Chapter 2 My Guanxi Adventure Part 2 - Yangshuo - Yangshuo, China
Yangshuo, China
Previously ... haha don't worry I'm not going all American on you! I'm back in my favourite coffee shop (one thing that is still the same from last time. More on that later, for now lets return to my adventures in Guanxi and this entry promises to be a doozy).
Feeling like a bin bag full of rotten fruit, we said goodbye to our shack of a hotel an made our way into the centre of Guilin looking for a bus that would take us to Yangshuo, a town nestled into the mountains that make Guanxi famous. I bet right now your all asking the question "why haven't I heard of these mountains?" The answer is you have! These mountains were used as a backdrop in the Disney animated feature, Mulan.
As we were walking round Guilin looking for a bus, Susan was approached by a woman offering us a tour bus service to the town. I was feeling particularly ruff and Susan was equally anxious to get going onto Yangshuo so we decided to join the tour. When it comes to Chinese tour services, they tend to come in two different formats. Format one is the formal approach. They take you directly to where you want to go and no where else. Type 2 (the type we went with worst luck) is the "we will take you where you'd like to go ... eventually". To be fair, at first it wasn't too bad. We were first dropped off at a motorised boat dock on the Lu Yang river. He we boarded small motorised boat made out of bamboo poles and planks. Not entirely the safest form of transport in the world but it served its purpose of taking small groups of passengers up and down a small segment of the Lu Yang river which was absolutely stunning.
The next section can be described in one earth shuddering phrase, the kind that makes you think its time to go and put the kettle on if you could escape, "and now a word from our sponsors". We were driven to what was labelled as a jade factory but it there was no sign of anyone making jade. When the bus arrived we were lead into a small theatre like room. Once we were seated we were greeted by a rather office like woman, the following conversation was in Chinese but, according to Susan it went something like this; "Greetings, welcome to our magnificent jade factory where only the finest products products are made. Today you are in luck because the factory owner is in the building and can not wait to meet you all" and, right on cue a young man walks in clutching a fist sized jade Buddha "hello everyone" (crowd responds) "you can do better than that hello" (et cetera) "look at this splendid buddha, it was mined at my jade mine behind this factory, here at (insert name of factory which I have forgotten the name of, we make the finest products, perfect for any situation and because we are now friends, I am willing to give you a special discount". If I actually spoke Chinese fluently, I imagine it would have been rather hypnotic. Susan and myself starting playing a few games asking difficult questions and finding the most expensive items that we could. After a while, we started to get bored of all this and left the room. Funnily enough, another coach party arrived and, would you believe it, they were greeted by another factory owner holding a different jade ornament. You just couldn't make this stuff up.
Finally, after a 3 hour advert break we were on our way again stopping off a many a pointless tourist trap such as "The Dragon Cave" a rather artificial cave which might have once looked rather impressive but was ruined by colourful lighting and photo opportunities to pose with giant turtles (real turtles held in place by chains I might add) women in local dress and the sort. It was all rather depressing, especially after witnessing a rather mean looking man beating 2 monkeys with a stick to stand on a small platform so tourists could pose with them.
It was a relief when the bus dropped us of in the centre of Yangshuo. At first look, Yangshuo looks like any other Chinese town. The restaurants weren't anything to shout about either, all of them claiming that they served the best beer fish in the area. Unsurprisingly, I stayed well clear of that dish and had a rather simple dinner of rice, vegetables and chicken. Finding the hotel proved to be a challenge as it was in the middle of the countryside, even the local taxi drivers struggled to work out where it was.
We made it eventually and after a much needed goodnight's sleep we started to explore the area. Susan found a hotel that looked just about as "Chinese" as you could imagine which we swapped to for the rest of our time in Yangshuo. It was recommended to us that the best way to explore the area was to hire a scooter. Susan's eyes gleamed at this, I on the other hand had another bowl of petunia moment but I gave in and together we found a bike hiring shop. What I found though took me by surprise. Not only could you hire motor bikes but you could also hire electric golf buggies. Not being able to resist (and being adamant that I would not ride anything with less than 4 wheels), we hired one and set of. What followed next could only be described as complete chaos. The only way to get to the main road to the scenic areas of Yangshuo was to cross a fully functioning building site. Only in China could you drive a golf buggy across a building site, dodging holes, cranes and narrowly escaping diggers and after that, it got even better. Nothing is more terrifying than driving along a road in China, trying to dive out of the way of lorries, coaches and violent taxi drivers.
I wasn't quite a nervous wreck by the time I drove out of the town but I might as well have been. The scenery was worth all the hassle though, we even found a mountain path that was completely deserted of tourists, something that seems to be impossible out here. After the complete carnage of driving out of Yangshuo and the ridiculousness of the previous day, it was great to experience some serenity. That night we went to watch a Chinese variety show, which included a bloke drilling his tongue with a power drill. What added to the spectacle was asking a volunteer from the audience to hold the drill for him. I bet you can guess what happened next, yes I found myself drilling into a mans tongue with a power drill. Yes, it was real and yes I came ridiculously close to vomiting at the sight of what I was doing.
The next day, we arranged to go on a bamboo cruise, the kind where a driver steers you up the river with a bamboo pole. Well, we arrived at the dock on the Yulong river near our hotel and boarded our raft. The driver was one of the rudest men I have ever experienced. It's a good thing that I don't speak a lot of Chinese otherwise I know I would have done something I would have regretted. First he insulted Susan for dating a foreigner and not someone of her own kind, then made rude remarks to other raft drivers on the river. He then demanded that for every we picture we took on our own cameras, we should pay him 20RMB. When we refused, he turned the raft around (after about 2 minutes of the journey) and proceeded to deliberately splash us with the oar. He didn't even tie in the raft when we arrived back at the dock. I had never seen Susan so angry until this point, I could see her body shaking and on the verge of tears. Once I comforted her, we returned to the ticket kiosk and demanded a full refund. By sheer luck, we had taken a selfie of the two of us with the driver in the background. This proved to be enough for the owner of the business to bring the driver over which caused Susan to explode with anger (remind me to never anger her!) at both the boss and the driver. The end result was a 10 week suspension for the driver (mostly for his behaviour towards me not Susan) and that we'd have to contact his senior by wechat for a refund which never arrived.
Later in the day, Susan complained to the agency she booked it with at which point she was pretty much laughed out of the building for being a stupid, naive woman for believing they were genuine and they agency had deliberately overcharged us. Susan learnt a valuable lesson that day and I had a painful reminder, never to trust agencies who charge cheap deals. I felt like I had let her down, I should have been more adamant about visiting places ourselves rather than having someone arranging things for us. It wasn't that we had over paid but the way Susan was treated on both occasions. I wish I could have done something like suddenly explode at them in Chinese or to have been more forceful with them.
Still feeling slightly shaken by the mornings experience, we arranged a 4 1/2 hour cruise up the Lu Yang river which would allow us an opportunity to witness breath taking scenery among which was the main attraction, the mountain that features on the back of the 20RMB note. When we first boarded the ship, it was crowded, noisy and chaotic. However there were small cabins upstairs, similar to those on an old steam railway carriage in England (for an added cost of course). Still feeling guilty about that morning and knowing we would have hated it downstairs, I agreed to share the cost of the cabin with a young family from Fushan who spoke very good English. for the next 4 1/2 hours my faith in humanity was completely restored. The husband worked in the same field as Susan and the mother was a Primary School English teacher (spooky). They were the perfect companions, they couldn't understand every word I said but it didn't seem to matter. As for the views from the top of the boat, it was like entering the islands in Jurassic Park, I was even tempted to start playing the theme tune on my phone.
The following day we hired the golf buggy again and it was absolute bliss. We deliberately drove on the quieter roads, not quite knowing where we were going, following our noses. Our noses lead us to a small rural village decorated in a traditional manner. Clearly meant to be a future tourist attraction but it was great to explore the tiny back streets with precious few people around. As luck would have it, we bumped into the family from the previous day who invited us to their hotel for lunch (which was really close by). While we were there, the heavens opened and one of the biggest tropical thunderstorms I have ever seen began. I have seen a few spectacular tropical storms in my time (both on the ground and in the air!) but nothing quite beats this one. One growl of thunder had barely ended when the next one struck up, almost like being inside a huge washing machine.
The storm ended as quickly as it began and once it cleared we were on our way again. The only issue being now though that the lightening had done something to the buggy. I couldn't get it out of the low speed setting. Not good when your driving into an area where there is intense traffic. I decided to take drastic action. I turned of the main road and drove through a maze of back streets past dancing dragons and fire crackers. Some of the streets were barely wide enough to walk down let alone drive down all that was missing was an evil pursuer and it would have been a perfect scene for an adventure film. Even crossing a Chinese jam and a building site added to the thrill, the buggy could have cut out at any second through out but we got to our final destination in one piece. Susan even referred to me as a hero for performing such mind blowing driving manoeuvres, I had definitely put the ghosts of Hue firmly to rest.
For our final evening in Yangshuo, we went to witness something I had been longing to witness for a very long time, Comorant fishing. The idea being that local fishermen used these birds to dive deep into the rivers to catch fish for them. The birds would have string tied around their necks forcing them to put the bigger fish into caskets on rafts. Those fish that were to small enough to get through the tightened neck, the birds were allowed to eat. Just before we arrived though, a storm even bigger than the one at lunch time rolled in. Luckily we were already sat on the boat, waiting for it to pass. The lightening was even more impressive at night and the rain was like stair rods. Being the perfect gentlemen that I am, I made sure that Susan stayed as close to the centre of the boat to stop her from turning into a bedraggled mop, this meant of course that I was soaked with in seconds but if it was her or me to suffer then it had to be me. We were able to witness the fishing straight after and it was mesmerising. Weirdly there were more foreigners on the boat than Chinese tourists which added to the experience. Susan admitted afterwards that she would never had witnessed this if I wasn't here with her, according to her, very few Chinese people go to witness things like this, they prefer to go and witness spectacles such as vibrant light shows or dramatic plays.
When we returned to the hotel, as I was the only foreign guest in the hotel, we were invited to a formal tea drinking ceremony with the owner on the veranda of the hotel. Unsurprisingly, there were many different do's and don'ts involved with this (Susan once again saving my bacon). When drinking tea (as the cups are barely the size of shot glasses) it is considered incredibly rude to down your tea, it must be sipped, you can not toast and it must be calm and peaceful. Whilst drinking, the owner kept engaging with me (though a friend of his from another hotel who spoke English) about how he could get more foreign tourists to stay at his hotel and used this as an opportunity to show of his wealth and status to me. It was a slightly bizarre way to end my time in Yangshuo as the following day, we boarded a bus to take us to our last destination on our trip, the Longxi rice hills (the subject of my third and final segment of this chapter).
Yangshuo had been somewhat of a rollercoaster for the two of us. Incredible highlights and some deep low points which I still haven't forgotten and probably never will. Guanxi is one of the poorer provinces in China but there is investment being poured into education and the tourist industry. Hopefully this will eliminate the issues that Susan and myself faced.
It certainly will be an adventure that we will always look back on as a couple and laugh about for years to come.
To be continued ...
From Your Stupid Boy,
Andrew