Gosh, where to start!? Some people, honestly. Between you and me, I am glad my dear mother hadn't been alive to witness this mess because it most decidedly would have failed her exacting standards in the "turkey dinner" department. I mean, honestly, we had travelled all the way to Ottawa for Christmas (not exactly down the road from Calgary) and were expecting a lovely turkey dinner when we arrived. But what did we get?? Hors d'oeuvres! Diary, I'm not fibbing, really I'm not! There wasn't a slice of turkey to be seen! I was horrified.
I wasn't going to tell you this Diary, but our hosts were people who should have known better. In fact, just between you and me -- please don't tell anyone -- it was my own stepson and his girlfriend who blew this one! My stepson! A guy who has partaken of my elaborate turkey dinners for 36 years, so I cannot imagine how he could possibly have thought not producing a turkey on Christmas Day would pass muster!
Diary, sad to say it didn't.
Apparently, the whole incident was caused by the fact that his girlfriend's oven wasn't working. OK, OK, if her oven had gone on the fritz on December 25th we'd have understood. But apparently, Diary, it had gone on the fritz in May! In May! Can you imagine knowing your oven hadn't been working for seven months, yet not having it repaired so you could produce a turkey dinner for your boyfriend's parents!? (Something about fighting over the warranty, blah-blah-who-cares?) And it wasn't just us, Diary, her parents had travelled from way up in Northern Ontario to celebrate the Feast too! (Sorry for so many exclamation marks, Diary, but golly, that's how I feel!)
To top it off, Diary, her mother had to make the hors d'oeuvres herself! I mean I'm just as crazy about deviled eggs as the next person, but for Christmas dinner!? Really and truly. And the ridiculous thing is that my stepson would have been in the front row damning a performance such as this from anyone else, but he was perfectly fine with it coming from her inadequacies.
We were promised stepson would cook a turkey at his place and bring it to hers the next day for a Boxing Day dinner, but guess what!? Yep, didn't happen. Again! Diary, frankly just between you and me, I suspected this would be the case because, a) he doesn't know how to cook a turkey (let alone make the dressing), and b) he had been a tad "over-refreshed" the night before to have been able to pull it off the 'morning after'. So, what happened? Her father cooked a stove-top pot roast because -- did I mention it? -- the oven wasn't working. Diary, although he tried, dear old Dad murdered and drove it into inedible shoe leather. I was quite sad and disappointed, as I gagged my way through it for the sake of politeness.
Diary, let this be a lesson to anyone who flunks "Turkey 101". Dig into your wallet and go out and buy an all-done turkey with the trimmings at President's Choice, if you have to, but for Gawd's sake, produce a proper bird on the day!
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Note: We finally had a lovely turkey dinner yesterday on New Year's Eve at 'Perkin's Family Restaurant' on Ottawa before we flew home. It was delicious! (Hint: That would be another option, "Waiter, six Perkin's turkey dinners to go.")