Time for more breed profiles! This time each of us chose a breed that we love and not-so-secretly covet, but likely will never own for various reasons. Sometimes being an adult and realizing our limitations sucks, right? But alas, here are our “want but can’t have” breed profiles:
BusyBee–Rhodesian Ridgebacks
I’ve loved Rhodesian Ridgebacks as long as I can remember. As much as I would love to have one, I’m woman enough to know that they are probably not the best match for me. That being said, I still plan on ogling every Rhodie that crosses my path.
The Good
1) I’m pretty sure people universally agree that they are a gorgeous dog. From their regal stature, their big brown eyes, to their muscular builds, a well-bred Rhodesian Ridgeback is a sight to behold. Plus, let’s be honest, the ridge is pretty freaking cool.
Photo courtesy of Vanessa Macgill, Mikozi Rhodesian Ridgebacks
2) They are pretty much “wash and wear” dogs because of their short coats. Their short, shiny coat was developed to withstand any climate and environment and developed to not hold odor. You know what that means? No wretched hound stank. Praise sweet baby cheesus for that.
3) Ridgebacks are fiercely loyal family members and bond very strongly with their people. Owning a Ridgeback pretty much ensures that you will have a dog who wants to be touching you, whether it’s leaning against you or trapping you on the couch while playing “lap dog”.
If it fits, I sits! (Photo courtesy of Phil Miller)
The Bad
1) Although not necessarily a bad thing, I am not sure I would like the general aloofness of Ridgebacks around people other than their family. I tend to be drawn to the more social butterfly type dogs and honestly, Mr. T’s eagerness to be everyone’s best friend is one of the things I love most about him. Living in a big city, it’s nice to have a dog who thrives on the crowds of people rather than tolerates it or deigns it. Obviously this natural aloofness can be mitigated in part by socialization, but I don’t know if a dog who is naturally wary of strangers is a good fit for me.
2) They are a strong-willed dog breed and not for handlers who tend to be pushovers (read: me). Naturally independent thinkers, Ridgebacks often have their own agenda and it’s not always in alignment with yours. It’s no coincidence that my friend who has owned Rhodesians for years has named his most recent two Stubborn and Stroppy. With the right owner, these dogs can be amazing, but I’ve seen too many people completely at the mercy of their Rhodies, and I’m self-aware enough to know that I would likely be one of those people too.
Stroppy, Mr. T’s bestie doing his best circus poodle impression (photo courtesy of Adam Braun)
3) Most Ridgebacks are not fussy eaters and have cast-iron stomachs. While this may sound like a good thing, I assure you, it’s not. It means that they will attempt to eat anything that doesn’t eat them first. They are master counter-surfers and will hunt down every last morsel of food they can get to, even if that means chewing through jacket pockets to get to it. Don’t let those big brown eyes fool you either, a Ridgeback always thinks it’s hungry.
Pure. Torture. (Photo courtesy of Corey Turner, Semper Fidelis Rhodesian Ridgebacks)
The Ugly
1) Given my tendency to be annoyed by stupid people, I’m pretty sure I would tire quickly (like…immediately) of everyone and their mother with a slightly-reddish dog telling me that their dog is a Ridgeback mix. Pro tip: That thing that only appears on your dog’s back sometimes? Yeah, those are hackles. STFU.
Fang–Chinese Crested
What do Cattle Dogs, Malinois, Jack Russel Terriers and my ex-boyfriend have in common? They’re all assholes. That’s right. I have a type. I love the pushy, bossy, rule-creating and not afraid to back it up, tried and true, assholes*. So it surprises me, likely as much as it surprises you that my true toy-breed love is the Chinese Crested. I had never truly considered one until cuddling with one of these tiny naked alpacas and then it was love at second hug.
There may have been wine involved (Photo courtesy of Dee “Déjà vu One Hot Habanero”)
The Good
1) They are crazy smart. Helpful smart, not so much, but if you need to plot a cat burglary, these guys are in, and would probably ask to run the explosives.Our professional opinion is “For the love of God don’t let them”. While not a traditional performance breed, Cresteds can and do excel in agility and obedience.
I fetch. What can you do, asshole?
2) A wardrobe is a legitimate and necessary thing to spend money on and the options are absolutely hilarious and adorable.
3) Want to have a pun as a registered name? The Crested is your breed. You will hear more variations of nudity puns than you ever knew existed. The dirtier the better.
4) If you want a small dog who’s game for anything but isn’t a terrier, a Crestie could be your dog. These dogs are just plain fun. Entertainers by nature they want to interact with you and be your constant companions.
Surfs up, moondoggie!
The Bad
1) You know how I said they were smart but not necessarily helpful? While they may not be evil geniuses they certainly know how to make their owners dance. From unstuffing couch cushions by way of zipper-opening skills, to escaping out of ex-pens and into an alleyway just because it seemed like a good idea at the time,a Crestie will keep you busy and not necessarily in the ways you expect.
2) One of the downsides to their lithe lean little bodies is their overall fragility. While they think they’re big and bad, they’re well, not. Bones can break and crazy falls from ridiculously high places they never shoulc have accessed in the first place are not unusual nor unheard of. As small dogs they’re also very very sensitive to minor weight changes. Three days of not-eating isn’t great for your Dane but it can mean massive weight-loss for your Crested.
I’m so broken
3) Dislike the smell of sunscreen? Not overly fond of bathing your dogs? Then you don’t need this breed. Acne, sunburns and general contact allergies plague the breed. Their skin is a constant chore and it will never ever get easier.
Fun fact: Cresteds tan..
4) Puppymillers have begun to see the appeal of the little naked bastards. It will only continue to get harder to find well-bred healthy dogs.
The Ugly
1) A paragon of health the Crested really is not though compared to many equivalent toy breeds, they’re in much better shape. Eye, teeth and joint issues tend to be the big problems though about half are genetic recessives and can be tested for and bred away from. The others can be painful for both your dog and your wallet so be prepared to ask your breeder a metric fuckton of questions on not only the parents of the litter you’re interested in, but their parents parents and so on and so forth.
2) The main reason I don’t have 40 cresteds and live in a shoe right now is that people are assholes. Every twatface on the street has some smartass comment or stupid questions while groping the dog and frankly, I can’t take that kind of human interaction on a daily basis. I can barely handle it with the more traditional looking dogs I have already. There are also the reactions of friends and relatives to think about. More than one owner has been surprised by the vehement dislike people have had for their new naked. While I have no problems cutting off people who have nothing pleasant to say about my dogs, other people may have some reservations on that front.
*My ex was only one of those things. Guess which one.
Potnoodle–Bull Terrier
I have a type when it comes to dogs. I can admit that. I like them lean, tall and elegant. Then there is my weakness… the Bull Terrier. I don’t care what color, I don’t care what size… I love them. I’m also smart enough to realize that special brand of bull headedness would probably drive me crazy. After all, the AKC standad says the BT is “best described as a three year old in a dog suit”. Still, Every single one I meet makes me want one even more.
Catfish, credit to Hannah Bauchat
The Good
1) The drive. Seriously, there are some awesome bull terriers out there doing some awesome things. Obedience, Agility, whatever. If you know how to motivate them, they can probably do it. (Jane Killion, anyone?)
Catfish, again. You guys should have sent us more BT photos. I’ve just resorted to stealing these. Credit to Hannah Bauchat.
2) LOOK AT IT. If you don’t want to squish that egg head, something is wrong with you. The awesome part?. The bull terrier is totally down with you squishing his face. They’re a full contact dog, for the most part. While they don’t always know their own strength, the BT is a pretty sturdy dog with a friendly temperament.
3) Another thing mentioned right in the AKC standard, they’re total clowns. I have poodles, so obviously I appreciate a good sense of humor in a dog and there’s something about a bull terrier that just exudes “Joke’s on you!” but you just can’t help laughing along. Do us a favor. Go to youtube and search “bull terrier hucklebutt”. It’s okay, we’ll wait. Is your day now 30% better? You’re welcome.
3 ½) I’m sort of obsessed with the weird way their legs just stick out of their body. I can’t describe it, I just love it.
The Bad ( It’s a really good thing we’ve moved on to the bad because I have totally talked myself in to a BT at this point)
1) Destruction. You may have noticed in those videos you were stuck watching for like an hour, bull terriers are sort of… extreme. They’re like… frat boys. They don’t really mean to destroy everything they come in contact with… it just sort of happens. The owner of the lovely Catfish above calls him a “Bull Terrorist” and it’s isn’t inaccurate.
Credit to Donna Darnell
2) You may have noticed I mentioned Jane Killion above. She trains and breeds some really lovely bull terriers. For those of you not familiar with her work, the title of her book is “When Pigs Fly: Training Success with Impossible Dogs”…. and there’s a reason for that. Bull terriers can be a bit pig headed but once you clue in to how they learn well… refer to above.
The Ugly
1) Same sex aggression. Like most Bully breeds, the BT can be SSA. That doesn’t mean all of them are, in fact a lot of them seem not to be but same sex aggression isn’t something you can really spot until the dog approaches maturity so it’s a bit of a toss up when buying a puppy. While this is less of a big deal to some people, it’s pretty much a deal breaker for me… for now.
**What breeds do you love but can’t have? Share below!**