How to FINALLY get where you've always hoped you would in game. Or how to get UNSTUCK in game, if you've hit a wall.
I'm a Project Rockstar 2012 alumni. I'll be the first to admit that I was very, very stuck in game and didn't think I would EVER get to where I wanted to be. I've put myself through YEARS of reading everything there is to read about game, learning directly from some of the best LS instructors (Intrigue, Venture, Sterling, Nick Hoss, Future, and many more), and gaming the hard way to find a way to get myself to the success I always wanted. Not having to settle for okay success that didn't really satisfy me. That's my background, hopefully it will be enough to tell you that my background is good enough that you might be interested in how I got myself out of that rut. Game can be a tough world. Here's how I got unstuck. I'm quite confident the information you need to get yourself over the final humps so you no longer have to settle is contained here...
Let's get started.
There's eight things that you need to be at the level of game that would really satisfy you, and they're all attitudes/vibes. If you nail these seven things (or six of them, even), you will open, hook, escalate, and close. Period. With the girls that you want. The reason you're stuck is almost certainly a lack of proper vibes and understandings – reading another set of tactics, model of interactions, or complicated post on being a man doesn't given you simple, actionable items does not give you an ACTIONABLE way to come across the way you need to to regularly get attractive girls. Here are the four: 1) Free. You must act in a way that is free of conflicting thoughts and holding back. No uncertainty and being torn in different directions. Being “Self Entertaining” is one tactic to make you free. Tyler D also calls it being “unstifled,” but free is a better word. 2) Commanding. You must NOT ask for people's attention or action, nor must you aggressively try to force it. Instead you need to have an air that commands people's attention and action. Pick up has evolved into a long list of cute ways to more cleverly ask her to talk to you, ask for her number, ask her to move, ask her friends for permission, ask her to go home with you – meanwhile the big dumb animal of a frat-boy natural pulls more girls than you with 1/100 the toolset you've developed. 3) Sexual tension. The misunderstood and under-utilized secret to game, and the common thread with nearly all good naturals. Secret – it's nearly ALL non-verbals, and not in the standard “subcoms” way you're used to hearing about. You need to be consciously aware of, and intentionally speak the sexual tension language. 4) Proper use of sudden, high levels of energy to force acceptance of frames or compliance. Also proper use of energy to kick start the interaction (and knowing when to not be so high energy any more to allow tension to build). 5) Energy communication, not content communication [Explained later] 6) Logistical competence. You have to know how to properly escalate things in a way that isn't weird and gets the job done. 7) Being smooth (which involves, but is bigger than, being calibrated). 8) Understanding women's sexuality, the way they operate, and the varieties of women. First off, girls like sex and obsess about it more than we do, but they also feel on some level or another that they have to keep it on lock. Come to terms with their sexuality. Then there's the matter of understanding how they operate [This comes in more if you have to start going to text game]. She didn't text you back when you sent her that really clever line that always works? Maybe she wants to hook up and know that you won't be weird about it. She didn't respond when you asked her straight out for drinks? Maybe she wants to develop a higher level of comfort with you. Maybe she doesn't want to date your ass, she just wants to have sex with you – but you're acting really date-y. [Think about it – you met her in a bar in a tight cocktail dress... You do the math on how unlikely that is]
Spoiler alert – this is intended to discuss DIFFERENT things than every other game source. I'm assuming you have a pretty good knowledge of game coming into this, but that everything you know and have done hasn't yet gotten you where you want to be. This is supposed to be the one piece of supplementary information that can help those of you who feel you've hit a wall get over and past that wall. This is for those of you who no matter how hard you look and what you try can't seem to find what you need to get around the wall. Other instructors and gurus got you to this wall, and once you're past the wall they will get you where you want to wind up... This is about getting around the wall.
I want you to have a SIMPLIFIED and ACTIONABLE view on things, that has been tested a lot by a ton of people to actually work on getting you to the level with girls that you want. I don't want you to find that if you do everything you've read about to a “T” that you still can't get the girls you want regularly and there is some mysterious glass ceiling. The fact is, I have finally gotten to a point where I'm reasonably happy with my game, but I still mess up multiple items out of the six listed above regularly – the difference is, those six are the complete list of what you REALLY need. So now I can go back and see which of them I let down, why, and how I can do it better, and it leads to steady and clear progression with better and better results. My experience before that was that you're being tugged in a thousand different directions by a thousands systems, theories, and models which are all both too complicated and at the same time lacking. That's why I got stuck. Big time stuck. Where I didn't know if I would ever get what I wanted no matter who I learned from and how much effort I put into my game.
To cut to the chase a bit so you can decide if you want to keep reading, in all my experience and from every one of the great instructors I've watched, the difference between 'game' and 'good game' is SEXUAL TENSION. Period. I've watched some incredibly funny instructors get little or nothing over and over. I've watched instructors with years and years and years of experience come up with nothing. And I've watched instructors that are relatively new to LS and who only crack jokes here and there go home with girls – including very hot ones – left, right, and center. The difference? Sexual tension.
What's the difference between getting blown out and not getting blown out? SMOOTHNESS. What's the difference between hooking and not hooking? Proper use of energy. Why can some people go out and all the pieces align, while others go out feeling like they're constantly juggling tons of moving parts and can't help but drop half of them? Attitude and point of view. And, finally, what's the difference between becoming a real master (which I would not call myself, btw) and being thoroughly average? Your perceptions on everything that happens in game, from the micro to the macro, combined with hard work applied in the right ways. Now that I've thrown in a little intro to everything I'm about to go into, let's get talking...
--
So. You've been reading about game, maybe gaming a good bit, maybe gaming a lot. At first you got a lot more success than you had before. But now you might impress your friends, but you really feel like you're not getting what you want and you can't quite figure out why. Things seemed to be stalled in your game. Stuck. Why? You're searching desperately through the forums, watching DVDs, maybe even going to bootcamps trying to figure out how to get things moving again. You might even be doubting that you can ever get what you want in game. It's frustrating. I've been there. I was in Project Rockstar which was amazing and taught me a ton. But even AFTER project Rockstar, even when I had game that most people wish they had, I still was nowhere near the game I wanted to have. And I couldn't find a way to get there. Eventually I went out every day for months. I learned from the BEST, and I mean the BEST. I researched, I contemplated, I journaled, I studied, I observed, I tested. For the longest time I was still painfully stuck. But eventually, I figured out why. Now I'm a couple years of practice away from being with the very best still, but I'm very much unstuck. And, more importantly, I know EXACTLY what got me stuck, what got me unstuck, and how to explain it so that YOU can get unstuck. This is for all of you that don't know why you're not getting the results that you want. But only those of you willing to put in the work. This is an accumulation of knowledge from the very best in the world which many of you will, sadly, never have access to. This is about 7 years in the making, my gift back to pickup for everything that it has given me – this is the hidden truths, knowledge and revelations that will get YOU unstuck. That will get you, FINALLY, to where you want to be in game. There are many things in here that I had to read between the lines from the teaching of the best guys in the world, and things that I had to learn, discover and study the HARD way. This post is mostly about the things that you won't here anywhere else, but will be crucial to getting those of you who got stuck at some point to your final destination. I've worked long and hard to get the knowledge and experience in here, and spent a lot of time writing this. All that to say that this is a supplement to everything else you've learned, and it may very well act as the final key that opens the lock to the success you want in game. So for those of you who already know everything or have gamed a ton but feel they need something extra, this is the something extra that it would've taken you years to get... All written down to make sure that you have what you need starting tonight. I hope it helps at least a few of you! And maybe it will make up for the fact that before now I haven't given much back to the game community, despite everything I've gotten.
To give you a quick teaser before I introduce myself and how I got here (which I've separated by a dashed line so you can skip that section and get to the good stuff), the first thing I'm going to talk about are the 5 things that nearly all naturals DO. In the community we always talk about how naturals think and their vibe, but if you want to go out tonight and have more success, you need to know what to DO not just how to think. How to think helps you in the long run, but what to do helps you right now. You need both. And I think I'll be one of the first people to really go into depth on the basic building blocks of ACTION, not thought, that make up a natural.
Then we'll go into a few categories. I think people either get stuck or don't quite get where they want to in game for reasons that fall into seven categories. This is more about the progression of game, whereas the 8 things you need to do mentioned above are what happens IN SET:
0) Not knowing what vibe you should have, what attitude you should approach women and life with, etc. There's so many options and so many styles of game... Should you be hilarious? Should you be mysterious and interesting and do magic tricks? Should you be crazy and unpredictable? There's a different set of game theory that advises each of these, and often says any of them will work. Worse, no guidance as to when a specific attitude might be best or useful. The general advice is “do what seems right in the situation.” But most people who have spent tons of time learning game aren't where they want to be – so something's not quite right. I assure you, and so do Tyler D and most of the best current game teachers in their own way, that it starts here.
1) Full understanding of what you should be doing, what it looks like, and what REALLY makes game tick and produces results. There's SO MUCH information out there about game. But most of it is tangential. Most of it is secondary. Different ways to do the same basic things. If you don't fully understand what those basic things are, how to do them, and what makes them tick, then you're not getting very far. You need to be able to picture yourself doing exactly the right things in an intricate way in order to go out and do it right
2) Having the proper understanding of how you should look at things, how things should feel – you need to be able to picture exactly what you should be doing.
It also needs to be built in a way that's congruent to who you are... In some ways you have to define your 'best self' and build everything congruently from there.
3) Really understanding how women look at things, how things unfold, and the best mindsets and inner dialog and attitudes in relation
4) Identifying and understanding the roadblocks that lie in our subconscious and how to get around them. I call root, subconscious roadblocks “blocking perceptions.” The way we perceive everything compounds into our strategies and our tactics and our beliefs and our actions. No one is perfect, no one is born and raised with perfect perceptions for success in game. Naturals are people who were born and raised with fewer blocking perceptions, fewer subconscious perceptions that get in their way. There's nothing standing between you and their level of success or greater except the subconscious perceptions in your mind that get in your way, and perhaps physical attributes like height or good looks that some people have and you may or may not. (Physical things play more of a role than people like to talk about, but they can basically all be overcome. Really they play into first impressions, which ultimately makes things easier or harder, but neither gives success nor makes it impossible).
5) Using energy communication, not content communication
6) The little things. There are many of these. Some of them are very important. A lot of people talk about a lot of them. I'll just mention a few that I think get ignored and are critical, but this is where taking bootcamps, watching products, and just going out a lot comes in. Really no one could ever write down all the little things, or master all of them, or even know all of them. But there are certain little things you HAVE to know that will sink you otherwise
This is going to be a long post. Like a mini-book. I promise that this is going to have a lot of what many of you have been searching for months or years for. It's not supposed to replace your bootcamps and in-field time, it's just supposed to open up the log jam that has been keeping those activities from getting you where you want to be. The best way to find out if you're going to learn new things that might help out is to just start reading this. I've tried to front-load some good stuff, so if you like what you read in the beginning, keep reading. Hopefully some of you will wind up reading the whole thing and it will help you out!
Here's a roadmap for what I've got in the post:
1) What all naturals DO. Ie, the pieces you should put into how you interact with women no matter what 'game' you build on top of it
1.5) Content vs Energy communicators – why naturals are naturals [This section also holds the key to hooking more sets]
2) “It's just a little fun.” The basic mindset of any successful game strategy. And quite possibly where a lot of your hangups lie
3) Smoothness. The ignored secret of game
4) Framing and logistics – go read Intrigue's posts. I could never even touch what he's already written and his knowledge on these. Captain Jack also is the framing Guru if you can find his audio
5) Examples of the vibes and attitudes you need that you can go watch to get a good picture in your mind
6) Attitudes towards sexuality, etc.
7) How you approach social interaction
8) How you approach 'conversation' (ie, lose the word conversation from your vocabulary)
9) The little things. Like don't lean in right when you're first opening so she doesn't recoil back and go on the defensive. Or commit 100% to your opener in both action and voice. Etc.
10) After that, a bunch of roadblocks, blocking perceptions, and little notes
11) How to practice out of the field (I think a key, and overlooked, aspect of learning pickup)
So let me introduce myself, and if you don't care skip this section and get right into the good stuff!
-------------
Quick background on my game, how I got to feeling stuck, and how I got unstuck. If you don't care, just skip past the next dashed line-
The foundation of my game was laid by old school books and DVDs – Mystery Method, David DeAngelo, Style. Then my game was brought to the next level by Project Rockstar, and solid foundations were laid by Venture, Sterling, and guys like Future and Intrigue. Then I was lucky enough to be great friends with Intrigue, who in my opinion is right there tied with the best in the world depending on how you look at it. Which is to say, if you want a bootcamp or a private lesson, your list should be short: Braddock (who I think is retired/retiring. Sorry I don't follow the gossip). Intrigue. Venture. Tyler D. There's a couple people I don't have much experience with that maybe should make this short list – I've heard Labby is a legend, and Helicase, and a couple people from other companies. After them, there's another short list of guys that you will learn a TON from and are well worth taking a bootcamp with. I won't both listing names because a lot of my friends are LS instructors and they should all be on the short list and I'd hate to leave anyone who taught me so much great stuff off the list. I don't think many people will disagree with the people I put at the very top of the list, though like I said there's certainly some omissions.
After I had 'good' (reasonable?) game post-Rockstar, I was still nontetheless pretty unhappy with my game. I had 7's stalking me in high school. I didn't get into game for a plethora of 7's. On Rockstar I'd had a few great experiences with very hot girls, but long story short, I wanted regularly to have 8's and better in my life. I moved to San Diego, which is a tough place to game. A few good experiences with the girls I wanted, but only a few in 3 months. Then I spent time in Austin with Intrigue. He finally started to get my game on track. THEN I started listening to a bunch of Tyler D stuff. I'd ignored him for years because of his shitty reputation in the good 'ole book “The Game.” Well, I'll tell you right now – Tyler D is a true genius of game. He's very possibly the world's foremost leader in intellectual understanding of game. Intrigue, Tyler D, Venture – those are the guys you want teaching game. They get it. They can do it.
Intrigue – thanks for all the help, thanks for being a good buddy!
--------------------------
The first thing you need to get unstuck in game is to know what you need to start DOING. Eventually to really move forward you have to change how you perceive things and how you go about things, and that takes time and effort. But to begin with, you have to start with what to DO. The best place to start is not to teach you more tactics that get used here and there, there's more people with more tactics out there than you'll ever need. But it's much better to teach you how to do things that will make you build the emotions that you need to build no matter WHAT you're talking about, or where you are, or what the circumstances around you are. That sounds good, right? It's like being an attractive girl – no matter where she goes or what she does or what she says, she still carries that attraction around with her. You've probably assumed that guys can never quite have that... The answer is yes and no. If you're not famous, you'll never have what a 10 has, where everywhere she goes everyone wants her. Even if you're tall and good looking and rich and jacked, unless you also roll with an entourage of models you'll never carry around attraction automatically like a girl that's a 10. However, guys actually CAN carry around a similar, if slightly less powerful, attraction that can kick in during the first 5 or so minutes of their conversations. Without 'game'. And it's by using a few little things that almost all naturals do, that almost NEVER get discussed in any type of game conversation.
That's what you want, right? You've read everything, watched everything, gamed a lot, maybe even taken all the bootcamps. But you don't feel like you're getting where you should be in game. You either feel stuck, or that your results aren't what you always hoped they would become. So you're reading this, hoping that maybe, just maybe, you'll get something that's not written everywhere else.
You will. Because this is what I had to figure out after watching everything, gaming a lot, and talking to everyone in order to get my game 'unstuck' and get it moving into the place I had always wanted it to be. I had to figure this out the hard way, the really hard way to be honest, so I'm writing it to make your life much easier (but don't kid yourself that you don't need lots of hard work). So let's start with how you can change a few simple, basic things that will let you ALWAYS carry around being attractive. Not in your mindsets that somehow are supposed to mysteriously manifest into attraction, but actually in WHAT YOU CAN DO.
A lot of people talk about naturals and how they game and try to adopt it. The conversation invariably gets derailed into how they think and their vibe. Their mindset, and what they put out – especially their masculinity and not giving a fuck. Those are essential to learn and over time (years) to ingrain more and more into who you are. And they come out in how you game. Unfortunately, those won't get you results for quite some time because you still have to DO something when you're in set, and your brain automatically snaps back to what it is used to doing (we don't rise to the occasion, we fall back on our training/habits). In other words, if you go out trying to 'act like a natural' tonight, the moment you're nervous or feel stress or whatever, you're going to largely revert to what you're used to doing. This is overcome in three ways – time and experience, training out of the field to ingrain things in your head and neural pathways, and knowing what to DO.
That's the catch. People say naturals do a lot of different things, but it all comes from the same sort of place. True. But also not true. Those people are missing it. There are a few very subtle, very key things that ALL naturals do. They're very intricate, but also very straightforward and at times simple. And you can learn to start doing them almost right away, though to remember to KEEP doing them and to get good at them will take a very long time and a lot of training.
Naturals do one of two things, always (unless they're social circle naturals): They either use energy to keep girls around until the night progresses and the girl doesn't want to leave them or they wind up at an after part, or they use sexual tension until the girl wants to rip their clothes off and makes it happen, or, usually, both. Now, I still haven't told you what they all DO, have I? What I've said is only slightly more useful than telling you how masculine they are or something like that. BUT, here's the great thing. There are a few things they basically all do in order to accomplish those things.
Let's start with opening, because if I get into how naturals succeed with women first it can actually cause problems. What they do in the middle of the set is often from how they beginning, and you can fall into the trap I fell into – trying to pick a girl up with sexual tension but finding that you can't even hook many sets. The catch is, you're taking a girl and turning her from her current state of running around drinking, laughing with friends, hoping to be told she's sexy and then walk away, and turning her into a state where she actually wants to have sex with you. Some girls in the club are looking to have sex and you don't have to change their state that much. Some of them want to just be out laughing with their girl friends and maybe get a number from a cute guy that they won't call later. Either way, if you come in full-sexual, most of the time it's going to be surprising and too different from their state and they won't talk to you. In a lot of ways, this is where the old mantra “Come in with energy equal to or slightly higher than the set's energy” comes in. Though I think there's a better way to put it – energy can be used to blow anything open if done right, suddenly, and in the right vibe. We'll talk about that a lot more later. Now, let's get started on pickup's most misunderstood topic – sexual tension.
To start with, they're often masters at building sexual tension (unless they solely rely on the more difficult and unpredictable use energy until she winds up with you method). Luckily, there are only 5 ways to build sexual tension, and most naturals use the easiest and most repeatable ones (as should you):
1) Proximity. Why do you think it's loud in clubs? So you talk right in a girl's ear. Which creates sexual tension. Which gets people laid. Which associates good memories and brings them back to that club. That and it creates an emotional mood. Think of the player vibe guys you see out, what do you see? They usually have their mouth just about glued to the girls ear as they yak on and on and on. You think that's just some coincidental thing player guys do? It's not. The thing with proximity, is it's context-based. On the street in day game, if your face is 1 foot from hers, you're probably creating sexual tension. In the club, your lips should basically be brushing her ear or at least she should be able to feel your breath. You should be able to feel the warmth from each other's bodies. Proximity has to escalate a bit like everything else, but especially at night it can escalate much quicker than kino or almost anything else – and it's often more powerful.
2) Eye contact along with either pauses in conversation, or proximity. Eye contact alone doesn't equal
sexual tension. You could talk to her at a mile a minute from 3 feet away with eye contact all night and feel NOTHING. But you could talk to her across a dinner table, and if you keep throwing in long pauses and staring into your eyes, she might eventually get wet. Or, if you talk to her 4 inches from her face staring into her eyes, she'll get turned on no matter WHAT you say. Pretty cool, right? You can say almost anything, and you're STILL moving towards getting the girl. If you say something incongruent with what's going on – something goofy, nervous, whatever – you could kill it. But I've literally had my forehead against a girls, staring into her eyes, and talked about the most BORING shit because I was feeling uninspired and she still wanted me like nothing else.
3) I feel like I should re-iterate the pauses in conversation (which also can be speaking very, unusually slowly instead of fully pausing). It HAS to go along with eye contact to create tension, but really you could say the first three are proximity, eye contact, and pauses in conversation. Almost all of you feel really nervous about 'letting the conversation die'. Which, unfortunately for you, is one big reason you're not getting the results you want. You're too nervous to shut the fuck up and build tension, which means you don't build much tension, which means she might have fun with you but she never WANTS you so badly she can't think about much else. Which means you only get laid when you're so fun that she wants to spend the night with you. Which is basically the old model of game – either be fun enough or interesting enough that she stays around you long enough that you can use kino and some sexualized conversation in order to escalate. Or until you can logistically escalate and then physically and verbally escalate. In other words, the old model of game is to be more stimulating than anything else in the bar until you can finally get around to dealing with sexuality at a later point. Anything about that sound wrong? How about the fact that you're in a fucking club DESIGNED to stimulate and full of people out looking for stimulation? Yeah, in game we train to beat all of that... But what do you think the success rate of you being THE most interesting or fun thing in the club is? If you're the fucking man, maybe 80%. If you're not the man, maybe 5% or 30%. Not very reliable. BUT, if you can shut the fuck up sometimes and just stare into her eyes. Or take a really long time to say things while staring into her eyes, guess what? Now you're escalating and making her want you NOW instead of waiting to do it later. Which means she's already emotionally associating you with sex and her brain is identifying you as the person she feels like having sex with TONIGHT, which in turn means you're doing something the club is NOT designed to do, and not very many of the people in it are good at. Now what do you think your success rate is? 40% if you suck, 95%+ if you rock. You can win that game over and over and over. And naturals do. There's another reason I separated pauses in conversation in this list. And that's because like joke threads, you need to STRETCH it. In the first 10 seconds you can pause and stare into her eyes for a few seconds, and I personally always do (though whether you do depends on your style of opening and what's congruent for you and how you game). 5 minutes in, you can pause for a fairly significant amount of time, and you should, while looking into her eyes. After longer, when it's really on, you can pause and look into her eyes until you kiss – ie, you don't resume conversation. More importantly what I'm saying is that as the conversation goes on, you should STRETCH the length of your pauses out, and by and large start speaking more slowly. Conversations have rhythm, and the rhythm subconsciously holds and conveys the CONTEXT. Watch a movie and watch how frequently they speak really slowly and pause a lot – way more, if you were to think about it, than you and your friends EVER do. That's because those pauses and silences and slow speaking moments convey an impact and weight of emotions that almost all of us NEVER use in our daily lives. What does that mean for game? Opportunity. I'm telling you right now that there's an untapped world of powerful emotion available in communication that everyone naturally understands and hardly anyone uses. That's opportunity. The kind of opportunity that lets you play a game you can win just about every time, unlike the stimulation game that everyone else is competing in. So, what I'm saying is, as you talk to her, when you're not joking or throwing in energy, you should be throwing in increasingly slower speech and longer pauses with eye contact. You should be trying to make her wet by doing this. And you should be making ever more tension, and not backing down from it. Don't suddenly laugh, get nervous, change the subject, look away, or crack a joke when you're successfully building more and more tension. That ruins it.
The great thing about pauses is this is your “build sexual any time” card. If you meet a family friend at a dinner party and your whole family is around and you want to pick her up in a very low key and acceptable way. Just keep using eye contact as you speak more slowly and throw in more pauses. At the end of the night, or 15 minutes later – whichever comes first – you'll have all the attraction and tension you need. No routines, no kino escalation, not a word that your family couldn't have sat and listened to. That's pretty useful in my book.
4) Kino. Why do you suppose I put this so far down my list? Because everyone in game already knows about it. But also because girls are more resistant to it at first. Though most guys have NO IDEA how quickly girls open up to it (in fact, I always think I have to wait longer than I do, even now). People like being touched by people they like and people that turn them on. You do, why wouldn't she? Guess what, she does. If you're doing well, she wants you to touch her, she likes it. Sometimes I might keep building tension and intentionally not touch her because the proximity and pauses with eye contact and without touching can be MORE powerful than kino (because she wants you so badly to touch her and you don't. And because sexual touching can turn her on but it can also relieve the sexual tension. That's why makeout guy in the club makes out with the chick for an hour and then she feels satisfied and a little slutty and just leaves him and he gets nothing). Anyway, kino can create sexual tension. The best types are what Venture and Sterling call “dominance bursts” which is where you might grab the belt loops on her pants and suddenly (not violently, just dominantly) pull her into you and look into her eyes or smell her. Of course, that's an extreme example for later in set that could get you slapped if you do it without calibration, but those types of things are powerful. Another example is I frequently, almost always, give neck massages if I'm sitting down next to a girl. I could be talking about the most comforting of comfort things, but I'm good enough with a neck massage that she might jump me even though I'm talking about puppies. That's sexual tension through touch. Notice that a neck massage can start very lightly and innocently and if she's even sort of comfortable with you she is unlikely to reject it (some girls don't like having their neck touched or things like that). And a neck massage is never an overtly sexual act, meaning people watching are unlikely to object. Especially because I do it one handed while sitting next to her. But when I lightly run my fingernails over her skin or work my fingers into the base of her hair or deeper into the muscle, it's very sexual. But I'm not grabbing her chest or anything she's likely to push away. Another example, though, of creating sexual tension through kino is to put her hand on your dick on the outside of your pants. To many of you this probably sounds surprising – it did to me at first, and it did to guys like Intrigue or Future or Venture at first too, but they do it all the time with great results. Of course, this usually requires you to be turned on enough that you're hard, meaning she's turned on enough that she's wet, and it requires a lot of calibration or you might get slapped and thrown out of the club, and most of all it requires balls and just owning it because she might at first recoil in horror or surprise or stare into your eyes and test you and see if you crack. If you crack, apologize, act like you shouldn't have done it, that's when you get slapped and she runs away. If you grin cheekily and stare into her eyes without cracking, she might giggle and put her hand back, make out with you, start rubbing your dick, or drag you to somewhere more private. Oddly, that creates more tension in general than you putting your hand on her crotch – partly because she's strangely enough more likely to reject that and partly because like I said before, touching her sexually relieves some of her sexual tension rather than building it (there's a difference between being more turned on and having more sexual tension. If you're actually addressing being turned on by doing something sexual, you're relieving the tension of being turned on. If you're just turned on but there's nothing directly sexual going on, you're stuck wanting it and thinking about it without any satisfaction. That's what you want, her wanting it and thinking about it without satisfaction until you're alone). There's a weird effect where she catches her breath when you touch her and it turns her on but makes her nervous and she pushes you away. Whereas if you put her hand on your dick, she doesn't feel that sudden rush of being touched sexually, but she feels the sexuality of the situation and that creates a tension that isn't relieved by her being touched. Sorry I can't explain that one better, it's tough to describe.
5) Verbal sexualization. This is last on my list because it's the most intricate and complicated, which means that it takes the most learning and skill, and that it can be applied in fewer situations. It's also very well known in game, like kino. Kino and verbal sexualization are standard game teaching, actually. But both of those things get rejected a lot more frequently by girls. Verbal sexualization probably gets rejected most, even more than kino. Some girls will fuck you but don't want to talk about it because they get uncomfortable. Others are very comfortable talking about it. But all girls want to be touched and have sex, which really means that verbal sexualization can get rejected by more girls. Of course, if you're good at innuendo – implying sexual things – girls love that and girls that don't overtly talk about sex will play along much more often. Frequently before they're comfortable with you touching them in any sexual manner. So it's a double edged sword. Regardless, you can't do this at a dinner party with family around. Nor can you do kino. And both require you to build more compliance with her, and both have a lot more intricacies and calibration required than eye contact or pauses or proximity. And both are just more complicated and harder to learn than eye contact or proximity or pauses. Basically what I'm saying is that eye contact, pauses and proximity are easier to learn, effective in more situations and in all languages, often more powerful, used by fewer people, rejected less often, and are used more universally by naturals. I have a friend who is an incredible natural, but his verbal sexualization is largely non-existent when he's flirting with girls in public. His kino is there, but usually not very sexual. So why is he constantly disappearing upstairs with gorgeous girls at house parties? Well, they like him because of his preselection, looks and reputation. But that doesn't get him to the point that girls want to go upstairs with him (though the preselection might sometimes). No, it's his eye contact, pauses and proximity. Everyone around thinks he's having innocent conversation, but he's constantly turning girls on even though the people standing next to him aren't even aware of what's going on. And the next thing you know, they disappear to his bedroom for the night. So, verbal escalation and kino are great and are the mainstays of game since “The Game,” but I would argue they're not the best ways to get the job done. Eye contact, proximity and kino could get you laid in France with a girl who doesn't speak a word of English. Kino could, but how do you escalate to the point of introducing kino if you can't speak her language? It's tough. You can jabber at her in English and even though she doesn't understand a word, if you use eye contact, pauses, and proximity, she might still get carried away with you. Not saying it would happen often, but it can and has. And forget about verbally escalating in that situation.
Why do I mention this? Because the first three things I wrote are basically the universal language of sexual tension. They don't get rejected often (though if a girl doesn't like you she may avoid eye contact and she will move farther away). They work on everyone. They're easy to learn. And, maybe most important of all, they carry with them a subtle implication that you're the real deal and you know what you're doing. That you ARE an inherently attractive person, you're not just acting attractive. Anyone can (and does) try to touch women, and anyone can try to talk sexually. It means nothing. Girls don't inherently and subconsciously trust those things, because they can just be an act. You can still be a giant creep or a loser or a pussy who is just talking sexually and trying to touch her. In fact, that's what most creeps, losers, and pussies do to her. BUT, the guys who are really attractive NEVER THINK to hold eye contact with her in conversational pauses, to talk to her with eye contact and close proximity, to speak right into her ear so she can feel their breath, to speak slowly while staring into her eyes. Her brain subconsciously assumes that any guy that does those things is the real deal. There's some term for that that's slipping my mind, like “honest indicators” or something. Things our brain thinks it can trust because they're hard to fake. These are the ways to build attraction and sexual tension without getting tested like crazy. She'll probably still test you, but she doesn't feel as much need to because she doesn't get that feeling like you might just be acting. You're passing the tests before she needs them, in many ways.
If you don't believe me, watch “Rock of Ages” and pay very close to my favorite movie character of all time – Tom Cruise who is 'Stacee Jaxx.' His character is the pure embodiment of sexual tension. The way he moves, the slow way he speaks, his long pauses and intense eye contact. The way he cocks his head to the side and evaluates people (why qualify her when the way you look at her implies qualification already? Why use false disqualifiers or negs when the way you look at her with your head cocked to the side tells her without words that you're not sure about her and she might need to impress you?). Stacee Jaxx IS honest indicators of sexual attractiveness. He IS sexual tension. Of course, Stacee Jaxx is NOT a pickup artist because if you're not famous, a girl won't talk to you unless you're also fun and she's comfortable enough around you. Ie, if Stacee Jaxx wasn't a famous rockstar, girls would run away from him in a bar even if he was incredibly sexy. And he sure as hell can't stand in line at the supermarket or do regular people things. No, Stacee Jaxx is sexual tension. Stacee Jaxx is something you should be able to channel in your sets, even more than half the time. But Stacee Jaxx can't approach a regular girl in a club, or make her feel comfortable about going back to his place.
Now, verbal sexualization has a couple important advantages. As Boulder (or Boulderrrr as he prefers) my LS instructor friend showed me, there are a few situations where verbal sexualization is better. First, text game. You don't have proximity, eye contact, silent pauses, or kino in text game. Same with any online form of game. If you want to turn her on in texting, it's either verbal sexualization, or sending suggestive pictures (I send a lot of suggestive pictures of other people. Basically artistic photographs of sexual situations). Second, if you're on a date with a girl who is a sexual tension cutter. Despite what they think, girls don't have very good game. Many girls will talk fast, avoid eye contact, fill in pauses, and not shut the fuck up on a date. Then they might sit on the other side of a table from you, or too far away for kino or whatever. I design around that with my date choices (sitting in the grass somewhere outside, for instance. Or playing pool and standing in front of their shots so they reach around me. Etc.) However, sometimes they are dead set on going to their local favorite spot where they wind up sitting on the other side of a table and subconsciously blocking other forms of building tension (this happened to me last night, if you can't tell). Then you need verbal sexualization. Or you have to be really strong with the frame, take the floor speaking, and speak MUCH slower than you would if you were in rapport with the frame she's in, including big pauses and such. That's hard. In that kind of a case, verbal sexualization will save what would be an interesting but friendly date with no sexuality and turn it into a good situation. (Sexuation, if you will. Ha.). Third, it will help you out in a bar picking up girls who are unconscious sexual tension cutters in that situation. Some girls (especially in lower energy bars) will lean away from you, avoid intense eye contact, and fill pauses in conversation excessively. That's when you start using innuendo and verbal sexualization to still get her turned on.
But, ultimately, you should be using eye contact and proximity wherever possible. Your brain barely has to think to use those whenever you possibly can.
I know many of you are thinking “Eye contact is NOT going to suddenly fix my game. I've been out a lot, I make eye contact, it's nonsense to think this could change anything.” That's not the point – I'm not saying “Make eye contact.” I'm saying “Move your face 5 inches from hers and look deep into her eyes as you talk slowly” or “Stop talking for an extended period of time and just stare into her eyes.” I'm sure you do make eye contact all the time. But very few of you reading this probably do either of those with any regularity. And ESPECIALLY not early in set, and especially not with the intention of steadily building up tension. That WILL change your game. I promise. I do it every set, every night (and every day) and you can sit there and watch the gears turning in her mind if she doesn't look away to avoid the building tension. Fuck eye contact, that's beginner stuff. I'm talking just about eye contact with pauses or at least very slow speech, or eye contact with very close proximity.
There's also a very slight difference between making eye contact with INTENT during a regular conversation, even without pauses or proximity, and regular eye contact. In a regular situation, guys will make very slight movements of their eyes every so often, cut even what is generally prolonged eye contact for a split second here and there, and generally have an interested look, not one of intent. If you take away those tiny, tiny gestures (which you wouldn't even notice yourself, or think that she would), you can build a basic level of tension with eye contact even without pauses or proximity. But the only way to build a large amount of tension is with extended pauses including intense eye contact, or with very tight proximity with eye contact.
There are three secrets to sexual tension when you're learning: 1) If you feel it, she feels it. In other words, you should feel butterflies in your stomach or feel yourself getting turned on. If you don't, she doesn't either. Sexual tension is a two way street. Future said if you're hard, she's wet – and while I didn't entirely believe him at first, it's pretty fucking true. You should be trying to stretch the sexual tension until she's wet, which means you're hard. 2) If you try something out on your guy friend, it should feel gay. Talk to your guy friend during the day with proximity – the point where you're close enough to feel gay is when you're close enough to have sexual tension. Try it again at night in the club, you'll notice it doesn't feel gay until you're much closer because you're used to people being close at night. 3) Don't fucking break it! She should back down from it first, not you – that's a good general rule. Do I always follow that? Maybe not. But if I did, it would work well. If you're building tension and you break eye contact because you get nervous before it gets 'too much', you're fucking up. You could've built more and gotten farther and now you've cracked and shown her you can't handle it. If you start cracking jokes (humor kills sexual tension, unless it's cheeky innuendo humor) when you're trying to build tension, you're cutting it to save yourself from the nervousness of building that tension. You need to be a tension seeking missile, not a pussy who escapes it.
It's SUPER important to know that HUMOR CUTS SEXUAL TENSION!! So if you're in the middle of building sexual tension, don't start joking around. And if she starts joking, you mig