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Today’s post features photos from our first family trip to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. Have a great weekend!
What is Follow Friday? It’s a blog series I created a few years ago based on a Twitter meme. Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here. Would you like to be a guest photographer for Follow Friday? Email me!
thenomodellady There’s really no graceful way to eat sushi. With your hands. While driving.
shinyinfo I hope nobody follows me for library tweets. I hope everybody follows me for astute A-Team tweets.
fart just got a wrong number for someone named “Rambone” but i’m gonna run with it. i am Rambone now
josswhedon How do you undelete a tweet? Also, how do you undo most of your adult life?
EliBraden Most people outside Denver don’t realize ‘Broncos’ is short for ‘Brony Cosplayers’
jerryRenek Hurray, we CAN do worse.
BeTheBoy In Soviet Russia, RT’s are endorsements.
donni Worst Excuses For Arson 5) Dragons did it 4) Yellow, warm, pretty 3) Fire is a myth 2) Had too much water 1) It was always burning
muffpunch The lady doing stretches in the bowling alley parking lot is no one to fuck with, other bowlers.
MommyMG Matt watched the girls this AM so I could sleep in a little bit. When I came downstairs he & the dog were both wearing Hello Kitty headbands.
thejamietighe Brain: Day off? Let’s get you up at 6.
Me: I just… Brain:
UP AT 6!
Me: But…
Brain: Here have some soothing music. *plays Macarena*
cloudypianos I believe in you. No sorry I thought you were someone else.
marlespo I’m at the cinema with all 3 of my boys and no one has died or cried yet but then again it hasn’t started.
cloudypianos I’ve just been saying “life is hard” to everyone I pass and I think it’s helping.
josephesque Can’t sleep so I’m practicing riddles with my cat. He hasn’t gotten one yet so I think I’m getting better at this.
InfiniteChicken I like Buzzfeed, but sometimes it’s easier to push AA battles into my sinuses.
JesseThorn Best sports in the Winter Olympics: 1) Hockey? 2) Made-up thing with snowboards or whatever 3) Frozen rich people shit 4) none
TheNextMartha Today my son read the donut names when ordering. Proud moment.
The_Dorkster I need a joint roller, but for burritos.
inthefade My high school sack of flour baby would be 35 years old this month if I didn’t turn it into pancakes shortly after birth.
FlyteAphrodite Not sure where in the baby book I put “first shared mother-son laughter over a news article about masturbation” but today’s the big day!
RaeBeta LIFE HACK: be a rich, straight, white, Christian dude with shiny hair.
DrMaldoror When the good Lord closes the door, you’ve missed curfew and must sleep in the car. #PlausibleAdages
STACEYNIGHTMARE I just flew in from Manhattan and boy I shit on like 20 cars.
helenlewis I have just realised that uteruses are technically 3D printers.
BillCorbett I know people complained, but frankly I was glad they cut all the sex scenes from JIRO DREAMS OF SUSHI
DrMaldoror Is it “necrophile” or “necrophiliac”? Asking for the gals at church.
Soulsmithy In my journalist capacity, I have a Twitter hater I adore and will never block. He’s just so feeble and predictable. I luff heem.
eehouls lady, don’t scream, “A G-STRING? ARE YOU SERIOUS?” into your phone and then don’t fill the rest of us in.
twelveyearsold new syfy movies • pornado (tornado w/ boobs) • cocaino (volcano filled w/ cocaine) • dino frog vs mecha-owl (allegory for 2004 US election)
bridger_w When someone says, “I haven’t seen you in forever,” a fun response is, “I know, we’re really not that good of friends”
CerromeRussell I’m disappointed that vegan ribs aren’t the ribs of actual vegans
99golems it’s nice being broke because nobody can possibly scam you
sbellelauren i need a cup of coffee to be awake enough to make a cup of coffee
tehawesome Cosmo’s Three Ultimate Ways to Please a Man: 1) Friction 2) Pressure 3) Touchin’ it
dubouchet Are you tired of looking up? Try my new ground kites! Each kite has wheels and a top-mounted mirror so you can still see the sky.
andrewmorrisey From now on I’m just going to worry about how many things there are to worry about.
kellyasterisk Went out to bring in the compost bin wearing my pjs and a towel on my head and some guy yelled WHAT UP SHAWTY from a car
Patheticist Grab life by the horns because that always works out best in nature when people grab animals that have horns by their horns, good advice.
jennyjaffe I don’t know, that Milk Hotel seemed pretty biased to me.
jwoodham Hello, 911? Someone is looking at me while I’m talking to them. Yeah, like they’re not looking at their phone or anything. Please save me.
eoghanmccabe Something you won’t say when you die: “So glad I got to Inbox Zero.”
apelad You don’t have to agree with my opinions, but you do have to print them out and hang them over your desk, for everyone to see.
Journalgirl Amused that my current nemeses take the forms of small, green & brown-clad little girls doing no more than waving rectangular boxes at me.
FlyoverJoel The closest I’ll ever come to being an action hero is slowly walking away from my car while I click the electronic lock button.
markleggett Go back in time, kill Hitler, take his place, and win the war with your knowledge of modern technology (how to download apps, basic Excel).
keithuhlich Now that I’ve read the best comment ever written (“I will poop now”) I shall cease reading comment sections.
fart i never had sex on a pool table but i have barfed into one of the holes on one
h0mfr0g god’s not dead he’s just not that into you
JerryThomas (Gesturing toward my bedroom) “This is where the nothing happens.”
oodja Instead of saying “Because I said so,” try answering why with “Because I’m holding a thermal detonator!” instead
rstevens Thrift Tip: TYPE IN ALL CAPS WHENEVER POSSIBLE TO SAVE WEAR AND TEAR ON YOUR SHIFT KEY #ThriftTip
senderblock23 ”Teach me how to accept myself” – Dougie
goodinthestacks yo, did twitter shit all over twitter again because it looks barfy as fuck
shutupalice Years ago a girl from my high-school posted 2 status updates 1) ‘Mmmm bacon’ 23 mins later ‘I HATE LIARS!!!!!!!’ I think about it every day.
_Enanem_ I think the worst movie bounty hunter is Smur Fett.
brx0 Seems like the New York Times is rebranding itself as the 4chan for the 1%.
dvoted_hubsand my greatest fear is that I am gradually becoming my mother. and that my mother was really a crazy moon dragon or a 3000 year-old giant squid
atxstoryboards X-men policy: Cere-bros before Magneet-hos.
donni Ladies, help me raise the roof. I hate being a single parent of a roof.
andrewmorrisey STOP ABSOLVING ME OF MY SINS THEY WERE A LOT OF HARD WORK
louisvirtel Leonardo DiCaprio is the most serious Fisher Price Little Person ever. #GoldenGlobes
michaelianblack I’m too masculine to watch “The Golden Globes.” Besides, only half an hour until “Downton Abbey!!!”
fierceflawless If the 4yo really wants to find me while playing hide & seek, all he needs to do is find where the dogs are congregated & staring.
fart a good name for a comedy club would be Trader Joke’s (you trade jokes at it)
Chazballpark Handicap bathroom stall? You mean The Deluxe Twitter Suite?
wordlust The Facebook Friend should be a Batman villain.
ScrewyDecimal Holla if you’re also procrastinating because you have no idea what the hell you’re doing!
Molly_Kats Did you know you can just say you’re going to the ladies room & then walk out, get in your car & speed away from a baby shower?
ProfessorSnack Heard the NHL video game announce that a player had to “sit for a deuce”. Seems completely reasonable.
rikpayne Busting the headboard would have made for a helluva story if I wasn’t alone.
MrEmilyHeller Considering that I can smoke legal weed and watch any episode of Daria I want in the bath, it’s pretty weird that I DON’T believe in God
JerryThomas And when there were ten sets of footprints in the sand Jesus was playing pick-up basketball.
BeTheBoy If I had 3 wishes I’d use one to ensure I never had to call anyone on the phone again. Then I’d get two tacos.
InfiniteChicken I am like a cat in that I will try to cling to my dignity even as life carries me around by the armpits.
Jedimasterbator Okey dokey hockey donkey!
markleggett Just used a public toilet that smells like clams. Well, it does now.
ShesAllWrite When texting your son about his iPhone and your husband about date night you need to be very careful or your son will need therapy forever.
VaguelyFunnyDan We’re here! We’re queer! Get used to it unless we move but even then just know we’ll still be queer just in that new location!
ScrewyDecimal Putting the “champ” in “champagne.”
shariv67 My nana’s voicemail greeting is her saying “hello?” a bunch of times, then dialing noises followed by ten minutes of her talking to her cat.
JhonRules How many kittens is too many to bring on a first date?
hughlaurie Grumbling is fantastic exercise. I do 5 minutes on weather, 5 on knee pain, and then finish with John Humphrys.
mdob11 Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I’m heading north to start a new life.
SCbchbum Not trying to tell you how to run your business, Sizzler, but I recommend a free flu shot with every salad bar purchase.
heyitsIsobel There used to be big dragons everywhere, then a big earth bomb came. It made all the dragons die and then earth was nice for people.
fecklesswaster For a good pornstar name take your mum’s first name and her second name and put em together
What is Follow Friday? It’s a blog series I created a few years ago based on a Twitter meme. Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here. Would you like to be a guest photographer for Follow Friday? Email me!
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