Reported by Special Correspondent: Amazing Siva
The India Satire correspondent Amazing Siva has received a copy of shocking page from Gujarat sub-Inspector’s diary. According to the page, the sub-Inspector was asked for snooping Arvind Kejriwal during his visit to Gujarat by higher authorities of Gujarat government. The sub-Inspector in an interview with the correspondent claimed that the said 16 questions were held back by Gujarat Police to avoid any damage to Gujarat Chief Minister Narendra Modi’s brain, as the questions demanded IQ of more than 1000 or below 10.
(A part of diary of Gujarat Sub- Inspector who was snooping Arvind Kejriwal in his visit with the orders from Gujarat CM Narendra Modi)
It was a bright Friday morning; Sun was forming a new beautiful maoist colour in Gujarat, kissing Arvind Kejirwal’s cheeks helping him in waking up from his late night dinner with few intolerable Aam Aadmi Party (AAP) workers. However, Sun is totally unaware about the fact that the work Kejriwal’s daily performs requires more hardwork than Sun’s daily hovering around the Earth (AAP logic) and therefore ‘this agent of BJP and Congress’ deserves some shouts and abuses from Kejriwal.
“This sun has been paid by BJP and Congress Party and therefore he sucks me like anything, just to wake me up before I was going to sit on PM’s chair. Saala! Ambani’s agent,” murmured Arvind Kejriwal.
Just in a minute his mobile phone bell ‘Uth BJP agent uth’ rang, reflecting the photo of Yogendra Yadav. “Kejri, I have sent a questionnaire for Narendra Modi. It reflects Babuji’s sanskars and Yechury’s aggression. You could have a look at it.”
Kejriwal went through the questionnaire and calling it ridiculous, tore it apart in Adobe Photoshop, sending it to recycle bin. “Uth Kejri uth, write a questionnaire yourself,” he told himself.
Getting ready was a difficult job in Gujarat as one has to bath everyday due to 24-hour tap water and availability of shower due to 24-hours of electricity. Therefore, avoiding bath as like in Delhi was a bit difficult task. So finally making up his mind with very hard efforts, Kejriwal entered in a bathroom that was decorated by some cheap tiles.
“Why didn’t these stupid AAP workers break these tiles before my visit? Idiots, BJP and Congress agents! (Looking at something) Ok that’s great! Here I saw at least 15 gm dust popping up near my soap. Oh that soap ‘Lux’. How India could allow soaps manufactured by MNC? I am not going to use it. I will never use it,” Kejriwal muttered with himself, finishing his bath in 27 seconds, properly combing his half washed hair, writing his questionnaire along side.
“The questionnaire should not be helpful in increasing opposition’s vote share,” told Kejriwal himself, however, perfectly starting his usual business of increasing the oppositions’ vote bank. This time he chose BJP ahead of Congress. As the Yogendra Yadav study on internal mentality of Gujarat people suggested that his most successful weapon dharna is considered as a big bullshit in the state, Kejriwal preferred question paper route.
The so called genius from IIT was looking like an enthusiastic football fan wearing his team’s away jersey (It doesn’t attach Delhi Mufflar) at a urine street in Gujarat. He had a paper in his hand, the question paper and with it he was racing to Narendra Modi’s house eager to test the general knowledge of the erstwhile tea master (popularly known as chaiwallah) turned prime minister to be, only to be intercepted by the Gujarat police as they were eager to see what the questions were and try to answer them and get rated as having higher general knowledge than Scotland Yards (yea Mumbai Police had called as second best to Scotland Yards some years back).
Kejriwal refused to show the question paper to Gujarat police when he got detained. However, on repeated requests by me and after proving that I was an aam policewala and including a promise to donate a new pink colour muffler, Kejriwal allowed me to have a look at the paper.
Statutory Warning: Before I present you with the questions I request people below IQ level of Yogendra Yadav to stay away from this. These questions could be extremely thought provocative and make you feel guilty on why you do not poses brains to ask such intelligent questions and don’t ever try to answer them as they can cause hyper brain disorders.
Here we take you to Arvind Kejirwal’s question world
1. As a fundamental right of every aam aadmi for gossiping, I would like to know from you the name of ND Tiwari’s last child? What percentage of this world consists of ND Tiwari’s descendants? Who is more potent of the two ND Tiwari or Kejriwal or Salman Kurshid? What about Lalu Prasad Yadav who has uncountable number of earthly successors? Is Salman Khan really virgin or he said he is virgin because he uses virgin mobile and they credits him 1 paisa per minute for incoming calls? Which has more value, Tiwari’s potency or Salman Khan’s virginity or none?
2. Where on earth is the last person who got empowered by Rahul Gandhi? How many people does Rahul Gandhi empower per second? Has he empowered aliens from any other planets? Do UFOs visit earth regularly to get consultation on empowerment from Rahul Gandhi? Can I get a list of people who got empowered by Rahul Gandhi of course through RTI? Why did the chicken cross the road? Did it want to get empowered?
3. Why all scams end with alphabet G - 2G, 3G, CWG? Is G the lucky alphabet of the Indian Politician? Is something connected with political numerology?
4. How many words did Manmohan Singh speak to the nation, his family and within his party during 10 years of his career as prime minister of this country?
5. Which language does Manish Tewari speak, Greek, latin or Spanish or something else that he himself innovated? Where can I get a English translation dictionary to Manish Tewari’s language? Why are English news channels not providing subtitles when he speaks? Are they all agents of Congress party?
6. Speaking of English: Do you know of any English teacher who can help Ashutosh speak at least one right sentence in English? What would happen if Ashtosh and Manish Tewari have a conversation?
7. When our foreign policy clearly stated that if our neighbours attack us instead of violent reply, we will not play cricket with them, then why did we play the Asia cup vs Pakistan?
8. How many hours per day does Deva Gowda sleep? Is he still not empowered by Rahul Gandhi? If so is he immune being empowered by Rahul Gandhi that he sleeps in spite of being tried to be empowered to the maximum possible extent?
9. Where did Azam Khan’s buffaloes go?
10. Since I am doing dharna outside the parliament for most part of my life can I change my official address to outside the parliament house, New Delhi?
11. Will I get my IRS job back if I loose these elections? Will I at least get my pension? I have one more question on this, why did I enter politics?
12. Can you recommend any one who can teach Yogendra Yadav on how to conduct an opinion poll without internal consensus? Someone has thrown ink on Yogendra Yadav in AAP we give MP seats for such daring acts, can we give him a ticket to contest elections?
13. What did you do in the parliament during the lok sabha TV black out? Will I be provided pepper in our parliament or do I have to bring it from home? How often do we wrestle in the parliament? Is ours the most entertaining parliament in the world?
14. When will Subarta Roy get out of jail and when will Sanjay Dutt go to jail? If there is a match between Tihar jail and Yerwada Jail will Sahara sponsor Yerwada Jail though Roy is in Tihar Jail just like how it sponsored Bangladesh against India?
15. Why can’t Ukrainian leaders form Ukraine AAM ADMI PARTY and do a dharna on Russia outside Vladmir Putin’s house and solve all disputes? Why waste energy in the war?
16. Now cricket: When will India win their next match outside the subcontinent?
Disclaimer: This is just for fun...not true....relax and take it easy...watch this space for the next blog...SAHARA ACQUIRES TIHAR!!!!!!!!!!!
(Reported by our Special Correspondent Amazing Sivakumar: The India Satire has picked the masterpiece from here. You can follow Siva on Facebook for more and more fun.)