Found on AskReddit.
1. The Honey Trap
I was in the process of a divorce. Not yet finalized. I was divorcing because of ex’s cheating. There is this somewhat vague, unclear rule that if I were to have sex with her during this time it could constitute as a reconciliation. In any case, ex is still living in the apartment with me. I get home from work and she starts to seduce me. To me this seems pretty weird as she hasn’t wanted to do anything sexual with me for months. I know I shouldn’t do this but she stripped down to nothing and gets really physical. Basically she strips down and starts trying to push me into the bedroom and pull my clothes off. I think for a minute contemplating what I should do. Fortunately, I decide to walk out of the apartment. When I open the door one of her friends was standing right there with a camera. The plan was to get me in the bedroom and then have this friend film us (without my knowledge) so that she could say we reconciled (using video evidence) and could possibly then be entitled to alimony.
2. When Your Ex Becomes A Squatter
I had a buddy who’s ex, upon breaking up, raced him back to his OWN house, got there first, and then proceeded to lock herself in HIS room for several days. I don’t even think she talked much while there. She would just sneak out at night time to use the bathroom. Buddy’s kind-hearted, Christian parents fed her by sliding flat foods like bologna and pancakes under the door.
3. “Love” Knows No Boundaries…Or Rejections
I once broke up with a girl over the phone. At that time she was in Mexico City (working) and me in Michigan. She was living n Cali originally. She immediately caught the very next flight to MI and said “You’re not breaking up with me.”
At one point she hit me with a stick
We only had a few dates.
4. A Parting Gift Of Infinite Debt
My ex reopened several credit cards that we had jointly but had paid off and closed before divorce, somehow she opened them back in my name and charged them to the max, then moved out of state and stopped paying her car payment. All of these things ended up getting reported to my credit years later and pretty much ruined any chance I have at decent credit for the next 7-10 years in the US. I’ve been divorced and lived outside the US for 8 years now and only recently found out about all these charges. I know all this can be corrected eventually but the hassle of explaining things to several credit companies and collection agencies is a major PITA…
5. A Traditional African Wedding Dress
Not exactly an ex, because we only went on three dates.
After the 3rd date, I left to go back to London as an au-pair. The guy had his sister send me a traditional African wedding dress to my host family, and a letter stating that she was so happy for us and hoped I would visit her in Mali. I noped the f*ck out. He then had his friends and brother call me and berate me for breaking up with him, had them say I could not possibly do that because his parents had already bought the plane tickets to come see me before the wedding, and then tried to stick me with the costs for said tickets.
I changed my cell phone number and had the host family say that I had gone back home and they had no forwarding address.
6. The Silent Treatment
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And that was the most fucked up thing. 9 years together, 2 married. One day she tells me she doesn’t love me anymore. A week later I find out she’s seeing another guy. Couple of weeks later it had all fallen apart and she moved out. To go from a position when a part of everything you do is for them, for the both of you to have the best life together you can. Sharing everything with each other, to absolute silence.
Didn’t want to talk to me, see me or have me contact any of her family. It was like she died there and then. I later found out she had got pregnant with someone else in less than a year after walking out.
Sorry it’s not a very exciting story, but to me it was more fucked up being able to do that to someone than any revenge story.
7. She Had To Have Chuckled When She Did This
I found it more hilarious than fucked up, but mine sent me a Happy Mothers Day card because she said I was the biggest motherfucker in the world.
8. A Destroyed Home
Not me but a neighbor.
The couple got divorced and she got the house in the settlement. Only the house and the immediate house lot, not the surrounding land, that went to the husband.
The first thing he did was sell all the lumber off the rest of the land. She went from living in a nice forest to living in a clear cut. He wasn’t done yet! Once the trees were gone he sold off the topsoil, then the gravel under that. By the time he was done her house was on a hill overlooking a barren landscape reminiscent of the lunar surface. This was years ago and the place is still hideous.
Here’s a Google Street View of the house.
9. Lied And Said I Cheated
Went to all our mutual friends and told them that I cheated on him and he dumped me for it. Tried to tell my best friend the same thing. Pretty much tried his hardest to turn everyone against me.
All I did was show them the screenshots of his text messages with another girl which were filled with dick pics and plans on meeting up.
Edit: holy crap this blew up. My inbox is going crazy.
10. Took All The Spoons, But Nothing Else
Ex-wife, moved out while I was at basic, took all the spoons in the kitchen. Serving spoons, tea spoons, soup spoons, even measuring spoons. Left all knives, and forks.
Honestly, who does that?
11. Subscribed To Every Mailing List
Put me on the mailing and call list for every church group she could find. For two months my phone was blowing up with calls from churches and evangelicals, they wanted money, they wanted to send me bibles and pamphlets. The ones that had my address did send me bibles and pamphlets. Took a lot of patient explaining, and occasionally some frustrated yelling to get myself removed from everything.
12. Threw Herself Down A Flight Of Stairs And Claimed Assault
She threw herself down a flight of stairs and called the cops to say he beat her up. She would hit herself and call the cops almost weekly, so my SO installed a gps tracker on his car to try and prove his whereabouts during the times she was accusing him of the abuse.
The absolute worst though was probably when she told him he could come over Christmas morning to see their then 2 year old daughter open her gifts only to call the police and have him arrested in front of their daughter.
Eventually she was recorded admitting she was making it all up and the charges were dropped. Its over 5 years later and she did every one a favor and took off abandoning her children who are definitely better off without that kind of crazy as a mother.
13. The Begging Control Freak
I am reminded of this: In my late teens I dated a man 10 years my senior. He always kept me on edge. The slightest disagreement and he’d start with “Sigh… I just don’t know if this is going to work if you can’t “. I was fresh out of 10 years of foster care and desperate to belong, to be loved… so I would always take the blame and promise to be good and try to please him. One day, 6 months or so into the relationship we were in the car, he was in a foul mood because it was raining and traffic was horrible (Chicago) and I asked him to pull over at the next available place so I could use the bathroom. He gets mad and starts scolding me and continues to drive past several places I could go in quickly and be done. Well I get upset and he starts his typical manipulative rhetoric “… maybe this isn’t going to work, etc.. I snapped. We were stopped and I just screamed “You’re right! I’m out of here!” And I got out and started walking down the median, crossed traffic and ran to a McDonalds, soaking wet, crying and feeling a rush of freedom. He bugged me for 6 months to get back together. I was so glad I hadn’t yet moved in with him, with my two beloved cats. I don’t know for sure if he would have hurt them or me but his demeanor got really ugly for a while afterwards.
14. Damn, Son!
fucked one of my friends then married my cousin
15. Get Off My Property!
I had an ex show up at my parents house (I was 19 and living with them), demand we work things out. I asked her to leave and she refused. I grabbed my then 11 year old brother, put him in my car and tried to leave. She blocked the drive way with her body, so I had to drive in the yard. She then gets pissed that I’ve left and drives to my mothers place of employment to talk to her about it!!! After my mum told her to leave her work, she shows back up at my house and refuses to leave again. I locked up the house and she sat on the porch swing for 3 hours before my step dad arrived home from work, tossed gas money at her and told her to get the hell off his property.
She was crazy.
16. ‘Liked’ Every Picture And Post I Made For The Last Year
First he checked himself into the hospital because he was suicidal. Then he had his mother call me and leave me voicemails trying to get me to take him back. He went on all my social media accounts and liked all my pictures and posts from the past year so I blocked him on everything. I ended up having to change my phone number because he constantly calls and texts me begging to take him back, then when I don’t reply he insults me and threatens me. He sent me a box with $400 worth of gifts for my birthday. Yesterday he created a fake account on Pinterest and messaged me 25 times. He’s insane.
17. So Messed Up
Called me at three am so I could hear his three year old crying for me.
18. The Gold-Digging Puppy Thief
Convinced me that we were moving in together so I quit my job. She then proceeded to drain my bank account, steal my puppy, and broke into my place to steal my furniture. According to one of her co-worker’s she had been planning it for over a month. When her friends were disgusted that she would steal someone’s dog, she tried to tell them I starved and beat it. Which her friends came to me about because they knew I’m a gentle guy that could never hurt an animal. Also bonus crazy points for throwing a temper tantrum when I refused to reply to her messages months later.
19. The Career Killer
Withdrew my name from a position I was running for. Somehow he convinced everyone in our mutual organization that I had told him, who they knew I had been in a nasty breakup with, that I didn’t want the position. I hadn’t even spoken to him.
20. This Seems Like A Good Time To Tell You…
Well, there’s this: She told me of her new boyfriend on the very night my father died.
Does that count?
20 years together, 15 married, gone in a flash.
21. The Pregnancy Faker
When I was about 15 I went out with a girl, same age, from a different school. The relationship was fucked the whole time, very toxic person. Anyway I tried breaking it off multiple times, and I was always faced with the old “well I’ll just kill myself then!”. She used to be a cutter before we got together so part of me thought she probably would try. Not being something I wanted on my conscience I stayed with her for a while. After getting really fed up with the relationship I broke it off for realsies, and she didn’t take it to lightly, told pretty much her whole school that I got her pregnant, that made its way to my school, which made its way to my family. This was crazy, we hadn’t had sex at all and everyone believed her over me! She even tried playing this out for as long as possible, even going as far as giving herself a ‘baby bump’. She was absolutely insane.
EDIT I didn’t really expect to wake up to this sort of response, but hopefully this clears up some of the questions.
I confronted her at her school when she had a bump, I don’t know how the hell she done it, but her little group of friends carried that lie so hard and I copped shit for a few months, as this particular GF was not overly attractive or even a nice person, I was told this by a few people throughout our relationship.
I was never really the kind of guy to chase girls and try to get laid, I was always looking for a friend, long term relationship style. My parents raised me very well to understand what people go through and to look for the person who might be underneath the surface. Very good advice, although this person was Satan wrapped up in a slightly damaged girls body.
In the end my parents obviously took my side, but them confronting me about teenage pregnancy at the age of 15 was frightening, they thought I was just trying to cover it up as I didn’t go to them with the problem first. I ended up calling the girl’s Mum and sat down and had a conversation with her, I’m not sure what she said to her crazy daughter but it seemed to work, she and her mum must of tried a little damage control as suddenly everyone stopped believing the lie.
Other than the meeting with her Mum I had nothing to do with them as soon as the pregnancy rumour was spread, so I don’t know really what happened, I just tried to forget the whole thing and it eventually went away.
My closest ally in this whole thing was actually my school homeroom teacher, he was very empathetic and helped me deal with the issue of her threatening suicide as well as the whole pregnancy, he da real MVP.
22. Entitled Exes
Dispatcher here. Working afternoon shift is my least favorite because you deal with this shit all day. Psycho exes think they’re entitled to a lot of shit that isn’t theirs when their ex-better-halves are at work. They don’t like it when we tell them we won’t help them break in to someone else’s place to get their shit. They still don’t like it when the officer they demanded comes out and tells them the same thing. Wash, rinse, repeat 3-5 times per week.
I love graveyard shift.
23. The 20-Year-Old
Tattoo a big symbol of my name on his stomach, in order to try and win me back. It didn’t work.. I was 15 at the time.. o.O
24. The Unwelcome Photo Album
Sent me an album of her with the guy she dumped me for in all the places I took her.
25. Created A Fake Profile
She created a profile for me on some gay dating site saying something like “hi, I’m 22 and looking for my first time with a man, I’m want to try everything!”. It had pictures of me and everything. I got a lot of emails but it still took a while to figure out where they were coming from… Worst thing is that I couldn’t get it taken down…. I had to abandon that email address.
26. The Ultimate Revenge
got in shape
27. No University For You
My friends ex girlfriend broke up with him then logged onto his UCAS account and declined all 5 of his university offers so he had to wait another year to attend university and do it all again.
28. No Longer Gay, Immediately Married
First off, this guy broke up with me because he wanted to be straight. Two days later, I had to drive his ass to a con in Oklahoma from Nebraska (prior arrangement. Thought we were friends still). The first day we are there, he says he’s dating a girl. He just met this girl too. Three days later, he asked her to marry him. Can you guess what she said? Yes, the girl said yes. Talk about Turbosexual.
29. Wrong Horse
She got pregnant by a guy with a daughter that is older than her. Then the old man moved into her parents’ house with her. Funny thing is part of the reason we broke up was she “needed someone who could take care of her.” I was in college at the time as well as working, and his 40 something years of life didn’t leave him with enough money to rent an apartment. I’m buying a house in a few months. Wrong horse, sugar.
30. Let’s Call Her Demanda
My time to shine!!!
I dated a woman for 3 years. Let’s call her Demanda. We lived together. Grew apart. I thought the breakup went fairly smoothly. I agreed to pay for the apartment for the remainder of the lease (about a month and a half), and I went to stay with my band mates.
I came back a few days later to grab some of my things and the whole apartment was wrecked. She ripped all of the pages out of my text books, burned them in a trash can, and scattered the ashes all over the couch. All of my DVDs were shattered and placed neatly back inside their cases and on the shelf. She wrote vulgarities all over my paintings, slashed them, emptied my paint tubes on the floor, and cut the bristles off of my brushes. She cut the strings on my friend’s guitar and scratched “cheater, liar, pussy, dick” on the body. I didn’t cheat or lie. The others are up for debate. She took a hammer to my gaming PC, the fat grey gameboy I’ve had since I was 8, my NES and SNES, all of my toys, some flower pots that once housed some really nice shrubberies, and both of my cameras. My comic book collection was ripped to shreds. My clothes were cut into ribbons. My N64 and Wii and all of the games were missing (likely pawned). She smashed my glass desk.
The cats went unfed, and she left a turd in the toilet.
The cops came and told me that there was nothing they could do for me. Because we had lived together for so long, they were her things too and she was certainly allowed to destroy her own property. The landlord was next. He changed the locks and struck her name off of the lease. All of her things were already moved out, so we both assumed she wasn’t coming back.
My brother came over the next day to help me move the rest of my things. Bed, furniture, washer/drier, etc. We were nearly done when Demanda shows back up screaming obscenities. She put a few dents in my brother’s truck while telling him how much of a cunt my mother is for not aborting us. Then, she tried to get inside to get some more of her things (nothing she owned was in there anymore) and further lost it when her key didn’t work. She punched me in the face and started hitting me with her incredibly dense purse.
My brother called the cops and let her know that they were on the way. Cops arrived, she was gone. Their immediate reaction to the domestic dispute call was that I was the bad guy, so I ended up in cuffs while they looked for Demanda. After they realized that my eye was swollen shut and Demanda was nowhere to be seen, they started listening to my brother and I. He showed them the dents in his truck. I showed them my still wrecked apartment. One of them got a good laugh out of the situation. They took pictures and a statement and left. I sported a black eye at work and class for the next week or so.
Fastforward a couple of weeks later. It’s the last day of my lease. I’m sleeping on a mat on the floor. The only things left in my apartment are a few lamps, a TV, a microwave, a backpack full of some clothes a bought over the last few weeks, and my cats. It’s 2 in the morning when I start getting drunken texts from Demanda. “I love you.” “Let’s get back together.” The usual. I ignore all of them and try to get some sleep. At 3, I get a knock on the door. “Hey, open up. This is my apartment too.” I tell her to fuck off. Then I hear a much, much deeper voice. “Open the fucking door or I’ll kick it in.” Before I get a chance to respond, the dude is already trying to kick in my door. I grab my backpack and jet out the back. I called the cops as I left, but I didn’t stick around to see what happened.
When I return the next day, there’s a few giant footprints in the front door (it’s one of those big steel ones), and the doorframe is broken. She has smashed all of my lamps and the TV, pissed on my pillow and mat, dumped all of my food out on the floor, spread kitty litter throughout the apartment, and smeared cat shit on the walls. She also let out or stole all of the cats.
I got a call from her mother a few days later pleading with me to not press charges. I told her it was out of my hands. The cops had taken pictures and Demanda was going to be arrested and charged whether or not I wanted it to happen. I did. Last I heard, she spent a month in jail, paid a $5000 fine, and had to sit through anger management classes for 6 months.
Good riddance.
31. The Vampire False Accuser
He believed he was a vampire. I began seeing him as having a not terribly strong grip on reality.
When we split, he told our mutual friends I was some sort of paedophile. But no one actually bothered to tell me what he was claiming I was for some months later until the damage was done.
Its a strange pain to be demonized by people who won’t tell you what their problem is. 