Hello everyone,
This is my first time posting a thread at student room. I really need good advice, or at least a sympathy from you all. My story is long so apologies in advance.
Basically, I was a medical student and completed preclinical part of the medicine successfully. I suffered from severe anxiety and depression and had to take a time off from my studies on 2 occassions however I always went back to my studies and complete the exams successfully. When I suffered from anxiety 2nd time, I began to worry about my problems and began to think if I would not be able to cope with the emotional demands of being a doctor. Please note that I only doubted doing medicine because of my health problem not because I was uncommitted etc. So I discussed this with few people including my nice personal tutor and they advised me to carry on with Intercalated BSc and then, I would at least have a degree. So I started Intercalated BSc however I began to suffer from severe fatigue and concentration problems. Fatigue was due to combination of side effects of antidepressants and anaemia. Because of these, I began to feel anxious that I would fail my exams and that sets off my problems again. So, my last exam was postponed 3 times and finally, I completed my exam in the next year. During the year, I worked in a GP surgery and really enjoyed it. It was stressful but I coped very well. I began to realise 2 things: I could cope with stress and I still wanted to be a doctor.
I also got a new personal tutor who happened to be a head of year 2 medicine and to be honest, she was not a sympathetic about mental health problems. She was angry that I could not complete my last exams and began to get impatient with me. So after completing last my exam, I met with her and it was a very difficult meeting. She was obviously quite angry with me and when I asked if I could continue with medicine, she informed me something like 'No, you can't' and 'you can't ever come back to medicine'. Since she also happened to be a head of year 2 med, I thought I was dismissed because of my health problem and thought it was the end of me and medicine. It was a very difficult meeting so please don't ask why I didn't challenge her at the time etc. I really believed it was the end of medicine for me so I tried to find other jobs in the NHS whilst working as a receptionist in a GP for 2 years. I applied to NHS Scientist training programme 2 times as a trainee Cardiac physiologist and my applications were not successful. After 2 years, I began to fear that I was losing my medical and scientific knowledge and that will mean wasting my 4 years of hard work and money. I did not spent 4 years at uni to become a receptionist, sorry. I realised trying to find trainee posts in NHS would not be easy and I did not want to waste any more time and lost my knowledge so I decided to return to uni.
I found this course that is similar to medicine and applied. When they found that I was a medic, they were not a happy so I had to send them a long email explaining why I could not carry on with medicine. I waited and waited for any reply and in the end, I had to contact their disability officer and explain the situation. At last, I was asked to attend the selection tests. I attended the tests and thought I did my best. However, almost a day after I received an email telling me that my application was unsuccessful. They said because of the high no. of applicants, they can't give a feedback. I am so sure they were happy to get rid of someone who had so much drama.
Anyways, I knew I wanted to study Masters so I decided to apply for Masters. I contacted the course organisor to enquire about Masters programme and he asked me why I could not continue with medicine. I confided to him what has happened 2 years ago. He told me I should explain the situation to my medical school and request to rejoin the programme. I could not believe my ears! I never thought I could return back to medicine. After gaining a hope, I realised that I wanted to be a doctor more than ever. So I emailed the head of medical education and few days ago, I received an email saying that 2 years ago, after hearing the advice from the head of year 2, it was clear that I indicated that I was withdrawing. If I really believed that I was withdrawn, I only had 3 months to appeal (no one told this info that time) etc etc. Basically, to cut the long story short-they won't bother taking me back. I guess they thought I was an idiot who disappeared 2 years and now realizing what I lost so making up this silly story to try to come back to medicine. However, I am not going to take this any further because everyone will believe the head because she is like this important person and I am no one. I already lost face and don't want more people to think I am an idiot.
I was accepted to study Masters at my uni so I withdrew my application from the other uni for 3 reasons: - fee at my uni was £1000 cheaper and - giving me Masters will mean that they accepted my Intercalated BSc (as I heard some places don't accept it as full BSc because you suppose to have completed medicine etc). I am starting my Masters in a few days time and I am starting to feel apprehensive of going back to place where I had so much drama. I just hope I don't have to suffer from anymore health problems and create more drama.
I wanted to be a doctor more than ever. I also learnt so much about myself for the past 2 years and now I know for certain that I CAN cope with medical training and become a good doctor! I researched my options and found following possible choices with varying degree of success:
- transfer to a medical school in UK (limited success because I should already be a medical student whilst I am not a med anymore. I am also unsure if they will accept someone with so much drama)
- transfer to medical school in Europe (how easy is it to train here in UK if I graduate abroad? courses are fairly expensive, where am I suppose to find the money)
- finish MSc and apply for Graduate entry course (lots of schools does not accept someone who withdraw from medicine even due to a health reason, the courses are even more competitive now so not sure how successful I will be)
So, basically, I am stuck on what I should do. I would really appreciate a good and helpful advice or at least, support from fellow students.
P.S. I already know I made mistakes and was naive etc because I believed head of year 2's words just because she was a senior person and I really regret it. Please don't ask me to pursue this case further with my uni or make a complaint/take a legal/similar action because I know it will be unhelpful. I already had and having a hard time so please only say helpful things.