly abusive towards him and other campers in front of the entire camp. It was clear that their business was not based on their devotion even though they said they were Buddhist. I felt as if I had a meager taste of what it might be like to be a refuge without control of my life circumstances, not understanding what was going on and just having to accept what was and make the best of it as many of the other Tibetans in the camp did until it came down to the line of how they were going home and they knew Gelay could help, so he did and he helped me too.
The day before we were talking about our next steps and we realized we were both planning to stay for at least a week longer in Ladakh and wanted to see more of the area. The plan to have Isabelle or the sisters join us fell through and it became just us making plans to travel together. We stayed with Isabelle at her sweet guest-house in Northern Leh for a few days discovering more of the town, taking care of personal business and decompressing from the incredible intensity of the camp and the initiation. Woah that had been a ride! We now were eating organic home cooked meals in a living room, sleeping in a bed, walking to stupas and along river canals with sacred nooks at each turn, having long conversations over lassis and tea and enjoying the blue clear skies and warm dry sunny days.
After waiting in a 2.5 hr line to see the Kalachakra Mandala up close with many local Ladakhis the night before, we then headed out for Nubra Valley on a cool rainy day, which Gelay had predicted since the generally is rain the day the Kalachakra mandala is dismantled and His Holiness closes the sacred ritual space. It was a 12 hour drive north of Leh yet still in Ladakh and very close to the Pakistani border. The drive took us over K******g-La, the highest motorable pass in the world at around 5,600meters where there’s snow and glaciers and rocks with some prayer flags flying in the wind and not much else besides a tea stand, a sign, a shrine and port-a-potties that weren’t really worth using (based on the remains around them). We also passed by lyrical little streams surrounded by bright green grass patches where yaks come to graze below misty rocky mountain terrain that often had veins of green or purple or even red mineral deposits like arteries and capillaries running down the slopes. We stopped a couple times to eat and get tea and then arrived at a monastery that happened to be the school of the lama who had given the longest most extensive blessing to His Holiness the Dalai Lama after the initiation for his long life ceremony. The main statue was the deity of learning and education, which makes sense. We then moved onto to our place in Hundar, a little town just next to the desert of Nubra Valley which is seems like a mini version of what you might see in a film about Egypt. The rolling sand dunes while they don’t go on forever, are pristine and come complete with camels you can ride on. It really was beautiful how the mountains cradle the dunes and frame the sky for a spectacular show especially since it was raining and the clouds were moving fast exposing blue and sun and even a double rainbow our first evening. I had decided that this was where I would film the campaign video since I had so little time and Gelay being a professional photographer. Luckily he was up for it J and I found the inspiration from the environment. After some dancing on the sand creating mandalas I knew this was definitely the place and the skies were agreeing even as they rained just as we finished our last take. I really felt seen by Gelay as he gave me just enough direction and allowed me to be free in the moment with the dance and song. We worked together so well, often with so few words. We must have known each other in a past life very well we both agreed.
We also went to Disket Gompa on our way out of Nubra the next day which has a massive Maitreya (Buddha of the Future) Statue over 50 ft tall beaming light and hope with bright colors and gleaming gold into the desert valley. We filmed much of the spoken part of the film there and with a prayer wheel and next to the ancient gompa (shrine room), which offered an energy of greater possibility to come in the future not surprisingly. We also had the chance to sit in the ancient Tibetan kitchen and drink some butter tea while the cook prepared lunch in a massive cauldron like pot over a huge stone fireplace. It was so nice to visit places like Tibetan Buddhist monasteries with Gelay because he could speak at least two of the languages that were being spoken at any given time, ask questions and make connections that wouldn’t be possible for me to make through language and especially as a young woman in India. This area is actually very interesting and diverse in that it was on the silk trade route and even more so than in Leh, there is a pretty even mixture of Muslims, Buddhists and Hindus living side by side currently and mostly peacefully. I could feel the history from the land itself and the remains of the traditional culture of farming and trading that still sustains the local people.
I hope to return to Ladakh and to this culturally rich valley someday. When we returned it was a quick day turn over before we were heading out again and this time leaving Ladakh by way of Shrinagar and Jammu together before parting ways. This was the most romantic yet bittersweet part of our time together. Two days driving through extremely diverse landscapes starting with the rugged raw mountains of Ladakh that took us so close to the border with Pakistan that were even held up for two hours between 2-4am for no good reason along with a seemingly endless line of trucks and tourist vehicles in the desert. We then made our way through lush green rolling mountains and valleys with rushing rivers on older rougher roads next to newer highways that had yet to be completed. Then through was felt like the alps with huge pine trees maybe cypress next to a massive rapid filled river with lodges that looked so European I could have sworn I woke up in a different continent and then eventually to flat land rice fields and villages with shanti towns where they make animals out of the rice stalks to sell on the side of the street to tourists. Eventually we made it to Srinagar, known as the summer get away of the Rajs’ or Indian kings. We stayed on Dal Lake, a huge placid lake covered with long strands of green algae that they harvest to put on the fields, in a house-boat. Or more like a guest-house-boat, which became a phenomena when the British came and there wasn’t any land for them to live on so they built these lavish house boats using the local Muslim artisans to do the fine carving. Now they are a wasting away since they aren’t allowed to build anymore and they are very expensive to keep up. Therefore it’s not cheap to stay in a nice one and unexpectedly our car mate brought us to a high-class place. We were so exhausted from the ride we decided to splurge and stay in style for a night. It certainly way romantic being rowed around the calm lake in a narrow wood boat and brought to this ornate Victorian style house boat decked out in dark wood and velvet throughout the interior.
We took a long rest when we arrived in the morning and went out in the afternoon to see the local royal gardens. Mostly they were disappointing but as we got further up the hill there was more interest and we made it to the ruins of a fort/palace just in time for the sunset. We filmed the last part of the campaign film and I ogled over the sunset over the still gorgeous lake. The next morning we were off to Jammu and back into the back of another truck for our last day together. More taking photos out of the back, more random passport checks for me, the white woman where I get out, am surrounded by Indian men for a few minutes, they take down some info and on we go again, a couple more road side Dhaba food stall and chai tea stops where I’m stared at the entire time, more falling asleep and waking up in odd positions knowing that embarrassing photos had been taken of each other :P and more time just looking at each other not sure what to say as we knew our time together was quickly coming to an end. When we arrived in Jammu, it all happened so fast, we found our buses, drank some water, couldn’t manage eating, and put me on a cheaper local bus to a place that I knew was near Dharmasala but wouldn’t take me all the way there. We said good-bye through the window and I was off into the unknown.
I was a wreck, but luckily the man sitting next to me was an open hearted angel and listened to my story as I cried and said I reminded him of his wife. He invited me to his place and I should have just gotten off with him that night only 40 km into the ride and would have if I had known when was up ahead. I didn’t know the name of the place that I needed to get off of that night and unfortunately I missed it, when the driver realized I was still on he stopped at the next town at 2am in the morning and told me to get off so I did. There I was in a strange Indian town at 2am with all my stuff next to a group of men who were drinking and gambling, the police man along with them. When I asked them where I could stay the night they just stared at me, so I quickly walked on to the lit up hotel next door knocked on the locked glass doors and the guard let me in and gave me a room for $1200 rupees which comes out to about $18 (very expensive in India but not so bad in a life threatening situation). I slept hard that night and woke up late moving slowly and trying to take care of myself in my emotionally overwhelmed, not sure where I was or how I was going to get to where I needed to go state. I had a long leisurely breakfast as the only one in the fancy dining room that felt like I had jumped back to the 1950’s. I then found out that all I needed to go was to walk a bit down the road to the bus station and catch a bus going to Dharamsala, which should take only a couple hours. Easy I thought, well every bus I tried (even though I was told by others it was the right bus) was not actually going to Dharamsala. After 2 hrs of waiting around and trying different techniques I found some kind young ladies to stand with and they directed me correctly this time and I was on my way again.
This time I made it to the hill station town and then up to McLeod Ganj on a smaller bus as the rain pelted down, and then in a tuk tuk up the hill to Dharamkot with a sweet Japanese young man and to a nearby guest house and my own room, which is where Prem had stayed while we were in Dharamsala together the last time. Phew. I could finally really rest and did in preparation for the week long retr*************a that was to start in a day and a half called Harmony in Kalachakra to learn about how Kalachakra Tantra is relevant in our lives and in our world to make lasting transformation a reality.