By contemporary standards, it’s usually pretty easy to sort undesirable types into one of two categories: the gravely cynical and the unnervingly earnest. The former is pessimistic enough to take La Rochefoucauld’s famous maxim about the base-nature of human motives (“Our virtues are, most often, only vices in disguise”) to heart. However, he lacks the good sense to temper his insights with a sense of levity. He broods, sneers and infects those around him with bile.
The latter is optimistic enough to mangle the ever-compounding series of contradictions that is his practical and ethical life (a rich and ever-expanding tapestry of commitments to humanity’s goodness, Mother Gaïa, Hillsong, the digestive wonders of a gluten-free diet, the insights of Hermes Trismegistus, The Zohar, Christian Science and Jakob Böhme and so on) into a tortured theodicy. Whatever good he brings through his naifish smiling at the world is squandered by the palpable unease he causes those around him at every turn. He smiles, sings, touches, preaches and infects those around him with a profound distemper.
It is an unfortunate accident of history that cynicism is today hitched to the wagon of the grave. In the life of Antithenes, or more famously that of Diogenes of Sinope, the cynical way of life entailed a radical rejection of human authority, customs, values, etc., in the course of pursing a life lived according to nature. The freedom from societal norms enjoyed by the cynics gave them a unique outsider perspective on social institutions and customs. From this vantage point, the cynics used what Diogenes referred to as the “most beautiful thing in the world,” παρρησία [parrhēsia], freedom of speech, to point out the contingent, capricious and absurd nature of human life and morality.
While serious, this way of being was far from grave. It was joyful and, frankly, hilarious.
He was great at pouring scorn on his contemporaries. The school of Euclides he called bilious, and Plato’s lectures waste of time, the performances at the Dionysia great peep-shows for fools, and the demagogues the mob’s lacqueys. He used also to say that when he saw physicians, philosophers and pilots at their work, he deemed man the most intelligent of all animals ; but when again he saw interpreters of dreams and diviners and those who attended to them, or those who were puffed up with conceit of wealth, he thought no animal more silly. He would continually say that for the conduct of life we need right reason or a halter.
~Life of Diogenes of Sinope, Diogenes Laertius, Book 6, Chapter 24.
The Oilogosphere’s resident cynic is Benjamin Massey, aka @Lord_Bob. The importance of his function to the online hockey community cannot be understated. In the grand scheme of things, the Oilogosphere division of labor allocates the duty of breaking down Oilers mistakes on and off the ice to a fellow like Jonathan Willis. Massey’s role, however, doesn’t encompass diagnostic reporting. His role is to remind us of the grand absurdity that is the Edmonton Oilers.
Whether he’s trampling on the vainglory of Kevin Lowe, [And one day when Plato had invited to his house friends coming from Dionysius, Diogenes trampled upon his carpets and said, "I trample upon Plato's vainglory."], or highlighting the deficiencies in Martin Gernat’s musicianship [The musician who was always deserted by his audience he greeted with a "Hail chanticleer," and when asked why he so addressed him, replied, "Because your song makes every one get up."], Massey is calling attention to the absurdity of life as an Oilers’ fan.
This function is important; not because it performs some kind of cathartic release, but because it places the patina of normalcy the Oilers and the media who cover them have carefully crafted over the past near-decade of losing into stark relief.
It is one thing to dissect a decadent power or to rant and rave at it. It is quite another thing to reduce that same power to an absurdity. In the former cases, one is still tacitly deferring to authority: “You, institution of authority, are making mistakes! You are terrible!” The latter simply forgoes the assumption that he is bound to grant institutions of authority an unearned legitimacy and treats their power as a trifling matter [When he was sunning himself in the Craneum, Alexander came and stood over him and said, "Ask of me any boon you like." To which he replied, "Stand out of my light."]. Without making the assumption that power deserves respect, the cynic is free to lambast its vestments and airs; to ask of power the critical questions: “is Anton Lander dead?“
Massey is an artist of cynicism. He is extraordinarily biting, but operates with a huge portion of levity and joy.
It is a pleasure to have Benjamin Massey take part in our “Meet the Blogger” series here at the Rig. Thank you kindly, Ben!
Ben made the mistake of offering me the chance to pick a song to accompany his interview. It didn’t take long for me to settle upon this quote from Ben
and this song from Hank Williams, “Settin’ the Woods on Fire.” Enjoy!
1. When did you start writing about hockey? What got you into it?
Beyond the web-forum-and-comment-thread level, my first crack at hockey blogging was on my mercifully-defunct blog named The South Smythian Rolo-Gator in, if memory serves me right, the middle of 2008. If the title seems like it’s trying a bit too hard to be clever and winds up just being wordy, at least it accurately reflects the site.
The SSRG was a mess but mostly a clean one, started by a 21-year-old convinced that he’d be the next Bob McKenzie if he could put up one sufficiently profane game recap a week. There were no new frontiers in hockey for me to break, no inside sources for me to peddle, no cunning insights for me to provide, just obscenity and sarcasm and the egomania of someone convinced “people will read this, because I am God.” The results were predictable, but luckily there turned out to be a market for frustrated swearing in Oilers fandom around this time and Jonathan Willis tacked me on to The Copper & Blue in September of 2009.
2. Are there any writers that you look up to? If so, who are they and why?
Omitting my Copper & Blue colleagues out of basic discretion I think that, as Oilers bloggers, most of us are trying and failing to be Lowetide. Nobody can take a mediocre enforcer getting called up from Oklahoma City and turn it into a 500-word post worth reading with such consistency. None of us are trying to be Pat McLean, because he is inimitable; you might as well try to be a polonium atom, or the colour indigo. That doesn’t mean I don’t wish I could write like that, in the same part of my brain that wishes I’d win the lottery without buying a ticket.
Within the wider hockey world, Ellen Etchingham (the only living poet of puck, somebody who could put out a 5,000-word article on a former Montreal Wanderer I’d literally never heard of and make me devour every word) is obviously the gold standard of this game, and I’m giving her her own paragraph in hopes she’ll Google her own name at some point and be flattered into writing some more.
And stretching my wings a shade further, if I could write one editorial as good as Christopher Hitchens’s worst day’s work I’d be a happy man. George Orwell, Evelyn Waugh, Kingsley Amis, J.R.R. Tolkien, Edward Gibbon, I have a massive and still unfulfilled literary fetish for British men.
3. If you could give any advice to people interested in getting into writing about sports…what would it be?
If you’re going to a team website, grabbing their releases, and writing up your own instinctive take, you’re doing it wrong. The marketplace of ideas is packed to the rafters with that kind of thing and you need to be awfully special if you’re going to stand out. It’s the year 2014, everyone has Twitter, there are 53,198 Oiler blogs including this one, TSN.ca has a comment thread on any piece of news the size of a big willy, there’s no reason whatsoever to read a “this is a good move!” sort of post unless it has some insight, either statistical, tactical, or historical, that is highly novel. And, to be blunt, if you’re just getting into writing about sports you probably don’t have that insight.
But that’s a grumpy bastard talking who’s seen too many people go down the dead-end path of pretending they’re Jim Matheson. Ultimately, practice makes perfect, and the more writing you do the sooner you’ll improve and the sooner you’ll find that particular voice everyone needs to get anywhere. Don’t limit yourself, either, for the most boring type of sports blogger is the one who seems to know nothing but sports. You have other interests, right? Write up some of those, even if nobody ever sees them. Make yourself well-rounded. And remember: it’s flattering to find readers, lovely to receive criticism, even better to receive praise, but ultimately you have to be doing this for yourself, or you won’t have the drive to get anywhere.
4. Do you specialize in types of writing (analytical, post/pre game blogs, prospects, opinion pieces…all of the above)?
I don’t write about hockey so much anymore, but through historical accident I’ve become one of the Go-To Heartbreaking Loss Post-Game Thread Guys on Copper & Blue. It’s a guarantee of steady work, even if there are only so many ways to write “god dammit when the hell are we going to get a blue-line that isn’t a six-pack of mewling infants sliding across the ice like their temporal lobes were hit by lightning” five times a season. People seem to enjoy the catharsis, at least in limited quantities: if I still wrote regularly I’d need to provide some variety! I also try to keep on top of the prospect scene, partially because it’s the only hope we’ve got and partially because it’s good fun to tweak real prospophiles by pointing out that these third-round picks probably aren’t going to round into anything.
5. Do you have a favorite article that you’ve written or one that got a lot of positive feedback or criticism? Tell me a bit about it.
During the lockout of 2012 I wrote a few general hockey history articles that got decent applause and were different from anything else I’d done; I retain a lot of affection for them. The Tony Hand post, a look at the greatest British-born player in hockey history and a former Oilers draft pick who’s basically their combination of Wayne Gretzky and Gordie Howe is probably my favourite; I think it was last year TSN ran a rather lengthy video feature of Hand including interviews and first-hand (tee-hee) footage, produced to their usual high standard, and I thought “my take was better.” That’s a good feeling. I’m also very proud of my Shannon Szabados article from the same series, which wasn’t so well-received but was exactly the kind of almost parochial article I wish I did more of.
6. What sites do you currently write for? Favorite team(s)?
If I have some hockey stuff to say, it’ll be on The Copper & Blue. I’m still an Oilers fan, for some reason, like the battered spouse who loyally insists to the doctor he just fell down the stairs into a pile of cinder blocks every day for eight years. Fans of Canadian soccer, my dearest sporting love, will see a post every few weeks on Maple Leaf Forever! I have very masochistic sporting preferences.
7. Where can we find you on social media? Twitter/Facebook etc.
I’m on Twitter at @Lord_Bob; the account is protected for life reasons but if you look like a real person I’ll approve you automatically. Fair warning: it’s mostly soccer, complaining about annoying people on the train, and bitching with incomprehensible insanity about the minutiae of my dull-ass life on there. But some people seem to like it, or at least can’t find the “Unfollow” button.
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