Happy New Year from the Outback - Ayers Rock, Australia
Ayers Rock, Australia
Where I stayed
Longitude 131
We left our hotel in Sydney early and had a 10:30 flight to Ayers Rock - pronounced something like "Ezzz Rock"... these Australians have some strange pronunciations...
We were picked up by the hotel's SUV and within 15 minutes we were at one of the few National Geographic Unique Lodges of the World called Longitude 131. I don't even know how to describe this place but it's magical.... For those of you who read my Around the World blog earlier this year, this place is somewhat reminiscent of the gers (yurts) we stayed at in Mongolia at another unique lodge called The Three Camel Lodge. We each have our own tent here but to call it a tent is a major understatement. I think I'll let the photos describe it for me.
But I wake up on New Year's day here with a hangover - not as bad as I expected - and a happy heart but a teeny bit of a heavy heart because I did hope to wake up in 2017 with the love of my life either by my side or in my heart.
That is the only resolution that I did not accomplish in 2016. But, then again, I put more effort into healing than I did into dating. I put my time and my heart into opening my heart so when I met the right woman, I'd be ready to truly connect with her. And I am ready and I trust that. My life and my heart are one big open, clean slate for someone to walk into. I am open and ready for real, authentic, connection and intimacy.
I have that depth of intimacy with the friends in my life and I want the same with my future partner. From day 1 of meeting my true friends, we clicked and we connected and we built on that connection and it has only grown deeper since. I remember the very day I met Sissy and Traci and Edie and Kelly. I remember my first conversation with Edie and I remember thinking that this is someone I want in my life. The same with Kelly. I thought, "this is one special man" and in our first dinner together, I listened and learned about his life and what mattered to him. I remember the first moment 30 years ago when I met Carla and I hugged her. I remember the first night meeting Meg and Doug. I remember that special moment last year when I connected with my cousins Tresa and Betsy in PTown and I felt so lucky to have them in my life. I know that feeling of really clicking with someone and really feeling seen and important to someone. It is immediate and it builds and it grows deeper over time and with mutual energy and effort. My true friends did not have to wait until they really knew me to show me that I mattered. My true friends didn't need time to express interest in who I was or express appreciation for the things I do with my life. We just clicked. I knew immediately that these were special people and that they were worth my time and the effort that it took to really get to know them intimately. Did we have an immediate intimate relationship from Day 1? Of course not. But, did I feel the potential for that with them and from them? Yes I did.
I want that with a woman I date. I don't believe that I should have to wait for someone to show me tenderness, to show me that my needs matter to them. I want to date someone willing to open up and be vulnerable with me. A conversation can be vulnerable. It doesn't mean I have to jump in bed and fall in love in 5 minutes or that the relationship is moving fast for someone to be soft and warm with me. But I need that. I need someone with the courage to be soft and sweet and reassuring and expressive. How can I possibly get to know someone guarded? How can I fall in love with someone who won't open up to me? I want to click. I want someone willing to look in my eyes and show me who they are. I want to stay up all night talking and trading stories of our lives and joys and fears. I want to really see someone and I want them to really see me. I want them to see the things that are precious to me and if I share those precious things, I want them to know it and appreciate it. If they share their work or their family and friends with me, I will show them how much their lives and what's important to them can and will be important to me. I want a woman to walk in my studio and feel proud of me - and to say that - I want her to see the countless years of commitment to my music and my craft and be curious about what I do and to show genuine interest and appreciation for my work. I don't believe that her kindness and sincere interest is something that I have to ask for or wait for.
I just finished a very sweet book called The Girls Guide to Healthy Dating and it reinforced for me that I am doing this right and that I am wanting healthy things from a woman. The author reinforces that it is a red flag when someone doesn't put the effort into really getting to know you from the very beginning. The author of the book was very candid about always choosing women who seemed "vaguely disinterested in her" and how that feeling never evolved into a healthy, reciprocal relationship. She impressed upon the point that the potential for real and reciprocal intimacy is something that shows up immediately. If someone is not interested in who you are at the very beginning of getting to know you, it's pretty indicative that they will be disinterested for the duration of the relationship. Interest is not something that grows. If the woman is not willing to learn about your needs and show you that they matter to her at the very beginning of falling in love, you're never going to get your needs met by that person. If authentic, intimate connection is not something that both people want and both are willing to put the same energy and effort into from the very beginning, it's not going to be a reciprocal relationship. Again, it doesn't mean that the relationship is moving fast. It means that the potential is there for real intimacy.
And my needs are very simple. I want someone to really get to know me. I want to know that I can really make love with someone and let them in and fall asleep in their arms to their soothing words and I want to wake up and still feel connected. I want to be with someone unafraid to show me and tell me what they feel. To tell me I'm beautiful, to tell me if they're afraid, to show me that I truly matter. I want to know, without a doubt, that I matter to someone. I intend to give the same.
If I reach out in vulnerability, I need them to reach back out to me with gentleness, compassion and kindness. I want reciprocal interest, affection, appreciation, warmth, generosity, and eventually love. I want my equal. And I don't expect perfection. I am so willing to compromise and work with someone but my needs have to matter to them. That is crucial to me. From day 1, I will show them who I am and how their histories and their current lives and the people in their lives and their work all matters to me. They will not wonder how I feel or if I support them or if I desire them. I will show them. I will work to make them feel special and heard and seen and I will step up and show them that I can grow to love what they love and the people and family they love. They will know in the beginning of dating the potential of what I have to give and they will see my true potential for a real intimate and sacred connection.
That's what I want and I won't settle. I want someone willing to fight for me. I want someone who is not just willing to say "I think about you all the time" but to show me. If I really matter to them and I am in their thoughts, then have the courage to actually do something different. Step outside of your comfort zone and give from your heart. Be soft. Be kind. Be courageous. Take a risk. Be vulnerable. Show someone that they matter with actions, not just words. Tell them how you feel. Show them how you feel. Be vulnerable. Hold me and cry in my arms and fight for true love in every way you know how if that's what you truly want. Work for connection and know that it's worth the discomfort to have that kind of deep connection. That's what I want. I will not settle for less and I will give exactly what I receive and much more. I am ready. Bring it on!!
And I know I am rambling but I want my first blog of the year to be my intention to bring in true, reciprocal, vulnerable love.
And there is my one resolution for 2017, I resolve to give my whole heart when someone is willing to give me theirs.
Happy New Year to all of the people who matter so much to me and who consistently remind me in every way that I matter to them. You are all loved and appreciated.
Gina