The 405's Lior Phillips presents 'Don't Be The Worst' - a weekly glance at all the terrible/wonderful things that have happened over the past week. Dig in.
Is it too late to wish everyone a Happy New Years? Think I'll switch it up and wish you all a very Merry Christmas instead, you little human scarecrows.
Although previously promised this 'Time' of the year is not actually our friend, our very own version of an equal-opportunity employer, our loving Labrador. With new tracks, albums and festival announcements oozing out from under the media's clogged up pours, I can barely even formulate where the route of this panic is even coming from? Yet, after a week's worth of news reviewing, the winner of the worst broken-gramophone goes to: Efterklang - for their devious deception. Like that friend at the pub who says, "quick last shot I gotta' get home!" and then lurks around waiting for everyone to protest; "No really Tod, don't leave us, please stay!" Needy. Efterklang's fan's who flung that story, were needy.
Will you be my personal Efterklang fan?
Don't be the worst on: Youtube
Jagwar Ma jumped into Triple J studios again and covered 'Why Do You Only Call Me When You're High' by the Arctic Monkeys. If you love Jagwar Ma then quickly clicky-clicky, if you love Arctic Monkeys then bless you child, look away, it will all be over soon.
Chicago band The Orwells performed on Letterman and it was the best worst and best awkwardly inadequate greatest best worst thing I have seen lately (other than Drake's eyebrows, oh, and other than Drake's SNL promo's) Bless his heart at least he always manages to reach my expectations - of being completely unfunny. He makes me want to be operated on, left to living a life where I sit and watch my own lung in a laboratory jar. I regress.
So the writhing thrashing Mario Cuomo won me over with his rendition of a drunk man whose been shot in the leg with a tranquilizer dart and as The Orwells singer thrusted his crotch toward the ceiling, so began the groundswell, that made me feel unwell, causing an aggressive parkour off a stairwell.
Don't be the worst at: The Brit awards
The nominees for the Brit Awards were announced over a week ago and yet there's still some necessary steam we're needing to relieve! An institution like this must have been gagged, chained to iron chairs and forced to create a 'Global Success' award just to keep One Direction fans happy. It feels like its sole purpose was to archive some opinions and not raise nearly enough awareness about new bands. In most categories it's a blatant celebration of youth, instead of experience. For that factor alone, I lay my tinsel-wreath at the altar of Bowie snatching his category award. Britain does encourage breakthrough music to be heard, unlike other countries and so to that, I tip my hat.
Speaking of, I'm genuinely confused by men in hats, Sam L and his Kangol beret, Slash and his ghoul-like top hat and Bruno Mars and his trilbi. Why Bruno? Why do you hurt me like this? Is it because you're locked out of heaven? I do have respect for JT though as he was wearing a white shell necklace under double denim way before you were.
So I get it now, John Newman is Spike from Buffy right? Phew - I'm so good at this game. I shout 'TOO SOON' to Birdy's nomination, "I can't even!" to Jessie J and "So excited to see what gowns you'll be wearing!" to One Direction. Bastille and their mates-linking-arms-around-eachother music makes me ask for someone to fish me out of a river, but with a sharp hook.
I ask you though - where are Foals, CHVRCHES, Jon Hopkins?
Don't be the worst at: The Oscars
March 2nd will see Arcade Fire, Pharrell Williams, Yeah Yeah Yeah's Karen O and U2 (among others) battle it out for the chance to fondle 2014's Academy Award. Arcade Fire and Owen Pallett's work on the score of the film Her has been nominated in the Best Original Score category and "The Moon Song" by Karen O for Best Original Song.
Arcade Fire face serious competition from the composers behind The Book Thief, Gravity, Phimomena and Saving Mr Banks, poor fella's and I can't quantify why Karen O will win her category, other than that's what I'd like to happen. Kapeesh? She released a statement on facebook saying "...thanks Spike for making my very real phobia of ever having to be in a position to give an acceptance speech at a major award show a reality." I've faced my fears and gotten over my phobia of having to listen to Lorde whilst innocently doing my grocery shopping - you got this Girl.
Don't be the worst from drinking: Brit pop
After channeling his efforts toward food, Blur's bassist Alex James became an award-winning cheesemaker! He spoke at length about this process in his book "All Cheeses Great and Small". So when you place this puzzle piece with the latest one, life starts to make better sense, it's so grate. He now plans to release a new drink called Britpop.
What do you reckon Brit pop actually tastes like though?
1993.
Yours, ripe in season.
You can find Lior on Twitter: @LiorPhillips