I continue to evolve my thinking about storytelling. Recently, I simplified my personal definition of storytelling to this:
Storytelling is the process of sharing facts, which are told with emotions and details.
The piece about emotions and details is so important. Stories come alive in the emotions and details, but so often we don’t get into the weeds of this. Instead, our stories are simply just the facts told chronologically. How boring!
The question here is how to do we get to the emotions and details of a story? Before I share my process of this, I want to talk about why conveying the emotions and details of a story is challenging in the first place.
The challenge of getting the emotions and details
There are 3 reasons why getting the emotions and details of a story are such a challenge.
First is the vulnerability of the act. Telling our story – especially to someone whom we don’t have as much rapport with – can be super vulnerable. One of the best things we can do when we are listening to a story is to help create a safe and comfortable environment for the person to share. Before you start, ask them where they would feel most comfortable and if there anything little things that can help them feel safe. Sometimes it’s something as simple as a cup of tea, or a home environment. It’s always worth taking the time to figure out how to make the storyteller more comfortable.
Second is the discomfort of listening to the details. We aren’t always aware of this, but sometimes it can be very uncomfortable to listen to someone else’s story. Maybe it’s tragic, maybe it’s happy, maybe it’s somewhere in between, regardless we always bring our own emotional baggage and biases to the conversation, which can in turn cloud our ability to guide the story. As you are listening to a story, try to deepen your self-awareness. How are you reacting to the story? What can you do to remain present and impartial?
Third is not having a good process. Most often we take an interview-style approach to collecting stories. What I’ve come to realize is that sometimes we just need to give people the space to tell without our guidance. Your role as the story listener is the unravel the details, connect the dots, and bring shape to the story. Sometimes that is easier to do when we are just listening.
My process for digging into the emotions and details of a story is to listen and (typically) record the audio of the conversation. Then, I’ll go back through the audio and map out the story. Here are the specific steps that I take to tell a story with emotions and details.
#1 – Start with the facts
In your first pass at telling a story, just start with the chronological facts. Simply get down the milestones, important moments, and so on. This might seems strange given that we want to get to the emotions and details, but before we get to that we need to know the facts.
When I go through this process I usually create a mindmap, even when I’m working with someone else on their storytelling. To give you an example, one part of my story is my journey into entrepreneurship. Some of the facts that on my mindmap include:
Starting my career in fundraising
Volunteering and becoming a board member at WAVAW
Realizing I have a real passion for social justice
Questioning the privilege and exclusion that exist within philanthropy and fundraising
Deciding to start freelancing on the side
Reading Career Renegade by Jonathan Fields and realizing that the only thing stopping me is fear about uncertainty
Beginning to work for myself full-time in March 2013
That’s a quick glimpse of what the facts of my story look like.
#2 – Revisit the facts and add in details
Once you have the initial details of the story down on paper, go back and add in more details. When I work with people on their stories, I like to ask the questions – “What else was happening?” Sometimes just that simple question will open up other details about the story. “Details” is a broad way of describing what we are looking for. It could be details about the environment, it could be more details about the facts, or something else.
I’ll give you an example using my story that I mentioned above.
Starting my career in fundraising
My first job was at the University of British Columbia, where I worked in Annual Giving. I knew nothing about fundraising and was just looking for opportunities to work in communication. I quickly discovered that fundraising satisfied my creativity and brought me a lot of fulfillment.
I started out managing a student call center, but I asked for more opportunities to write and learn. I attended our team’s weekly meetings and read a lot about fundraising. Down the road, I got to work on my first email campaign.
Volunteering and becoming a board member at WAVAW
I knew that I wanted to stay in fundraising, but I needed more experience to advance. So I found a small non-profit in Vancouver called WAVAW and asked if I could volunteer to help with fundraising. They said yes and I started as a board member and chair of the fundraising committee. I’ve been able to work on some substantial projects with them and see the organization grow so much in the last 5 years. It’s been great experience to tap into.
Realizing I have a real passion for social justice
WAVAW is a grassroots organization and I realized that I liked the idea of fundraising more for advocacy/social justice work.
I attended Web of Change in 2013 for the first time and it totally changed my work! I met so many brilliant people at this conference who work in politics and advocacy, which opened my mind to other opportunities for my career. It was also at WOC where I declared that I would start writing my book.
Questioning the privilege and exclusion that exist within philanthropy and fundraising
Deciding to start freelancing on the side
I started by helping small businesses write case studies about their work (another type of storytelling)
I also started blogging about philanthropy and fundraising. Initially, I wrote more about my experience in annual giving.
Reading Career Renegade by Jonathan Fields and realizing that the only thing stopping me is fear about uncertainty
I gave notice at my job on February 14, 2013.
Beginning to work for myself full-time in March 2013
#3 – Layer in the emotional experience
Now that you’ve got the big picture facts plus the details, it’s time to add in the emotional experience. The best way to do this is to ask the question – “How did it feel when. . . ?” I find this question cracks people open to thinking about their emotions and brings to light new facets of the story.
Here’s what this looks like using my example.
Starting my career in fundraising
My first job was at the University of British Columbia, where I worked in Annual Giving. I knew nothing about fundraising and was just looking for opportunities to work in communication. I quickly discovered that fundraising satisfied my creativity and brought me a lot of fulfillment.
I still remember the day that my manager called me to tell me that I got the job. At the time, I was working in retail and I listened to the message on my way home from work. Her first words in the message were, “Hi Vanessa. I’m calling with what I hope is good news for you. . . ” I was so elated! It was my first, full-time job out of college and frankly I was just happy to have any job. Although I’ve had several jobs since this one, there’s something about landing the first one that still feels very special to me.
I started out managing a student call center, but I asked for more opportunities to write and learn. I attended our team’s weekly meetings and read a lot about fundraising. Down the road, I got to work on my first email campaign.
I had a lot of ambition for doing well at my job and I kept challenging myself to do and learn more. But there were definitely times where I felt like I wasn’t getting ahead in my career fast enough. Sometimes I would feel frustrated or down on myself that I hadn’t got a promotion yet. In my young, naive state I didn’t realize that sometimes it took longer to advance. I learned a great deal about patience in the first few years of my career, but that didn’t mean that I let go of being persistent.
Volunteering and becoming a board member at WAVAW
I knew that I wanted to stay in fundraising, but I needed more experience to advance. So I found a small non-profit in Vancouver called WAVAW and asked if I could volunteer to help with fundraising. They said yes and I started as a board member and chair of the fundraising committee. I’ve been able to work on some substantial projects with them and see the organization grow so much in the last 5 years. It’s been great experience to tap into.
Being a board member has been a rewarding and challenging experience for me. That was especially true when I become board chair. It was a steep learning curve and during the first 6 months, I thought about quitting often. I constantly felt like I wasn’t doing a good job and that no one liked my leadership. But as time went on, I continue to learn more about how to be a good leader and how to uplift and encourage a great team.
Realizing I have a real passion for social justice
WAVAW is a grassroots organization and I realized that I liked the idea of fundraising more for advocacy/social justice work.
I attended Web of Change in 2013 for the first time and it totally changed my work! I met so many brilliant people at this conference who work in politics and advocacy, which opened my mind to other opportunities for my career. It was also at WOC where I declared that I would start writing my book.
The conversations and relationships that I built at WOC changed my view of what professional relationships can be like. By that I mean – vulnerability and radical honesty are actually good things. In fact, when you are vulnerable, you create space for others to do so and that often fosters a deeper sense of connection. One of the things that I remember about WOC was that one of the morning sessions we talked about bravery and courage in our work. The faciliator asked us to think about a time when we were brave and to talk to someone nearby about it. I told the person next to me that I didn’t think of myself as particularly brave. They reflected back to me that starting a business was brave and something they could never imagine doing. I remember feeling a lot of gratitude that they said that to me because sometimes I get so caught up in the day-to-day and the details of it all, I forget that I’m doing something out of the ordinary. Since then, I’ve tried to keep up a regular reflection practice to remind myself of just how far I’ve come as a way to take pride in my work. That’s been really special and important for me.
Questioning the privilege and exclusion that exist within philanthropy and fundraising
Deciding to start freelancing on the side
I started by helping small businesses write case studies about their work (another type of storytelling)
I also started blogging about philanthropy and fundraising. Initially, I wrote more about my experience in annual giving.
Reading Career Renegade by Jonathan Fields and realizing that the only thing stopping me is fear about uncertainty
I gave notice at my job on February 14, 2013.
For about 3 weeks I had been on the fence about whether or not I was ready to take the leap into self-employment. I committed to a friend that I would make my decision by February 14th (Valentine’s Day). The day finally arrived and I decided that I would give notice. It was after lunch and I knew that I needed to make my way over to manager’s office to tell her that I was leaving my job. I started the walk down the hall way and my knees felt weak. I thought I might throw up. But I kept walking. We sat down in her office and I explained that I was leaving to pursue my business full time. She was so delighted and supportive of me, I felt a sense of relief. There’s nothing I hate more than disappointing or inconvenicing people. So I left her office and I walked back to mine. I remember sitting down at my desk and thinking, “This will either be the best decision that I’ve ever made or it will be the worst decision that I’ve ever made. Either way, I’ve made a decision.” Turns out, it’s been one of the best decisions that I’ve ever made.
Beginning to work for myself full-time in March 2013
There you have it – a glimpse into my process of telling stories with details and emotions. It’s a layered process and one that takes time to unfold. When you sit down with people to hear their stories, make sure that you give yourself plenty of time. Don’t rush the process. Afterwards, make sure you have enough to time to process everything and create the story.
I’d love to hear from you in the comments below. Does this process resonate with you? Do you think you’ll try using it for your next story?