1. The Perfect Co-Parents
I got pregnant in college with a guy I had slept with only a few times. I told him and after deciding to keep the baby let him know that he could choose to be involved but if he was he would not be in and out of the child’s life. I also told him if he did not want to be involved I would not seek any type of child support or money because I didn’t want that to be his deciding factor. We spoke maybe three times while I was pregnant and one of those times was meeting each other’s parents and our parents meeting each other which was pretty fucking awkward. I wouldn’t even let him in the room during delivery.
BUT he fell in love with our son the second he saw him. We never tried to date and we’re better coparents because of that. There’s no animosity or anger towards each other. No jealousy over new partners. And he’s an amazing dad. We’re able to coparent as friends and he’s a better parent than a lot of people I know that had kids with boyfriends/girlfriends!
—kcrisada
2. “We Have Two Choices”
I was 21 and had been casually seeing a guy (who was soon to move overseas) for ~4 months when I found out I was pregnant. He suggested termination, I slept on it, and then I told him that I was going to go ahead with it.
I very strongly felt that it was my decision and my responsibility and I had no intention of forcing him to be a parent, so I suggested that given his feelings he should continue with his plans and that I would simply put unknown on the birth certificate when the time came. I did not push him at all and made it clear I would seek no money or anything from him.
He slept on it. The next day he came to me and said “look, we can’t do that. One way or another, I want to be involved. So, maybe I go away and you parent and in 20 years that child will have had a single mum and a dad who loves him but doesn’t see him enough OR, we can have a go at it. The worst that could happen is that it doesn’t work and we break up, and in 20 years that child will have had a single mum and a dad who loves him but doesn’t see him enough. We literally have nothing to lose!”
10 years on we are still together and now married.
—ohimjustagirl
3. Sixteen And Pregnant
My mom got pregnant from a one-night-stand at 16. This was even more of a scandal in a small town in the 70s than it would have been today, but she decided to keep the baby. Her mother supported her and helped raise my sister for the first couple of years. People were really judgy and gave my mom and sister a hard time. When my sister was four my mom met my dad and he helped raise my sister from then on and they moved to a big city where the precise circumstances of my sister’s birth didn’t interest anyone. The bio-dad paid child-support but my sister only met him when she was 16 and didn’t like him. They never formed a relationship. When my dad officially adopted my sister 10 years ago (mom’s dying wish) we couldn’t even find the bio-dad.
Our mother never regretted it. My sister has some issues, which I think might partially stem from our grandma’s attempts at raising her (gran’s a bit of a narcissist) and from the town being so judgy. But she certainly found a good dad. Our relationship can be a bit weird due to a 22-year age gap, but most of the time we get along fine.
—ApocaLiz
4. An Alaska Fisherwoman’s Dilemma
I have a friend of an old roommate who got pregnant from a one night stand. He was back up in Alaska doing commercial fishing when she realized she was pregnant. She got his number from some mutual friends (smallish town) and told him.
She is pro-life so she told him she was keeping it but he didn’t have to be involved but she wanted him to have the choice. They are married with 3 kids and are one of the happiest couples I know.
He immediately took leave from his job and came back to town. They moved into a house together and he got a job in town so he could be there for her.
Great kids too, and I don’t even like most kids.
—FTbatscientists
5. Going It Alone
My friend was seeing this guy for a while off and on. It was mostly a booty call for both of them. But she ended up moving across the country for a job. She came home to visit the family around the holidays, hooked up with him one night and got pregnant.
He wanted nothing to do with the whole thing. He basically told her he was not into being a parent. Which was fine with her. She did consult with a lawyer about putting him on the birth certificate if she ever needed child support or health care for the kiddo. Basically the down side of that is if she ever passes away this child has to go to a person that wanted nothing to do with her. She’s fortunate enough to have a career that can support her and the baby without needing a second income.
My friend opted to not have him on the birth certificate and just raise the baby herself. She’s got a great support group of friends and family that help out all the time. I don’t think it’s easy by any means, but I know she is happy with her decision.
The father has never seen the child, nor does he want to.
—Loveswine
6. Twins From A Casual Relationship
I have twins from a casual relationship. I am very pro-choice and I chose to keep them. It was a high risk pregnancy and he was around when it suited his schedule. I allowed him to be there when I was laboring, but when it was time to push and I could only have one person, I chose my mom. After they were born, again he saw them when it suited his schedule. He had an order for very minimal child support and never paid it (this was before automatic-withdrawal, or he worked under the table.)
I met my now-husband online, and we got married. I petitioned the court to be allowed to leave the state and still get child support. It was granted. I told my ex where we were moving, gave him my number, and didn’t hear from him or get child support ever. Eventually I petitioned the court to terminate my ex’s rights so my husband could adopt them. My ex fought it, saying our children were too young to understand, but he wanted a relationship when they got older. The judge absolutely tore him a new one, saying you don’t get to CHOOSE when you’re a parent.
My twins are teenagers. They just met their birth dad over the summer. He now has a drug problem and no gainful employment. My twins were not impressed. My husband is a very involved dad and they love him.
I’m glad it worked out well for all of us, but I think the key was moving far away from the ex. Also, my ex’s mom, my twins grandma, was a lovely kind involved grandma until her death (which is where my twins met their birth dad, at her funeral). She never made it awkward and I’m grateful for all her help and support over the years.
—jetsetbox
7. Casual Partner Becomes Awesome Husband And Father
My baby is eight weeks old and he was conceived with a casual partner. We had been dating exclusively but casually for five months when we got pregnant. We were also long distance and two weeks after I got pregnant (unaware that I was) we decided to end things because of the distance (six hours drive). I found out I was pregnant three weeks later. I called him and told him. We’ve been together again ever since that phone call. We moved in together. He helped me through pregnancy and he was there when our gorgeous son was born. We are saving to buy a house together. He’s helping me set up my own company. But most importantly, he is an amazing father. He loves our boy so much, and he helps out with nappies and feeding (I combination feed as he’s just a really really hungry baby). He’s teaching me how to drive, he gets up during the night with me if there’s a problem with feeding. We still have an incredible sex life, it was amazing during pregnancy and afterwards too…. It seems to have really worked out for us. I hope it lasts.
—throw_meaway_love
8. Casual Thing Ends With Pregnancy
I found out I was pregnant after we’d ended our casual thing and I decided to keep the baby. I told the father and gave him the choice of being involved or relinquishing all rights (including being named on the birth certificate, so I wouldn’t pursue child support). He chose to be involved and he was a great support while I was pregnant, really taking an active role as a birth partner and parent.
I was always really clear that I’d be open to exploring a relationship, but I didn’t want to force anything. I think it’s disingenuous and harmful to get married or stay together for the kids, because that just means they’re going to live with miserable adults who can’t adequately demonstrate love. So while we explored things during the pregnancy and a little after, we realized that it just wasn’t going to work out and we were better off friends.
We did have a rough patch when we were dating partners who didn’t respect the role and boundaries of the other parent (his ex just wanted to play house and push me out of the picture; after they broke up, she met a guy and got pregnant within 3 months by a guy who already had 2 kids and was married before she gave birth, just to give you an idea of what she had in mind). During that time, we ended up switching to parallel parenting, but after our breakups, it was like we came out of a fog and realized that being on the same page was going to be paramount for our son’s growth and happiness.
We’ve now developed a really strong coparenting relationships and he’s honestly a very dear friend now. Our partners are respectful of where they stand in our and our child’s lives, and I’m pretty proud that we’ve managed to create a strong village for our boy.
—itsnotgoingtohappen
9. Woman In Her Thirties Gets Pregnant, Finds Love
My mum was knocked up on the third date while camping. She was 32 and decided to keep the baby, even though her partner wasn’t interested in a relationship and just wanted to party. They stayed in contact and became friends, and when I was one, he moved in with us, and they fell in love.
They’re still together 30 years later, and adore each other. My dad started writing poetry to her when she was traveling for 6 weeks. You never know!
—DamnTheStars
10. Pregnant And In Jail
At 19 years old, I was pregnant for the first time and didn’t know who the father was because I spent several months of my life living like a vagrant and constantly on drugs. I woke up many times in strange places, with no idea how I got there. Usually, it was the after party, after the after party. I traveled between several cities and didn’t really know anyone that I was with. I spent my first trimester in jail for theft, where they accused me of lying about even being pregnant because their pregnancy tests were a stream of false negatives. I had std’s, got my shots, was released to my mothers care. I cleaned hotel rooms, drove an ice cream truck, had a permanent garage sale on my mothers front lawn and an endless stream of failed interviews to try to get on my feet.
My brothers and my mother helped me raise my baby, I had some government assistance for the doctor and birth. When he was 3, I joined the military and left him with my mom. When he was 4, I met my soulmate and we moved in with him, then married about a month after my sons 5th birthday. My son is now 13, and his father is my husband. He asks questions, and I answer the best I can. I have always been honest with him and let him know that I am sorry I didn’t know his biological father well enough to have kept in contact with him. He is a well adjusted young man with a heart of gold. We had did a little DNA test for ancestry.com and he is definitely more ethnic than I am and he has loads of cousins matched to him through there. If he ever contacts any of them, I would be curious to see what he learns.
—GrimesGirl420
11. Third Time Was The Charm
I hooked up with my son’s dad 3 times and got pregnant on the last time. Only knew him one month. That was 7.5 years ago and I made the best decision by not having an abortion.
His dad fucked off about 6 weeks in and I didn’t get any support from him until my son was about 6 months old. His mom was amazing and still is! She has been my rock and would walk through fire for her grandson. He absolutely adores her. To this day I can count on one hand how many times he’s seen his dad.
He pays so he does the very basic necessities a dad should do. His reason for not being there for our son was that he didn’t choose it. That’s fine. I got to see every single milestone and make all the decisions. He knows one day he will have to answer his sons questions.
Oh and for what it’s worth, I was 28 and his dad was 27 when I got pregnant. Definitely old enough to know better on both our parts.
—100_kitties_pls
12. All Her Friends Disappeared Once She Had The Baby
I became pregnant with my daughter with my boyfriend of a month. I was dating him casually, although we were exclusive. I thought he was just going to be a “fun” relationship and not be anything serious. I took a pregnancy test not because I thought I was pregnant, but because I just happened to find one and had that natural thought of “Well, I don’t think I’m pregnant but you can never be too sure.” To say it was a shock would be an understatement. I never wanted children and my first thought was having an abortion. I told my boyfriend and he was fine with the abortion idea but then I wavered a bit and decided not to. He was on board since he had always wanted children and apparently would have preferred I keep it.
Our relationship was shit after that. I was living with him and he moved out to the couch because all we would do is fight. I wanted him to grow up and stop being a lazy do nothing and he wanted to go out and drink all the time. Basically we were maturing at different paces. I feel so bad for our old roommates looking back but at the time I just didn’t care because we were going through some shit. It didn’t help that I had an extreme case of hyperemesis gravidarum so I was vomiting a bare minimum of 10 times a day and kept ending up in the hospital with dehydration. My mood didn’t improve with this.
We moved into our own place when I was about 7 months pregnant, I found out he had kissed some other girl and shit hit the fan. We finally worked out things, relationship-wise after our baby shower. One thing I have to say is that he never didn’t care about our daughter. He would read anything I sent him, we would read the weekly updates together regardless of how we were doing personally, he worked to buy things for her, he was great in regards to her.
I told my friends and family right after we found out. Three of our other friends were also pregnant so there was a little preggy tribe of us. They were all still going to the bar every night though and partying. Most didn’t stop drinking or doing other things while pregnant and that just wasn’t my scene so we lost touch. No one judged us for getting pregnant, until we stopped hanging out at the bar and hosting parties.
People weren’t too judgy. I’m from New England and we live in Florida so I think I was more judging of myself than anyone was of me. It seems more the norm down here.
Overall it all worked out. I wouldn’t trade my daughter for the world. She’s a smart and beautiful little 2 year old now. My then boyfriend is now my husband. He got his shit together and is almost done with his degree in Homeland Security at a fantastic university and has great job prospects lined up. I was able to be a stay at home mom with our daughter and take care of my pre-existing medical issues. It all worked out. I love my husband more than anyone and we are amazing at communication now, which we really struggled with during my pregnancy.
—THEP00PQUEEN
13. Dating Three Months
My old roommate got pregnant by a guy she had only known and been pretty casually dating for 3 months. He was actually really awesome about it and was great to have around the house that semester. They got married shortly after she found out, and 3 years later they’re still together. Old roommate also recently finished her degree too!!
Everyone was really surprised and worried for them when we found out she’d be keeping it, but honestly I think it’s been a really really good thing for both of them. She had been going from school to school with no real direction and he was a stoner who was just doing random odd jobs, now they’re working hard and they seem to be really great parents. We’re all very happy for them!!
—WestCoastBestCoast01
14. “Beautiful” Guy Becomes Horrible Father
I got knocked up by a one night stand who was a casual friend. He was beautiful but I was going through a divorce and not looking for anything serious.
He didn’t want a child but I chose to keep the baby.
He was an asshole and threaten to take the baby from me and give it up for adoption so he didn’t have to pay child support.
He payed sporadically and I raised the baby on my own.
When my son was 5 my now husband adopted him and the bio dad (who lived 15 minutes away the whole time) couldn’t sign the paperwork fast enough.
But it all worked out in the end. Yes it was hard for many years, but I have a wonderful son and now he has an amazing father and a little sister to dote on.
I was on birth control when I got pregnant.
—ClaimedBeauty
15. Pro-Choice But Couldn’t Choose To Abort
Currently pregnant from a person I met on OKCupid. We were seeing each other as a brief thing before they left the country.
Things have been…tense. We have a lot of different ideas about child-rearing, muddled by our political views (which are similar, surprisingly, or at least were until they went full patriarchal on me) and racial backgrounds (brown people, but he really wants me to move to a safer country because our child will be black and Middle Eastern, and he thinks that’s a bad combo for living in a Trump America.) But we Skype once a week to get to know each other better and we’re figuring it out.
It’s hard, but I’ve had a physically easy pregnancy so far and though don’t have close family I have good friends. Work is super awkward – most of my co-workers are very religious, but never ask me about my pregnancy as I’m unmarried. And it’s actually kinda hurtful because another co-worker is a week further along than me and she gets asked about her health and the baby all the time but nope. Ignore ignore ignore.
I decided to keep the baby because, ultimately, I’m pro-choice but couldn’t choose abortion for myself. And though it’s a scary time to be a brown person in America I didn’t want fear to stop me from imagining a better future for my child and others.
—birdielegarde
16. Came Close To Not Telling The Father
I got pregnant from the guy I dated in high school. We hooked up on a VERY casual basis when we were 20, after breaking up at 18. I came very close to not telling him about the pregnancy and wish I had stuck to that decision- the custody situation has been very difficult (due to his parents insistence he be involved). My son is almost ten and I still think about what would have happened had I not told him/said he wasn’t his. He’s not a bad dad, I just never planned for him to be involved. And sometimes I feel like he wishes he wasn’t either.
—hotel_girl985
17. Baby Daddy Met Son Twice
I got pregnant from a casual FWB. He also got his girlfriend pregnant in the same week. Their baby died at 9 days old. I kept my son and he is 14 years old now. Baby Daddy has met my son twice, once for the DNA test and one time shortly after. My son was 6 months old at that time.
We talked 4 years ago when my son was 10. He said he wasn’t ready to meet my son. I told him if he wasn’t ready after a decade he never would be. Haven’t heard from him since. My son has 2 living sisters by him though and I’d like for him to know them but my son wants nothing to do with his bio dad, my ex husband is his real dad he says. My ex has been in his life since he was 9 months old.
—AmandaTwisted
18. Kept The Baby Because She Might Not Have The Chance Again
I had a child from an impetuous one night stand with a stranger when I was 21. I kept the baby because I had wanted a child, although not necessarily under those circumstances; also, I had a diagnosis of compromised fertility so it wasn’t a sure bet I’d get pregnant again down the track. I also was opposed to abortion for myself, although I still supported legal abortion.
I had recently broken an engagement and both my ex and I had flings afterwards… But because I was visibly pregnant, I was the one whose fling was visible. So it was assumed I broke my ex’s heart. The truth is we were both at fault and he was a pretty shitty partner. Most of the time, we kept the breakup civil, and we both maintained a dignified silence about blame to outsiders, but people made up their own minds anyway.
Anyway, I had the baby, and my ex committed suicide (not really because of me – he was facing a completely separate, and far bigger life crisis by then – although he did throw one barb my way in the suicide note). So that intensified the blame and killed most of my remaining friendships – I couldn’t get anyone to be with me when I had the baby. So we started out with very few social supports. I was on my last subject of my degree and my institution was completely inflexible about it, so I had to do an equivalent subject at another institution instead. It sucked. Once my degree was done I basically severed all ties with everyone I knew before I had the baby and started from scratch.
But I finished my degree, we got by, I worked at home in the dot com boom. I managed to restart my career. Married a good man, a divorced parent at my son’s school, when my son was eleven. He adopted my son, and I helped raise his. I advanced to a senior management career and did two more degrees. My kids are young adults now, good ones with good futures, and we have a good life.
—deejay1974
19. Had A Decent Job And Kept The Baby
I got pregnant in my mid 20s by a guy I would occasionally go get drinks/sleep with. I decided to keep the baby because even though I’m pro choice, I wanted kids and had a decent job and it didn’t bother me to be a single parent because my mom raised my brother and I mostly alone after booting my alcoholic dad out of the house.
A couple of close friends knew who the father was but I didn’t tell my family until later. Also I had the positive pregnancy test around 5 weeks, went to my first ultrasound and discovered I was actually having twins at almost ten weeks and I was like “ahhhhhhhhh!” So baby turned to babies, but it’s been the best thing and most challenging thing I’ve done with my life. My boys are 6 and I can’t imagine not having them.
Their father has seen them probably less than a dozen times in their life. I tried. I would take them to visit when he was home. But he got more into drugs and partying and being a shitty person and he’s currently on year two of a five year prison sentence for meth manufacturing. My kids are at the age where they notice they don’t have a dad. I told them he’s…traveling. I wrote him my first letter last week and put in some pictures they drew for him. Haven’t heard back yet.
Are people judgy? Sometimes. I feel like my family is especially hard on me because I made this choice. I work and spend 98% of my time off with my kids, my mom will rarely keep them for anything besides when I have a doctor’s appointment. I live in a small area and haven’t really been able to find any reliable sitters aside from their after school care so I don’t date or do anything for myself. I get a haircut like once a year, usually at the Wal-Mart while I grocery shop, and I used to spend half a day in the salon getting foil highlights every few months haha.
But all in all, definitely worth it. Would do it all over again, even those first few months with two babies when I went back to work at 6 weeks and was insane from sleep deprivation. They are my mini best friends.
—likeasoupsandwich
20. Didn’t Even Know For Four Months
I was 19 and casually dating this guy. Partying, hanging out etc. One drunken night at a party, we had unprotected sex and I got pregnant. I know the exact day because it was the one time no protection was used. However, I didn’t know I was pregnant until I was 4 months along. I had no symptoms. Missing periods was normal for me (eating disorder had disrupted it). When I found out, I was originally going to have a family friend adopt it. They were never able to get pregnant and said they would take the baby. But, I changed my mind. I blame the hormones for my change of heart. The dad moved back to my hometown with me (where my mom is and rent is much cheaper) and we have been co parenting for the last 10 years. Definitely had our ups and downs, but he has been a good dad to her and even though we aren’t together, we do well with parenting. No one has been “judgy” and it’s been fairly easy. I didn’t have friends to tell about the pregnancy and just told my mom. She said she knew I would get pregnant because she did about the same age and so did her mom, lol.
—Meowpewpewpew
21. Happily Ever After
I had what was supposed to be a very casual relationship with a guy (I was 31, he was 27). We had a fair amount of interest in one another, but weren’t really wanting a full-fledged relationship because he was my roommate’s ex-bf. They were still “best” friends though, and so he was always around. Reality was he was still hung up on trying “one more time” at their relationship (they had dated on and off for 7 years in a very immature, toxic co-dependent way)… and she was stringing him along using him for favors now while having a secret FWB with one of his friends in their group.
Given that I could see that, and I didn’t want to be involved in that drama, I put him off for a long time. I took his interest in me as someone seeking validation from others given the current state of his rejection from her and possible rebounding. Not to mention, it’s in bad taste to screw your roommate’s ex, lol.
In any case, we had a drunken night of hanging out and bad decisions were made driven by our obvious attraction to each other. We talked the next day and decided we’d just be “casual” and expect nothing… and we didn’t need to advertise the fact we had anything going on. I fully expected it to fizzle out in 3 months and just be a fun time. I’m not the type to typically sleep around outside of committed relationships, but being single for awhile I figured I needed some fun at this time in my life and to stop being up-tight about it.
Well, we slept together one more time after that (intentionally this time, not drunk I mean). Nothing much happened for a while, then I found out I was pregnant a few weeks later.
I’m very much pro-choice, but I could never have an abortion myself. I’m also 30-something with a house and a very good salary, so more than able to care for a kid. I’ve always wanted kids anyway, so I decided to keep it. I told him as much, and that he was free to be involved or not, but I didn’t need his money.
After discussion, we decided to give a go at dating and see if it really worked and we could do this together. I think it helped we have a lot of the same values when it comes to family. Now, there was a LOT of drama at first with the roommate and his other friends who felt the need to get involved. His parents never met me but declared I was “too old” for him. Crazy accusations I was trying to “trap” him with a baby that wasn’t his – which made no sense given anyone who really knows me, or given the fact I’m a successful career woman with a house and he was still in grad school and penniless at the time. If I had any desire to trap anyone (which I did not) why would I “trap” that? lol. It made no sense. I told his parents I’d take a DNA test but they had to pay for it, otherwise they could stop with that slanderous talk that didn’t help anything. They declined, but kept on with the crazy.
It took a few months, and the “drama” settled (really we just cut off my ex-roommate and his parents and focused on us). I’m happy to say over the last 1.5 years we have actually fallen very much in love and overcome a lot of relationship hurdles very quickly. Our son was born last November, he is adorable in every way and we both love him more than I can have ever imagined.
This summer he proposed to me, and now we plan to get married next year. Whatever attraction pulled us together in the first place really grew into more than I ever expected. We couldn’t be happier right now :)
—Joker352 
