Ever think your dog understands you on a level no human does? Have you ever thought “my dog is wiser than the trees and can see the future?” Well, if either of these things are true for you, this 2016 Nostradogmus Chart is chock full of predictions that you absolutely need to know as you navigate your way through 2016. We have acquired the ancient prophetic knowledge of AfroShiba, a psychic pooch known far and wide for his abilities to make these predictions for you. It is the year of the *dog, after all.
OFFICIAL AFROSHIBA PREDICTIONS FOR 2016
Career: Find your passion and go for it. Quite like how I have recently discovered predicting the future and smelling my own farts are passions of mine, it’s up to you to explore what you love and then go after it like a Greyhound after a rabbit.
Job Change: Embrace change, human! A dog will only pee on the same tree twice if he *has* to, so why would you go to the same boring job day after day? Shake things up like a Pomeranian on her way to get a buzz cut! Be a dog walker. Be a dog groomer. Do anything but work with people.
Wealth: Congratulations! This is your year of substantial monetary growth. You will either win the lottery OR inherit money from an estranged family member. This money will be overwhelming at first, but soon you will realize exactly what to do with it. And what’s that, you ask? Spend it on your dog.
Love: HA! Love. Love is as fickle as a puppy’s desire to be potty trained. The only love you’ll find this year, Human, is the love of your animal. It is a potent, undying love, and you should embrace it for what it is. Also, a dog can’t ghost you on Tinder. So that’s a thing.
Social Circle: This year, human, your social life will change for the better. All those “friends” you have who “like to go to brunch” and “have conversation” will be a thing of the past! You will wake up one day inundated with the adoption itch, and you will soon be the parent to three to four new dogs before the year is over. Well done, you. You’re a crazy dog person now!
Quarrel: The only quarrel’s you can expect to face this year are with those damn squirrels. For some reason you humans do not seem to mind their presence as much as us dogs do, and it’s truly starting to affect the relationship between human and dog across the globe. I mean, what do you people get out of having them around? Squirrels are furry manifestations of evil, and they must be eradicated. So say we all.
Health: Unfortunately, your health will suffer in 2016. Not medically, but physically. You will find the affection of your dog infinitely more potent in this year, therefore you will be spending far more time cuddling with your furry friend in bed or on the couch or in a hammock or on the floor if you’re that kind of person. Your muscles may atrophy, you may acquire a bedsore (or two, but everything’s better in pairs), but you will find the ultimate emotional joy buried under the jowls of your pooch companion.
General Fortune: As long as you own a dog, you’re fine. If you don’t own a dog, your future is bleak and we can’t help you. Get a dog. Get this dog.
*We are aware it is in fact the year of the Red Monkey, but as we are dog people and AfroShiba is amazing, every year is the year of the Dog.
Featured image via Imgur
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Find Your Dog Soul Twin Based On Your Zodiac Sign
No matter how seriously (or not) you take horoscopes, there's something fun about looking up your sign to see what the astrologers have predicted for you in many areas of your life.
So we paired the 12 zodiac signs with dog breeds that match up to the traits under each sign.
Source: @rachel_kimberly_
As an Aries, you are pioneering and courageous and always up for adventure. This same lust for excitement often lands you in trouble, because you can be a bit of a daredevil. If you don't get what you want, you can sometimes be impatient as well.
Your sun sign dog twins are Boxers, Labradoodles, and Beagles.
Source: @chutney_muttney
Persistent and determined, some may call you stubborn, but you just know what you want and how to get it. Those close to you often get a taste of your warmheartedness, but woe be to those who rub you the wrong way. You can sometimes be a bit self-indulgent, which is fine until it's time to go on a diet. That's why you closely identify with Dachshunds, Boston Terriers, and Weimaraners.
Source: @spoiledhusky
You've always got something witty on your mind, even if you're too nervous to share it with others. It's just your unique way of looking at the world. You do tend to ask a lot of questions, and communication is your priority in any relationship. Those close to you can expect to hear about it if you're unhappy.
Your astrology soul twins are Huskies, German Shepherds, and French Bulldogs.
Source: @mervinthechihuahua
You are very careful with who you bring into your circle, but once they're in, you'll protect them for life. Some say you're a tad overemotional, but they just don't speak the same language as you.
Chihuahuas and Shih Tzus are your zodiac buddies.
Source: @lovemypomcookie
Generous and loving, your warmth is felt by anyone who's lucky enough to call you their friend. You have a very clear definition of what is right and wrong, and most would call you loyal. You wouldn't dream of betraying your best friends. To outsiders, though, you may seem a bit pompous and conceited.
Your zodiac twins are Pomeranians, Poodles, and Schnauzers.
Source: @kikyotheaussie
You often hang back and observe before making a decision, leading others to consider you a shy and intelligent person. What they don't see is that your perfectionist tendencies sometimes paralyze you and hinder your creativity. Still, you love it when things are just so.
Your sun sign matches are Australian Shepherds and Brussels Griffons.
Source: @muimuigolden
Libra, you're the life of every pawty. You can join any group and be accepted, and your flirtatious nature gets you noticed. You love to be loved by others, which sometimes leads you to be a bit gullible. Still, that doesn't make you mistrusting of people. You just aren't built like that.
Your astrological matches are Retrievers, Spaniels, and Havanese.
Source: @ cuddleswithcrosby
Much like a Rottweiler, you are a powerful magnetic force wherever you go. There is nothing you can't achieve once you set your mind on it, even if it makes you stubborn to those watching from the outside. You are an intuitive friend who knows exactly how to make others feel better when they're struggling.
Your zodiac matches are Rotties and Bulldogs.
Source: @roofusandkilo
Free-spirited and good-humored, you are a favorite among your peers. Your honesty is refreshing to some, but a bit much for others. Your optimism has no bounds, but sometimes that can be a bad thing.
You're zodiac twins with Pit Bulls, Yorkshire Terriers, and Collies.
Source: @duke_cleo
You are disciplined when you need to be and can be more patient than most, but sometimes that patience runs out and you become pessimistic. It's only a matter of time before you're back to your old self, though, cracking jokes and being silly.
Your sun sign buddies are Great Danes, Pugs, and Mastiffs.
Source: @kitatheshibainu
Yes, you can be friendly, but no one is safe from the brutal honesty you dish out. It means you have a small circle of friends, but that's ok, because quality > quantity. It's a good thing you're independent, because you can sometimes be a bit contrary, and people don't seem to like that. Oh well.
Your sun sign matches are Shiba Inus and Akita Inus.
Source: @paws.the.moment
Anyone who knows you is blessed to be acquainted with one of the most kind and compassionate beings on Earth. You are sensitive to the needs of others before you notice your own, which is a bit of a pity because it means you are often swayed by the whims of those who aren't quite as selfless as you. Don't change. The world needs more folks like you.
Your zodiac matches are St. Bernards and Newfoundlands.
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