Q: Dear 100 Hour Board,
What funny name should I give my Wifi? Remember, this could be my ticket to impressing friends and potential spouses alike . . . my eternal marital status is at risk here. Oh, and I've already Googled ideas, there wasn't much.
-Wifi Woman
A:
Dear person,
It's not original but I always chuckle whenever I see an FBI Surveillance Van.
-Sheebs
A:
Dear Wifi Woman,
Some of the best ones I've seen are Will Bake for Dates; Hide Yo' Kids, Hide Yo' Wifi; and Call Me Maybe.
-The Entomophagist
A:
Dear Woman,
"Your Wifi Could Be"
-Spectre
A:
Dear you,
You could go with "Date me and I'll give you my Wifi Password." This would potentially get you dates and help you find the one, however it would also likely mean changing your password every time things didn't work out with a guy. Alternatively you could go with "My Wifi Brings All the Boys to the Yard" and hope this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
~Dr. Occam
A:
Dear WW,
I'm a big fan of "wife" puns a la the "Hide Yo Kids, Hide Yo Wifi" that Ento mentions above. You could do something like "I Wanna Be Your Wifi" or "Looking for a Wifi?" or "Let Me Be Your Wifi" or "I Really Wanna Be A Wifi." Something like that.
-Frère Rubik
A:
Dear granadilla,
After looking online I agree there really isn't much I found clever or interesting. I therefore I reached out to my Facebook group and got fifty-some responses from acquaintances friends, and I'm rather hoping none of them are Board readers, because sayonara to what little anonymity I have left. It's tricky trying to share the Board on social media, because I want to share how cool I think it is without disclosing the extent of my involvement. Then again, does it really matter too much? I don't really know, but this isn't the place for this discussion. 'Cause today we're talking WiFi names, and I done rounded up a few.
I've sorted these into two main lists, the first being stuff I got from Facebook/other people and the second list being one I wrote myself. In both lists I've starred the stuff I like best.
For Internet Peeps, By Internet Peeps
Film/TV References
Dennis Nedry (he's that computer systems guy from Jurassic Park what gets pwned by a Dilophosaurusis)
Routers of Rohan*
Bill Nye the WiFi
Bill Wi the Science Fi
The Sith Lords
Not the Wifi You're Looking For
My Neighbors are Nasty Hobbitses
I'mNotAWitchI'mYourWifi
#justtechthings
RouterIBarelyKnowHer (after hours of considering this one I still don't really get it... sorry, roomie )
8 Hz WAN IP
Trojan Phishing Virus
BYU Secure
Hey Comcast. You Suck. (a message from the masses)
FBI Surveillance Van
FBI Surveillance Van
FBI Surveillance
FBI Surveillance Van #13
FBI Van
NSA Surveillance Van
We Are Watching You
Music Refs and Such
DropItLikeItsHotSpot
Darn Kids, Get off my LAN!
There Is No Wifi
IDK Wi She Swallowed the Fi*
Hide Your Kids Hide Your Wifi (3 times)
Wi Believe I Can Fi
Pretty Fly for a Wifi (2 times)
TwistAndRoute
Assorted Things
NotYourMomma's Wifi
FREE WIFI
FreeWiFi.JK.LOL
Get A Job And Get Your Own WiFi
Hike the Wifi
The LAN Down Under
LAN of Milk and Honey
The LAN before Time
The Overmind (reference to Zerg in Starcraft. "The password contains references to other sci fi things that have hive mind antagonists.")
The Promised LAN* (contributed by an alumnus writer)
Cleave Unto Your Wifi
PotipharsWifi
ISIS sleeper agent #4637
TERRORISTS ONLY
Sack of dead koalas (?!?)
Wrong Password Gets a Virus
Porquefi
All Your Bandwidth Are Belong To Us (had to include this, because CATS)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanks to any and all who helped make the above list. Ya done good. Real good. You've also done well.
But what kind of website would this be if I didn't offer up some original content? I'll tell you, we'd be like Fuzzbead and Trashpanda and all those clickbaity websites with "readers" or whatever who apparently "visit" the site and I'm not jealous of these trashy websites that spread all their crappy pictures about "Things Grandmas Say While Knitting Acrylic Taco Cats" across like thirty slides and halfway through clicking them you're like "this is garbage" but it's 3 AM and you realize you're eating a gallon of "ShurSaving Vanilla Badger Chunkz Frozen Dessert (Now with Real Badger Chunkz!)" all by your lonesome so you just weep a little into it which makes you cry more because your tears are dripping into the melting concoction and you can see all the salt up in yo' eyerain just causin' more melting and so you just keep on eating the whole bucket and crying and clicking 'cause...
...dang, my gallon's out. Guess I'd better get on with...
Stuff I Made Up (yay!)
Router Puns
Clam Router
BostonClamRouter
NewEnglandClamRouter
UpACreekWithoutHerRouter
NeverDoubtHerBoutHerRouter
WiFi You'd Router Use...
...We'd RouterNot (great as a sequence of routers)
Rough Routers
Sr. Teddy Roosevelt & the Rough Routers
WiFi Puns
NoNeedToFlyByStayForWiFi
Will Trade Pie For WiFi
Versailles Wifi
NoEyesDryWithoutWiFi
WiFight The Feeling? (You want flirtatious? You got flirtatious.)
HoWiFind Friends
SwipeRightForWiFi
GoodbyeLiFiJustGotWiFi*
GetALiFiGetOffWiFi
ForgotMyLifiB4MyWifi
SciFiWiFi
SkyHiWiFi
Wi-Fidelity
WiFindUMostInteresting
WiFiAndDry
Seek, And You Shall WiFind
LAN Puns
ELAN Musk
Raisin LAN: Good and Good For You
Raisin LAN: Good and Good for Throwing Away
Out of the LAN and Into WiFire
LAN with a Plan
AtLANtis
One Huge Leap for LANkind
LAN of the Free, Home of the Paid
LAN, HO!*
Literary References
LAN of Green Gables*
Bingley's Bandwidth
NoWifi4Wickhams*
IProxy and Prejudice
PemberlyISP
Internet Proxy Of Pemberly
Regency Routers
BuckinghamBandwidth
Sr. Darcy's Domain
Austenholics Anonymous
WiFi oF Sauron
Speak, LAN, and Enter (just don't make the password "mellon")
Alice In WiFiLand
StupeFi
Wingardium LeFiosa
Film/TV
D.Zoolander WiFi For Adults Who Can't Internet Good
Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Adult Good*
Rabies Run 4 The Cure
Rabies Router 4 the Cure
Beets. Bandwidth. Battlestar Galactica.
To WiFinity And BEYOND!
Ron Swanson's Center for Bacon & Bandwidth
Give Me ALL the Bandwidth You Have
My Other Router Is A Tardis
Come Fi With Me/ Come WiFly With Me
Orphans Here Is Wifi, Love Nacho
UR The Scum Between My Toes Love Alfalfa
The Blur 2
SkyNet
Beauty and the Bandwith
House of LANnister*
Pace Yourselves WiFi Is Coming
LANdo Calrissian
milLANnium falcon
WiFortress of Solitude
You Think WiFi Is Your Ally?
Mario vs Browser
Transformers:RoutersInDisguise*
Internet Themed
Ctrl+Z
Internetervention
Karaoke Czar
WhenInDuressJustPinterest
Bushes of Love*
MALK
Buffering Tonight
#NeverWindows10
Buffering...
FreeWiFiForHarambe
Internaut Training Program
NASA Internaut Training Program
YoNoSpeakAmericano
Error 404: Pinterest Not Found
Blue Screen of Death
ImWatchingYouWazowski (bonus points if you can get a neighbor to name theirs "Always Watching" and yet another to name theirs "Always")
GoodByeShutEye
SleepNoMore
Less Drowsing More Browsing
Cats and Such
Cats Of Instagram
Good Sir Fluffernutter's Feline Center For Human Studies*
Internet Catservation Post
Servers For Servals
Linksys for Lynxes
Cat Video Factory, LLC.
Caturday Night
BYU
Whoosh, Cecil
Hey Baby I'm Worthen
YFi
YFindWiFi
YFindWiFiUFoundMe
Brigham's Bandwidth
Ready Set Net
Kickin' With Cosmo
Provo Speakeasy (?)
Band Names
Want your friends to know you and you WiFi are deep and mysterious, profound, yet groovin'? Look no further than a choice from the ultimate Board list of band names in Board Question #82025, featuring such gems as:
Autocorrect Strikes Again
Denim Sushi
Unread Books On My Nightstand
Magical Mystery Trout
P as in Terradactyl
The Dog Knows Our Secrets
Your Best Friend's Myspace Band
Puppy Vomit
The Three Counts of Monte Prejudice
Creeping Prodigal
The Traumatizing Spider Incident
Project: Prometheus
Karate Chop Your Butt
Pathetic attempts at those acrostic letter poem things
Wireless Is First Instinct?
Where Is Free Internet
Will International Fish Indulge?
(this is not working.)
Scraping the bottom of the barrel
ISPWithMyLittle Eye Someone Who Is Bored
Will Trade Waffles For Pandas (I know I would)
Insomniac's Redoubt
Insomniac's Companion
Defenestrators Anonymous*
Defenestration of Prague
HelloInsomniaMyOldFriendICometoLookatCatsAgain
Yogurt Palace (my apartment WiFi when I came back from my mission)
Hairy Otter & The Secret of Dim Sum
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I came up with that last one, I knew it was time to stop.
I mean, there's no way you're ever topping that. Unless, of course, you let your inner connoisseur prevail and go with Good Sir Fluffernutter's Feline Center for Human Studies; it practically screams date-ability and positively reeks of good taste.
After finally finishing this lengthy list, I re-read your question and saw you were concerned "this could be my ticket to impressing friends and potential spouses alike . . . my eternal marital status is at risk here." Daring not to leave such a thing to the whims of passing ruffians, I almost considered saying something like... like...
It has been a couple of days since I have tried to think of something witty to put in the preceding sentence. I'm at a loss. I think I spent too long on this question, to the point where I began to imagine I held some sort of connection to you, the person who had asked it. Knowing this to be untrue, however, I think part of me wanted to change that, figure out a way to say something dashingly charming, something brilliant, something that would sweep you and all the readers off their feet, but I eventually realized the more I tried to plan out anything elegant for this situation I realized anything I concocted would be less Mr. Darcy and more, well...
(source)
Yeah. Not good. This answer needs to be published, and fast. My greatest regret is in delaying it so long beyond the 100 hours in which it was promised.
Suerte,
--Ardilla Feroz
P.S. Should you or any other reader ever wish to reach me, I remain reachable via e-pigeon at ardilla(dot)feroz(at)theboard.byu.edu. It's always fun to hear from readers.
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